To be honest, you're a dime
To be fair, you've got me on my knees
But to be young and not on time
It's like flowers blooming through November freeze
When I sleep, I say your name
And when I wake, it's written up and down my walls

Katya's POV

What happens when everything ends? When all that you used to fight for go away?

Those questions took away my sleep regularly, I used to miss those nights where I could sleep without worrying about anything.

The air ruffled my hair that I didn't mind brushing anymore. The sound of the waves that used to relax me no longer did it; there was nothing that could take away this suffering.

"This user has blocked you."

"Come back, please."

There was no reason to keep calling that familiar number that I knew by memory, but a part deep inside of me didn't want to lose hope. I didn't want to give it up.

"Hey, what's up? I'm sorry, I can't answer you right now, but as soon as I can I'll call you back, party city has me a bit busy."

I grinned when I heard her answering machine again. When we were kids, there was a girl who used to mocked Sharon because of the way she dressed, saying she came from party city, but she used to take it with humor. And although it wasn't healthy to call her just to hear her voice on the answering machine, it brought me some peace in my disastrous life.

"Come back, please."

On the beach, there were some people enjoying the afternoon, playing and laughing, everything in their lives seemed perfect. I liked going to my secret place when I wanted peace and tranquility, but I didn't dare go back, everything reminded me of her. In fact, if I closed my eyes and concentrated enough, I could feel her close to me, I could see her precious honey-colored eyes and her blushing cheeks, her long golden curls and her pink lips muttering an "I love you."

But now there was only that. Simple memories that were not going to come back.

And if only time could return, I would change so many things. I would spend more time with Sharon and kiss Trixie even more without knowing that I wouldn't be able to do it anymore.

I never questioned anything. Everything was too good to be true, I had met the woman of my life, and I enjoyed more and more living with my family and friends, maybe it was the way of the destiny to tell me that I didn't appreciate it enough, or better yet: that I didn't deserve it.

"Hey, can I sit down?"

I looked up to find Patricia's dark and tired eyes.

"Of course."

She sat beside me without saying anything else, looking around as I did, at the waves, the sunset, and at the happiness of the others. Only our breaths heard, and it was fine until she broke that comfortable silence in which we found ourselves.

"We haven't spoken of what happened," I didn't know exactly which of all my problems she meant.

"Maybe I don't want to."

"Maybe you need it."

I sighed heavily.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"I didn't expect you to go through the same as I did so young," her voice broke "I didn't expect you to lose your best friend too soon."

I sighed again, avoiding seeing her eyes.

"That's the life, I guess."

"Katya..."

"It's okay, you know I've never been a devotee, but I guess there's a bigger power that doesn't like to see me happy, that's why it decides to take me away from everyone who does, you know, my mother, my sister and also my girlfriend," I answered with a knot in my throat "I should be used to it."

"Don't say that honey, I adore you," she said holding my hand "It's true, maybe there are things that are going to happen and make life look like crap, but you're a good girl, and better things will come."

"What about you?"

"Maybe I wasn't a good mother, I liked to let Sharon be free, to express herself, but I had no idea what was happening in that place," her voice broke "But I know that even though she didn't believe, she is in a better place now."

I said nothing more. I didn't want to cry again, I had done a lot in the last few days.

"And Trixie is not the only girl in the world."

"But she's the only one I'll love."

"Katya, you're too young to know..."

"I asked her to marry me," I interrupted her as she looked at me incredulously.

"Maybe it was too much for her, I really don't know, or maybe I just wasn't enough for her, the princess was perfect and deserved someone who dared shrink the moon the size of a coin so she could keep it in her pocket, but I'm a mess, I can only offer her a couple of stars."

"Don't say that you also deserve someone as good as you are; you deserve happiness."

I smirked when I heard her words.

"Patricia, I want to leave," I said with determination.

"Yeah, it starts to get cold, let's go home..."

"No, I mean, I want to move, go to another place, away from all these memories, but I don't want to leave you alone, not now."

I tried to look for her gaze, but it was useless, her eyes stayed closed while a tear fell into the path on her cheek where others had done it before.

"Do it, Katya," she encouraged me with a little smile "I love you with all my heart, and I swear to your mother that I would protect you from all that would hurt you, but if you stay here you will only suffer by remembering everything, it's true, I will miss you as you have no idea, but your mental health is more important now."

"I'll miss you too," I sighed, holding her hand, "Promise me you'll get better."

"I have to do it, the twins and Blair need me," she faintly smiled, "And now Alaska does too."

"You are right," I said without letting go of her hand, "You are incredible."

I boarded my motorcycle while Patricia was turning to her car in the direction of her home, however, I had no fixed course.

I walked a little further until I reached that familiar place where my girlfriend had given herself to me for the first time.

My girlfriend.

I think I should stop referring to her in that way.

I wanted to play music, but when I turned on my phone, the image of Trixie smiling made me weak. I remembered that day, how she blushed when she heard me say how beautiful she looked with her white skirt and her pair of messy braids.

Oh, Trixie, what did you do to me? I just wanted to say sorry for everything.

Sorry for being so shit, you are so everything and I'm so nothing.

Sorry for not being able to be in your moments of sadness anymore, for not being able to caress your blond hair and dry your tears.

Sorry for not being more gentle with you. Because even if you deny it, we all know that you are the most sensitive person on the face of the earth.

Sorry for not being able to stand by your side to see you shine. I'm more than sure you will do amazing things, my dear, no one can ever deny your talent, and if they do, they must be wrong.

But above all, forgive me for not being able to do what you asked me to do.

I can't forget you, and I will never be able, especially because I don't even try, I would like to hug you again, kiss you, have you close to me and although now I'm more convinced that I was not for you,

I will always know that you were and will be the only love of my life, no matter the age or the moment, you came to change me completely.

Because even if I'm no longer your sun, you will always be my moon, even if I try to convince myself otherwise.

"You will always be my soul mate, princess," I muttered to myself.

The end.

Oh boy.🤞