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02: the one who wants a divorce

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song: Consequences 

artist(s): Camila Cabello

SHE KNEW.

She knew things would never be the same since then.

It had been a long month of sleeping in Jay's guest room, reevaluating everything that had happened. Athena had painstakingly gone through every memory that left her with doubt of his faithfulness. Doubt she hadn't had before until she came face to face with the reality of it.

The thoughts never stopped. They came and went when she was working, affecting her sometimes to the point it showed in the photos. Keeping her skin clear and healthy was a challenge with all the sleep she wasn't getting. Her manager, Joel, had pointed it out too. Still, Athena didn't let it get in the way of her career. She busied herself to exhaustion just so she could fall asleep the second her head met the pillow.

Thinking back on it, she now understood where Xander really was when work went 'overtime' or why he had sudden week long 'business trips'.

It was to see her.

His mistress.

Why is it that she felt like the mistress here? Athena felt as though she was the one getting in the of a happy couple. It didn't make sense but she doubts anything would make much sense anymore relating to him.

Athena glanced down at the envelop in front of her. The papers she'd sought to get signed nearly a week ago always abandoned in the bottom drawer where she pretended it never was. Every time she mustered up the courage to bring it up to him, she would see his face in her head and her resolve would crumble.

It was awful.

It really, truly was.

Because no matter how much he fucked her over, how much he had hurt her with his infidelity, she still loved him.

And she absolutely hated herself for it.

How could she?

She would always ask herself this.

How could she still love him after all he's done? After he single-handedly destroyed their marriage? After lying to her face countless times without a trace of guilt or hesitance? After she witnessed him stabbing her in the back?

How could she?

How could she love the man who spends his time with another woman, telling her God knows what?

Did he tell her sweet nothings too? Did he tell her he found her beautiful, loved the way she touched him, laughed the way he did with her?

Did he tell her he loved her?

Did he?

Athena hastily wiped at the tear that trailed down the side of her face.

God, she felt so stupid.

To fall for a man who had no ounce of respect for her.

She guessed the worst part was, was that he still drowned her in affection even before everything came to head. He still kissed her, still held her, still told her he loved her and he had meant it. He still looked at her the same way he did when they took their vows, albeit a little tense. The guilt must've been there some way.

He still treated her like his wife when she was in the dark about all this.

She knew he loved her, but she knew he'd never stop seeing her either. There was enough space in his heart for both of them. How that's possible? Athena won't ever know.

The love she had-has for Xander often times felt overwhelming. Her heart was bursting at the seems with how much she loved him. She couldn't possibly imagine loving someone else a fraction of how much she did him. She didn't want to.

Maybe that was the difference.

She had no desire to open her heart to another but Xander was a different story.

Athena wasn't sure if Xander knew she was planning to get divorced. Her husband might've been convinced this was a bump in their road. A minor inconvenience they can work through with a little therapy and time. They were the ideal couple. Dating since Junior year college until they made it into the real world. They loved so bright. So hot and so warm. Athena didn't understand where it went wrong.

They had the fairytale love story.

So how come there was no happy ending?

Was she lacking in something?

Was she not pretty enough? Sexy enough? Smart enough? Was there something missing from their sex life? Was it the way she talked? The way she laughed?

Was she simply not enough?

She shut her eyes at the thought, her hands balling up to fists as she felt a sob so close from tearing from her throat. The insecurity of being lacking clutching around her so tight that she strove to avoid mirrors whenever she could during her stay at Jay's. How could she look at herself and find herself pretty when her husband looked elsewhere?

It was so painful.

So fucking painful to ignore Xander's persistent phone calls and texts. To ignore him when he made his way up to Jay's door only for her best friend to turn him away with not so kind words and threats of calling the police for trespassing. He'd always leave voicemails talking about how he missed her and how he needs her in his life. She'd read and listened through all of them, but never gave in to reply.

A lot of things started to make sense now that she was aware of the situation.

She can make sense of the odd glances the housekeepers sent her. It was obvious that wasn't the first time Xander brought Alissa to their house. It wasn't the first time he fucked her in their bed.

Athena had been sleeping in the same bed her husband had been fucking her over with.

When she made that connection, Athena couldn't hold down her dinner. She felt sick. Sure the bedsheets were washed and changed, but that doesn't really make anything better, does it?

He can get rid of the evidence but he can't wash away the fact he cheated on her in their martial bed.

Why couldn't she be strong enough? Why was she so fucking weak? Why couldn't she just stand up for herself, push these papers in front of him and just walk away?

Why did she have to love him so much?

Fuck.

Athena sighed as she pulled out the papers in the envelop. Her fingers shook as she looked through them.

She'd finally texted Xander yesterday after weeks of silence and ignoring all attempts to talk. He'd responded faster than he did the last few months and that in itself was telling. He'd sent her an onslaught of texts, telling her he was relieved she wanted to talk. That he loved her so much and that he won't take this second chance for granted.

She didn't respond to any of that.

She only sent him the time and place for where they'd meet.

Xander shouldn't have needed a second chance.

He should've been loyal enough for there to be no need for one.

Swallowing her pride, Athena took hold of her cup and drank her chocolate milkshake. He was coming today. She'd told him to meet her at their favorite diner. The diner where they had their first date.

Their beginning, and now, their end.

She never thought it would come to this.

She never thought she'd actually have the courage to file for a divorce, but here she was waiting for him.

Time went by so slow as she waited. The hours she was a married woman slowly ticking down as he got closer and closer. She always thought she'd end up aging beside him.That they would be that couple who spent decades with one another. The one people would be jealous of and point at saying them, I want to be like them.

But they weren't.

She wasn't happy anymore, and as much as she still loved him,

she deserved better.

Especially since there'd been rumors Alissa had gotten pregnant. Alissa Myers could be pregnant.

And she was sure it would've his.

Athena wouldn't have believed the rumors if it wasn't for the fact she found out Alissa had transferred to Xander's department in Finance a few months ago after a little digging. A detail her husband should've told her about since the start but failed to mention.

It was probably around the time their little affair started. Apparently she was a hard worker, so it didn't make sense when she suddenly asked for a leave. She'd been nauseous the days before her random departure.

No one from the company had seen her since then.

No one except her husband, of course.

Athena always wanted children, but they weren't ready yet. Now she was glad they didn't have children. It would've made leaving him that much harder.

If she was being honest, Athena was waiting for the final strike. The final strike that would finally convince her that this marriage was not worth staying in. She needed the last push. The thing that would push her to the edge and it so happened to be in the form of the life growing inside of Alissa.

It stung.

It stung to know that her husband was expecting with another woman. But she supposes that doesn't matter when he won't be her husband for any longer.

She had just reached the halfway mark of her milkshake when Xander walked through the diner door. His dark hair slightly disheveled as his eyes scanned the area for her. Xander smiled upon seeing his wife. Her messy dark hair was carelessly tied back, her burgundy cardigan swallowed her small frame and she sat there waiting, playing with the straw of her milkshake.

Athena.

His beautiful wife.

His beautiful wife who he was cheating on.

His smile faltered at the guilt beginning to eat away at his conscience.

He never meant to cheat on her. It hadn't been intentional.

At first.

The first time he slept with Alissa was an accident.

They'd gotten drunk at an afterparty at the office and one thing led to another. Old feelings resurfaced and the inevitable happened. The next morning they decided not to talk about it and pretend it never happened.

That didn't last.

The tension between them grew until one day it snapped and they fucked again.

But that's all it was.

Fucking.

A means to relieve tension at work. At least, that's what he tells himself.

That had been the agreement, because God knows he was still very much in love with his wife. He knew the feelings he buried for Alissa were there, but he wasn't married to her. Alissa knew that. Alissa knew that even with half his heart belonging to her, he had no intention of separating from his wife.

That didn't mean she didn't try to change his mind.

And now she was pregnant.

His jaw clenched but he forced himself to calm down. His wife didn't deserve to get snapped at because of his mistakes. It was a miracle she decided to give him a second chance after everything.

Xander strode over to his wife, briefly wondering what the thick envelop in front of her was. He stopped short in front of her, leaning down to peck her lips but Athena moved away so that he kissed her cheek instead. The blatant refusal forced a dull ache in his chest. He frowned, but didn't say anything as he sat down.

"I'm so sorry for being late, baby. Traffic was terrible and I had to leave my things at the office. I had some things I needed to... take care of first before coming here. I'm just- I'm just so glad you wanted to see me. It was horrible without you."

He shot her a small, apologetic smile. The hope burned in his dark eyes.

Athena shook her head, still evading his gaze and wiped her mouth with the napkin she kept at her side. Xander didn't notice until now, but her eyes were red- almost misty and he immediately felt panic strike up within him.

Did he say something?

"Thena, what happened? Are you ok-"

"I don't want this anymore."

She blurted out.

Xander froze, mouth parted open but no words came out. His heart beating hard against this chest. From the moment he came in, Athena refused to look him in the eyes. But now, she stared up at him with unchanging resolve. She sighed, pushing the envelop in front of him and stared into his eyes once more,

"I want a divorce."

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a/n: since I'm just re-writing/editing the cafe scene in broken promises the next update will probably be tomorrow