Lydia made it three pegs farther this time before hysterics took her. "Let me down. Please, let me down."

"Just look up. Damn it. Stop looking down. You're doing so well."

Despite the tender tone, Lydia's body froze up. The prospect of going down was less appealing this time around due to the height. "I can't...I can't even jump off."

"Jump off? Don't you dare. Just wait. I'm coming up," Midge called.

Within a matter of seconds, Lydia felt a hand on her backside, trying to coax her to move.

"Come on. I've got you."

Lydia looked down into Midge's sullen blue eyes and grinned. "Well now, that feels nice." Her vision refocused and the possible drop below had her clinging to the wall again. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. I can't."

"You can do it. Just tell yourself that you can."

"But I can't. Besides, we short people shouldn't fall from great heights."

"Nobody should," Midge grumbled.

"But we no doubt just plummet with a 'plop'. Like a plop, a total plop. That's no way for anyone to die."

Now it was Midge's shoulder pressed against Lydia's rear, urging her on. "Stop with the morbid imp-shit. You're not going to fall. Besides, it'd be a bit more of a squishing sound."

"Oh my gosh," Lydia wailed. "Let me down. Let me down."

Groaning, Midge tugged at her instead. "Okay. Down we go. Just keep your ass against me."

"Why couldn't you have said that an hour ago?" Lydia protested. "We could be laid up in a nice hotel suite right now, not risking our necks for imaginary lovers to catch imaginary gifts we'll never throw."

She didn't mean to complain all the way down, but it helped her nerves. Once her feet firmly touched the ground, she didn't move. Her joints just wouldn't respond.

"Oh geez. Hey," Midge said, cupping Lydia's face with both hands. "Hey...easy. Easy. Just calm down. Whooo. Breathe out with me."

Lydia did as she was told, but she would be forever grateful when Midge pulled her into a secure hug.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were over-exaggerating. But honestly, this is really the only way out. Short of walking into the Deadzone to find a clear spot, that is."

"No," Lydia muttered against Midge's shirt; fighting back the urge to gnaw at him. "I want to do it. It'll be a good memory to have—if I manage it."

Five minutes later, Lydia on Midge's back, arms wrapped around the E's neck, she muttered, "I really do appreciate this."

"Geez, you're heavier than you look," Midge said, swinging to catch yet another peg. "Where do you carry it all?"

"In muscle and curves, thank you very much." Lydia groaned, "Less talk and more climbing like a good servant. You're making me feel richer by the minute."

Midge grunted as he reached up for another perch. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just don't let go. I hear short people go plop when they fall from any height."

Eyes closed tight, Lydia muttered, "Shut up."

"You know," Midge said, straining. "More like a plop, plop, squish, splat sound. Hell, we're high enough up that you'd tumble and get a few good 'oh my goshes' out before you'd reach your final splat."

He chuckled.

"Shut. Up," Lydia begged. "Holy shit. Did my ears just pop?"

"Sure did. Plop, plop, splat."

The journey took a lot longer than Lydia thought. Mostly she worried that Midge's wisecracks would prove to be bad luck and they'd take a fall.

Midge crawled over a banister and flopped down on the roof of the building, Lydia still gripping him tight. At this point, she might have been blocking the man's airflow.

"Okay," Midge grunted as he knelt. "We're officially here. You can stop trying to suffocate me now."

"Are you sure?" Lydia asked, refusing to open her eyes. "Because, honest, I can wait."

"Har, har, har, smart ass. Get off already."

Lydia managed to open her eyes when she felt Midge sit beside her. The E's arm around her shoulder told her she was safe.

One look at the vast city below and Lydia was at a loss for words.

"Wow," was all she could manage.

"Yeah. My second time seeing it, but it's just as nice as I remembered," Midge said.

"Second time?" Lydia paused. "You climbed this for Pan?"

Midge took a moment to answer, but sounded proud when he nodded. "Damn right I did. Had to do it in the dead of night, too—less people to witness it, so it was tricky to stay awake that long. Took me ages to make that figurine."

"Does she still have it?" Lydia asked, sitting up.

Shaking his head, Midge said, "She didn't manage to catch it."

The imagery left Lydia beside herself. Even if Pan wasn't interested, the least she could have done was catch the damn thing. The narrative Midge gave when he spoke of Pan, contrasted greatly to their actual meeting. Midge smiled, Pan stared at Queen. Midge invited her out, Pan stared at Queen. Midge seemed devoted. And Pan....

"You didn't see where it landed?" Lydia asked.

"Sure. We all did. But it's bad luck to pick it up once it's fallen. Haven't seen it since. For all I know, some imp might have dragged it off. They love shiny things."

A rumble preceded a quake. Lydia wasn't looking for an excuse to touch Midge, she genuinely craved the man's strong arms as Big Henry shook beneath them.

"Don't worry," Midge assured her, looking upward. "That's just Ruckus."

"Ruckus? She's shaking the Colony?"

"Not the Colony. She's just letting off some power. She makes cave-ins so's to distract the guards while she does Mitchellii's dirty work. Maybe robbery or something." Midge shrugged. "But she does shake things up, that's why she's called Ruckus."

"Oh. I hope nobody's getting hurt."

"Yeah. You and me both," Midge said, inching closer to the edge. "Come over here and look at this. You won't get another chance. And I'm thinking that standing is out."

"Standing is gaw-ro out, trust me." Lydia crawled as close to the edge as she dared. "Okay. This is as far as I can get."

Equally on his hands and knees, Midge looked back at her. "It's kinda funny. You take so many chances with your dating practices. One would think that'd be far less predictable than this building."

He said it in a cheerful way, but the words left Lydia feeling numb.

"I'm not looking to kill myself, if that's what you're suggesting."

Midge didn't have an answer for some time. His red lips formed a smirk as he glanced back at her.

"Just hoping for a mistake, huh?"

He didn't laugh it off, and Lydia couldn't comment because she hadn't thought of that. Now that it was said so bluntly, she found it hard to deny that it might have had some truth.

Midge went quiet for so long, Lydia worried for him. His face reddened and his breath hitched.

Curiosity won out against Lydia's fear. She stayed by Midge's side as she crawled closer and peered down. The scarce amount of people looked like miniature figurines going to and fro.

One couple, locked in a kiss in front of a café garnered several jeers from passersby. Though Lydia wasn't sure who they were at first, she could easily make out Queen's green hair. Now and then, Pan turned to look at the people who commented but she took Queen's next kiss, and the next one, too.

Hand in hand, Queen and Pan headed their way, straight for Big Henry.

Lydia sat back to avoid detection, but Midge didn't. He didn't seem capable of movement or speech. When Lydia risked looking over again, the couple in question paused and argued.

To Lydia's shock, Pan was coming up the building. Pan wasn't who Lydia considered to be the more able-bodied of the two in the relationship, but maybe she had something to prove.

As soon as Pan reached Big Henry, bum knee and all, Midge sat back. They were coming.

To Lydia, it was more than obvious that this would be the perfect time to exit via the ceiling. It was still a good way up, but if they climbed some of the wall, maybe they'd reach—

"What are you doing?"

Lydia turned in time to see Midge about to leap from the rooftop.

"Hey!" she whispered. "What are you doing?"

Face twisted in a frown, Midge made a fist. "I'm going to have a little chat with the resident lookalike. You stay here."

And do what? Meet up on Pan? Fuck no.

Her thoughts fell on the portal but she struggled to ask.

"Hey," Lydia said again, stopping him. "You can't just leave me up here. What if...what if you forget about me?"

"I won't."

As irrational as it was to think it, Lydia wasn't convinced. "I'm easy to forget. People always do. Please don't...don't leave me up here on my own."

Midge studied her. "You won't like my methods for getting down."

"You're gonna jump. You'll land safely, too, 'cause I've seen Ruckus come down from the ceiling."

"Or I could act on these thoughts I have right now and let gravity drive my sorry backside right into the ground." The way he swallowed suggested he hadn't meant to say it aloud.

Lydia waited for Midge to say something else. She longed for the five minutes prior where the man was teasing her and smiling. She'd give anything for that time back.

"Okay," Lydia said, "I'll go with you."

Despite her words, she couldn't will her body to stand from the crouch.

Below, Queen's harsh, yet somewhat loving tone carried. "Shoes come in pairs, Willow. You know I won't stop picking on you if you aggravate that knee and fall to your death. Shit, that doesn't mean you should stop. Fuck this tradition, I'm coming up."

Midge's top lip twitched. "I'm leaving now. You coming or not?"

The gravel in his voice drew Lydia from her own internal battle; she stood.

"Yes."

Midge charged her, and although Lydia had expected something similar, she hadn't expected the sheer force of the big man's body slamming into hers. Her muscles cried out, she felt weightless and then there was nothing at all.

"Don't scream," Midge whispered.

Lydia wrapped herself around Midge.

And then there was the fall. Lydia's stomach sank before the plummet. After that, life was a blur. They landed a moment later, both trembling. Lydia's nerves were frayed, but Midge was shaking from rage. His clenched fists said as much.

Lydia needed a moment to steady herself. Pan was a good way up by the time they turned to look. Queen wasn't too far behind her, but had spotted them. He made his way down, leaving Pan to continue the laborious climb on her own.

Queen looked pensive, as if he was ready to run and close the distance between his twin. Pan drew his focus again, but he thought better of it.

Midge was incapable of anything beyond staring at them.

It was hard to make out what they said at this distance, but Lydia imagined Pan shouting something down along the lines of, "Boa, have you gone?"

Queen looked up and maybe he said, "No. I'm here."

A small crowd formed. It took quite some effort for Pan to reach the pinnacle, but anyone could see she'd practiced somewhere before.

Even after she was up, it took a good ten minutes for her to recover enough to stand. She pulled something from her belt and called out.

Queen glanced at Midge then looked back up as he yelled back his response.

When Queen caught the object, Midge made a sound as if he'd been stabbed. Lydia half expected the big man to cry. Queen scaled that wall with expert speed.

"He's gonna need help getting her down with that knee," Midge muttered as he lumbered toward Big Henry. "I'll be right back."

Lydia was too heartbroken for him to even protest.

Midge's departure revealed a pair of green eyes watching them.

Joshua's flushed face lost all color when he focused on Lydia. It was a difficult expression to read, not that Lydia allowed herself to gaze at the man much anymore. Behind whatever anguish was there, she saw Joshua's relief.

"Lydia." Teeth chattering, Joshua sucked in a mouthful of air before he could breathe out again. "I...I thought maybe you were gone. That you'd left."

Lydia had no response to offer the man, so she waited—willing something to pop into her head.

"I'd...." Joshua composed himself and put his hands on his hips. "I knew you wouldn't leave without saying anything to me, without saying goodbye or...or thanks, or something like that. I knew it."

Despite his firm tone, he didn't sound all that convincing, or convinced.

"I knew it," he said again, talking to himself. "I...I worried for you, that maybe someone had...had hurt you."

Lydia didn't hate Joshua. She disliked many things about him, and at this point, finding the things she did like was getting pretty damn hard. Even now, Joshua's right ear was tucked back; he'd started 'repairs' on fixing yet another thing he found unattractive or unacceptable.

There wasn't much left of him to like. In Joshua's own twisted way he might have meant well, though. He took a step forward then back again, hesitating to grab hold of Lydia.

Lydia would cringe, and she hated herself for that. Here she was, standing in front of the only man in the Colony who'd caused her no physical harm. The only one who'd actually gone after her in a polite fashion. And here she was, running from the poor bastard.

The redness in Joshua's eyes suggested he might have been upset, even for a moment or two. Though Lydia's thoughts lay heavily on leaving—preferably without Joshua and his damn mother, and expectations in tow, she took one look into those perfectly pitiful green eyes and caved.

"No. No, I'm here. I'm sorry you were worried. But I do have to go home. I—my mother...."

Joshua lowered his gaze, hands firmly at his sides. "I see. Well. I'm glad we managed to get you some money. It probably won't be as much as you need, but it's something for now."

Lydia paused before turning. "What?"

Sucking in his lips, Joshua chewed them. "It's nothing. I...it's only a guess."

One hundred and twenty-five years of credits was far more than Lydia could ever dream to hold, but she was holding it, and it was legit. That very weak inkling of safety, the very small shred of hope that things might turn out okay, now dulled.

It was no doubt a trick, Joshua's way of trying to pursue her. She didn't need the 'break-in-case-of-apocalypse' fallback guy anymore—and it wasn't fair. Joshua didn't deserve any of that.

"Listen, Joshy," Lydia said. She tried to be as gentle as she could, going so far as to reach out and perhaps touch the man's face. The excited whimper Joshua gave off told Lydia she'd better reconsider that action lest it be misunderstood. "I do appreciate it. I appreciate everything you've done. If there's...if there's anything I can do, absolutely anything at all, don't hesitate to say it. I'll do whatever I can to pay you back. I swear."

Joshua's posture withered, each word slammed into his very being, like a carefully wielded hammer. Lydia's blows had been precise, too, because the man couldn't look at her.

There was nothing left to do but go, so Lydia turned away with the intent of doing just that.

"What would it take?" Joshua asked as Lydia walked on. "What would it have taken for you to find even a hint of love for me? Just a hint of affection? You throw yourself into anyone's bed. And not one of them has ever appreciated what they got, who they were touching. Yet you shun me, even now at this very moment. So what would it have taken, Lydia? Because I do not know what more I could have done."

Keep walking. If Lydia kept walking she could pretend she hadn't heard. She had heard, though, and her stomach felt as if it would rip in two. She paused in her stride because she needed a moment.

It was true. Joshua had given her more than anyone else ever had. Joshua might even love her. Maybe he was the only one who could ever love Lydia.

"Josh..." Lydia whispered, but nothing else came to mind. She was ungrateful—ungrateful and cruel. Yes, Joshua had stolen Midge and brought him down to the Lower-Levels, but Lydia would never have agreed. Over and over again she tried to twist the logic, shape it and perhaps mold it from Joshua's prospective. One thing remained true, though, she didn't feel anything for Joshua, not the things she should. "I'm trying... I've tried," she confessed.

"Like you try with every restroom lay?" Joshua asked, his voice hoarse. "Do you know what they say about you? What everyone says? Everybody knows, and I don't care. They can think whatever they want, but I know your value. You've got more talent in that little body of yours than the entire Colony has life. Maybe nobody else can see it, but I can. You are as beautiful now as you were when we were young. And I might be the only one who never stole anything from you at that age."

Lydia fought back the rush of emotion threatening to drown her.

She could go home now, dump each and every credit into the estate and hope for the best. Joshua might have been full of shit with a lot of things, but he'd never lied to Lydia, so maybe the one hundred and twenty-five wouldn't be enough.

No. It's gotta be enough. She told herself. It has to be.

"You need a little more to make a dent. Then, if you control the next few allotments, maybe you can surface a little. I'll...I'll offer you a dowry. You don't need to accept a marriage contract, just my suit, and we'll leave it at that. You won't even have to lay a finger on the likes of me."

Lydia closed her eyes.

Her gut roiled, her nose stung, and her feet felt too heavy. Everything felt too heavy and what was she supposed to do with it all?

In the distance, Midge climbed down first, but Pan refused to follow him. Queen had to climb down instead, so Midge went back up. Lydia wished one of them would come over and give her a hint of what she was supposed to do at this very moment.

She could go home now, disregard Midge's plight, and beg him to carry her up that building again and send her home. Lydia could make the estate right. Her family would be perfect and Lydia would meet the man of her dreams.

One that wasn't a twin E, and one that wasn't someone she was always running away from. Everything would turn out perfect. She'd never have to hunt for a cheap fuck again for as long as she lived. She'd be happy.

The very thought reminded her how she felt before she'd come to the Lower-Levels; before she'd met Midge, before she found hope. Midge wasn't gonna have a happy ending, Joshua even less so. And Lydia herself...she needed to figure out what was next.

This couldn't be the end of it. Joshua wasn't an option. But he deserved far better than Lydia was offering him. Lydia looked back at Joshua and wondered why it was so easy to lay down for a stranger, and not for the only person who'd ever cared for her.

And from the narrative, Joshua wasn't even asking for that—he was asking for an honest shot. She could do it.

She could consider Joshua's suit, at least once. It'd just be once. There was something there a long time ago and after all this effort, she should at least consider him.

She could do it. She could look past that puppetesque face and be open-minded.

Lydia stared into Joshua's woeful green eyes for eons before she finally said, "Might I dine with you tonight?"

Joshua let out a small gasp and took a step back. "Honest?"

Breaths coming shallower, Lydia nodded. "Yes. I'd like...I'd like to share dinner with you."

Joshua's porcelain face heated and when he smiled, his cheeks nearly shined. One tooth in the bottom row didn't align well with the others and Lydia was glad to see it. Something was still real. Joshua was still real in some way. Lydia just had to look harder. She'd come back to find him. She just had to look harder.