Six months later...

It was about 2 PM when the YellowSubmarine arrived at the little diner on the road into Ransom. Therewas no discernible name on the sign, just "Diner," and a list ofseveral of the various and sundry items on their menu.

Ian emerged from the driver's side, andRich came down from the deck of the restaurant to help pull Phil'schair from the back of the car. The passenger door swung open.

"Fine, just leave me here," Philgroaned loudly.

"That was the plan!" Ian grunted ashe took the wheelchair roughly from Rich and unfolded it on theground.

"What's wrong?" Rich asked, but Ianjust growled and wheeled the chair over to the door.

"Phil's being Phil," he said, thenthrew the passenger door open.

"Here's the chair. You can get in ityour own damn self."

Rich hurried to give Phil a hand as Ianturned away and walked toward the diner. Phil turned as best he couldto look up at Rich.

"He's just mad because nobody elsechallenges him."

Silently, he went back to a neutralforward position in his chair, and Rich felt himself channeling Ianfor a moment as he pondered dumping him in the street.

Like Ian, he made the right choice anddid not.

"There she is," Rich said as theyentered behind him, pointing out the pretty young lady sitting withthe others. She was average height with a small build, and a shortpixie haircut that her religious parents probably weren't very fondof. She was wearing blue jeans and a huge, baggy sweater.

"We got the call last week," heexplained. "As you know, Samantha's been struggling with depressionand anxiety since... that night. Molly, the other girl from herchurch who went to RBS with us, got in touch with Jimmy and asked ifyou guys could come out after what happened last time, because it gotworse."

"And, what happened that promptedthat?" Ian held the door as Rich pushed Phil through.

"Well, she just tried to take her ownlife."

"I thought she was doing better. Whathappened?

"Nobody really knows what promptedit. She was fine for months after you left. One day, she just sat inthe middle of her room and put on a Creed record while she swalloweda whole bottle of pills. When she was done, she took the route up thetrain tracks twice and bled out all over the place."

"And she's still alive? How long tillshe was found?"

"She was staying with Molly, whoheard some loud banging coming from her room, and when she got there,the room was destroyed, and Sam was just sitting cross-legged on thefloor in the exact center of the room, covered in blood. She'd drawna pentagram around herself in it. When the ambulance arrived, hereyes were solid black and she was speaking a language nobody couldunderstand."

"What happened at the hospital?"

"They never got her there. Thefurther into the room the medics moved, the more uncontrollably theystarted to vomit."

"They who-what now?"

Ian eyed the girl. Her short brown hairand the weak smile she tried to give everyone who spoke with herbetrayed someone who, although currently in a state of shock, usuallyhad high energy and charisma. At the moment, she looked like a beatendog expecting more of the same.

The three made their way over to thetable where everyone was sitting, and Ian stood there for a momentwhile Rich helped Phil take a place at the table.

Sam turned toward him suddenly, asthough his presence had just tapped her on the shoulder, then lookedslowly up to his face.

Ian's usually scowling features turnedsoft, and she flashed him a pretty smile.

A relieved smile.

Molly, Samantha, and Jenny were huddledtogether on one side of the table, with a spot left for Phil and Ianat either end. Big D, Gary, and Jimmy were on the other side. Ian satdown on the corner between Sam and Jimmy, and Steve pulled up a chairfrom another table to sit on the other side of her.

"So," Ian said. "Bubba's nothere?"

"No, dude," said Steve as he sat,"he hasn't talked about anything since that night. He gets up andleaves the room."

"It's too bad. I defeated that thingusing his faith."

"How?" Rich leapt up to ask.

"It only existed because everyonethere believed in it so much that they gave it power. There are someguys in the dorms who were gay. Mitch is one of them. He was a snitchbecause he wanted to detract attention from himself. It's hard to begay in that world."

"So, you're saying Bubba's..."

"No. Well, I mean, I don't know. Butthat's not the point. I defeated it by helping Bubba gain the beliefthat he could defeat it, which then infected everyone else in theroom. The creature only existed because of the pain and guilt of somestudents and the disgust and judgment of others. That's why itbehaved as an Incubus. Bubba's very straight, as far as I know. Mitchis very gay. I think Bubba suspects Mitch. But, I got them to worktogether to drive the thing out."

"You know, the Dowell detracted allhis statements about you," Rich said.

"But here's my question, dude..."

"Here we go," Ian said, as Philsighed heavily and threw his head back.

"It turned out to be your old... youknow... your old dude."

"Yes," Ian answered Steve, "myold dude indeed... but that's because it was also here because of theenergy of the cult, which I knew about, so it manifested to me inthat form, and to those of you who knew about it. Gary?"

"Yeah, Cap?"

"Why the fuck are you all calling methat now? God damn you to hell, Jimmy."

"Sorry, Cap." Jimmy, unused to everhearing Ian speak this way, had his eyes wide.

"Anyway," Ian continued, "Gary,what did it look like to you?"

"Just a tall skinny creature withglowing red eyes and a paper sack over his head."

"No gaping maw into otherdimensions?"

Gary's eyes opened as wide as Jimmy'sand he shook his head "No."

Ian turned to the rest of the group. "Ididn't tell him that story. He wasn't there for it."

"Who's 'Simon,' by the way, dude?"

Ian huffed, closing his eyes for amoment, then switched focus back to Steve.

"I am Simon Kalimanus, and SimonKalimanus means me," he said.

"Then who's Ian McDermott?"

"I am. I go by many names. I have mybirth name, which I don't use. Ian is the fake name I use when I'mhunting dangerous people. Simon is MY name, the name I gave myself...the one that really is mine."

Ian was annoyed with Steve, but Samtook up the line of questioning, so he lightened up considerably.

"When you..." Sam smiled and lookeddown for a moment, her cheeks flushing. "When you helped me, yousaid the same thing to whatever was... inside me."

"Yes," he answered. "That's thename I use when I hunt dangerous things that aren't people... andthey all know me by it."

"You also said that you were one offive wizards?"

"THE Five Wizards, yes."

"Who are they?"

"I don't know. Phil is one. The factthat I met him at RBS was an undeniably unusual coincidentalcircumstance."

"How do you know there are five?"

"Because that's how many Tolkien saidthere were."

Everyone had been chatting amongthemselves, but listened in to this question, and everyone was nowquiet as they awaited further explanation. From everyone's silence,Ian understood his explanation was not complete.

"Remember," he said, looking aroundat his quieted tablemates, "everything is true. When I decided theperson I was born as was not the same person I was meant to be, andthat my own fate was in my own hands, I chose the one person I hadalways wanted to be like to become."

"Gandalf," Rich said softly.

"Exactly. So, part of the idea thateverything is real is that everything, including fiction, is based onsome level of truth somewhere in the multiverse. In The Lord of theRings, there were five wizards... Gandalf the Grey, Saruman theWhite, Radagast the Brown, and the two Blue Wizards. That's how Iknow there are five. There are always five."

"But that's just fiction," Jimmyquestioned. "It's just a story someone made up."

"So is the Bible," he said, whichmade more than half the occupants of the table a bit uneasy. "It's real because I believe it is, just like Jesusis real because so many people believe he is. There are somefragments of this dimension where he isn't real, because people don'tbelieve he exists. Personally, I think it was a legend created by theRoman Empire around several small Palestinian Gnostic cults in orderto survive their fall and become the Roman Catholic Empire."

There was still silence, so Ian tried adifferent tack.

"The Flat Earth is real. Of course,we all believe in the globe so much that even if we circumnavigatedit, we would find the earth to be a sphere. However, if one personbelieved in the Flat Earth so much that they absolutely could notbelieve in anything else, got some friends who believed the samething, and they investigated it to its fullest, removing all otherinfluences from their life, they would find the earth to be flat, andwould be able to go back to regular reality and prove it to others."

"But..." Phil said ominously.

Everyone looked at him. Then to Ian,still silent.

"Yes, but..." Ian looked around thetable at the quiet faces waiting for his response. "But, since theevidence is overwhelming that the earth is a globe, the chances aregood your subconscious mind might be transported into a section ofthe multiverse where the world IS flat, and all the people you knewwould be from a different dimension. In your original dimension, it'saltogether possible that the people who knew you might find you in astate of dissociative catatonia."

"Drooling at the wall somewhere,"added Phil.

"How can you know that?" Richasked.

"I've traveled the multiverse quite abit. Stopped events from happening that people don't seem to rememberever having happened in the first place. Let's put it this way: Let'ssay there is a street full of people. It isn't raining, but oneperson on the street absolutely, 100% believes it is. That personmight be singing, parading around with their arms outstretched.Sticking their tongue out to catch the raindrops. You might even testthe galvanic reaction of their skin and it might read as though therewere raindrops hitting them. It isn't raining, but for the person whotruly believes it is, it is."

"How?" several people asked inunison.

"Because it is. Because your mind isGod, and whatever it thinks is real becomes your reality. If youthink you're a piece of shit, you will be. If you think you'reamazing, you may not actually be so you may not get very far, but inyour mind your failure would be everybody else's fault. Becauseobviously, you are too great to fail... your mind simply wouldn'taccept it."

"But that's just you. If everybodyelse thinks it..."

"Then it doesn't matter," Ianinterrupted Jimmy. "If you believe it, it's true, and even ifeverybody else doesn't, it's only because, like the lines inMetatron's Cube, our realities have to overlap in some places. Thinkabout this..." He pointed to a tree visible outside the window."What color is that tree?"

Everyone started answering, most withsome reservation, thinking such an easy question had to have a trickanswer, but the reply from everyone was some form of "green."

"Okay," Ian said, "green. We allsay it's green. But how can you be sure the color that Jimmy callsgreen isn't the same color I might call red, or Sam might call blue?"

Still, silence around the table, butinstead of confusion, Ian sensed that this time it was coming fromshock at the revelation.

"Anyway, that's not why we're heretoday."

"No, it's not," Phil added. "Soshut up, everyone."

"Yeah," said Ian, "for right nowgreen is green. In the meantime, there's something more important wehave to discuss."

"This is the first time everyone inthe Funk Club has been together in one room," Rich noted.

"That's the point," said Ian. "Tillnow, we called ourselves the Funk Club for one very important reason.We haven't been allowed to discuss the thing we all call 'funk' whilewe were at Ransom Baptist Seminary."

"What is 'funk,' anyway?" askedSamantha. Rich offered the answer just as Ian was getting ready to.

"Before any of us came here, we allhad one thing is common... for no real reason, we all just happenedto use the word 'funk' to talk about the supernatural."

"We used it as a way to hide from theadministration," said Phil," but since Ian has been so kind todestroy the college for us, we can call ourselves whatever we wantnow."

"Not that there was a reason to callourselves anything before. Phil and I started the Funk Club so thatpeople who were suffering from paranormal activity at the schoolwouldn't have to do so alone, in silence."

"But there are still other people,outside the seminary, who could use people like us," said Ian.

He looked around the table. When nobodyoffered a response, he continued.

"For the past six months, I've beentraveling around the country helping people who have some kind ofissue with the supernatural, paranormal, or occult. When Rich calledme and told me what was happening with Sam, I knew it would be anopportunity... an opportunity to get all of you back together andpresent an idea."

"What idea?" said Rich.

"We want to do this full time,"Phil replied. Ian stood to say what he had for them next.

"Under a different name. I had comeup with a few, and I settled on ESPER – Extraordinary SupernaturalPhenomena Explored and Revealed."

"There are eight of us here who weremembers of the original Funk Club," Phil said. "Ian, Big D,Steve, Rich, Jenny, Gary, Jimmy, and myself. Sam and Molly had theirown experiences with the Night of a Thousand Hells."

"So," Rich said softly, "you wantus to join you in fighting this?"

"Oh, it can't be fought," Philchuckled.

"People who believe in it believethat it's too strong to fight, so we will never win. What we proposeis to teach people how to fight it themselves."

"But we'd have to find those people,dude," said Steve. "They could be anywhere."

"Theoretically, they are EVERYWHERE.And based on my past six months, they have a habit of finding me.Listen..."

He looked around atall the faces of the people seated before him, then began speakingfrom the heart.

"WhatI've said is true. You are all individually the gods of your ownuniverses. You have the power to wipe out evil wherever you may findit, because you know now that you can. Like it says in the Bible,wherever two or more of you are gathered in my name, there am I inthe midst of you. If we believe we have power over Darkness byourselves, the people around us may not believe in us, and we canfail. But as a group, a group of Gods creating a reality whereDarkness has no power, we can turn back the power it has over thoseit's enslaved, and teach them that they can do the same."

ThenPhil piped up.

"Wewant to be a beacon of light in the darkness. And wherever Darknessrears its ugly head..."

Ianconcluded. "...we intend to shove that light up its shadowy ass."

There was moregeneral quiet around the table. Then Jimmy stood up.

"ESPER soundslike a good name to me," he said.

- - -

As they walked backto the car, Jimmy fell back to where Ian was walking in the rear ofthe group. They walked together in silence for a moment.

"I never wantedyou to get involved in all this," Ian said after a moment.

"You were my bestfriend. What happened?"

"I came to theschool under false pretenses. I was investigating the cult. But whenI was with the students, I was able to be me. I never expected thefunk to go down like it did. I thought I was just investigating acult, I didn't realize that funk would start to manifest. When itdid, I had to change."

"We used to doeverything together. Then I lost you."

"You found meagain, and I wish you hadn't. I had to change, because I couldn't bethe goofy guy that rolled to class anymore. I needed people to see meas a champion. If they still saw me as a goofball, none of them wouldhave believed I had the power to defeat something like that, so Iwouldn't have been able to."

Jimmy was quiet fora second.

"What do youmean, you wish I hadn't?"

Ian sighed. "Ibrought Hell down upon you. I care about you too much to let you intomy world, Jim."

He walked past him,where Rich was getting Sam into the back seat of Ian's car.

"Are you comfyback there?" Rich smiled at her, who looked small in the massiveback seat of Betsy.

She smiled back andnodded.

Ian, not much onefor standing around saying goodbyes, got in the car while everyoneelse did so. He closed the door, and it was just he and Sam alone.

He looked at hereyes in the rear view. They were a beautiful, icy blue. He nodded.

"Doing okay?"he said.

She nodded back,still smiling, and he looked down to put the keys in the ignition.

"You know," hefelt her breath down the back of his neck, and for some reason, itwas cold. "I never got a chance to properly thank you."

He felt her hand onhis shoulder, running down his chest and stomach.

He gasped anddropped the keys, knowing what was about to happen next. He couldn'treach his groin in time... she had gripped it tightly and wassnarling in his ear.

"I want you,"the thing inside her said, flecks of spit hitting him in the face.

Then, she openedher mouth wide, and fangs grew where her canines should have been.She didn't move her lips as the next words came out in severaldifferent voices, none of which were her own.

"Dead or alive."

He tried to turn,in too much pain to move completely.

"I..." hegrowled, "am the Wandering Wizard Simon Kalimanus, son of CaptainAllie the Stormrider. And you..."

THE END