Edited

~Kaylee

“I’m a mess.” I muttered as I stood in front of mirror.

Sighing I made my way downstairs to get some water as I felt the headache getting worse. I was tired as hell but I was determined to stay awake. If I didn’t fall asleep, then I wouldn’t have to deal with my nightmares. Two days and hardly any sleep, it was starting to take a toll on me. Maybe if I could survive this night, I would be free.

 I was at the stairs when I noticed the light switch in the kitchen was on and the voice of my uncle as well as another strange voice rang through the door.

As I swung the door open. I saw my uncle with a lady, they both were drinking wine and laughing together. The brunette green eyed lady looked like she was in her early thirties, she was slim and quite tall considering she was almost my uncle’s height.

They didn’t seem to have noticed me so I cleared my throat loudly instantly gaining their attention.

“Kaylee? What are doing down here? I thought you were sleeping.” Rick said dropping his glass on the table.

I don’t know why I felt so mad at the moment but I snapped.

“If you knew what I was going through, you would know I can’t actually sleep. Excuse me for trying to mourn my dead parents while you’re down here having a mini party!” I exclaimed glaring at them.

He looked taken aback. “Look Kaylee, it’s not-“

“It’s not what I think? Save it. I don’t really care. I don’t expect you to either.” I said I stormed upstairs forgetting the reason why I even went down in the first place.

If he cared, maybe mom wouldn’t have died in the first place. So I don’t expect him to care now.

Falling on my bed, I slowly felt the exhaustion taking over. My eyes blinked slowly as I fought the sleep eventually losing the battle as everything faded to black.

“No, no, no…” I chanted in my head as I shut my eyes and closed my ears with my hands.

Wake up, please wake up!

I didn’t know how many more of this nightmares I could handle. I felt like I had no control over my own body as I found myself sitting down in an all too familiar truck and familiar street.

The road was busy and I found myself driving. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I didn’t even know how to drive!

Immediately I spotted the black Camry with my parents inside, I knew what was going to happen. I tried to remove my hands from the steering wheel, turn, step on the brake, something! I could only watch in horror as I collided into them. I watched as their car summersaulted, pieces of glass flying everywhere as the car hit the floor. Police sirens, screaming, shouting filled the air.

My heart was beating so fast it was painful, I couldn’t scream…shout…move…I felt numb. Numb as I looked at the lifeless bodies of my parents laying on the floor, their eyes staring right at me in an accusing way.

I killed them….I ran into them….I was the driver this time….

I wanted to cry but I couldn’t seem to find my voice. Slowly, I felt a warm liquid around my legs as the environment changed to a completely dark room, I could feel pains all over my body. I could hear my parent’s voice yelling at me. I couldn’t hear what they said, maybe I did but I didn’t seem to understand it.

All I could feel was pain and fear, all I could hear were the shrill voice of my parents yelling at me. That was when I finally let out a high pitched scream as once again, I was thrown back to reality.

I was choking, gasping for air and trembling as I shot up from my bed. Tears streamed down from my eyes as I struggled to regain myself. Nothing was working, I was stuck in between flashbacks, the nightmares and the pain.

I needed something, someone….anyone. When I had nightmares like this, mom would hold me tight and promise everything would be OK. Even if it was an obvious lie, it took my mind away from the worst. I could cope because I had her and now she’s gone.

Forcing myself off the bed, I grabbed my phone on the table and wobbled out of my room down the stairs. Thankfully, my uncle was still in the kitchen so I made my way outside careful not to make a sound. It was raining outside so I doubt he would hear anything. I was questioning myself if I was actually going insane as I found myself heading towards Christian’s house.

I couldn’t answer that question but all I knew was I needed someone and I could only think of him. I eventually got to the front porch of his house, taking shelter from the rain as I dialed his number on my phone.

It didn’t seem like he was going to pick at the second ring. Just as I was about to give up, I heard his voice from the other side of the phone.

“Gatita? Are you ok? It’s three in the morning.” He said groggily.

Immediately, I felt bad for waking him up. I suddenly realized how bad of an idea this was and how selfish I was being.

“I….I... Um…I.” I found myself lost for words.

“It’s OK, you can talk to me.” His voice was soft as he spoke to me, I could tell he was fully awake now.

“I’m sorry.” I cried into the phone. “I’m not OK Christian. There I said it, the truth. I’m far from Ok.”

“What’s wrong? Should I come over?” He said as I heard some noises from the background.

“I don’t know…I shouldn’t have woken you up. I just-“

“I’m coming over now.”

Before I could stop him, he had already hung up and  the front door swung open as Christian walked out holding his car keys in his hands. He was about to get in when he spotted me.

“You shouldn’t have come under the rain, I would have come to you.” he said as he walked up to me.

“It’s just a little rain.” I shrugged and he frowned.

“Kaylee you’re soaked! Come in, it’s getting worse” He said taking my hand as he pulled me into his house and up to his room.

“Here, take a warm shower and dry up or you’ll get sick.” He said giving me a towel and another one of his hoodie with shorts.

“You’re soaked too.” I said looking at his wet clothes, the guilt showing on my face.

“I’ll dry up in the guest bathroom, don’t worry about me.” He said giving me a small smile before leaving.

I sighed as I got into his bathroom and locked the door. My head was still banging, body still slightly trembling and I was doing my best to shut the memories out of my head. Stripping off my wet clothes, I got into the shower instantly relaxing into the warmth. It made feel a little bit better.

Stepping out from the shower, I dried myself up and put on the clothes he gave to me, having to fold the shorts so it wouldn’t fall off. Folding my wet clothes, I stepped out of the bathroom sighting Christian sitting on his bed with thankfully dry clothes. I didn’t want him to get sick because of me.

 “I’ll put this in the dryer” He said taking the wet clothes from me before leaving the room and returning back in a few minutes.

“Do you feel better? Are you still cold?” He asked as he walked up to me.

Saying nothing, I simply shook my head.

“So what happened?” He asked as I looked up at him.

“I’m sorry.” I said my eyes welling up with tears again. “I shouldn’t have come here, woken you up and gotten you wet. I shouldn’t have-“

Pulling me close, he placed his lips on mine interrupting me with a soft long kiss.

“What happened?” He asked again wiping some of the tears that managed to escape.

“I….It’s dumb really…” I trailed off feeling embarrassed with myself. “I couldn’t sleep…I’ve not really been able to sleep for some time anyway….it's the nightmares…and I’m just….scared.”

“My parents died today and every night since this week, I’ve been having….all these nightmares.” I continued. “When my dad died, I had my mom to deal with them but now she’s gone…I just can’t….”

“You don’t want to be alone?” He asked and I nodded.

“I know it’s not enough to put you all through this and it was really selfish of me to. It’s just a dream and I keep trying to tell myself that…it just feels so real…like it’s happening over and over…” I said my voice breaking at the end.

“I know.” He said wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into a hug. “It’s OK, you don’t need to say anything else. I’m with you now, that’s what matters.”

Wrapping my arms around him, I found myself relaxing into his warmth and his scent. I’ve hugged Becca and Izzy recently but this felt different. It felt like I hadn’t been hugged in years. The last time I ever had a hug like this was from my mom when I could relax a little bit, feel safe and not worry about a single thing even if it was for a few seconds. The kind of hug that you know it will be ok because the person holding you would protect you.

So I closed my eyes and let him protect me, protect me from those nightmares and past memories, from every other thing. Even if it was for a little while. I wanted to feel nothing else but the warmth from his body, his steady heart beat seemingly in sync with mine, his soft breaths against the silence and his arms around me.

“You should go to sleep Gatita.” He said in a soft voice.

I shook my head not wanting to be thrown back into the nightmares after just finding a little peace.

“You haven’t slept well in days, you’re exhausted Kaylee. Go to sleep, I promise I’ll be with you if it comes again.” He said.

“Promise me.” I said looking up at him.

“I promise.” He said pulling away so we could move to his bed.

Climbing up into his bed, I laid down as he pulled the duvet over me. Taking a pillow, he placed it on the ground next to the bed making me sit up.

“What are you doing?” I asked frowning.

“Sleeping on the floor, I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” He said.

“I won’t be. I really don’t want to be alone, please stay.” I pleaded.

Taking up the pillow, he got into the bed next to me after turning off the lights.

“Thank you.” I said meaning it from my heart.

Wrapping his arms around me again, he pulled me closer as I pulled the duvet over us.  

“Anything for you.” He said, his thumb brushing my cheek. “Go to sleep.”

Slowly, I felt my eyes closing as I let the sleep take over. I knew even though I had the nightmare again, this time I wouldn’t be alone. That was enough.