It was all a big, white nothingness. I want out of here. I want out of here NOW. I knew that if I had to keep living like this, swallowed by all this whiteness, I would go crazy. Yet, I couldn't go crazy. It would've been a relief if I could. I could only exist. The white submerged into something else, a blackness. A black hole, sucking me in. I tried to fight it, but it kept pulling me in. Oh, it would be so easy to just give in, to surrender and let me be sucked in to whatever lay beyond. I became limp, let the black grow bigger. It became sharper, until it formed a silhouette. That silhouette became a figure, a man, slumped in a couch. Sleeping. There were something beeping close to me. I felt something cold in my arm. I had a terrible headache. I kept looking at the man, curled up in a ball on a couch way too small for him, a blanket on top. He was the source of the black; the sweater he was wearing. He had dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept for days.

"Tobirama..." I tried to say, but I don't think I could.

"Izuna..." A bone-rushing hug. "Izuna, Izuna, Izuna... You're fine. You'll be fine. You're gonna be fine."

I sighed happily, cocooned in a smell of safety.

"Tobirama..."

He was holding me close, so close. It was only him and me in the room, exactly as it should be. Were we in a cottage in the mountains for the rest of the winter holidays? It was so peaceful. No, not peaceful... I started hearing beeping. In the periphery at first, but then it came closer and closer until it surrounded me. My heartbeat. There was a sharp pain in my abdomen, and I suddenly grunted, put my hand to it.

It all came back to me piece by piece, until the entire puzzle had been laid. I lifted my hand to his cheek. He took it and nuzzled it. It tickled; he hadn't shaved for days.

I leaned back, let myself fall back into a dreamless sleep where I was very much alive, and all was right with the world.

When I woke up the next time, I was squeezed to the metal railing surrounding the hospital bed because Tobirama had clambered up next to me. He was laying on his back, eyes closed, snoozing happily with his hands clasped on his chest and I couldn't help but smile. I put my hand on his cheek.

"He never left your side", a voice on Tobirama's side of the bed said. "Not once."

"Helen", I croaked, hardly able to speak. How long had I been gone?

"Three days", Helen said. "He got your spleen, so they had to perform surgery. Since then, you've been out of consiousness for three nights. It's Wednesday morning.

I looked at her. She looked ashen. Something came to me then, the memory of having read something in a newspaper. About an alpha who'd lost the person they'd bonded with to cancer. They had aged rapidly, become thin and sick. Helen looked it and strong, but very pale.

"Tobirama's dad... You're husband..."

"He's alive", Helen said, a sad smile in her face. "But I left him." I stared at her. You did what?! "The divorce papers have already been signed. I have a fierce lawyer. We split everything in half. But I keep the house. We need it for Rudy."

I stared at her. "Have anyone ever-"

"No", Helen interrupted. "I'm the first."

A million questions formed in my head, but I didn't know where to begin. How had her husband taken it? Where was he now? Did Tobirama know? How was she feeling? When would she stop deteriorating? But I didn't have time before Tobirama sighed, stretched, and woke up.

"Izuna..."

He stared at me in utter awe. But he didn't have time to marvel before Helen interrupted.

"I'm sorry, I'll give you time together soon. But I need to tell you a few things. I don't have much energy, so I'd rather get it over with." We looked at her. "First thing is..." She sighed. "Your father. I owe you an explanation." Tobirama furrowed his brows. "Being an author is an alpha job. It's also a beta and an omega job. There are omegas who's done a career in literature, although they're very rare. Your father... He was an aspiring author." I felt Tobirama stiffen up next to me. "He was doing well. Published three books that were in the top ten ranking in the country. But then, his publisher... They gave him up in favour of an omega author. That's when his hate for omegas begun. And for authors." I could see Tobirama's brows almost met in the middle the way they did when he was very focussed on something. He wasn't looking straight at his mum, but a bit to the side, as if wanting as little visual inputs as possible so that his brain could focus on processing all of this information entirely. "He didn't want you to pursue a career in literature because he couldn't stand seeing an omega outdo you, as had happened for him. He couldn't take the humiliation. But he loved books. He loved writing. He was very good at it, too. But he never wrote again."

"Why have I never heard of him?" Tobirama asked.

"He wrote under an alias. Haruki Murakami?"

Tobirama choked. I just gaped. "But Haruki Murakami still publishes books!"

"Yes, but now, it's the beta that got your father's place. He took over the same alias."

"Fuck me..."

"That's the one thing I wanted to tell you. Now, the second." I was starting to get a headache. "I've told the betas that me and your family will join the protests. And I need to step my research up to the next level, fast. I need pictures of your brains. Both of you. And blood samples.

Tobirama entwined his fingers in mine, and I squeezed his hand.

"As soon as I get out of her", I said. "As soon as I get out of here, I'll do all I can."

We went to that cottage. For the one week that was left of the winter break, we went. Just pretending everything was normal, for just the shortest time in between everything that had happened, and everything that were yet to come.

We had an amazing time. We mostly slept, honestly. We were so exhausted by the events that our bodies just shut down. We went to bed early, usually waking up at sunrise making love. Then, we fell right back to sleep and slept until noon. We did other things, too, of course, like hiking in the mountains and bathing in the beautiful lake. We were alone there; we had all the world to ourselves, which was exactly how we wanted it at that point.

He was moving above me, hiding his face in my neck. I clung to his sweaty back. I closed my eyes shut, breathed in the smell of him that always changed when we made love. He bit my neck lovingly, and I sighed happily. He moved so expertly inside me, giving me so much pleasure with each thrust that I had to take myself back to earth over and over.

"I love you", he whispered in my ear. Before I got to know him, I would've guessed he was a kinky love-maker, going harsh to maximise the pleasure for himself. He was the entire opposite; gentle, slow and considerate, asking for consent over and over each time. The focus wasn't on him at all, but on me entirely. He loved doing me from the front, making eye contact with one hand on the side of my face. I didn't know if he was always like this, even with others before me, and made a mental note to ask. He had become even more gentle since his dad stabbed me, almost losing focus on himself entirely. I had to have a stern talking-to with him to bring him back to himself.

"I can't hold back", he murmured into my ears, still thrusting, and nibbled my ear. "Are you close?"

"Yes", I whispered back.

We loved holding back for the other so we could come simultaneously. I preferred him coming inside of me, as that made me feel so close to him. I clung to him, hugging him close as he screamed out his release and I did the same. He always took such good care of me afterwards, holding me into his arms, kissing me over and over. He never fell asleep before I did, and I did so in the most perfect cocoon of safety.

When we woke up, we went to the lake. It was a hot spring, so we soaked up the heat in the water sheltering us from the icy air. And he kept holding me. He never said anything, but I could feel his relief of me having survived pour over from his heart to mine, and mine drank it. He wanted me close at all times in a way that hadn't been the norm at first, but I just accepted it. Here, in the mountains where there was only us, we both accepted it. But soon, we'd have to move back to reality.

"I don't want uni to start", I whispered. "What are we gonna do?"

He kissed my head. "Sleep in my room. Every night. Soak up every minute we can get."

"We should ignore each other during the days."

"We should", he agreed, and I could hear that it pained him.

So we continued out little cocoon in the mountains for as long as we were allowed before uni, before rebelling, wishing with all of our hearts that it could be forever, but in vain.