Day Fourteen: The One With The Loss
"Where the f ..." Elise felt frantic, she could not find her bracelet. Her grandmother had given it to her. She didn't care at this point if she had to leave everything else behind, but she couldn't leave that.
She'd been incredibly close to her grandma Rose. On Some hard days, Elsie would have said she was the only one who ever really loved her. When she was dying Elise had gone to the hospital as much as possible to sit with her, at first to play cards, and then to hold her hand, and finally to curl up next to her and cry. When grandma was still able to talk she'd told her to go in her jewelry box, the one that was packed from her room at the assisted living facility and find her opal bracelet.
They shared an October 21st birthday. Grandma Rose said she'd had the bracelet since her sweet sixteen. Elise was a little older than that when she got it, but the bracelet was priceless and irreplaceable at this point. Her random t shirts and even her books could stay, but not her bracelet.
She'd been packing for a couple hours at this point. She wasn't aware she had this much stuff, or that it was so spread out. She'd been pretty unemotional through the whole process, until she couldn't find her bracelet. Elise might have been crying inside before then, but she was really freaking out now.
It was the first time she had cried since the talk with Harry.
"Is that what you're so scared of?" He'd said.
She'd scoffed. That got her back up. "I'm not scared of anything."
"Are you kidding me?" He actually laughed at her. "You're scared of everything!"
"Fuck you Harry! You don't know how I feel."
"Of course I don't. It might actually kill you to talk about your feelings or be honest." His hands were crossed over his chest.
"Honest, feelings? Cuz you are the king of talking about real shit?" Her hands came off her hips and she was pointing. "All we do is play, or fuck. You may actually be a lost boy."
"I'm just trying to read your comfort level, love. That seems to be the depth of life you're willing to deal in. Gotta keep it light for poor Elise, or she will run away. I'm dont even know why I bother." He sighed. "If you liked spending time with me at all, without being entertained all the time, I would not have to lure you out of your room every damn day with some promise of food or comfort or sex. It's so damn hard to know you."
"How dare you!" She seethed. He'd insinuated she was shallow right? That's what that bullshit about depth implied. "I am not shallow. Or a damn child who needs to be bribed. Maybe if I had any idea what I was doing here, or why you were being so nice to me, I'd not be so damn afraid I'd need to hide. I don't know you either, and your intentions are even more obscure."
"What you're doing here? I was just trying to make sure you were ok, or safe. Take care of you. If you were unwell it would be my fault."
"Cmon Harry, we both know you could have got us tests and sent me packing ages ago. What little fantasy are we living out here?"
"Yours!" He shouted.
And the conversation got more intense from there.
"Where could I have?" Elise's cheeks were wet; she was nauseous. This day had already been too much. She'd just got her head in her palms to weep when strong hands came onto her shoulders.
"Baby, what's wrong?" Harry asked into her black hair before kissing it.
"I can't find my grandma's bracelet anywhere. She gave it to me when they told her she was running out of time." She turned a watery frown on him and he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.
"Ok, well tell me what it looks like and I'll help you."
Elise described the delicate piece and they each set off to look. She was essentially tossing things out of her way adding to the mess. The room had already looked casually like a bomb went off, but she was a mess when she looked for things. She did notice Harry was orderly in his disarray.
"When'd you wear it last?"
"I don't wear it. I'm too afraid I'll break it." She told him, and he chuckled.
"If you say something about patterns or bad habits I will cut you." She mentioned.
He put his hands up in surrender. And they both laughed.
He had a point.
Elise was thinking about how their fight the night before had gone when Harry said. "Is this it?"
"Oh my god." Tears filled her eyes anew and ran down her cheeks. "Thank you! What would I do without you?"
It was an honest question. It had only been fourteen days but she honestly couldn't imagine not knowing him, really knowing him, not about him, or speculating about him, or inferring about him, or projecting about him. Knowing him, underneath his clothes, under his skin.
"No need to find out!" He smoothed her hair and then gave her a smooch. "Now, can you grab whatever you need so we can pretend we hate that we have to be locked in a house together for an undefined time."
She giggled. "You don't hate that you are stuck in your house with me for who knows how long?"
"Are you going to let me turn up the heater and stay naked?" He picked up one of the boxes she'd put together.
"Not all of the time."
"Then some of the time?" He curled his tongue and poked it to the side of his mouth.
How was she supposed to say no to that. "Maybe."
"Then hurry." Kiss. "Up." Kiss. " we need to go play strip scrabble."
"Im not playing scrabble with you." She said for the umpteenth time.
"Strip monopoly?"
"No."
"Apples to apples?"
"How the hell.." she just laughed at his hugely dimpled smile. "How about we just go in your hot tub and drink margaritas naked."
"Deal!" He started tossing clothes wildly into bags. It was out of character except for his insatibility. "Hurry up! We have plans!"
"To have sex?" God he was sooo cute. "More sex." She clarified.
"Yea, aren't those very important?" He stepped into her space and planted his hands on her hips and his flag in her heart. He'd leaned in close, but didn't connect their lips.
She gulped and leaned up against his arms keeping her feet planted and away from his tempting lips. "Yes, very important."
"Yeah." He said and kissed her silly.
She'd never done it on that bed. Seemed funny to do it after it had been stripped and with the knowledge it would never happen again.
It could have went another way. Elise kept catching herself in moments and feeling grateful, that once Harry started talking, he really started talking.
The day before, when he shouted the truth about living out her own fantasy, she'd started to walk away. She couldn't handle the truth. It was at least half true, it was a wonderful two weeks of her life, and it looked like now it was over. Elise knew she couldn't handle going back to his place and fighting more, or worse facing silent treatment. Plus, if he had wanted her there, he still hadn't said that today or before. She was about to cross the threshold of the room. Harry muttered something about her walking away.
She stopped and turned. She only had to walk away if she wanted to be done.
"This has been a fantasy, of course it has. Like a dream come true. And I'm really scared. I have no idea why I'm here, not really, or what we are doing, or what..." she sucked in some oxygen. "Or what." She felt tears building in her eyes. "How you feel about me." She expected him to say something, but instead he just stood and stared at her, waiting for her to talk. "And what happens tomorrow."
"What?" It was the first thing he'd said during her rant.
"We' re almost done with friends." She whispered.
He was nodding. "We are. so?"
"You said." She swallowed. "Last week you said we should finish Friends, the you said we only had three more days to finish."
He was nodding. "I guess I did, but Elise, the end of friends, it doesn't mean the end of us. And I'll answer all the questions you have. If you want the answers. But, I'll be honest and say I have no idea how you feel about me, like the real me, too. It's why I held back so long."
"So long? It's only been two weeks."
"Pretty intense two weeks." He wiped her tears. "It felt like forever. I wanted to love you up by day five."
She giggled. "Me too."
"Ugh." He groaned. "All that missed opportunity." But they were both smiling. "New challenge: make up for lost time now."
She was shaking her head at his ridiculous eyebrows. "So, you like me?" She asked.
"At the risk of being really obvious, I like you, like really like you, maybe could be more." He tilted her chin up. "and you like me? Me me?"
Elise nodded then thought she had already been this brave. "More than like, I think."
He beamed. "Honestly Elise, when I first brought you home it was out of guilt and because it didn't initially occur to me to just get tests." He looked down. "I had Jeff do research, and we had to wait a few days, and by then, well, I really liked spending time with you."
"Me too." All these confession made her feel like a feather.
"And nothing happens tomorrow. It's not some scary end date, I'm not kicking you out at check out time." He rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "Honestly? I'd really like it if you stayed with me, for however long this lasts. We've already been exposed to each other.."
"You think?"
"Very exposed to each other." He laughed with her. "And then after, whenever that is. We talk about it. You can keep your place, or save the money."
"I could pay for groceries."
He sighed. "Ok, you can pay for groceries."
He quirked a brow and the dimples that bracketed his mouth wanted to break free, they just needed her response. "Does that mean you'll stay?"
"I'll stay." The full wattage of his smile was really like A full moon on a clear night. He bridged the space between them and swooped her into his arms.
"Good, I'd miss you if you were gone."
"I'd miss you if I was gone too." She was honest, hopefully it would become a new habit.
"Then let's not let that happen." He kissed her then, and it was a piece of this tiny instance of forever she'd keep always, if they wound up married fifty years or broke up by pandemic's end.
"Can I tell you something really crazy?"!She asked with her ear pressed to his heart. She felt his body nod on her head. "I'm so glad you sneezed in my face."
"Yeah?" He asked. "I could do it again?" He offered, his body vibrating with his laugh.
"I'm good now thanks. But, I'm still glad it happened."
"Me too baby, me too."
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