Edited

~Kaylee

One look at the cold, dark and empty room, I realized I was stuck in another nightmare once again.

Even when I knew it was a dream, I could never find a way to wake up or ignore whatever would happen. It felt so real and frightening and I was stuck re-living the same dream over and over.

The dark environment slowly turned into a busy road with me right in the center. Cars were passing all around me but they all seemed to be passing through me. Suddenly, everything was going in slow motion and I spotted a familiar car.

I knew what would happen, the same thing happened over and over just indifferent ways. The same street, the same car, the same accident, the same death.

Inside the black Camry car, a younger me was seated at the back with my parents in front of me. Except our car was the only one not moving. From behind me, a truck drove up with full speed heading to our car.

I tried to move, to yell, to warn them. Just to do something but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t hear my voice, I couldn’t feel anything. I couldn’t even close my eyes! I could only watch in horror as the truck collided with the car clearing it one go.

The place went blurry, I heard screaming, shouting, sirens. The World was spinning around me as I finally let out an ear piercing scream and I was thrust back to my reality.

Gasping, I shot up from my bed.

“Ju-just a dream, it…it isn’t r-real” I stuttered trying to catch my breath as I felt my whole body shaking.

This was the third one this week so far and each time wasn’t any better. I should have realized from the drop in temperature recently, it was November already meaning I was days away from my parents death anniversary.

 This was the time my nightmares got worse breaking me down mentally, physically and emotionally. As exhausted as I was, I could hardly fall asleep with the fear of having those nightmares again. If I had to stay awake to avoid them, I would.

Getting up to take a shower, I tried to take my mind off the dreams, I knew that this week was going to be hell because this was just the start. They would only get worse from here, the only difference between now and before was the fact I had my mom to help me deal with my nightmares. Now she was gone, I didn’t know how I was going to cope.

My mood didn’t lift considerably even when I went down from breakfast or when Christian picked me up.

“Are you really OK though?” Christian asked again pulling into the school building.

“More than ok.” I lied getting down before walking into the school building. Leaning my head against my locker, I closed my eyes as I felt myself getting slightly dizzy and my head aching.

I had no idea how long I stayed there until I felt someone tap me.

“You alright?” Becca asked me as I raised my head up.

“Perfectly fine.” I lied opening my locker.

I knew I probably looked like shit and anyone could tell I wasn’t but I didn’t care. This was going to be a long week. Shutting my locker, I followed Becca to class shooting glares at everyone who even tried to look at me.

I looked like a mess but they don’t need to stare!

It seemed like the day was going extra slow today. I felt myself getting impatient as I waited for the bell to ring. After a few more cruel minutes, the bell finally rang and I let out a sigh of relief.

School wasn’t over but at least this boring history class was. And we had gym class next which I didn’t have to take because of my condition. For once, I was grateful for my cancer but then again not really.

Getting up, I picked my bag up and made my way to the library. As I took a sit with a book in my hand, I held my head as I felt the headache getting worse. Lunch hadn’t even come yet and I felt like I was going to pass out.

Ignoring the pains, I tried to focus on my book but with every passing minute I felt like there was a huge elephant stampede going on in my head and the words on my books were dancing.

I was tired. Exhausted even. I needed sleep but I was afraid. Afraid that I would be trap in that horrible nightmare once again. As hard as I tried to stay awake, the world around me started closing in till everything turned black.

Slowly, I blinked my eyes open instantly wincing as the lights hit my eyes. Slowly adjusting my eyes to the lights, I looked around as I sat up realizing I was in my room.

I could have sworn I was at the library just now….Did I never go to school and it was all a dream?

Pushing the covers of my duvet, I tried to get up but instantly fell back feeling a stabbing pain in my head. Letting out a groan, I decided to lie back down.

Stretching my hand towards the table, I picked up my phone and checked the time. It was three in the afternoon, I couldn’t have slept that long.

Just as I was about to drop my phone, the door swung open and Christian walked in holding a bottle of water.

“You’re finally awake.” He said sitting down next to me on the bed.

”What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked confused.

“You passed out.” He replied opening the bottle of water before holding it put to me. “Just thought it would help.”

“Thanks.” I said as I took it chugging it down almost in an instant.

Feeling slightly better, I sat up and placed the empty bottle on the table before focusing my attention back on him.

“You passed out, at the school library. I took you home when I found you.” He explained.

“How did you even find me?”

“Well I didn’t see you at Math’s class and all through lunch. I got worried when you didn’t answer my calls so I looked for you and found you passed out in the library.”

“Why didn’t you just wake me up?”

“I tried to and you didn’t wake up. And you looked so off this morning, in fact the whole week so I knew you were probably exhausted. The school nurse let me take you home and your uncle let me in. He’s worried about-“

“Then where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, he thought it was best that I came up instead.”

I rolled my eyes at that. “Whatever.”

“You didn’t have to miss school because of me you know.” I said.

“It's only three classes I missed Gatita.” He said planting a kiss on my forehead. “You’re more important.”

“If you flunk those classes, that’s on you.” I joked and he smiled.

“Seriously though.” his smile faded. “You need to stop lying to me, not just me everyone else.”

It was like a switch turned off inside me and I felt myself withdrawing away from him, my face turning expressionless.

“I don’t know what you mean.” I looked away.

“You can’t keep saying you’re OK when you’re not.” He said gently pulling my face with his hand so I was looking at him.

“If I say I’m fine, then I’m fine.” I said coldly as I pushed his hand away.

“So we’re just going to keep doing this? You lying to me and me pretending like I know that you are?”

“I didn’t ask you to worry about me ok?” I snapped. “I didn’t ask anyone to worry about me so don’t. I was fine before I met you and nothing has changed!”

He didn’t say anything as he stared at me, his expression hard to read. I didn’t even know why I snapped but I meant what I said. I wasn’t OK, I was far from OK in a million ways but he couldn’t just magically change that. No one could. Could he take away those nightmares? Could he cure my cancer? Could he bring my parents back? I was fine before him and I nothing will change. It has always been me against the world and I would keep on fighting till the end.

“Can you leave?” I asked as I laid down hiding my face from him so he wouldn’t see I was about to cry.

“Kay-‘’

“Please?” I begged and he sighed but got up anyway.

“I’m sorry, I just….” He didn’t finish his statement as he left the room leaving me to the never ending pain that haunted me.
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HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYSSSSS❤
This is 4 days late and so is this update but the holiday, college applications and writers block held me back.
Regardless, thanks for reading if you've made it this far anyway. It means a lot❤
Yk the drill, don't forget to vote, comment and share❤