Pulse

It took me few seconds to finally straighten myself up and think of an alibi as to why I was bending down infront of her daughter and literally about to kiss my soon-to-be step-sister.

Kahit saang anggulo tignan, alam kong hindi lulusot ang kahit anong paliwanag ko.

"I'm asking you a question, gentleman and I'm expecting you to answer me decently in return," Mrs. Castillo spoke again.

Mas lalo akong pinagpawisan sa titig niya sa akin. Akala ko matindi na si dad, pero mukhang parehas sila ng mommy ni Ballerine.

"Uh, ano lang po..." Pucha naman. Ngayon pa nabuhol ang dila ko.

"Mom?" Nagising si Ballerine at napatingin sa kanyang mommy. "What is going on?"

Tinaas ni Mrs. Castillo ang kamay niya, signalling her daughter to stop talking. "I'm still talking to Logan."

Ballerine glanced at me, confusion evident in her eyes.

"Ah, may dumapo lang po kasing lamok sa mukha niya kaya sinubukan kong hipan para hindi siya makagat," sagot ko.

Nice one, gago. Bentang-benta. Napaka-realistic mo talaga.

"Is that so?" Mrs. Castillo crossed her arms over her chest. Mukhang na-convinced ko naman siya sa sagot ko.

"Aalis na po ako. May practice pa kami," nagmamadaling saad ko bago pa ako tanungin ulit at baka masabi ko pa ang totoo. Masyado pa naman akong honest.

Nang makarating ako sa kotse, hingal na hingal ako na parang tumakbo ako ng ilang milya.

Talo pa nito ang exercise routine ko sa bilis ng pintig ng puso ko.

Napatingin ako sa smart watch ko. BP: 134/89 Pulse: 112.

Kinalma ko muna ang sarili ko bago ko sinimulan ang pag-drive. Ayaw kong ma-stroke mamaya sa practice. Kailangan ko pang makarating sa championship game.

Tanginang puso 'to.

#

Alas-nuwebe na nang makarating ako sa bahay. Biyernes ngayon kaya umuwi muna ako para makita si Princess.

But, instead na si Princess ang makita ko pagkarating ko sa bahay, iba ang bumungad sa akin.

"Hi. Thanks for staying with me pala kanina sa hospital," bati sa akin ni Ballerine na nasa kusina sa mga oras na iyon.

"Ano'ng ginagawa mo dito sa bahay namin?" paunang tanong ko sabay baba ng aking duffle bag sa upuan ng counter.

"Your dad said it's best if mom and I stay here starting today," casual na sagot nito.

My jaw unhinged. "Starting today?"

She nodded. "Anyway, goodnight, kuya."

She walked past me, at parang kaswal na kaswal nalang talaga sa kanya ang pagtawag sa akin ng kuya.

Hinawakan ko ang aking sentido as I exhaled a huge breath. "Pwede bang huwag mo akong tinatawag na kuya?"

Ballerine spun, turning to face me again. "What? Bakit naman hindi? Magiging kuya na nga kita soon. Isn't this what you want too?"

I let out a fake cackle. "What I want? Tingin mo ba gusto ko ang nangyayari ngayon, ha?"

"So, what do you really want? Tell me, para mag-adjust pa ako," she answered, her tone getting heavy.

"Ang gusto ko..." Napatigil ako habang nakatitig sa kanyang mga mata. Putcha, hindi ko na ata kakayanin to.

But, I had to fight back. Kung gusto ko siyang lumayo, kailangan kong gawin ito.

"What?" she repeated in a rather annoyed tone.

Taking few steps towards her, I reached her in no time, so her head arched up to look me in the eyes.

Being in the same space and breathing the same fucking air with her in just good few seconds was already deadly. Sobrang nakakamatay.

Paano pa kung magkakasama kami sa iisang bahay everyday for the rest of our lives... with restrictions... with limitations... with feelings buried yet alive?

"Gusto kong umalis ka sa bahay na 'to," I finished with a safety pin tugging the side of my heart, wanting me to take it off. But, I couldn't.

She let out an exasperated sigh. "Believe me, Maxwell. I don't want anything else than to be far away from you as much as possible. But, it's out of my hands. And sooner or later, we'll be celebrating each other's birthdays and special occasions as siblings. Fun, right?"

I swallowed hard, realizing her words. Tama siya. Wala na kaming magagawa. Nakatali na ang mga kamay namin.

Flexing her neck from side to side, she spoke again. "So, if I were you, sanayin mo na rin akong tawaging sister. You know, to make our lives a bit easier."

Nakatayo lang ako sa harap niya, unable to utter a single word.

Just then, she tapped my right shoulder, sending a zap of lightning in my body.

"Aray," I winced, biting my lower lip to suppress the pain from my shoulder.

"Maxwell, are you okay?" Ballerine suddenly asked, still holding my shoulder. "Are you in pain?"

Umiling ako sa kanya sabay alis ng kamay niya sa balikat ko. "Wala 'to. Matulog ka na."

"But-"

"Sabing wala nga," I pressed on, turning around and leaving her behind.

#

Ilang linggo nang nakikitira sina Ballerine sa bahay. Si mommy naman ay tumutuloy na kina lolo at lola. Halos everyday pa rin naman akong umuuwi sa bahay para bisitahin si Princess. Pero ang hirap pa rin talagang iwasan si Ballerine.

Lalo na sa tuwing nakikigamit siya sa home gym area ko.

"Matagal ka pa ba matatapos?" reklamo ko sa babaeng nakahilata sa yoga mat na kaharap ng weightlifting apparatus ko.

"Aum... Aum... Aum..."

Kanina pa siya nagme-meditate o kung ano man ang ginagawa niya. Hindi rin niya ako pinapansin.

"Alam kong pinag-usapan nating hindi tayo mag-uusap sa tuwing magkikita tayo dito sa bahay, pero nasa teritoryo kita ngayon, kaya kung ayaw mong kalad-"

"Blah, blah, blah," biglang sagot ng babae sa akin habang tumatayo na siya mula sa kinauupuan niya. "Why are you so galit na galit? Ito na po, aalis na."

Pinanliitan ko siya ng mata na siyang ginawa rin niya sa akin.

"Daddy!" Princess suddenly came in with her yaya.

"Oh, baby Princess, why are you here?" Niyakap ko ang bata na may hawak na stuffed toy na ballerina.

"Look what Ate Bee got for me." Pinakita pa niya sa akin ang hawak niya.

I glanced at Ballerine and she gave me a smug look on her face.

"Do you like it baby?" Ballerine asked my kid, bending down and extending her arms. "Can you give ate a hug?"

Princess nodded, leaving my side and giving Ballerine a hug.

"Daddy, can you play with me in the pool? I want to swim. You said you will teach me  again today," Princess told me.

I smiled at her. "Of course, baby." How could I say no?

"Can Ate Bee play with us too?"

My eyes fluttered in shock. "Of course... why not?" Yeah, how could I say no?

Nauna kami ni Princess sa pool. Masaya lang naman noong una.

But then, Ballerine suddenly appeared in her pastel pink two-piece bikini, exposing her God-given curves. And I swear, I might have sinned more today than I ever would in this lifetime.

"Daddy, you're not holding me," Princess whined, nang hindi ko namalayang nabitawan ko na pala ang kamay niya.

"Where are you looking at, kuya?" Ballerine bit her lower lip as she dipped her legs in the pool water.

Shit. Tangina. Leche. Pota.

Why are you choosing violence today, Ballerine Castillo?

Okay na ako eh. Akala ko okay na ako. Hindi pa pala.

"Ah, baby Princess, balik na muna ako sa loob. Anyway, your Ate Bal is here to play with you," I told my kid.

"Okay, daddy," Princess agreed as I carried her next to Ballerine's side.

Kulang nalang ay ipikit ko ang mga mata ko habang binibigay si Princess sa kanya.

Agad akong umahon mula sa pool para mahimasmasan ako. Baka sakaling bumalik ang katinuan ko.

Was this really happening? Bakit hindi ako mapakali?

My smart watch reported my abnormal vitals yet again. BP: 143/89 Pulse: 123.

Stressed na nga talaga ako. Nasaan na ba ang stresstabs ko? Kailangan ko nang uminom ng gamot.

Natapos ko ang exercise night routine ko ng bandang alas-diyes. Walking out of the gym, napansin kong may nakaupo pa sa paanan ng pool area - si Ballerine.

Nakasuot na siya ng puting robe at mag-isang nakatingala sa kalangitan.

Wala akong balak pansinin siya. Didiretso na dapat ako sa kwarto ko.

But, she suddenly spoke, catching me off guard. "How's your shoulder?"

Napatingin ako sa babae na tumatayo na mula sa kinauupuan niya.

"I know you heard me," she said, moving closer to me.

Napahawak ako sa kanang balikat ko. It wasn't worse, but it wasn't better either.

"Okay lang," simpleng sagot ko sabay talikod.

"Wait," she stopped me by the arm, making me turn to her again. "Last chance, Maxwell..."

My face stiffened, realizing what she just said. Isang buwan nalang at ikakasal na ang mga magulang namin.

"Wala ka ba talagang feelings for me?" she asked with no qualms of hesitation. "Because my feelings for you didn't change. I still freaking like you. Heck, I might even love you at this point."

In that same moment, I felt my blood pulsating in different directions, heat radiating from my pumping heart, making my brain malfunction.

Nothing came out of my mouth, only heavy breaths and longing sighs.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanyang mukha habang napansin ko ang luhang kumawala mula sa kanyang mata.

"I guess this is it then," she concluded, nodding and wiping away the tears streaming down her cheeks.

I watched her slowly walk away from me, stepping inside the house.

I was never a man of action.

Hence, why I let my heart get broken by my first love...

And why I'm letting the woman in front of me walk away from me now...

But, I could still change that.

Despite the mountain of consequences about to come.

It was now or never.

I let my heart guide my feet towards the woman who just shed tears for me.

I can't just let her tears go to waste.

Following her footsteps in double time, I found her silhouette in the kitchen. Umiinom siya ng tubig habang humihikbi pa rin.

Nakatalikod siya ngayon kaya hindi pa niya ako nakikita.

I made my way towards her without a sound and as soon as she turned around, I grabbed her by the waist, pulling her close to me.

"I'm taking this last chance," I mumbled, burying my face into hers and feeling her lips into mine.