˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Perching on the edge of the roof, he rustled around his pockets for it. In a breath of relief- he found it. It felt silly, keeping it for so long but he could never bring himself to throw it away. The aching would bubble up inside of him, he could feel the weight on his chest still.

He crouched down further and sat on the edge of the roof, feet dangling. He pulled off his mask, still holding the note in his other hand. Unfolding the note, he read it for the millionth time.

Come home safe, I'll leave a light on. ♡

MJ left these notes often, he kicked himself for not keeping more of them. He had always gotten home late. She would always leave the living room lamp on for him. It was an antique lamp that she had needed from the flea market. It had a floral stained-glass shade, and it was unbelievably heavy. It lit their tiny apartment in a warm yellow glow. Every night as he swung home, he could see the soft yellow glow in the window. When they got their cat, she too joined the lamp in the window. He would like to think the cat was waiting up for him, but it was a good view.

The winter wind whipped across his bare cheeks. How long had it been? He counted the months in his head— almost a year. The thought of her ached, he missed her terribly. There were several times where he thought about reaching out. But he never wanted to push. The first few weeks after the breakup he would hang around the neighborhood they had lived in. Maybe Spider-Man's presence would keep the crime down. Keep her safe. He also couldn't help himself and would find himself swinging by. Sure enough, he'd always see the yellow glow with the cat's silhouette in the window. He knew MJ probably kept it on more out of habit than for him. There was always that itching in the back of his head that hoped it was for him.

He thought back to their first date, he had been so unbelievably nervous to ask her. But she said yes. They met for coffee went for a walk in the park. They talked and talked for hours. He remembers synchronistic click of the streetlights signaling how long they had been there. Walking her home after and the kiss she gave him on the cheek. He about melted into the sidewalk.

He remembers the 2nd date. He told himself he'd kiss her on the second. She kissed him first. She did it suddenly, crashing her lips in to his. She backed up and apologized.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." He had replied.

He leaned in and kissed her. The kiss made him fluttery; he could taste the wine on her lips from dinner. She later told him she nearly passed out before she had kissed him. He laughed, she lightly shoved him and reminded him that it had taken him almost a year to ask her out initially.

He remembers the 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th dates. He finally asked her if he could call her his girlfriend.

"Well, my friends already think you're my boyfriend. So, I think that'd be alright." She said laughing and blushing madly.

He remembers the first time he took her to his roof. Not the roof of his shitty apartment, the roof of a local pizza place. (The best pizza in New York.) MJ had laughed at him jokingly.

"You just like this roof because there's good pizza close by." She had put air quotes on the words 'good pizza'. He cocked his eyebrow at this.

"Well, technically yes," he quietly started mumbling, "and it's easy to sneak on to." He sucked a breath and his tone returned to normal. "But most importantly, look at this view, MJ."

He had reached out and gently tilted her head up. He relished in the look of surprise on her face. The sun had started to set, and she looked oh so beautiful. The pizza shop was on a corner, and just high enough to make the skyline broad and wide. The water in the distance sparkled. They could see faint stars appearing in the distance.

"Oh, wow Pete. Wow. How did you find this place?" She looked to him.

He winked and bowed. She laughed at him and laid her head on his shoulder. Many nights were spent on that stupid roof eating 'good pizza' and enjoying the views.

He remembers the first time she met May. When he called his aunt to arrange the dinner the first thing she did was laugh into the phone.

"Pardon me Pete, but it's about time you asked that pretty girl out."

He remembers the first 'I love you'. They were hanging out on his roof trying to escape the summer heat of his apartment. MJ was kicked back in a lawn chair reading, and he- waist deep in his thesis paper. He looked up at her, and all he felt was love. It warmed him, it made his chest feel light. Loving her made him dizzy in the best way. He looked over to her and all she was was light.

"I'm in love with you." He had blurred out.

Her eyes shot out of her book to look at him. Without missing a beat, she replies, "I am in love with you too."

After this event, she began leaving the notes. She'd hide them in his things for him to find. His textbooks, his Jean pockets, his shoes, coat pockets. He never got tired of them. They were simple 'I love yous', doodles, reminders, and compliments.

He left her notes too, and she kept all of them. They were all folded neatly in her jewelry box. She'd use them for bookmarks occasionally too.

They dated almost 2 years before she proposed moving in together. The thought of moving in with her never occurred to him. He hadn't "officially" lived with her, but he spent enough time there for her elderly neighbor to know him by name. There was a pitfall to this- Spider-Man. She still didn't know. Keeping this from her was like holding his breath. But telling her he couldn't move in, as to hide his secret better was not an option. So, they moved in together. He was sickly in love with her. And everything was so good, so incredibly good. He graduated college early, and he was studying under a paid internship with the Dr. Otto Octavius. She graduated shortly thereafter and started student teaching. Things were perfect.

He remembers when Otto invited them to dinner. Little did he know his deadly mistake in this choice. Otto pulled him aside after dinner for a chat.

"You need to hold on to her Pete, love doesn't come easy these days." He had warmly smiled and motioned to his wife. "It is so easily lost in the wrong place."

Only a few short months later he was on a side of a building fighting this man, a man he once idolized. His brain had rotted, and Peter had been too caught up within himself to notice. Or so he liked to blame himself for. This was the first time he had felt this type of fear. The creeping kind, it kept you cold and heavy. Peter had finally overpowered him, had him held down, several of his extended arms broken and limp. He remembers the feeling of not being able to catch his breath, the fractured ribs. He remembers the burning in his throat and the cuts on his forehead. In a last-ditch effort to get at Peter, Otto rips his mask off.

"I knew it was you, Parker." Peter could feel the venom in his tone. "This is not the end of me. I know that you will not kill me. I will go to that silly little island, where I can sit and think about what I've done. You better hold the people closest to you tight." He spit his last words at Peter.

The cold fear struck him, he felt an awful tingling in his fingertips. Still holding Otto down, he disconnected the arms from Ottos spine. Removing their control from him. Leaving behind a withering shell that once was the great Dr Otto Octavius. He knew in a small way, Ottos threat wasn't real. That was a tricky part though. In another small way the threat could be real. But the fear was oh so real.

Everything happened so quickly after that. All the thoughts of finally revealing his secret to MJ vanished. This began the pulling from her. The late nights, the quick exits, the fights. Looking back, this probably would've been the good time to tell her. But honestly, any time before the present, would've been the best. He thought MJ might have been giving him a break. He had just technically lost his job and a good friend. He couldn't talk to her about it, which added to the layer of ache.

It was around this time that they got their cat. Maybe a last-ditch effort to bring them together. A painful thought had crossed his mind- maybe she was just preparing to be alone? Was that too much of a stretch?

There was so much pulling away after this. Her notes completely stopped. More fights, more tense silence. Going to bed angry, getting home late, leaving suddenly. It put distance between them. He kicked himself for this. He could feel the both of them tiptoeing around the issues. His heart felt heavy, not only with the weight of his secret baring down on him, but that it probably caused this. He felt so stupid. In the end, he could tell she was suspicious. He told himself that if she were to ever question him, he would tell her everything. She wasn't one to let something like this go, or pretend it wasn't happening. This was something he adored about her. He physically winced at the thought of keeping something like that for so long from her.

He remembers the night she told him she wanted a break. Not to break up but to have a break. He had just gotten home from swinging around, and she was sitting in the worn armchair near the window. All he could do was nod slowly at her. She was crying and rose from the chair and hugged him. She cried harder and she hugged him tighter. They didn't say anything else that night. They both knew this was the right thing to do. MJ never mentioned spider-man, he found very small relief in that. He moved out the next week.

The break went month after month and their check-ins with one another dwindled. He never wanted to push her. He equaled the distance she was putting between them. Then finally a month passed without talking. Then another, and another. He threw himself into Spider-man. Moved out of May's house and got a job back at the bugle while he applied for research grants. But not a single day went by without thinking about her. He wondered if he ever crossed her mind.

Now here he sat on this roof pinning over this silly little note. Getting up, he pulled his mask over his wind bitten face. He needed to clear his head. Taking a nosedive off the building he began swinging. Keeping his ears tuned to the streets. He was half tempted to swing by her apartment to look at the light. But he decided against it. Maybe this was the day he'd start moving forward. He had- logically already taken the necessary steps, it was all mental now.

As dawn started to peak through the winter night, he decided to do one more lap through queens before retiring home. Rounding the block his apartment was on he saw the red neon lights of that pizza place. In a spilt decision he landed on the roof. It had been a while since he had been here. This was their roof, and it felt uncomfortable to be here without her. He laughed at himself out loud. When people breakup maybe a song gets ruined for them. But here he was having a roof get 'ruined' for him. The irony was not lost on him.

He hopped to the corner of the roof and sat down. Feet, dangling off the side. The sun was starting to come up and snow started to fall. He could see his breath coming out of his mask. Man did he feel pathetic in this moment. He sat there for a while, watching the sun rise. The snow started to pick up and he decided it was best to probably head home before it got any heavier. Standing up and hopping down of the corner edge onto the roof. He saw it.

A small, folded note taped to the door to the roof. Curiosity got the best of him, and he pulled it off the door. Maybe a warning- someone finally figuring out how easy this roof was to get on to. Or maybe to lock door behind them. Left by someone nameless. He paces away from the door and sits on the corner of the roof again.

He unfolds the note and reads it.

Lock the door behind you, I left the lights on for you.

His body felt far away, he laughed out loud to himself.