This chapter mentions suicide and is little angsty when it comes to my OC Bambi. It will describe her reaction (that isn't good) and how she feels when she first gets the news. I hope this won't trigger anyone :)

At the beginning of Monday, Bambi's world was spinning in bright colours and warm feelings.

The next day, that same world shattered.

But let's get back to the Monday morning, before everything happened. Bambi was an emotional wreck. Her Monday was going awful. It was Monday, after all.

The night when... the thing with a specific spider happened, she wasn't feeling very good. Not because he crashed into her or anything like that, it was just when she came home she threw up. Badly. Her mother said it was probably out of pure shock and stress because she didn't even eat anything that could make her vomit. She stayed at home the following day, Darcy called school and said she was sick.

But now she was fine. She felt good as usual- not too happy, but not sad either. She didn't want to tell her friends about Spider-Man, specially since she knew they would make huge deal about it, even though it's not really. Avengers and things like that happened often, many people got a chance to meet them. You have bigger chances at meeting a superhero than Beyonce.

Also, she was extremely embarrassed of it. She didn't actually have any reason to be, but the fact the guy literally brushed past her and made her flying in the wall made her seem so weak and fragile.

That day she decided to wear brand new sweatshirt with wide collar. She was aware of the possibility of her bruised shoulder getting exposed, so she tried her best at covering it with makeup. It was still visible though.

None of her friends noticed. They all hanged out and everything was great again. Bambi loved being surrounded by the people she loves. No matter what is happening in her life, she couldn't imagine waking up and not doing her best to make them all happy.

She wasn't aware of the exam they all took the Friday she was sick though. That's why she stared in pure disbelief when the second after she entered the classroom, professor sent her to school psychologist's office.

Mrs. Morales was a generous woman, everyone knew that and Bambi even felt guilty after snapping and being so rude towards her. She usually wasn't like that. She was about to give everything up until Peter Parker, the boy who was in the office with her, offered his help. The brunette couldn't even verbally explain how grateful she was in that moment.

Later he followed her back home, and she really had good time talking to him. She wasn't just nice because he saved her ass, and deep down she was afraid she actually was, but then when she thought about it; she would help him if they were in opposite situation too.

"Mom." She said that day when her family and her were having a lunch. "Could I please visit Mason this week? I know he lives an hour away and that it's literally the beginning of the week, but he hasn't answered my texts and calls for over two weeks now, and I want to make sure he is okay." She rambled as she stared at her soup, her stomach feeling tight.

"Of course sweetie, but it will have to wait for the weekend." Darcy agreed as she was looking at her daughter with soft and warm eyes. "Have you tried calling Mrs. Chloe?"

Mrs. Chloe was Mason's mom with which Bambi didn't have too many interactions. Sure, the woman was lovely and caring, but she was also a little... tense. Her husband left Mason and her when Mason was only four. She kept his last name, since they never really divorced.

"No. Maybe I will tonight though. I'm really gonna think about it."

"You should." Dad finally spoke up after watching his wife's and daughter's exchange.

The rest of the lunch Bambi talked about her day at school, purposely and successfully dodging the thing that happened with pop quiz. It was Monday and as usual, she had her regular job to go the store.

"Please be careful!" Her mom told her just ad he was at the doorway grabbing her keys.

"I will! Bye!" And with that she left the house. Bambi loves going out for a walk. It clears up her mind and she doesn't stay at home all day studying or being on the phone. At first she didn't like going to the store two times every week, she was annoyed and lazy and she thought it was just wasting her time. Now, she loved it.

After walking for good 8 minutes or so, she finally arrived at her destination. She walked into the store and checked the grocery list her mom made for her. She made a turn to find the section where deodorants, soaps, toothbrushes and pads were, and suddenly she found herself looking at the very familiar mop of brown slightly messy hair. Peter Parker.

And he was staring at the pad and tampons section with mortified facial expression, it almost made Bambi laugh.

"Tell me you don't need them to put them on armpits of sleeve from the inside so you don't sweat. I hate that life hack." She grinned as she noticed the flustered boy jumped at the sound of her voice.

"Bambi!" He exclaimed with wide eyes and flushed cheeks. "I um... ugh... I need to buy those for Michelle."

"Michelle Jones?"

"Yeah."

"You two are like really good friends, right?" The girl questioned. She knew Michelle and Peter started hanging out after all that almost dying in Washington dc. Soon Michelle, Ned and Peter became a trio.

"Yep. I'm going to her place after this but she texted me to buy her one of those... apparently she ran out of them and her parents are working..." Peter trailed off.

"Oh." She stared at him a little longer amused by the situation as he gave her 'please help me'  look. Bambi finally couldn't hold it anymore as she burst out laughing. "You have no idea which ones you should buy, huh?"

"Yep." He admitted and looked down in embarrassment, making the shorter girl laugh even harder.

After a moment she stopped and picked one pack of pads and handed it to the nerdy boy. "These. I mean these are actually good and not that expensive so it works too if you're broke."

"Thanks." He smiled at her, still little embarrassed. "You going home after this?"

"Yeah. I got homework..." She shrugged as they began to walk together down the isles, grabbing stuff they needed. Bambi actually enjoyed Peter's presence. He wasn't that type of guy who would judge you. You could actually feel really safe with him, never out of comfort zone. She actually questioned herself why she never befriended him. I mean sure, they were some kind of friends but neither of them knew each-other on a personal level. Maybe they should, though.

She smiled at the thought of befriending Peter Parker.

"Hey about Star Wars thing..." she started when suddenly the ground shook beneath them, and loud BOOM was heard. Bambi caught how Peter's head snapped at the direction of the sound and could hear him swallowing thickly. "What the hell was that..." she asked frightened.

"Don't know." Peter muttered through greeted teeth. Then he looked at the girl whose eyes were wide in panic. "We need to get—"

BOOM!

Another explosion.

"Kids! You need to get out of here!" One employee shouted as he pointed to the doors, obviously preparing to dash as well.

They dropped their stuff to the ground and dashed out of the store. Blood rushed through Bambi's ears and her heartbeat was beating fast like lunatic. She had difficulties at breathing, and her legs were shaking of fear. Just as everyone got out of the store, the girl noticed a green skinned person literally flying on... a skateboard? What even was that?

She couldn't move as her eyes stayed glued to the villain who flew right above the store, and dropped a bomb at it.

"No!"

BOOM!

The store blew up in flames, and the people gathered around flew away from the impact. Bambi hit the hard ground and yelped in pain. Her vision was blurry and her ears were buzzing. She couldn't hear a thing. She tried to stand up but her legs gave up and she fell, feeling exhausted and hurt.

As she lied on the ground, she watched her favourite store burning. Fire was fascinating sometimes actually. Now looking at it, she found herself being mesmerised by it. The warm colours mixing, sparks flying, the warmth hitting her face and awful smell filling the air. This fire was like a wild horse- uncontrollable. The flames spread fast like it was dancing.

It will sound weird, but in that moment, when Bambi Moody wasn't able to hear and properly see, she actually found some kind of peace looking at it. It felt warm. It felt... peaceful. It was like she was reviewing the memory of her grandparents house when she was six and half asleep on the couch that was across fire place. Her eyes would drop heavily and everything felt soft and warm from the mattress. Grandma would be in the kitchen baking muffins. The aroma of that delicious sweets would fill the air. Her grandpa would be sitting beside her carving a wooden horse. Everything felt like love.

In that moment, Bambi wasn't afraid to die.

"Sweetie, wake up." Her grandma called out as she ran her hand through the young girl's brown and soft hair. "Muffins are ready. Wake up."

"Wake up!"

Suddenly she felt a pair of hands wrapping around her waist and she wasn't lying on the ground anymore. She didn't even object, she just relaxed as she felt the wind blow against her skin. She smiled. She actually smiled and gripped whoever that was tighter.

But her enjoyment didn't last for too long.

Reality hit her like cold wave. Like someone punched her in the gut. Like Thor blasted her with a lighting. She widely opened her eyes and her heartbeat was fast again. "OH MY GOD."

She was in the air, passing buildings and people running on the streets dangerously fast. When she looked how the ground was so far below, she began screaming her throat out.

"FUCK! HOLY SHIT OH MY—" then she realised how did she get un that situation. Spider-Man. Was. Literally. Saving. Her. "JESUS!"

Only then the masked hero took a quick glance at the screaming girl but said nothing. He could feel the girl's arms crushing his neck so hard, squeezing the life out of him. She was holding herself as if her life depended on it, because well, it did. The hero put her on the ground safely, and for a moment their eyes met. Bambi was so sure he recognised her, after all, she did tell him he sounds like a little girl.

"Thank... Thank you." She tried to catch her breath. "There's... there's one boy you need to help, I don't know where he is—"

"Don't worry. Uhh um... stay safe." Was all he said before he turned around and disappeared in a matter of a blink.

The girl stood there in shock, her mind not processing what just happened. She could hear the sirens getting close. She just sat down on the floor as she blankly stared at nothing.

Police and ambulance arrived shortly after. Bambi was checked by the doctors which said she got out with only few scratches. Even police asked few questions on which she replied. All the shock and fear was suddenly drained out of her, like nothing happened.

"Bambi!" She heard her parents yell out as they ran towards her, both of them had upset and frightened facial expressions. Darcy hugged her daughter tightly, sighing in relief when she saw she wasn't injured. Or worse. She kissed the side of her hear and continued to hug her. "Are you okay? You could've died!"

"Yeah." was all the young girl managed to say.

Her parents took her home after she managed to convince them she didn't need to go to hospital. On the way home, Darcy held her daughter's hand tightly and held her close.

When they reached home, Bambi decided to go straight to bed. Just as she was about to say goodnight, she glanced over her parents again and noticed how they both still looked very upset, like something was eating them.

"I'm fine guys. I survived. Don't be worried please."

"Oh sweetie... We—" Darcy began, but her sentence was cut off. "Nevermind. You should rest. You don't need to go to school tomorrow. I will stay home too."

"Okay mom. Goodnight." She exhaled and got upstairs. As soon as she was in her room she threw herself in the bed, not even taking her clothes off.

That night Bambi fell asleep fast and without nightmares, without any feelings eating her. It was her last night sleeping like that.

***

As soon as she woke up, she knew something wasn't right. She lied in her bed for a while as she stared at the white ceiling, not feeling nor thinking anything. She glanced at the digital watch on night table, and noticed how it was only around 8 am, the time her first period would start. She got out of the bed lazily and as soon as she stood up, she winced from massive pain coming from her hip where she fell. She felt like train ran her over.

Her stomach growled in hunger. The last thing she ate was the lunch from yesterday.

She got down the stairs in living room, and caught her parents quietly talking about something. Their expressions proved their topic was dead serious.

"It will ruin her—"

"Good morning!" Bambi interrupted her mom's quiet muttering, and both of her parents looked up at her. They weren't surprised, nor shocked. They looked the same as yesterday: upset, hurt, heartbroken. "Why are you still looking at me like that, God." She snapped at them, slightly annoyed at their behaviour. If she hated something more than anything else was when people cared too much about her.

"Sweetie—" her mom started, her voice cracking as Bambi began to prepare her breakfast.

"No, stop it. I hate seeing you guys like this. I didn't die yesterday!" She said a little louder than she intended and looked her mother dead in the eyes. Her warm brown eyes looked like someone drained the happiness out of her, and the sight made the daughter stop for a second. This wasn't about yesterday.

"Someone else did." Darcy whispered and looked at the ground.

A moment of silence and tension filling the air. Bambi could feel the lump in her throat.

"What?"

"Bambi, Mrs. Chloe called yesterday when you were out." Her father explained. Bambi has never seen him worried like that before, not even yesterday when she almost died. Her father never showed emotions like sadness or pity. He was strong and tough with so much love to give.

"Mason... he—"

The following words just passed like thousands of echoes. Bambi felt like vomiting. She sat down on the chair, her whole brain just shutting down.

Death. Mason. Suicide. Two days ago.

"Is this some kind of joke?" She asked, laughing bitterly, her usual gentle and smooth voice now shaking and raspy. Her parents didn't respond to that, they just shook their heads, looking torn.

This wasn't real. This wasn't happening. This all was a dream. They were lying.

She frantically shook her head. "You're lying. Stop lying."

"Honey we are so sor—"

Liars, liars, liars.

"He isn't dead!" She yelled, her throat feeling so tight as if someone was choking her. She couldn't handle it. She was going to overdrive.

The world felt like crashing down. The world felt as if it was on fire. It felt like someone pushed her off a cliff. It felt like a hit in a stomach, slap on the face, knife in the back. It felt like cold rain, it felt like dizzy dream. It felt like suffocating. It felt like her head was being crushed by an elephant or Hulk.

She couldn't process the things that were happening. She couldn't process that she was shouting something at her parents. She couldn't recognise their faces. She didn't feel anything streaming down her cheeks, what meant she wasn't crying. She wasn't there. She was somewhere elsewhere , somewhere where the world couldn't feel.

She was falling into the void, and everything she knew suddenly just disappeared. The friendship. Soft touches. Laughter. Kind words. Warm hugs. Endless conversations. Laughing at stupid things on FaceTime in four in the morning. The love she felt. The connection. The bond.

She didn't think. She forgot how to. The only think she was capable of doing was running. So she did, out of the house. She did, and never stopped.

Peter didn't feel like anything out of ordinary. The night after Green Goblin fucked up one of his favourite places in the neighbourhood was definitely wild. He actually managed to catch the criminal and even fought him, but that little green bitch got away unfortunately. Peter felt exhausted over trying to catch him. He didn't mind the life of being a superhero that much, other than a fact this guy is constantly putting the whole NYC in danger. He really got the shit scared out of him after Bambi and him almost died in that store. Peter had a lot of experience at... almost dying. The Vulture almost killed him a year ago after all, and it happened couple of times. He was looking death straight in the eyes.

The day after the incident, on Tuesday, Bambi didn't come to school. Peter and his two best friends, Ned and Michelle noticed the tension the other trio felt.

That day Ned and Peter went at Michelle's after school since the day before Peter almost died. Michelle never got those pads she needed. She claimed she was sotting on a toilet for hours and then put tons of toilet paper in her underwear.

"So like... why don't you ask her out." Michelle suggested that day when they were chilling in her room. Ned and Michelle were playing Mario Kart while Peter vented on the bed to his two best friends.

"She doesn't do relationships. Remember?" Ned reminded her, not taking his eyes off the game.

"Ohh. Yeah." Michelle nodded. "YES! Take that, fucker!" She exclaimed in triumph and did her little victory dance.

"What? That's impossible!" Ned's shoulders dropped. "Did you hack the game? What did you do, you ferret? That damn car couldn't just fly over the whole goddamn road!"

"Welp, it just did." The tanned girl grinned. "You two always end up like such losers." She teased before she threw herself on the bed beside Peter. "Is that deer girl the only thing you think about? You need to find hobby."

Peter rolled his eyes at her statement. Deep down he knew it was true. He actually did talk to Ned about superhero stuff and they talked about Bambi only at school, but now with Michelle here, who didn't know he was Spider-Man, he had to talk about something else.

"Should we order pizza? I'm hungry."

"Oh my god. Yes." Both Ned and Peter said in the same time, making two dorky boys laugh at each-other.

After Michelle ordered pizza, all three were lying on her bed horizontally, they legs hanging at the edge. "You know, " Michelle started, "I don't see why wouldn't Bambi like you. You two have pretty similar personalities."

"Really?" Peter asked as he turned his head to the side to face the girl who was staring at the ceiling with her eyes dropping.

"Sure. I mean, Liz was interested in you last year. And Liz is like, woah. Liz." She shrugged. "I used to go with Bambi to kindergarten and middle school. It's weird how world works, because we lived in the same place as little and moved to Queens around the same time. She didn't really change since kindergarten."

"Were you two friends?" Ned joined in conversation, now interested too.

"I guess. "

"That's a weird combination: Michelle- the moody girl who likes to think about death, and Bambi- literally the most cheerful person on this planet." The dark skinned boy laughed as they all imagined what kind of friendship they had.

"I suppose. She is so weird though." The girl added, deep in thought.

"Look who's talking, the girl that draws people in their crisis while they are in detention." Peter added while chuckling, remembering their interaction when he first got detention.

"No, not in that way weird." Michelle sighed. "I remember she was awfully close to her grandparents. She loved to talk about them. When she was around 8 I think, her grandparents just died. Both of them, in accident."

There was a moment of silence after that part. Peter definitely knew how much it hurt to lose someone you love. His parents were dead. Uncle Ben, who was a father figure to him, died because of him. He doesn't even know who his grandparents are. He only has Aunt May.

"But." She continued. "She never showed distress. She continued to be all cheerful and full of life, it was actually pretty worrying seeing her like that because you could see she was on the edge. I personally think she still is. She never really grieved properly. They didn't even die that old since her mom had her when she was like 18. Her grandparents could've been like her actual parents considering the age." She took a pause. "I think something will crack that girl up one day."

The following day Bambi didn't come to school again. Nor the day after. Peter worried if she actually got serious injury after whole blowing up store thing. It was Friday when Peter finally found out what happened.

Ned and him talked at the lockers about whatever superhero stuff and later Michelle came too so they all talked about who's the most handsome Avenger.

Right as Ned and Michelle were about to argue about Captain America and Ironman, Peter caught something from the corners of his eyes. Gwen, Mary Jane and Harry all standing at Gwen's locker, quietly talking. The two girls looked endlessly sad with pained expressions as Harry looked moodier than usual.

A small girl approached them. "Hey, sorry to bother you but can you tell Bambi I'm sorry? I would like to tell her that myself but—"

"Hey guys what happened with Bambi?" Peter turned his attention back at his two friends, worried as hell. Michelle gave him confused look before her eyes quickly scanned their surroundings to be sure no one was listening.

"I thought you guys heard..." she said as her eyebrows furrowed. "Bambi's really close friend died."

"Oh god, that's awful." The dark skinned boy instantly replied, his voice filled with pity.

Peter didn't really know how to feel. He didn't even know her friend after all, but Michelle's words from the other day hit him. Just few days ago, the poor girl almost died. He couldn't imagine the shock and stress she felt afterwards, and then she had to find out about her friend too? That was truly devastating.

"How did you even find out?" He asked curiously as he turned once again to espy the trio that was still talking very quietly.

"I don't even know to be honest. Somehow it spread like wildfire. Some people knew him personally and put him on an Instagram story or something like that, and people just connected two and two and figured that's why Bambi is absent." Curly haired girl explained as they began to walk down the hallway to their classrooms.

"People are seriously putting a dead person on a story?" Peter grimaced. "That is so  helpful to those who actually knew her."

"It's him. And I know, right?" Jones agreed. "It's like a constant reminder he is gone."

They all nodded at her statement, all three of them deep in a thought. Suddenly Peter froze in his track, an idea crushing all his other thoughts. "Hey guys, you go ahead. I have to do something."

"Okay. See you later." Both of his friends said their goodbyes and continued forward, talking about something else.

The other boy turned around and dashed away, hurrying so he wouldn't be late for class. He opened his locker once again, and after pulling out several dusty books that haven't been touched in a long time, he pulled out specific one and stared at it. The book had a special place in his heart and he always intended to return it to the owner but forgot. Now, it was the perfect opportunity.

He then marched in the direction where he had seen the famous trio go, and after striding through the hallways and through the sea of various students, bright red hair caught his eye.

"Mary Jane!" He called out, hurrying so he could catch up with her pace.

The girl turned around in confusion, not knowing why Peter Parker of all people would need her. Then, the annoyance crossed his face and her eyes became dark. "If you say something like, 'can you tell Bambi I'm sorry for her loss' it isn't helping—"

"No no no, listen I'm... um..." Peter stumbled over his words, not really expecting the girl to react this way towards him. He just then realised how Bambi's loss affected all her close friends. "I wondered if she wouldn't mind if I visit her— um... I have to give her something." He explained in a rush, his mouth dry.

The redhead just frowned. "Sorry. She isn't really talking to anyone, not even her parents. I doubt she will want to see you— no offence."

"Okay." He replied, feeling a little hurt from her choice of words, but at the same time he really understood the situation. He was the same when uncle Ben died. "Can you give her this please?" He handed her the book which Mary Jane took with a confusion crossing her face. As soon as her blue eyes darted across the title, a small smile tugged on her lips.

"Of course. Thank you, Peter." Her tone out of blue became soft and quiet, gentle like little bunny. The boy was confused why would she thank him.

"It helped me a lot when uncle Ben died... she gave it to me. I think now it's obvious time to return it." He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as a little smile danced on his pink lips. The short girl stared at him for a while, wires turning in her head. She looked deep in a thought.

"I will make sure to give it to her."

Those were her last words before she smiled one more time and turned around, leaving the boy who felt little pride from the inside.

Bambi didn't know how long was she sitting on that bed, staring at nothing. She didn't even know what day it was. Not as if it mattered anyways. Time was something she wasn't able to feel at the moment. Hours would pass and she wouldn't feel a thing. It was all crazy. Just on Sunday she had everything. Just on Sunday she was outside hanging out with her friends, laughing and enjoying every single moment of it.

Mary Jane, Gwen, Harry and her were all in one park, just chilling there at 9 p.m. talking about everything and anything. Bambi remembered how she ranted about Mason. How she missed him, how she was worried about him.

"I know it will sound silly..."  The girl spoke up after she took a sip of  her beer, straight out of can. The group would sometimes buy themselves booze and then sit somewhere in park when there's no children around. It's never anything too graphic, they never get drunk or anything to the point when they throw up and can't walk straight. "But I actually believe like, that... Mason and I are some kind of soulmates." She began, and the group fell in silence as they all lied on the cold grass, looking at the night sky. It wasn't cold winter like usual, it was actually November and it was chilly, but they weren't freezing.

"You know that feeling when you meet somebody and... you like them. Like, you are like 'oh my god they are so hot and nice and wow' and all that bullshit... and then when you get to know them, no matter how big your crush on them is and how much you're convincing yourself that you will end up together... deep down, you feel like that is not it. You have this gut feeling that tells you that they're not that somebody you are looking for."  She talked slowly and relaxed and took a break from talking only to take one more sip of her drink. "But when I look at Mason... deep down, I get a feeling like... this is it. This is the person I will want to dedicate my whole life to, this is the person who I will love the most. This is the person with whom I will spend the rest of my life with. "

At the end of that, she caught Harry secretly glancing at Mary Jane. At some point, the redhead looked at him too and their eyes locked, but not for too long. Both of them obviously embarrassed looked away from each-other, slightly blushing.

It's kind of funny because while Bambi was rambling about true love and bullshit like that, Mason was somewhere about to kill himself.

The brown haired girl refused to believe he was gone. She was still waiting for somebody to say it was a prank. She was waiting for somebody to wake her up, she was waiting for somebody to call her and say Mason magically returned alive.

It wasn't real. She was living in some kind of parallel universe and she wanted to get to other one where everything is alright.

These days, she didn't cry. Not a single tear slipped down from the corners of her eyes. She didn't feel devastated, she didn't feel angry. She was just very very confused.

Because, Mason wasn't dead. He wasn't gone.

"Honey..." her mom suddenly entered the room, she didn't even knock. Her parents decided to keep her door open all the time, not being sure if their daughter would do something... dangerous like the day she found out about those terrible news. She didn't try to do anything to herself though, don't worry, but her parents were sceptical. "Gwen, Mary Jane and Hary came to visit you."

She didn't reply. She didn't know how to. Instead, she just sat there, not even looking at her mother. Darcy let out a sigh before exiting the room again, and not even a second after, her friend dashed in, all the of them wearing same expressions of face.

During these few days Bambi stayed at home, she realised she absolutely hates those facial expressions- pity, worrying, sadness. It all made her feel weak, fragile. She hated how everyone treated her, how everyone was afraid for her. She wasn't that dumb to do anything stupid, life for her was too precious to be gone.

She glanced at her friends cursorily, not really taking time to examine them. She felt like screaming, right there and then.

"B?" Gwen was first to speak up, worry painting her gentle and soothing voice. If Bambi had to choose which voice would she have to listen for the rest of her life, she would choose Gwen's.

"Stupid question but, how you doing?" Harry decided to speak up too as they all moved a little bit closer. When they didn't get an answer, they sat next to her on the bed, Harry obviously being the worst when it comes to verbal comfort so he just put his hand around her shoulders, pulling her to his side and putting his head on top of hers, but he didn't feel the shorter girl relax into him like she always does.

"Bambi, we might not be able to help you, but if there's any way to make you feel better, we will. We know what you're going through right now, and we promise we will help you get through it. We know how much Mason meant to you." The dark skinned girl said in a quiet voice as she sat right in front of her with legs criss-crossed, one of her hand gently rubbing other girl's leg in comfort. Bambi could feel other girl's gaze, she felt like her eyes were looking straight into her soul, burning.

She couldn't say a thing. She just continued to look at her feet. Never has any of this friend group thought they would be having this conversation. They were always cheery and full of life. If anything went wrong, of course they would be there for each-other, but they never had serious deep conversations like this one all together. They would talk about stuff like this in pairs, never in a group. It was easier to talk about it with only one person.

They didn't talk. They didn't do anything. They were just there for her, sitting in heavy and distressing silence for a while, and none of them minded. They couldn't help her in any other way in that moment. Talking about it would make it all worse.

"Bam-Bam," Mary Jane spoke up after a while, "Parker boy wanted to give you this."

Bambi felt rage boil up inside. Of course people were gonna say shit like 'sorry for your loss' or give her trashy note or—

And then she was handed a book, and her heart shattered... and for the first time in days, she felt her eyes burn and water. Joan Didion's 'The Year of Magical Thinking'. The book she gave Peter in the store that was now burned to the ground when his uncle died.

And then she finally broke. It took all her friends by surprise when tears like waterfall poured down her face. She sobbed very loudly as she hugged the book close to her chest. She cried and cried until her throat was sore and cheeks burned. Her nose was red and full and she didn't even care how ugly she cried in front of her friends. All of them huddled together closer to her and pulled her in a group hug as she tore down to pieces.

"He isn't gone." Her voice was raspy, quiet and broken. She didn't speak for days. "He can't be."

"We know love. We know." Gwen sighed. "But you have to—"

"No. Talking about him and grieving him would make it all real." She sobbed and slowly opened her blurry eyes that were shut the whole time before. "And I don't want it to be. It is not."

Her friends understood her. When someone dies, the first reaction is to refuse to believe it. And it was hard to accept that somebody isn't in your life anymore. That was the hardest thing to do- accept it and move on.

Some deaths really do leave a mark on us. They can change us, shape us into different person. They leave permanent scar on us. They all said you could never get rid of the pain but you can learn how to live with it, but is it true? Can something fill that void and emptiness that certain person left? Can you be better?

"He isn't dead."