~ Dreams ~

April 3, 2007

I had the strangest dream last night. There was a room maybe, I'm not sure. It might have been a room, or it might have been some underground cave for all I know. It was dark, though, not an ounce of light anywhere, or at least that's what I thought at first. But how can there be shadows if there is no light? The room was alive with shadows and they scared me. Terrified me really. I woke up shaking, I was so afraid. It felt as I were frozen, like I couldn't move. They wanted something from me, but I don't know what. Whatever they were, they felt old, powerful, but sad and frustrated too. It's like they wanted me to help them get free maybe? I don't know. It was just a really weird dream.

I've been having some odd feelings lately too, like something is stirring, stretching beneath the Earth. Not something good either. I told Dad about my dreams and he said he'd try to find something in the Book, but I'm not sure he can. The Book is old, but it doesn't have the answers to everything. I think this is one time the Book won't have a clue as to what's going on. This feels older than the Book, ancient almost. Whatever was in my dream, it's bad juju. I think it also has something to do with what's going on with the Earth, too, but I'm not sure. Maybe Dad will find something in the Book, I don't know.

It was just weird. I've never had a dream like that before. Could just be a random nightmare for all I know, but it didn't feel like that. It felt ominous, prophetic. Hard to say what'll come of it, if anything. Only time will tell I guess.

April 28, 2007

I had the dream again, only this time, I got a more urgent feeling. It was like I needed to do something, warn someone that whatever is in that place wants out. No, that's not right. It's going to get out. Maybe I'm supposed to warn them about that so they can stop it? Or fight it? I'm just not sure. The dream was just flashes, images of things I didn't recognize. The shadows were back, calling out, reaching for me this time. I was so scared, I woke up screaming. Daddy is still trying to find answers in the Book, but I told him this morning to stop. There were no answers there. He said he'd call a few people he knew to see they could make sense of it.

He and I both think it has something to do with dark magic, dark witches. The Witches' Council needs to know. Daddy said there are people on the Council who deal with dark magic every day and they might have some answers, but somehow, I just get the feeling this is beyond them. I can't shake the feeling that this is some ancient form of darkness we've never seen before. I can only hope the Council can give us more answers than my dreams are giving me.

May 19, 2007

I'm scared. The dream last night showed me terrible things. Something dark and deadly is coming. I saw its shape rise up out of the ground and it ATE the shadows around it. They screamed and screamed, the agony of their pain ripped through me. This thing, this is what I have been feeling shifting and moving under the surface of the Earth, but I don't think it's the worst of what's coming. I think its purpose is to unleash the worst of it, to open the gates to something even more deadly. If it's worse than what I felt last night, I'm not sure what we can do to stop it. I'm not sure anyone can stop it. I'm afraid.

I think even Dad's starting to get worried. He found out something from the Council, but he said he needed more information before he could discuss it. I mean it's my dreams that are being invaded. He needs to tell me. If I don't know what I'm dealing with, how am I supposed to figure this out, let alone protect myself? He's my dad and I get he's trying to protect me, but still, I need to know this!

June 22, 2007

It's coming. Last night I felt like I was choking on the darkness I found myself in. There were no shadows, no light, just complete and total darkness. I felt it, whatever it is. Fear, pain, terror, agony – that sums up whatever is lurking in that pit waiting to get out. It's gotten stronger too.

I wish I could figure out a timeline or something. I don't know if we have a day or a year or more. That's what frustrates me more than anything else. It drives me insane really. There's so much going on right now with The Coven and the Junior Coven besides my freaky weird dreams. Everyone in the main Coven is being secretive, having long meetings in the room with the Book. Not that we can get near it, though. The Junior Coven members don't know how to get through the wards. I think I am going to do some snooping. Something is going on and it centers around the Book. Those wards are dangerous so I have to make sure I'm ready before I try to crack them. Just last year, Molly tried to break them and she wound up at the medical center for two weeks suffering several broken bones and a concussion. She never did talk about what happened. Makes me really curious!

CJ got mad at me the other day and stomped off. She inadvertently called upon Wind and it threw me. I mean literally threw me. I ended up twisting my ankle. My little sister has no idea how strong she is. I think Wind is her Element. I've seen it come to her many times over the years. She doesn't believe in any of this. We've all tried to teach her, to explain to her what it is we are, what we do. She finds an explanation for everything. She's not going to believe until she's inducted. I have a feeling that the Elements will greet her like they did me. No way can Little Sister deny magic then.

If only I could figure out these stupid dreams!

August 5, 2007

I haven't slept in days. Even CJ is starting to notice. I can't sleep. I dream when I sleep and these dreams, or visions as I am starting to call them, are becoming more and more real. They haunt me, even when I'm awake, but when I sleep, it gets worse. I drown in darkness in my dreams. It smothers me, choking me until I die in those dreams. Or am close to death when I wake up. I can hear it laughing, taunting me. It enjoys my fear. Whatever is there, it's evil in its purest form. When it releases what it's meant to, I shudder to think about the consequences. What could be worse than the thing in the darkness?

What's really bothering me is I am starting to realize that our Coven is going to play a part in this. Well, no, I can't really say that, but I know that someone from our Coven is going to be a part of it. I just don't know what role they are going to play. Will they help the darkness or try to stop it? That's unclear and it's making my other decisions harder. I've already been asked for a short list of candidates to take over the JC and this dream keeps looming over me. I can't shake the feeling that the JC leader has something to do with all this. If I choose the wrong person to take over and they end up bringing that darkness into our Coven? I would never forgive myself.

September 21, 2007

I know I'm not supposed to write about Coven business in here, but I don't have time to dig out my BOS and I need to sort through this. So, old friend, help me to figure it out.

The Council keeps pressing me to name a successor, but I keep putting it off. I have to make a decision soon, though. Even Dad told me to get a move on. Who should I name as the next Junior Coven Leader? I've thought long and hard, looked at all the candidates and still, I'm hesitant.

Everyone is pushing for Kay to take over. She's a born leader and can command a crowd better than anyone I know, maybe even better than Mr. Martin, her father. Everyone adores her and pretty much follows her lead now, so it wouldn't be too much of a leap for me to choose her. But there's something there in her face that makes me uncomfortable. It's a look she gets, the same look her dad gets, that says she's out for herself and everyone else be damned. Then I feel bad for even thinking it. I know Kay – she's CJ's best friend. Kay is not her father, but I can't shake the feeling that she only lets us see what she wants us to, including CJ. Growing up with the asshole she did must have left scars – hell, she gets drunker than sin every weekend. That's her way of coping. CJ tries to keep her out of trouble, but sometimes she looks for it, especially when she's drunk. What kind of trouble could she cause if I gave her the JC?

Mom even agrees that Kay is the best choice. Am I being too paranoid? It's my baby and I don't want to give it to someone who will use it for gain instead of the foundation of trust and service I've built. I want it to rest in the hands of someone who will treat it like the sacred trust of learning it is, someone who will foster the traditions of our people and guide those who seek its shelter and knowledge.

My gut tells me that Kay is the wrong person to lead our apprentices. My dreams are telling me that something big is on the horizon for our Coven and that the leader of the JC will play a major role in it. It's nothing good – my dreams are nightmares. Someone needs to be there for these kids who will protect and lead them through the encroaching darkness. Kay is not that person. She has a little of that darkness on the inside thanks to her dad.

I keep coming back to CJ and not just because she's my sister or because the Bishops have led the Coven for centuries. CJ doesn't even believe in any of this. Nonsense she calls it. Nonsense. She'll change her tune soon enough. I have good reason to want her to fill my shoes. She's gifted beyond anything I've ever seen. The Elements respond to her even now, before her initiation. They've already deemed her worthy. If she's too hot, a cool breeze will blow around her even in the house or, just the opposite, if she's cold – the temperature rises. Air and Fire, one to cool and one to warm. She's oblivious to it, but Mom and Dad aren't. Dad just grins and Mom, well, Mom looks...calculating. It's odd, but sometimes I think she has a plan for CJ she's not telling the rest of us, even Dad. That has to be wrong, but that's what my instincts tell me. She's watching her more closely these days. I just don't know why.

Back to CJ. Having that kind of connection to the Elements is beyond rare. Plus she can write a spell like nobody's business. It's so easy for her. They roll off her tongue. What's so funny is she's not even aware of any of it. She finds answers to convince herself it can all be explained away. Just you wait, little sister, you can't explain away a greeting from the Elements when you enter my circle for the first time.

Dad says to listen to what your instincts tell you, and my instincts scream CJ. No one else thinks so. They don't see her like I do. She's such a good kid, always taking care of everyone else – that's why she's perfect. She'll take care of the JC the way I do, with love and a firm hand. She'll lead them away from the darkness I see coming.

I can't wait for her initiation. I'll hand the JC over to her then. I know she and Kay always celebrate their birthday together, but a girl's initiation is special, about only her. She shouldn't have to share that with Kay. So I am going to break with tradition and hold little sister's initiation on Halloween, her birthday and Kay's the next weekend. I've got it all planned out. She'll love it. Every time any of us mention it she just rolls her eyes. I can't wait to see the look on her face when the Elements pour through her. If my suspicions are right, then my little sister is meant for far more than just the title of JCL – she's been truly blessed. She's more than any of us could ever hope to be. I'm just glad I'll be here to see it.

Thank you old friend, for helping me to sort through it and make up my mind.

I closed the diary. The last diary really only talks about the events leading up to Emily's death, and not about her dreams of the darkness on the horizon. I'd skimmed through all three journals, only reading anything that had something to do with her dreams of darkness. I had read that last diary, though, if only to understand what CJ was going through. It made my stomach turn to read what happened to her sister at the hands of the very people Emily had trusted the most. I didn't blame CJ for hating magic after reading that.

Emily had been very vague about her dreams, not going into many details, so I also understood CJ's frustration. I assumed she didn't get into a lot of detail simply because she was afraid, and writing it down made it more real. Her writing, little though it was about those dreams, did convey her fear. She was terrified. That much was clear.

Given everything Xavier had told me today about the Fallen Angels, I assumed the something darker is the one Angel he spoke of, the one we can't stop from rising. The shadows, though, I'm thinking they might be the Gargoyles. Nothing in her entries described them, but they didn't have to. Gargoyles served the Angles, Fallen or not. I thought they might even side with the Fallen if it meant they could win back their freedom. It was a gut instinct. I'd need to talk to Xavier about it, though.

None of Emily's dreams could be stopped from coming true. Her job was to warn people, to prepare them, but she never got the chance. Not really. I'd love to hear what her father found out, though. He may have discovered something through his sources and simply forgot about it because of everything that happened after Emily died.

I'd ask CJ in themorning to talk to her dad. Right now, there were more questions than answers,but they'd wait until tomorrow.