**chapter named after a good ass, but pretty irrelevant song lol**

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**Kakashi POV**

I quietly closed the door to Y/n's room. She was fast asleep, and given the state she was in, I didn't want to wake her up.

I had barely even seen her lately, but watching her as she slept, I could easily tell how much everything had been weighing on her.

Even aside from the black eye, her face was sunken and pale. Her eyes held dark circles as though she hadn't slept in weeks. She looked so fragile.

I gave her a gentle kiss before leaving, but I really just wanted to let her get caught up on the rest she so desperately needed.

I was also going to make sure she had plenty to eat when she woke up.

I thought she had just been focused on Shikamaru, but now it was obvious she had been avoiding me since she knew I'd be able to tell she'd stop taking care of herself.

I love her so much. When was she finally going to realize she can lean on me for support? She didn't need to be alone anymore, I'm not going anywhere.

I walked back out into the front room of her parent's house. As soon as Shikaku sent an update to me, I rushed over here.

But now I had to be alone with her parents who didn't like me.

Y/n and I never did get to talk with them more about our relationship, so this would be my first time seeing them since she broke the news.

I tried to seem as calm and composed as possible when her mom stood up from the couch and stormed over to me.

Her mom was the one who was pissed about us being together, but I didn't think she'd lay into me the first chance she got... Y/n's right. She really is intense.

"Why didn't you tell us?!" her mom yelled.

"Y/n's sleeping," Shikaku mumbled out a lazy reminder.

"We deserved to know!!" her voice was only slightly hushed.

I shook my head, "I didn't know Itachi was watching her. Otherwise, I would've made sure she had more protection. Maybe we can ask Tsunade for an Anbu guard."

"What?!" she hissed. "I don't give a damn about Itachi! Y/n can handle him! I'm talking about your child!"

My whole body tensed up when she said that... Our child? What the hell is she talking about?

Her mom let out a snarky laugh, "Really? Now you want to get quiet?! Explain this to us Kakashi!"

"And you want to explain why Y/n's out there planting a lilac tree for your son all by herself?! Where the hell were you?!"

"Y/n should be resting! Not training with Shikamaru, not planning an attack again the Akatsuki. She should be grieving her loss and recuperating her strength! God a miscarriage at 3 months, why are you letting her run around like normal!?"

I felt my knees go weak as she continued to yell at me, my chest tightening up as I tried to force myself to stay standing.

Y/n told me how her mom would constantly just go on yelling without letting anyone get a word in, but holy shit this was awful. I didn't have any time to get my thoughts together.

"Kakashi?" my eyes finally looked up as her dad said my name. I hadn't even realized Yoshino had quit yelling, and I definitely didn't realize that I had started crying.

"Our son?" my voice cracked as I looked at them. "Why didn't she tell me?"

My heart was pounding up through my ears, and I thought my body was going to collapse right there.

She was pregnant...

"Oh Kakashi," Yoshino's voice changed completely once they realized I had no idea, and she immediately brought me into a hug. I broke down as she held me.

I wasn't used to having people around when handling bad news, but Y/n had made me soft. Not going through things alone felt so comforting.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered out. "We assumed you knew."

"She didn't want anyone to have to worry about anything other than Asuma," we all looked over to see Tsunade and Jiraiya walking in.

"You knew?" I asked her.

Tsunade nodded, "I'm the one who told her. I realized it when I was healing her from Kakuzu's attack."

"Why the hell wouldn't you tell me?!" I couldn't help but to yell. I never lost my composure, but this was way more than I was prepared to deal with.

"I couldn't," she shook her head. "It wasn't my news to tell."

"But that was my child too!"

"Look, let's all just take a deep breath," Jiraiya added. "Shikaku told us what happened, and we came right over. We need to focus on what comes next."

Yoshino sat down next to Shikaku who hid his face in his hands as he stayed quiet. The air was tense for a moment, none of us really knowing what to say or do next.

There was so much to think about now. Y/n really shouldn't be fighting with her condition, and the Akatsuki attack Shikamaru planned depended heavily on her.

Also, I'm assuming Itachi attacked because he found out, so he'll probably be obsessing over her.

And then there's her state of mind. Both of us, we'd have to figure this all out together. No wonder she's been so distant and looks so broken.

Why the fuck does she keep building her walls even higher when I'm clearly trying to break through? It's so frustrating.

"Hey, why are you all here?" Y/n asked softly as she walked into the room, rubbing the sleepiness out of her eyes.

I rushed over and threw my arms around her, bringing her as close to me as she could come.

"Oh, uh, hi..." she mumbled before hugging me back. She probably felt uncomfortable with everyone being there to watch, but I didn't care.

She didn't know I knew about everything now, but I needed her to.

"Kakashi? Are you ok?" her voice was soft and gentle as she held me, carefully rubbing the back of my neck like she always did when I collapsed into her like this.

I couldn't help but to cry as I stood there. I absolutely hated how much she cared about other people more than herself.

It's sweet in theory, but not when you have to be the one watching her drown.

Even more so, I hated how I could never read her. I never knew how much she was hurting until it was too late.

I did everything I could to get myself together and pulled away to look at her. I caressed her face, staring intensely into her eyes that had been so hollow these last few days, but held so much love whenever she stared at me.

How was I so lucky to have someone as amazing as her? She didn't deserve the constant heartbreak she felt.

She smiled softly as she looked at me, nuzzling further into my hand. I stroked my thumb lightly across her cheek, "I love you, Y/n."

"I love you too," her eyes narrowed slightly. "Now what's wrong? Are you ok?"

"I know everything," I whispered out. "They told me."

"W-what?" her eyes widened as she looked at me, her lip trembling.

"Y/n, why didn't you tell me?"

She grabbed my waist, pulling me closer to her as she buried her head into my chest. I could feel the tears already soaking through my shirt.

"Please Kakashi," she sobbed. "Please don't leave me."

"Leave you?" I mumbled out in confusion.

Is that why she didn't tell me? Was that actually something she was worried about? Why the hell would I do that?

I pulled back and held onto her face, forcing her to look at me, "Y/n, what are you saying?"

"It's all my fault... I was so careless. I let this happen."

I shook my head, "This is not your fault."

"I don't want you to hate me," she whispered out. "I don't want you to leave me."

"Y/n..." I trailed off as I tried to figure out if I should really say what I was thinking. With all these people around, it might not be the best time. But she had to know.

How did she not already know? Wasn't it obvious?

Either way, I wasn't going to let another moment pass of her being worried about how I felt.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

I felt the tension leave her body, "Y-you do?"

I nodded as a smile stretched across my face, her reaction was just adorable, "I really do."

She quickly pulled me in and gave me a kiss over my mask. She had reached to pull it down, but once she remembered there were people around, she stopped and just pulled my face to hers instead.

Always thinking of me... How could I not love her? Even without words, she always made it so clear how much I meant to her.

I laughed as I broke away from her. "Here," I smiled as I pulled down my mask, not really caring if they could all see the side of my face.

She beamed back at me before pulling me into another kiss. Her lips were so warm from having been stressed and anxious, and they tasted slightly like tears.

But it didn't matter because they felt like home.

Her eyes stayed shut after the kiss and she rested her forehead to mine, "I love you so much, Kakashi."

"I love you too."

I melted when her bright eyes fluttered open to meet mine. She was going to be mine forever, and that's all I really needed.

"Do you want to see the lilac tree I planted for him?" she asked as she lifted up my mask.

I nodded, "Can I?"

"Of course," she smiled softly at me. "I really am so sorry."

"I know, and it's ok. We'll get through this together. You just can't shut me out anymore."

Her eyes quickly flickered down, her whole body seeming to slump along with them, "I know."

I tilted her head back up so she would look at me. She was always trying to avoid eye contact with me, but I didn't want to let her.

"Especially since you're now stuck with me forever," I teased, my heart racing as she blushed slightly and bit her lip. She was absolutely beautiful.

Her mom cleared her throat, bringing our focus back to everyone else. I totally forgot they were all here, and as I looked at Y/n, it was clear she had forgotten too.

Both of us were now extremely flustered and, honestly, pretty embarrassed. Neither of us ever showed much softness, and this entire room witnessed our moment together.

Why the hell was Yoshino so damn scary? Everyone else looked happy for us, especially Tsunade. Jiraiya seemed giddy, but also like he wanted to laugh.

And Shikaku held his eyes glued to Y/n. He was harder to read, but it didn't appear to be a negative emotion.

"So does this mean you're engaged now?" Yoshino glared.

Sensing the tension that consumed the air, Jiraiya stepped in again, "Maybe we can talk about all of this later."

"Kakashi, Y/n," he looked at us softly. "We'll give you some time to go back to the garden."

Y/n nodded and thanked him graciously before leading the way out of the house and through the Nara district. My mind was still stuck on what her mom asked.

Engaged? I didn't ask, but I guess we could be. Spending a lifetime together usually means marriage.

Is that even what Y/n wanted? Should I formally propose? Should I ask for her parents and her elder's permission first?

"It's still young of course, but I think next year it'll have a beautiful bloom," Y/n said as she grabbed my hand and looked up at me.

Suddenly, my worries didn't seem so big. All that existed was her, and the family I so badly wanted to start with her. Everything else would work itself out.

I hugged her from behind, resting my head on her shoulder.

"Isn't it beautiful?" she asked as held she onto my arms and rested back into me, focusing in on the lilac in front of us.

I stared at her, admiring the soft smile curled up on her lips, "Very."