Hainsey

Waking up next to Ems, naked and with her body pressed against mine doesn't seem real at first. It feels new, yet so familiar. I've woken up beside her countless times, just never after having a night like last.

As the sleep slowly fades away, memories of last night come back, making me feel content and relaxed. Her arm is thrown carelessly across my chest, legs tangled with mine beneath the sheets, and her head is resting on my shoulder, her face so close to my neck that I can feel her hot breath on my skin.

Absentmindedly, I begin to run my fingers through her tangled hair, gently working out each knot. Last night I couldn't believe what we were doing, and I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around what has happened. I had sex with the girl that's been my best friend for years, and is now my girlfriend. I study her face as she sleeps. She looks more like the fourteen-year-old girl I had frozen in my mind until the day she showed up than the stubborn, funny, grown-up woman I've gotten to know all over again.

Telling her about my mom last night was difficult – emotions were tugging me back and forth, but I eventually decided to go with it. After she touched me like she did – accident or not (I really couldn't tell if she was bullshitting me about that part) – I decided I needed to tell her before we took things to the next level. It scared me so bad my hands started to shake. But I don't regret telling her. Even if she'd reacted differently, I wouldn't regret it because it feels so damn good knowing that I'm not keeping a huge secret from her. Ems is never going to understand how thankful I am for her understanding. And the things she said? I could've burst out crying when she said we'd figure all this shit out.

We.

Us.

Together.

It's been a long time since I've had someone by my side. Not that I'm disregarding Val – she's been my saviour for the past five years by allowing me to vent when need be. But she never offered to solve the problem with me like Ems has.

"God," she murmurs, her voice raspy with sleep. She rubs her cheek against my shoulder. "I could get used to this."

I blink and look at her. I didn't notice her wake up. Guess I was pretty lost in my thoughts.

"Me too," I grin.

For a moment, we stare at each other, and then I see her smile falter. I sigh. I should've known we'd be discussing this in further detail.

"You okay?" she whispers.

"Yeah," I say. And it's the truth. Her knowing has taken such a big weight off my chest that it feels like I can breathe normally again. "I really am sorry that I didn't tell you sooner, Ems. I was scared."

"I know," she says softly. "I probably would've done the same thing if our roles were switched. So don't worry. Just worry about what we're going to do." Her face turns stern. "First thing's first: you are not going to get heroin for your mom alone anymore. I am coming with you."

And that's part of the reason why I was hesitant on telling her. The shit I do...it's dangerous. I don't want Ems risking her safety just to give me support. The drug dealer I meet up with every few nights knows who I am and what my motives are. It's like there's an unspoken level of trust between us. Bringing Ems into the equation would make things go back to the way they were for the first few months – I could feel the tension in every trade. Things would definitely go array if she tagged along, and I'm not about to risk someone I love getting hurt because of my stupid decisions.

"Absolutely not," I argue, shaking my head. "This shit is dangerous, Ems. They have guns and God knows what other weapons. I can't risk you getting hurt."

"Hains," she says, giving me a look of disbelief. "You're not going alone anymore. I am coming with you and that's final."

I exhale my frustration. "Have you always been this stubborn?"

"Yeah," she shrugs.

I contemplate what she's said. She's definitely not going to give up until I agree, so I make a counter offer. "Tell you what," I say, "you can come with me, but you're staying in the vehicle and making sure nobody sees you. Hide under a blanket or something like that. Do you understand me? I know these guys, Ems – they're dangerous. And it would kill me if they harmed you in any way."

She squints at me as she thinks. I hope she agrees with me. If she doesn't, I'm going to have to find a different way to supply for my mom until we can figure out how to fix the mess I've made. Finally, she nods her head. "Okay. Fine. I'm not happy with this, but if that's what it takes to get you to agree, then I will keep myself hidden. It's a win-win, right? You're not alone anymore, and the drug dealer doesn't see me."

I breathe a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Ems."

She gently squeezes my shoulder and smiles. "Now that that's over with," she says. "Are we going to start planning a solution?"

I press my lips into a flat line, thinking. While I want my mom to get better, I don't want to spend the morning after our first time talking about shit like this. "When is your mom going to be home?" I ask.

Ems shrugs. "Late afternoon. That's what she told me anyway. I bet they won't be home until after dinner, though. There was some restaurant Joel wanted to go to on the way back."

I smile. "Joel's a good kid. Miles isn't too bad either. Guess that's one good thing that came out of this disaster, eh?"

"I guess so," Ems says. "Both of them are nice and polite and all that shit. It's just weird having a stepbrother. I've only ever had Rosa." She looks at me. "I think Joel has a man-crush on you, Hains. The kid lit up like a fucking Christmas tree when he saw you the other night."

I laugh. "Well, if he does, that's going to be heartbreaking for him – I'm already taken."

"Indeed you are," she says defensively. "And if any girl comes after you, she's going to face my wrath."

"I already feel bad for the girls," I joke.

Ems giggles. "You feel bad for the girls? I feel bad for the boys. You inject fear into them just by looking at them."

Leaning down, I kiss the bridge of her nose, the scar I accidentally gave her. She giggles softly, and then cups my face, pulling me down for a kiss. I lean over her, one hand pressed into the pillow and holding my weight, the other playing with her hair.

The kiss quickly heats up, and I instantly feel my body react. Ems's hand begins to slide down my torso. Adrenaline pounds through my blood, and when she pauses to look up at me for permission, I anxiously nod my head. She smiles and continues.

And then something unexpected happens.

There's a knock at her bedroom door.

Ems and I both freeze in shock and stare, wide-eyed, at each other.

What the hell?

I roll off of her, and then the door opens and I want to fucking die.

"My God, Emyln," Mrs. Brantford says as she steps through. "How are you still sleeping at this time? It's almost noon and it's such a beautiful day! We should do something!"

Beneath the covers, Ems's hand finds mine and she threads her fingers through mine. We're both going down together for this, which I already know. I momentarily close my eyes, waiting for the moment when her mom notices me and puts the pieces of the puzzle together.

But she walks over to the curtains and opens them without looking back. "Seriously, Emyln! You're going to be leaving soon. We need to get out and do something together."

"Mom," Ems finally says through gritted teeth. "Get the hell out of my bedroom."

Finally, she looks. Maybe it's the tone of voice Ems directs at her or maybe it's the silence that's now settled over us. Whatever the hell the reason, she looks over.

Mrs. Brantford's mouth drops open and her eyebrows shoot up. She searches the bedroom, taking in the obscene trail of clothes that surrounds the bed, the open nightstand drawer, and then she focuses in on us. Thank God we managed to pull the blankets up to our shoulders before she could see anything. But I still want to fucking die. My cheeks are burning, I can't look her in the eye, and I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do.

"Mom," Ems says, desperation in her voice. "Get. Out. Of. My. Room. Now."

"Oh," Mrs. Brantford blinks. "Oh my God – I am so sorry." She walks quickly to the bedroom door. "I am so sorry, Emyln and Hainsey. I'll just..."

Emyln's mom doesn't finish her sentence. She step out and shuts the door, and I still want to die. She knows her daughter and I had sex now. Shit.

"Fuck," Ems curses. "I am so sorry about that, Hains."

I look at her, and take in how red her cheeks are, how frazzled she looks. Thank God I'm not the only one feeling this way.

"So, uh," I say. "What happens now?" I glance at the window. I'm willing to take my chances on that goddamned trestle.

"Oh," Ems says, gripping my hand. "Don't even think about it, buddy – if I have to deal with this, then so do you. We're getting through this together."

With that, she gets out of bed and begins to collect our clothes. Well...she collects my clothes for me, throwing them at my face when she has them all. But I barely feel the fabric hit me – I can't stop staring at her body. Damn. She's sexy as hell.

"Quit staring at me, you perv," she winks.

I roll my eyes and start pulling on my shirt.

By the time I'm dressed and out of bed, Ems is stepping out of the bathroom, wearing short shorts and a red T-shirt.

"Are we actually doing this?" I sigh.

Ems stares at the door. "We might as well get it over with." She pauses and shakes her head. "This is so embarrassing."

"Tell me about it," I mutter, taking her hand as I reach for the handle.

We walk out of her bedroom in silence and head for the kitchen, where we're greeted by the smell of freshly brewed coffee and doughnuts from Tim Horton's. I rub the back of my neck as we walk, unsure of where the upcoming conversation is going to go.

Mrs. Brantford is sitting at the kitchen table, and Ems leads me over there. We sit down beside each other, adjacent from her mom, and feel the heavy weight of embarrassment sit on our shoulders. Ems reaches for one of the doughnuts – a double chocolate (they've always been her favourite) – and begins to pick at it while we wait for her mom to speak.

I should take one – it seems to be working as a good distraction. But I can't do it. I'm so embarrassed. But I don't regret my decisions. Last night was the best night of my life and I wouldn't change a damn thing.

Mrs. Brantford finally makes the first move: she sets down her coffee and clears her throat. She then sighs. "Please tell me you two at least used protection."

"Mom!" Ems exclaims.

"Yes," I reply at the same time.

  Ems shoots me a frustrated glare.

Mrs. Brantford nods her head. "Okay. Good. Listen you two, I'm sorry I walked in – I should have waited for a response. And...you're adults now – these are your decisions."

Her words don't cure the embarrassment. It reminds me of the talk every parent gives their kid when they're in high school.

"Okay, Mom," Ems says. "We don't need to talk about this in great detail." I glance at her and see that she's fighting off a smile. "I don't ask you about your sex life with Landon."

"Fair enough," Mrs. Brantford says, picking up her coffee cup. "Just be smart."

"Okay," Ems and I mumble, both dying of embarrassment.

After a moment of awkward silence, I decide that it's time for me to leave. Mom's probably wondering where I snuck off to last night after our argument. It's surprising how aware she can be even though she's hooked on drugs. "Well," I say, getting to my feet. "I need to get going." I plant a kiss on Ems's forehead. "I'll talk to you later." I know I should say bye to Mrs. Brantford, but I can't. It's too much for me to handle right now.

Before I head down the stairs, I glance over my shoulder and instantly make eye contact with Ems. She looks beautiful beneath the glow of the afternoon light shining through the windows. And when she smiles at me, I feel my heart beat violently against my rib cage.

I'm going to be stuck thinking about her all day.