The days seemed to drag on.

I wasn't really handling anything well, but to keep myself distracted, I was helping Shikamaru with his plan to take down the Akatsuki members.

He was absolutely brilliant. The way his mind worked and his ability to strategize while working through every possible outcome, it left me in awe.

I wish I could be like that.

Today, he was working on training with Ino and Choji, so I was going to do something that was long overdue.

I had been wanting to do something to remember and memorialize my son without giving away what actually happened, and I decided on the perfect thing.

The Nara clan has always been known for our connection to nature, and that was just as true for me. It seemed to be the only thing that ever made me feel truly whole.

So today, I was planting a flower bush out in the Nara's sacred garden. It was located near the clan forest, and for generations, it's where the Nara clan leaders would meditate and connect.

My father had taken me there years ago, and lately, I found myself there almost everyday. I needed the time alone where I could feel the strength and peace of those that came before me.

"What are you up to?" I turned to see my mom standing over me as I crouched down looking through some storage areas for gardening tools.

"I need a shovel and some soil. Do we have any?"

"Hmm?" she tilited her head. "For what?"

I had been spending a lot of time at home lately too. Kakashi moved my stuff into his place, and I could barely even bring myself to look at him. It hurt too much.

Plus, hiding this from him was eating away at me, but I just didn't want to tell him. Not yet. Not while we're planning this attack and while he's helping take care of Kurenai.

"The sacred garden," I finally stood up and looked at her.

"As in the clan leader garden?"

I nodded, "Yep."

"I didn't realize you were adding to it."

"I'm allowed to, aren't I? Dad said it was mine now too."

"Of course!" her face beamed brightly at me. "I'm just glad to know that's still your plan!"

I didn't understand what she meant... Of course it was still my plan to be the clan leader. Why wouldn't it be? Either way, I didn't really have the energy for this conversation.

"So the soil and stuff?" I asked.

She led the way and left me alone once I got everything I needed. I walked to the far side of our district, back towards the tree line, carrying my supplies.

I sighed loudly as I set it all down next to the plant I was getting ready to sow, already feeling the tears coming to my eyes.

I quickly shook away the sadness, refocusing on my task, and began to dig. After the generations, the garden was lively and blooming, even partially overgrown but in the most beautiful way.

A small pathway trailed through, leading up to some cheery blossom and maple trees that had probably been here over a hundred years now. Underneath their shade is where there was an area for relaxing and meditating.

All around were brightly colored flowers and plush, green plants and bushes. There were even herbs around that I could use to make medicines.

Although the clan had a different area for growing medicinal herbs, these had been planted by the first clan leader.

Someday, when things settled down, I'd have to learn more about the Nara's healing arts and visit our research facility, but that'd have to wait. There's way too much to focus on right now.

I knelt down by the newly planted shrub, wiping the sweat off my forehead. It felt like the perfect addition to a place as sacred as this.

He would've been the next clan leader, so it made sense that the memorial be here. And now I could come whenever I wanted without being questioned.

"I'm so sorry I didn't protect you," I whispered out as I touched the delicate leaves. I couldn't help it as I began to cry.

Well over a week of holding everything back was getting to me, and out here all alone, I felt safe finally letting it all out.

I kept my sobs quiet and muffled, but still allowed them to flow freely. I planned to cry as much as I could now, and then force myself to continue on.

Part of me didn't want to talk about it because what would I even say? The pain I felt couldn't be simplified to mere words. The weight was too heavy, the burden too unbearable.

"I'll always love you," my words were stifled and broken, lower than a whisper. "My son."

"It's beautiful," the voice from behind me caused me to jump up to my feet.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, my face stinging and blotchy from the crying.

"Lilac, right?" he walked closer. "Is it still your favorite?"

"W-what are you doing here, Itachi?"

"You should've picked something more traditional. Like a rose bush."

"You shouldn't be here," my voice came out as a whisper.

"But then you would be grieving alone," he snarled as he grabbed my face with a single hand. "A child, Y/n? With Kakashi?!"

I stared into his dark eyes, "So you heard me?"

"Kakuzu said he killed you, but I knew it was too good to be true. I came to see for myself," he shoved my face away. "And this is what I find?!"

I didn't have any weapons with me out here, why would I? Not like it mattered. I barely even had a will to live at this point, so I knew I wouldn't have the strength to fight him.

He quickly spun around, landing a kick to my face. I wasn't expecting it and immediately ended up on the ground, my mind dazed and throbbing with pain.

He crouched on top of me, pinning my arms down over my head while grabbing a kunai with his free hand.

"Give me one reason I shouldn't kill you right here," he hissed as he brought the blade to my throat.

I just stared back at him. His eyes were frantic and raving as they pierced into mine. He had tears streaming down his face, rolling softly off his cheeks and splashing onto my skin.

"Answer me Y/n!!" he screamed again.

"I can't," I mumbled out. It was the truth. I didn't have a reason for him to let me live. At this point, I was more than ready to leave this world.

"You were supposed to have this life with me!" his kunai edged further into my neck, causing a small bit of blood to release. "Not him!! That should be my son!"

"I'm sorry, Itachi," my heart was breaking with every word. "But I love him. He's my everything."

His jaw tensed up as I spoke, "Then maybe..." He trailed his blade down further, hovering over my stomach, "Maybe I should just make sure you can never have a child again."

"Y/n!!!" Itachi and I looked over to see my father sprinting through the garden gates. He quickly used his shadow to make Itachi toss away the kunai.

Itachi returned his fiery gaze to me, "I'll never forgive you for this."

And then, even with my dad's hold on him, Itachi disappeared. My father is powerful, but he wasn't any real match when it came to Itachi. Very few people were.

I had been searching for Itachi after I heard what really happened with his clans. But months had passed since then, and I had never been able to find him. I wonder if I'll ever know his side of the story...

"Y/n! Are you ok?!" my dad asked frantically as he knelt beside me, bringing me into a strong embrace as I sat up. 

To be honest, I felt completely numb.

"What happened?" he asked as he pulled apart, holding my face gently with both of his hands as he inspected the black eye forming from Itachi's kick. "Did he hurt you?"

"He got a hit in," I mumbled. "And a small scratch." I used the sleeve of my shirt to wipe the blood from my neck.

My dad's face was full of concern as his eyes welled up with tears.

"Don't look at me like that," I mumbled as I pulled my face away from his grasp. "I'm fine. I'm not broken."

"Your mom told me you were out here gardening..." he continued to stare at me. "Y/n, I heard Itachi... Your son?"

Hearing him say that, it's as if all the emotion bottled up inside finally exploded under the pressure.

He brought me back into his arms, rubbing my back gently as I cried into him,

My entire body shook with how real this all felt. Now that someone else knew, I couldn't hide from myself. I couldn't deny the truth of it all.

"I'm here for you Y/n. Always. You're my little girl," he whispered. "You planted this for the son you lost?"

I couldn't speak so I just nodded as I buried myself further into him. I had been so angry with my dad for so long now, but I needed him to help me get through this.

He was probably the only one who would know just what to say. He always did, because he knew me better than anyone.

He scooped me up in his arms just like how he did when I was little, and carried me back to our house, "Come on, let's get you inside to rest."