a/n: another sleep deprived, unedited chapter for you all, i hope you enjoy<3

t/w: mentions of depression and suicide i guess? kind of towards the end. it's big sad feels whatever the heck i've written.

...

'You know, I don't think I've ever walked this much in my life.'

'That's a pretty good life.'

'Well, you're lucky you missed it.'

You're walking a few paces behind Loki and Sylvie, and Loki's comment makes your breath hitch. They carry on talking, but your mind drifts, as it's been doing an awful lot these past few hours (days? weeks?) back to 2018. Two thousand and nineteen years in the future from now, Lamentis, Thor is mourning for his dead brother, and probably wondering what on Asgard had happened to you.

Twisting the ring Loki had given you round and round on your finger, you wonder for the thousandth time if it's possible to go and get him back. You're going to try it, that you've decided, but you just don't know if it's actually possible.

Surely though. If you, by some miracle, can first get back to the TVA, then steal the remaining Infinity Stones needed to make Thanos' gauntlet work...

If it can eradicate half the universe (and you're willing to bet that it could – Thanos had bet his life on it), then surely it can bring one man back? You close your eyes and try to remember, again, which of the stones Thanos already has. It had been purple, you're sure of it. The Power stone. And the Tesseract; you weren't about to forgot that one in a hurry.

Which leaves you with green, yellow, red and orange. Time, Mind, Reality and Soul. Paperweights in Casey's drawer. With the power to bring back the other half of your soul.

It's a long shot, the longest ever. But you can't not try, because what's the alternative? Dying here, or returning to the TVA, consigned to eternity with a faded replica of your Loki, and one who doesn't even seem to like you at that.

'Y/N!'

Your head jerks up, and you find Loki and Sylvie have stopped, and are both staring at you. The city, and the Ark, lies not far behind them. You hadn't realised you'd gotten so close.

'What?'

'Didn't you hear that? The TVA workers weren't created by the Time Keepers! They used to be regular Midgardians, variants like us,' Loki tells you urgently, before trailing off and looking thoughtful. A meteor, quite a big one this time, explodes against the ground not far from you, and you jump, looking up at the sky.

The planet is making steady progress towards you, blocking out the sky with its immensity. You hadn't noticed before, but it really is quite beautiful.

Suddenly there's a low rumble from the city, and a faint voice projected through speakers reaches you across the sparse area from the city.

'Ten minutes until launch, final boarding call.'

'That's our ride,' Sylvie says, starting forward and breaking into a jog. You and Loki follow, and by the time you've reached the outskirts of the city you're out of breath.

'Right,' Sylvie says, spinning around. 'Do we trust each other?'

'We do, and you can,' Loki says earnestly. You look at him sceptically.

'Read my mind,' he challenges, but Sylvie is already jogging into the chaos that is the city before you.

'No time!' she calls over her shoulder, and you and Loki are left to follow her again.

The city has descended into absolute anarchy. Angry citizens outnumber the guards fifty to one, and lawlessness is reigning. Fires are breaking out left, right and centre, windows are being smashed, buildings looted, and over it all the Ark looms dark and ominous, casting a huge shadow over the chaos.

The power of its engine shakes the floor, almost reminiscent of an earthquake, riling the people who are about to be left behind up even more, taunting them.

'Five minutes until launch,' the voice over the speakers.

You struggle to follow Loki through the carnage, people jostling and shoving you as you force your way past them, your heart aching with sympathy for them. But it's done, you already know what their fate will be.

'Remain calm. We are now at capacity. Please return to your homes. Stand back!' Guards are shouting at civilians everywhere you turn, with little to no effect. The crowd only panics more at this, and the shoving becomes more violent.

'Let us on! Let us on! Let us on!'

You look to your left and spot three figures huddled in an alleyway against the side of a building. Covered in dirty rags and blankets, a young woman holds two small children close to her, shaking with cold or fear.

A hand grabs your arm and yanks you forward; you find yourself chest to chest with Loki as he scans the crowd for Sylvie.

'They're going to let these people die,' you say quietly, so quietly you're not sure if he even hears you. A second later he's teleported you both to Sylvie, who has found a deserted back alley to take refuge in.

'We have to get on and make sure it takes off,' Sylvie says urgently, seeming unperturbed by your sudden appearance from nowhere.

'How?' Loki asks.

'No, no,' you interrupt as Sylvie opens her mouth to reply. Loki looks at you in warning, and that's enough to tip Sylvie off. She glares at you both.

'It'll be impossible to get on board now, it's too heavily guarded. Our best bet is to try and charge the TemPad. How long do you think it will take?' you ask, directing the question at Sylvie.

'I – how dare you,' she stutters.

'No time! Answer me,' you demand, snatching the TemPad out of Loki's hands as he makes it appear and holding on to it for dear life.

'I don't know, twenty minutes? We only need enough juice to get us back to the TVA...'

'Right, good. Come on,' you say, and turn to face the crowd again. It's become more of a mob than a crowd in the minute you'd turned away.

'Wait. Let's go around,' Loki says, looking back down the alleyway. You hesitate, but then resign yourself to the fact that it might actually be a good idea.

'Let's go.'

The next few minutes are a blur. All you know is that you have to keep moving forward, holding on to the TemPad, following Loki, putting one foot in front of the other.

Despite taking the less crowded route, there are still people to push aside, guards to overcome and meteors, now the size of small houses, to avoid. One explodes into a building so close to the back of your head that you involuntarily teleport ten feet forward, almost losing Loki and Sylvie in the process.

By the time you make it to the back of the power source you're all drenched in sweat and gasping for breath. There are still guards after you, but Loki projects an invisible force field to keep them away. The noise of the ruined city dulls, and you allow yourself a split second of relief.

'Okay, give it here,' Sylvie demands, holding her hand out for the TemPad. On instinct you clutch it tight to your chest, looking over at Loki.

'I won't let her ger away,' he tells you, seeing you falter. You choose to believe him. They could both betray you and leave you here to die, but you're so exhausted and you can't think of anything else to do in the moment. You certainly don't know how to charge the damned thing.

Sylvie snatches the TemPad from you before you've even fully extended your arm and turns to the gigantic power source, fiddling with a panel and pulling some wires from behind it. They make a faint hissing sound and then something pops, making her draw her hand back sharply with an exclamation of pain.

You watch her hands, your eyes never straying from the TemPad as you rock on the balls of your feet. More and more guards gather around Loki's shield, and you're willing Sylvie on silently, hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.

'Shut up!' she yells, and you apologise in your mind, trying to turn your thoughts off. It's impossible.

After what feels like an eternity, there's a tinny beeping sound, and Sylvie gives a cry of triumph. You see the screen of the TemPad light up, and something like glee floods your chest, insubstantial in the gaping chasm which sits there now, but it's there nonetheless.

Then the meteor smashes into the side of the Ark and everything goes very hot and very white all of a sudden. A loud rushing noise fills your ears and you're flying, until suddenly you're not, and then every bone in your body is wracked with immense pain.

Your mind is blank with shock. Even as your vision returns and the pain starts to fade, you can't comprehend what has happened. You groan with pain as you push yourself up on to your elbows and see the smoking wreck that was seconds previously every person's on this moon only hope of survival.

It's so quiet.

The power source is mostly gone, and with it, your ticket out of here. You roll on to all fours and force yourself to your feet, looking around for Loki and Sylvie. Loki is sitting up, white as a sheet and staring. Sylvie lies unconscious several feet away. The TemPad is gone, you know without having to look around for it.

That all-consuming empty feeling has returned to your chest as you look up at the inbound planet in the sky which is soon to become one with the moon you are stood on.

You walk over to Sylvie and crouch next to her, feeling for a pulse. There is one, which should allow you to feel relief, but none comes.

When you look around to tell Loki, you see him walking away.

'Loki,' you try and shout, but all that comes out is a quiet croak.

'Sylvie,' you mutter instead, clearing your throat and trying again, shaking her shoulders. 'Sylvie.'

Her eyelids slowly crack open, and you watch as she regains consciousness, and then as realisation sets in, spreading across her features as shock. She struggles to her feet slowly, and you stand side by side watching the city burn. The shouting has returned now, louder this time.

'Where is he?' she asks you after a few minutes, her voice hoarse, and you point in the direction Loki had gone. She limps off after him. You stand and watch the city burn for a few moments more, listening to the cries of the people within and trying so hard to feel.

But nothing.

A week ago this would have torn you up inside, you would have been doing everything in your power to help the injured and dying, there would have been tears on your cheeks and an ache in your chest. You missed the Y/N you had been a week ago. This new one scares you.

You turn and walk after Sylvie. She follows footprints down a steep path into what looks like a crater so large you can barely see the other side. The noise of the burning city fades, but far from experiencing silence you hear a deep, deep rumbling noise. It's the sound of the apocalypse.

Loki is sat on a rock before a vast lake, and when you finally reach him Sylvie lies down on the floor in front of the rock with a sigh of pain, looking up to the sky. You sit gently on the rock next to Loki, not close enough to touch, but close enough. He's watching the planet move towards the three of you.

Sylvie starts talking about Asgard as she remembers it, and you let her, because it makes her feel better. You want to look at Loki, remember his face and hold it in your thoughts as you die, but it's not him, it's not him. So you close your eyes and think of your Loki instead, holding your engagement ring so tight that the shape of the stone is embedded into your palm.

Something shifts in the air, and when you look up there are meteors so large that they could almost be moons in their own right hurtling towards the surface of the moon that you currently sit on. Sylvie sits up, having finished her little monologue.

'Not long now,' she murmurs, standing up, not knowing what to do with herself. You shift closer to Loki and pat the space on the rock beside you; she sits. And there you are, watching the apocalypse, sat between two Loki's, neither of which are the Loki you would want to experience this with.

'Any last bright ideas?' Sylvie asks Loki, leaning forward to look at him. He just shakes his head slowly, mutely.

'You?' Sylvie asks you.

'Unless either of you can think of a way to trigger a Nexus Event in the face of an apocalypse, no,' you say, watching the planet hurtle towards you with absolutely no emotion in your chest. You're all so small.

Then you get an idea.

'Do you think a Loki variant has ever killed a Y/N variant?'

Loki and Sylvie both turn to look at you as you produce the dagger you'd taken hours earlier from that locker at the TVA.

'What?'

You push the dagger into Loki's hands and stand up. 'Isn't it worth a try?'

Loki stands up after you, slowly, even though he's running out of time. Him and Sylvie. Your time ran out when you watched your Loki have the life squeezed out of him.

'Mobius said some Y/N and Loki variants are each other's worst enemy,' Loki reminds you. You can't find it in you to care. Loki looks lost.

'He said there are thousands of them.'

'Just do it,' you tell him, putting your hands over his and guiding the dagger to rest, point down, on your chest. Your armour is so torn and dirtied and scuffed that you're shocked that it hasn't fallen apart already. Your Loki's dried blood covers the sleeves and lower torso; you imagine a fair amount of it is Thanos' blood too.

'What about getting back to your timeline?' he asks you, and you hear Sylvie think that if he doesn't hurry up she'll finish the job for him.

Don't.

You're glad that his face will be the last thing you'll ever see. Even if it's not exactly his face.

The planet collides with the moon with a resounding, soul-shaking noise which you can't even begin to describe. It fills the very air around you, vibrating every particle of your being, reaching even the air in your lungs. You should be terrified, but there's nothing, just emptiness, which gives you the strength to look back to Loki.

'Just do it,' you repeat, pressing yourself gently into the dagger. You feel the tip of it pierce through your barely-there armour and puncture your skin; the pain comes almost as a relief.

I can't.

Please. It's your only chance of survival. There's nothing left for me.

You truly believe the words as you say them; you're done. If you can save Loki and Sylvie by dying a few seconds earlier than you would have anyway, then why not.

'For the love of Odin, give it here, I'll do it,' Sylvie snaps, reaching for the dagger urgently, but then something happens out of the corner of your eye.

An orange door appears.