Chapter3-True Feelings

September 30th, 2011

 As soon as the 7A members, and Brandon, returned to their hotel, Andrew took Brandon aside. Brandon asked, “What is it?”

 Andrew replied, “Look, I’m not happy about what you and Melissa did to me and Alyson…but did you mean everything you said to me? About actually loving me, and not wanting to buy my love?”

 “I meant every word I said. When you broke up with me, I was heartbroken. I’ve never met a guy like you. You were special to me. Why are you asking?”

 Andrew gave a small smile as he said, “I don’t know, I’m just thinking about us. Maybe I’ll be willing to try us again.”

 With that, Brandon became irritated. Andrew noticed, so he asked, “What’s wrong?”

 Brandon explained, “What’s wrong is that you just got back with Alyson, and you want to get back with me. You cheated on me with both her and Justin. You left me for both of them. And right before that, you kissed Alyson right in front of me. And that was at a gig I hooked you up with.

 “Don’t you get how heartbroken I was when you told me I was just some ‘experiment’ for you to try just to see if you like guys? And to make matters worse, when we were first started going out, you were cheating on Alyson, who you proclaim as ‘the love of your life.’ You obviously hurt her as much as you hurt me.

 “You don’t care about other people’s feelings. They put effort into being with you and loving you. Instead, you run after the next person you see.”

 Andrew was offended by what was said, so he responded, “You said you loved me, but now you’re saying that I’m sort of player?”

 “Andrew, whether you know it or not, you are a player. You play with your partners’ feelings for you, and you just run away…especially on Alyson.”

 “Okay, I was a major player back in middle school, but by the time I was in high school, I mellowed. I only had two girlfriends during my freshman year. By the next year, I was dating Alyson. I have been with her for about as long as this band. I don’t run away from her. I just get seduced easily.”

 “Yeah, another thing, you’re easy. It’s like the moment someone snogs you, you’re ready to fuck them. It’s like Alyson isn’t satisfying you.”

 “She is. I just want to experiment with guys, just to see what they feel like.”

 “Andrew, stop making excuses for yourself. Why don’t you just admit that you’re afraid of commitment?”

 Andrew was taken back that comment. He was never told he had commitment issues, but then again, he didn’t think he had any issues. He thought of himself as a guy who just wanted to try other people, of both genders, while dating Alyson.

 As an act of shock, Andrew stormed off, and out of the hotel. Brandon stood there, irritated with his ex-boyfriend.

 About an hour later, Jeremy, Heather, and Melissa were in a hotel near 7A’s hotel. As Jeremy was talking with Melissa on setting up the lawsuit against Ethan, he got a text from Andrew. He was asking Jeremy where he was staying. He texted his younger brother the address.

 Soon, Andrew arrived at the hotel. He went to the room where they were staying. He knocked on the door, and Jeremy answered.

 Jeremy asked, “Andrew, why do you want to see me?’

 He answered, “I need to talk to you…in private.”

 Jeremy was surprised by this request, so he took Andrew downstairs to the hotel bar. As they sat down, they ordered coffee and breakfast, as it was very early in the morning. Then Jeremy asked, “So, what is so important that you need to talk to me in private.”

 Andrew asked nervously, “Do you think I have commitment issues?”

 He replied as matter-of-factly, “Of course you do? What brought this on?”

 “Brandon told me that I’m a player, that I’m easy, and that I have commitment issues.”

 Now it was Jeremy’s turn to be annoyed. He told Andrew, “You just got back with Alyson, and I assume you now want to get back with Brandon?”

 “I don’t know, maybe?” he stammered. “Look, he told me that he really loved me, and he was heartbroken when I cheated on him with both Alyson and Justin. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry for him. He was my first boyfriend. I guess I still have feelings for him, but at the same time, I don’t want to lose Alyson. I’m so confused.”

 Jeremy had a disgusted look on his face. Andrew noticed, so he asked, “What’s wrong with you?”

 He responded, “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? What are you, some bisexual sex addict? You can’t enough of both genders?”

 “It’s not like that!” Andrew retorted.

 “It’s exactly that! When we were in grade school, I didn’t approve of your player ways. You dated numerous girls while trying to secretly date Alyson. But now you moved on to fuck both sides.”

 “You never ‘approved’ of anything I did! Besides, why should I need your approval? I didn’t in the past, I don’t need it now!”

 Just as Andrew was about to storm off, Jeremy stopped him, saying, “I approved of your relationship with Alyson, and I wanted you to stay with her.”

 Andrew turned to face Jeremy, and sat back down. Jeremy continued, “For as long as I could remember, you were very close with Alyson. Even when you two were busying fighting with each other, you always saw her as both a friend and more.

 “Truth be told, she was, technically, your first friend when we moved to Boston. Sure, you made a few friends back in Hartford, but no one was the focus of your attention as Alyson was. No one outside our immediate family knew about your sensitivity and vulnerability except Alyson. Whenever she saw you hurt, she would always be there for you.

 “When you broke up with her earlier this year for a guy, I wasn’t surprised that you’d be bi. But I didn’t like what you did to her. She must’ve been very upset, and she obviously had to hide her feelings. Now you want to hurt her again? Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage? You’ve broken her heart too many times when we were kids.”

 Andrew was silent. Then he spoke up, with his voice filled with emotion, “She was always there for me. Even if we were, supposedly, hating each other, she would never leave my side. I know I’ve hurt her numerous times, but she hurt me too. Have you forgotten the times when she would tell me that she hated me; that she wished for my death; that she wishes she wouldn’t have met me; that she wished I never existed? How do you think that made me feel? The one person that I loved would say such harsh things to me.

 “Yet, she would always run back to me, saying how sorry she was. She would one day be loving to me, but the next day she would be so cruel. She hasn’t done to me for years, but there had been times when she would bite me. A lot of the time, I would feel like I deserve that treatment. I mean, I played with her feelings, and toyed with her heart. But I loved her nonetheless. I still do.”

 Jeremy thought for a moment. Then he said, “I remember the girls you dated hurt you tremendously. I never understood why you dated them, and not Alyson. But I think I know why. When you dumped Alyson when you two wrapped up fifth grade, you tried to find another Alyson. You wanted another girl to hurt you as much as Alyson did to you.”

 Andrew asked defensively, “What? I was desperate to be in an abusive relationship?”

 “Kind of. Alyson didn’t want to take you back right after you broke her heart. She was also dating some popular eight grader. So you needed to find a replacement.”

 Andrew then soften his attitude. He let the words sink in. He thought about much why he dated girls who would mistreat him. He remember he wanted to find someone to replace her, but no one could take her place.

 He said quietly as his voice wavered, “I’m afraid of her, Jeremy. I love her very much, and I’m afraid she’ll be cruel to me again. I know she hasn’t in years. In fact, she was the only girl who told me that she loved me. She actually help me heal from all the pain those other girls caused me. She gave me the confidence to believe in myself, to not care what anyone thought of me. At the same time, I afraid to lose her. She means everything to me, and I don’t t want to leave her over some stupid thing.”

 Jeremy told him, “Maybe that’s why you cheated on her. Not just because Brandon seduced you, and that you were bi for years: But because you were scared of her. Didn’t you two break up before you dated Brandon, or something?”

 “Yeah, but we did our best not to show the public what was really going on. Andyson was a money-making machine. Alyson and I made so much money cuz we were the most popular couple since Zac and Vanessa. Everyone compared us to fiction couples, like Twilight’s Edward and Bella, and Gossip Girl’s Chuck and Blair. It’s like we weren’t real. So we had to put on an act.”

 Jeremy looked at Andrew, and pressed him with this question: “Do you love Alyson?”

 “Yes, I do. She means everything to me.”

 “But do you love Brandon? And Justin? And Amanda? And all the other girls you dated that weren’t Alyson?”

 Andrew was silent. He had to think things through. He knew he shouldn’t keep chasing after other people just because he was afraid of Alyson. He loved her enough to take on her insults, but at the same time, he didn’t want to be treated like that anymore. He knew Alyson hasn’t been cruel to him for years, although there were a few times where she was. Still, she was the one person that he wasn’t willing to lose. He would be willing to fight for her. When he realized that, he became determined.

 He told Jeremy, “I’m going to stay with Alyson. I love her enough to put with her, and I love her enough where I will fight for her. I’ve lost her too many times. I’m not going to make that mistake anymore.”

 Jeremy smiled, knowing his little brother made the right choice. He told him, “Go be with Alyson. She loves you too, you know. She apparently loves you enough to respect you.”

 Andrew smiled. Then he left the hotel. As soon as he arrived at the hotel suite where the 7A members were staying, he approached Alyson. She was eating a bagel for breakfast. She apparently couldn’t go back to sleep.

 He asked her calmly, “Couldn’t sleep?”

 She replied, “No. I have too much going on in my head. I can’t believe Melissa and Ethan tried to kill Justin and Bailey. I bet it was Melissa that convinced Bailey to become the next celebrity train-wreak. Where you were? It’s like you never came back with us.”

 Andrew smiled as he held her hands. His blue eyes looked loving into her brown eyes. Then he told her this: “Alyson, I’ve always loved you. Even the times when you insulted me and wished horrible things on me. I endured it all. I just wanted to be with you, even if it hurts too much.

 “All this years, I’ve been afraid of you. I didn’t want to be treat like shit anymore, yet I couldn’t help but date girls who would do worse things to me. When we were finally together, you so loving towards me. It was something I was longing for, it scared me. So I cheated you. First with Amanda, then with Brandon, and then with Justin.

 “I want to stop running. I want to be with you, and you only. You’re the only person who knows me. You know my strengths and weaknesses. You know I act arrogant and tough on the outside, but I’m really vulnerable on the inside. You know everything about me, inside and out. No one knows me like you do. I’m ready to be serious. No more running from. No more fear. Just you and I, taking on the world together.”

 Alyson was surprised to hear Andrew say all of this. She knew she hurt him. She would see the pain in his eyes. She also figured that he was afraid of her. But she didn’t think that was the reason why he cheated on her.

 She asked him, “I know this might be a stupid question, but I didn’t turn you bisexual, did I?”

 “No, you didn’t. I’m not going to blame Amanda for that either. Look, I don’t know and care if I was born bisexual or not. All I know is that you were the only person I had my eyes on. No guy and girl can take your place. No one held a place in my heart like you did.

 “You were the person I met when I moved to Boston. You were my first friend, even though I initially didn’t treat you like one. You were my first girlfriend. We had our first kiss. You were the first to give me the confidence to sing and dance my heart out openly. You were the first person to tell me that you loved me. You were the first person I had sex with. You were there for me in the very beginning, and you will be there for me to the very end.”

 Alyson became teary-eyed. Then she pulled out a necklace that was under her shirt. It had a ring on it. Andrew saw it, and asked, “What is that?”

 She replied with emotion in her voice, “Do you remember when we won that New England’s teen search show, you gave me a promise ring? Well, this is it. I haven’t worn it all the time, but when I do, I think about you.”

 Andrew smiled as he said, “I almost forgot about that ring. I can’t believe you kept that all these years. You’ve kept it during the times I was seeing other people?”

 “Sometimes, but then I remind myself that maybe one day we would be back together again. Now is the time. I love you, Andrew Hawthorne.”

 “I love you too, Alyson Bauer.”

 With that, the two kissed passionately. The kiss was real. There was no holding back, no pettiness, no fear. It was filled with love.

 Once they pulled away, Alyson told him breathlessly, “I want to fall asleep in your arms. I feel tired all of a sudden.”

 Andrew smiled, “I wouldn’t have it any other way since I’m exhausted myself.”

 The two shared a laugh, and went to their bedroom. They fell asleep in each other’s arms.