Emyln

I kissed him.

That's all I can think about as we bike to the viewpoint above the lake. I'm gasping for breath before we're even halfway up, but it doesn't bother me because I can't stop thinking about Hains and the kiss. He totally kissed me back - I could tell that he wanted it as much as I did.

Throughout the whole ride up I can feel his eyes one me. Although I do my best to stop myself from looking at him and giving the men surrounding me more power to tease and poke at the two of us, I fail. At one point, he looked at me and smiled, causing me to almost swerve off of the thin boardwalk and into the bubbling brook that lines the trail. I mumbled some incoherent excuse about there being a root, which only made the boys snicker because they knew damn well I was lying - there are no stupid slippery roots on the boardwalk.

Yet, even with my ridiculous mistakes, I'm still looking at him. Who cares about a broken arm or a couple of cracked ribs? Right now, he's leading the pack with Ethan. I think there's a bromance brewing between the two of them. It's cute, but I'm also a teensy bit jealous. This is supposed to be a bonding time for us. But, then again, when Hainsey's kicked out of his cabin later today because the reservations were set for only one night instead of two, we can make up for that lost time. And hopefully repair the humongous gorge between us.

So, for now, all I do is continuously glance at him while ignoring Brendan as he makes comments about why he and I would be a better couple than me and Hains. It takes every ounce of self-control I have left in my sanity to prevent myself from shoving him over the edge. I guess Brendan is just one of those guys that don't give a flying fuck about a woman's current relationship status. Taking my eyes off the trail for a moment, I glare at him. Yeah. I could see him breaking up a happy marriage. Maybe I could introduce him to my mom. I'm sure they'd hit it off well together.

Oh, how tempted I am to snap at the asshole.

But I don't do it - we're working, and if my mom heard anything about a situation where I lost my temper on a client, she would lose hers on me. So, scavenging up whatever non-bitchiness I have left, I smile sweetly and say, "Brendan. Hains and I have known each other since we were kids; we grew up together, played hockey on the same team, and were - are neighbours. You're wasting your time on trying to win me over because it's not going to work. I'm in love with my best friend. It's as simple as that."

As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I want to start crying, to my utter disappointment. It's not that simple. Brendan doesn't even know the just of the situation I'm in with Hainsey. I've fucked everything up between us and I'm trying to win him back. It should be easy for a girl like me to do, but I'm barely able to cope with everything that's gone on. Hainsey is my kryptonite, and boy, does he know how to make me suffer inadvertently. He's a walking contradiction: so full of brightness yet there's a certain darkness to him; confident yet seemingly uncomfortable; caring but cold. Sometimes I can't figure out what he wants. The only thing I do know is that part of him wants me. How big that proportion is, I'm still trying to find out.

But the message from the kiss is clearer than everything else: he wants me to a certain degree.

"So what?" Brendan shrugs, sounding cocky and pigheaded as fuck. "We all make mistakes. Consider what I'm doing a favour."

"A favour?" I demand, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah. The sooner you realize he's wrong for you the sooner you'll come crawling to my bed."

I let out an exasperated sigh, reminding myself that the only way I'm wasting my time is by being involved in this downright ridiculous conversation. "Whatever," I say. "Agree to disagree, then. You and I aren't going to happen. Ever. End of the fucking story. Got it?"

He shrugs.

Is it bad that I want to drown him in the brook and bury his body in the swampy mud?

Nah. You know what's really bad? Is that murder costs so much.

I mentally laugh at the thoughts that are circulating through my head at the moment. If Hains and I were still friends and together, I would tell him about them later and I know for a fact he would laugh.

Just like that, the amusement fades, replaced by homesickness. It's like a punch to the gut. I miss him. So much. The kiss wasn't enough. I want him exactly as he is. The same way I wanted him when we first kissed. That day, he opened his heart and let me in. I've been his ever since. I always will be - nothing will ever change that.

As quickly as possible, I bike until I'm behind Hains and Ethan. I can't hear what they're chatting about, but they're both smiling and laughing. Jealously stabs me in the back. Hains has known me for years- not just a day like Ethan! What the hell?

Luckily, I don't have to watch and listen to them for long. Five minutes or so pass, and then we're parking our bikes at the viewpoint that overlooks the lake and cabins. It's a relief for me because it means the bachelor party can go off and do whatever they want - take stupid boyish selfies, have a couple drinks, and whatever else men do during their free time. Meaning that Hains and I basically have a lunch break.

Shrugging off my backpack, I pull out my water bottle and the ham sandwiches I asked the chef to make me. She agreed so long as I help out with the dishes after the dinner hours are over tonight since they're short of staff at the moment. I said yes without a second thought. I actually don't mind doing the dishes.

With the sandwiches in hand, I walk over to where Hains is. He's sitting on the edge of the cliff, legs hanging over the rocky face, and nursing a bottle of blue Gatorade. He's staring out at the broad view, and I can't blame him - it certainly is beautiful. From here, I'm able to see two other lakes that are the same stunning aqua blue, thousands of pine trees, tall mountains that pierce the endless blue sky with their sharp, snow-capped peaks, and, in some areas, other trails that my wandering heart wants to one day explore.

Hains doesn't notice me until the toe of my hiking boot hits a rock, sending it crashing into another rock. The noise is faint, but with the bachelor party so far away from us it's basically silent.

He startles when he makes eye contact with me, like he wasn't expecting me to walk over.

"Hey," I say, my voice hoarse. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions when he's near me that I can barely speak. Sure, he's always had this effect on me, but it was never this bad. Maybe it's because I'm trying to win him back - I didn't have to work last time.

"Hey," he replies. I don't know if he means to or not, but as he stares at me, he reaches up and touches his lips.

Flares go off in my heart. Did his lips tingle like mine did during the kiss? Did he enjoy it? But, more importantly, does he want more?

"How was the ride up?" I ask, sitting down next to him.

He shrugs. "Fine. Had to ignore my protesting muscles, but I managed. You?"

I roll my eyes and hold out one of the sandwiches to him. "Fuck. Did I ever mention how much I hated Scout?"

A glimmer of amusement ripples through the grey in his eyes. "You may have once or twice." He looks down at the sandwich. "Is that for me?"

I nod. "Yeah - and you better damn well enjoy it. I have to help with dishes tonight because of these."

He takes the sandwich from my hand, and I have to ignore the buzz I feel when his fingertips brush against my skin. "Well, Ems," he says as he unwraps the plastic wrap. "I will savour every bite."

I snort. Leave it to Hains to make a promise like that.

For the next few minutes, we eat in silence, enjoying the serenity of nature.

"So," Hains says after another sip of blue Gatorade. "What are your plans for September?"

My insides churn. I don't want to tell him that I'm going to the University of Ottawa when summer ends. It was his dream to go there and now it's been taken away because of his mom. Not that I believe him - the lie was thought out well and structured in a believable way, but his mother would never take his post-secondary money from him. There has to be more to the story.

In order to save him the pain of someone else getting what he's always wanted and deserved, I stretch the truth a little. "I'm going to university for interior decorating."

"Interior decorating?" he asks through a mouthful of food.

"Yeah," I nod. "I like the idea of making houses feel modern yet homey. Shit like that. Rosa gave me the idea actually. She said I've always been good at decorating and planning out how I want my bedroom to be set up. Told me to nurse the talent. So that's what I'm doing."

Hainsey rubs the stubble on his jaw. "I agree with Rosa - you would be good at it."

Wanting to change the subject from me to, well, basically anything else, I ask, "So you're still playing hockey?"

It's his turn to nod in confirmation. "Me and the guys have our own team. Sometimes we enter in tournaments that take place, but we mostly just scrimmage for fun, y'know? It's a great way to strengthen the skills and keep in shape."

I eye him up and down. "No shit," I agree. "Have you looked in the mirror?"

Did I ever mention I love making him blush?

If not, here it is: I love making Hainsey Blake Stone blush.

The way his cheeks warm up and turn a dusty shade of pink, the way he looks away and clears his throat, the way he rubs the back of his neck - it's all so adorable. "Are we sitting at the same table as the guys tonight or are we taking our own?" he asks, abruptly changing the subject.

I rub my temples. "Oh God," I groan. "If I have to listen to Scout list the reasons why he's a much better suitor for me than you, I'm going to go fucking bananas."

Hainsey fights a grin. "Table for two it is."

After a sip of water, I say, "I know you used the illusion of us being a couple to shut the single guys up, but I think it fuelled Scout's desire to get me to bed. Maybe we should call the whole thing off and just tell the truth; say that I'm just not interested."

"Or," Hains says, glancing over his shoulder.

I follow his gaze. The bachelor party has started to make its way back to us, clearly ready to take instructions on how to get back to the cabins or, more importantly, the bar so they can get shit-faced for the second night in a row. As they get closer and closer by the second, I begin to dread the rest of this trip. I'm so sick and tired of random single guys flirting with me. There's only one boy I would ever want to flirt with me, and damn do I wish he would.

"Or?" I ask, wishing I could freeze time.

In the blink of an eye, Hainsey's hand is resting on the nape of my neck and our faces are inches apart. "Or we can seal the deal."

And with those six words that absolutely blow my mind, he kisses me on the lips, eyes closed, lips parted.

I instantaneously melt into him, relishing in the fact that he made the move first. Any thoughts I had earlier fall to the wayside - we're the only things that exist in this fucked-up world right now. His lips are soft and taste like the blue Gatorade he's been drinking. And the smell of him? Damn my stupid nose because I can't get enough of the sweat, outdoors, and hint of deodorant that's coming from him.

In the background, I can hear the idiots I'm stuck with until tomorrow whistling and whooping. I hear someone mention something about taking the bull by the horns. But you know what? I don't give a shit. This moment - although it's not everything I want - is important and beautiful and I don't want it to end.

It's just...there's this funny thing human bodies need in order to survive each day that passes.

Oxygen.

When Hains pulls away, I hear myself whimper, and I am so ready to pull him back to my lips, but I run out of time. He stands and walks away without looking back at me. Actually, maybe he does. I don't know. I'm too fucking dazed to care.

I gnaw on my bottom lip while staring at the view and pondering what tonight is going to bring. While I understand he did that to prove an invalid point to the crew, I could sense urgency and longing in that kiss. Speaking of the kiss...I smile to myself. Since when did Hains become so spontaneous? Maybe he's been spending too much time with me. That's definitely something Val would say. I am, after all, a risk taker.

So why am I suddenly afraid of how Hainsey will react when the camp host tells him to vacate his cabin? Am I taking things too fast? If time is what he needs to heal and learn to like me again, then I'm screwing this up big time.

But, on the other hand, I've seen what happens when hidden emotions and unsaid words fester for too long.

I run a shaky hand through my hair. I may have my dad's hair and my mother's eyes, but I'm not them. Unlike their DNA, their decision-making skills and personalities don't run through my blood.

So I make a promise to myself: No matter how tonight goes, no matter how rocky the waters become, I'm going to talk to the man I love.