Edited

~Kaylee

I looked around, once again was in a dark, cold and empty room.

I already knew what that meant.

“Kaylee?” I heard my dad’s voice call out.

“No...Wake up Kaylee...it’s a dream” I mumbled to myself feeling my hands shake and my body tremble from the fear of what was coming.

“Where’s my little girl?” His voice echoed around me.

Slowly, I saw him coming close to me emerging from the dark.

“There she is.” He beamed at me.

His smile was exactly how I remembered, warm and loving. I felt my heart squeeze in pain even though I knew it wasn’t real.

“D-dad.” I answered.

“I’m sorry I left, I’m back now sweetie.” He said walking closer and closer towards me.

I found myself walking towards him, ready to embrace him in a tight hug when a car from nowhere came and hit him.

“No! Dad!” I screamed falling on my knees.

The exact same car that hit him the day of the accident and his body laid on the floor in a pool of blood the same way I saw him that day when he got thrown out from the car because of the impact.

“No...Please...NO!” I cried out clenching my fists.

Suddenly the scene changed and I was at our old house. This time, I was the one in the pool of blood. In my hand was a bloody razor, my wrist were bleeding heavily.

My breathing pace sped up as my hands trembled violently. It’s not real, I tried to convince myself.

“You promised.” my mom’s voice echoed before everything went black.

I gasped as soon as I woke up.

I was sweating, my whole body was trembling and I felt nauseous.  Getting up immediately, I dashed to my bathroom barely making it to the toilet when I threw up.

Everything hurt, I fell on the floor clutching my chest. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to calm down.

What was that about being Ok? Being Ok was just a fantasy.

After a few minutes, I eventually calmed down slumping myself against the wall. I felt exhausted.

Pushing myself up, I cleaned the mess I mad then brushed before I went back to my room to lay on my bed.

I hated my nightmares and I couldn’t do anything about it.

I glanced at the time, it was already five in the morning. I made my way back to bathroom, I might as well get ready for school.

Thank God today was Friday, I could manage and get through the day. The upcoming week was a break for the midterm.

After I was done freshening up myself, I stood in front of my mirror staring at myself.

“I’m Ok.” I told myself before going back to my room.

The lie I tell myself every day and everyone else...

I knew I wasn’t OK and I don’t know if I ever will.

You know what they say, fake it till you believe it.

School went in a blur, I was mostly asleep in classes.

Kristen kept on asking if I was OK, he eventually gave up. It was sweet he was worrying about me but I really was fine, I could take care of myself.

The school bell rang for the end of the school day.

Raising my head up from my desk, I packed all my books into my bag and got up making my way out of the class.

I was packing some of my books from my locker when I got a text from Rick that he was waiting for me outside.

I frowned staring at the text. He usually doesn’t pick me up so what could he want?

Sighing, I closed my locker and went outside. I quickly sent a text to Kristen when I sighted Rick’s car in the drive way.

“Hey Kaylee, how was school?” Rick asked as I got into his car.

“Good.” I replied briefly.

“You don’t have work today or something?” I asked curiously.

“Actually...don’t freak out.” He started and I was already freaking out. “I signed you up for a Cancer support group session.”

I groaned in annoyance. “Why!?”

“I feel it would be nice for you to meet other people struggling with cancer, have some support and meet new people.” He said.

“You could have at least asked me if I wanted that!” I exclaimed.

“Just give it a try, you might end up liking it.”

I scoffed. I highly doubt that.

“When is it?” I asked.

“Every Friday Evenings.”

“It’s still midday, why am I going so early?”

“I drove from work, besides you still need to register first.”

I sighed. “If I agree to do this, then you have to cancel those stupid Saturday sessions. Deal?”

“Deal, I feel this would help you better anyway.”

Fidgeting with the sleeves of my hoodie, I looked away not saying anything else for the rest of the drive.

Help me? I hated feeling like some case that needed help. From the drugs, to therapy, to a support group. Nothing was helping so why not give up?

I gave up a long time ago anyway.

“I want you all to think of this as a safe place.” the tall blonde lady began as my mind slowly drifted away.

Folding my arms, I tried my best to look interested even though I wasn’t paying attention. There weren’t so much people around at least from what I managed to count, not more than thirty.

Thankfully the room was big enough to contain everyone without being cramped up, that I wouldn’t be able to handle.

Glancing around, my eyes met a pair of light blue eyes which snapped back to the front immediately. They belonged to a girl, she looked fairly younger than me.

I couldn’t really see her from where I was seated, she looked small and thin especially with the big coat she wrapped around herself and the beanie she had over her head.

Shrugging, I looked away. She probably was bored and looking around like I was doing.

“I want you guys to talk among yourself, maybe find yourself a partner to keep up with over the week days. I’ll see you all next week, thank you and remember to stay strong.” The blonde lady, who I just realised I didn’t know her name, concluded.

I let a small sigh of relief. Finally! It’s been an hour!

Taking my phone out of my pockets, I texted Rick to come pick me up.

Some people were talking amongst themselves, some gone and some sitting and hoping to God no one would talk to them.

Yup, coincidentally that last one was me.

“Hey!” I heard a voice chirp making me to look up.

I was met with the same blue eyes that I caught staring at me earlier.

“Uh...hey?” I answered startled.

“I’m Isabella! But you can me Isa, Izzy, Belle, Bella or just Izzy!  Everyone calls me that!” She rambled beaming brightly at me so much, I was almost going blind.

“I’m Kaylee.” I replied slowly still trying to process what was going on and who was this overly excited person in front of me.

“That’s such a pretty name!” She exclaimed. “Nice to meet you.”

Where’s my uncle when you need him! Hoping if I don’t reply she would leave me alone, I just nodded at her.

“I’m 15 and I have blood cancer. I didn’t get an early diagnosis, so it’s a bit advance but the doctors said there’s still hope and I believe... I live with my dad and my elder brother. They’re the best! I hope I’ll recover just in time for me to start high-school next year!” She said.

“Good for you.” I mumbled giving her a small smile.

“It’s your turn” She looked at me expectantly.

I hesitated for a bit before giving in. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen.

“I got nothing much going on in my life” I started. “I’m 17, last year of high school. I have lung cancer and I don’t have as much chances as you do. My parents are gone, no siblings. I just live with my uncle.”

 “Oh...” She trailed off a bit. “I’m sorry about that.”

I nodded.

I don’t know why but I ended up talking to her longer and found myself enjoying the conversation. She was really nice, bubbly and energetic. Part from that, I couldn’t help but admire her. When I was 15, I was brooding about my life. Yet here she was, same age as I was, but so full of life and hope.

Plus, she had a family by her that must really love her the way she talks about them with so much happiness. I was happy for her and I hoped life wouldn’t be cruel to her as it was cruel to me.

“By the way, I’m sorry about staring earlier. You looked like you were upset.” She said. “And then after the meeting, you didn’t talk to anyone either.”

“I really don’t want to be here.” I sighed.

“Why not?” She asked frowning slightly. “Everyone else is happy though, this is a group we can understand each other’s pain.”

My phone buzzed and I read the text. Rick was parked outside waiting for me.  

Getting up, I put my phone in my pocket briefly turning back to Izzy.

“I guess I’m not everyone, see you around.” I shrugged before leaving.

I don’t even understand my own pain sometimes so why would anyone else?
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