In those wee, small hours of the morning, Emma lay awake next to Mitch in bed thinking about, of all things, phantom limbs. She had only drifted briefly into sleep and now could not get back to it, wondering if the way people who'd lost appendages said they could still feel them was anything like still being able to feel Mitch inside her, as if that's where he belonged, instead of snoring lightly on his side a pillow over? Her tenderized body still pulsated with the memory of pleasure that had rippled through every part of her earlier. Phantom orgasms, she thought. That's what the word 'phantasm' should actually mean.

Oh no. Stop thinking of ghosts.

She brought her mind back to the replay of the night. This first time, she'd been so ready for Mitch he had to catch up. The second time was more exploratory. They both took their time, and how sweet it was! She'd never been with a man so virile. She felt like he could've shot a full grown baby into her womb if she'd wanted him to. Yowza.

She could think that again.

Yowza.

Emma never pictured herself as a mother. As a kid, she'd never owned a doll that didn't have boobs and a career. She wondered, if she'd met a man like Mitch earlier – kind, romantic, patient, good with kids – if she felt this wonderful at least as often as not, would she have changed her mind? Her heart was already so full of Gabe, more so than just as her nephew and an extension of her sister, but as hers to love and protect forever. How different could she have felt about a child of her own? Nothing was certain, but she doubted she could be much happier than she was at this particular moment. She hadn't experienced true happiness since Sophie passed. Some instances of peace and relief, but not happiness. It was as if another phantom feeling had returned to her, and while she marvelled at the reunion, she had to force away the worry that it might be a short-lived visit.

Maybe she was thinking too loudly, or maybe it was the way she shifted to cling onto Mitch like a baby bear hugging a giant tree that stirred him awake. He squeezed her hand, then turned to face her. He smiled, his eyes barely open, and kissed her on the forehead, then the lips. He seemed to be sleep-waiting. Did she want him to wake up and be of service, or could he drift off again? She kissed his nose and told him to sleep, then folded herself into his arms and chest, savouring an endless night.

She never was good with mornings.

Emma woke in an absolute panic. She looked at the time and gasped. It was seven-forty-seven and Gabe would be home any minute. She'd shut off her alarm instead of hitting snooze. "Whyyyyy???" she whimpered. All of her anxieties raised their hands to answer at once. They also had questions of their own.

"Mitch! Up!" she yelled. She ran to his side of the bed and shook the beautiful body warming her sheets. Even flipping out, she could feel her attachment to him intensifying. This one was going to hurt when it ended.

"What's going on?" he asked groggily.

"We slept in!" she said, racing to put on a bra and anything she could wear to work.

Mitch looked at the time on his phone. "Don't worry. You told them carpool was at eight, right?"

"Yes, which means they have to drop him off first so he can get his things. Stop looking at your phone. You gotta get out of here before Gabe sees you. Before Colby sees you! Agh! I'll write him and tell him not to come up."

She ran back to her phone and saw a message she'd missed in her frenzy. "Oh my God."

"What?"

"Colby's car wouldn't start so he put Gabe in an Uber. Now I have to text Casey and tell her Gabe's going to miss pick-up. I'm going to have to take him myself. Shit!"

"I'll take him," Mitch said, putting on his briefs.

"No, that's okay."

"It is okay. I'll take him."

"It's too much."

"No, it's not."

"Maybe it all is. I don't know." She wedgied herself into a pair of skinny jeans.

"Hey," he said behind her, before spinning her around to face him. "Good morning."

"Good morning," she said. At least he had his pants on. She kept her eyes open when he kissed her and didn't really kiss back.

"What's going on, hmm? Take a second and tell me what's on your mind."

She could tell he was trying to read her. She wasn't ready to be read. She was rewriting as she went along.

"Please, Mitch. I just hate being late and you know I don't want Gabe to see."

He followed her as she went to brush her teeth. "Is that all?"

"Mostly."

"Mostly?"

"Honestly?"

"I can take it."

"I was thinking a lot last night about how perfect everything was, is, and how perfect things aren't made to last – "

"Oh no," Mitch said with a sympathetic chuckle.

"Well, I can't help but wonder, if we're just..."

"What?"

"Convenient."

"Come on."

"I mean, we're both sort of in between things. You have a lot of free time. I don't have any. But that could all change suddenly. Maybe convenient is all we should be."

Mitch's look of disappointment killed her. She was ruining things, she knew it. She just couldn't help herself.

"I didn't come on to you because I was bored."

"I know," she sighed. "I have to make Gabe's lunch."

He followed her to the kitchen where she started taking out crackers and rolling up bologna.

"Mitch, last night was wonderful. Beautiful. Amazing even."

"I'll say!"

"How can we sustain that?"

"By trying," he said, as if stating the obvious.

"Please put your shirt on."

"Okay, but I want you to be my shirt," he said, trying to slide his hands around her. She squirmed out of it. "Fine. You're very sexy when you're throwing people out. You're not a lot a hell of a lot of fun, though."

His tee shirt was hanging from the waist of his pants. He shook it out and put it on. It was stretched out around the neck from where she'd tried to tear it off him.

"I'm not throwing you out. I just begged you to get dressed and leave."

"What's the difference?"

"One's more polite." She looked at him with helpless eyes. How was it that self-preservation and self-sabotage felt exactly the same?

"Just let me ask you this. Are you changing your mind, or are you trying to change your mind first? Because I told you, I'm in."

"I don't know that I'm changing my mind..." The intercom buzzed and Emma jumped. Her baby was alone in the lobby. "I have to go get him. I promise we'll talk later."

But Mitch was still there making coffee when she and Gabe got back upstairs.

She didn't know whether to yell at him or thank him. She couldn't really do either in front of Gabe, who didn't seem to think anything of Mitch being in the kitchen.

"Hey Mr. Garner!"

"Hey buddy. How was the concert?"

"Loud. I couldn't hear the movie. What are you doing here?"

"Just borrowing another cup of coffee."

"Were you afraid to grind your beans again?"

"Wha? Oh, right. No. No, actually, I ground a lot of beans last night." He looked at Emma, his eyebrows raised over his cup while he paused to take a sip. "An awful lot of beans. I mean, I ground those beans into sweet, fine, near-oblivion, but for some reason, this morning I can't find them. They've disappeared."

"Hurry. Go get changed," Emma told Gabe, rushing him off to his room.

She went back to making lunch, trying not to give Mitch the satisfaction of smiling. He slurped his coffee next to her ear. "I was hoping we could grind some more beans today."

"Don't," Emma warned him with a whisper, but she couldn't keep a small laugh from breaking free. He kissed her temple. "Don't! Boy, you're not making this easy for me."

"Why should I?"

"I'm not saying I never want to...make coffee again."

Mitch looked surprised. "You want to be friends with benefits? What happened to you not having a casual bone in your body?"

"It's more than that! Last night meant a lot to me. You mean a lot to me."

"Where's my tablet?!" Gabe yelled from his room.

"Your hamper, but you don't need it for school!"

"So you want to be casually exclusive?" he asked, confused.

"I see how that might sound unfair to you. Just because I can't have a life doesn't mean you can't."

"Why's my sweater wet?!" shouted Gabe.

"Why IS your sweater wet??"

"Never mind!"

Mitch brushed her cheek softly with the back of his hand. "You want to keep it a secret for a while? We can do that."

"I can't keep a secret. Actually, I can. I'm great at keeping secrets, but someone else always spoils it and then I look like an idiot. Mitch, I don't only have myself to think of. He's already lost one father figure. I know how he's going to feel about you. Think of the impact on him if we break up."

"Let's not tell him right away."

"There's also," she whispered, "the custody thing. I don't want to talk about it now."

"I do."

"No, in front of him."

"Call it something else."

"Like what?"

"Custard? Custard-y"

"Too close. Pudding.

"Fine."

"Fine. I may be up for a pudding battle and I can't have any complicated coffee brewing messing that up."

"Emma, you're the best thing for that boy, and anyone can see it from a mile away. You have his paternal grandmother's blessing, your sister's wishes, no one's going to contest it. No one is going to come sniffing at your door, and if they do, I'm sure his psychologist will tell them that he's doing fine. You love him, and he adores you, and he will be fine. And you are allowed to have a life." She was too conflicted to say anything. She just zipped her Zip-locs, staring up at him, wanting him desperately to be right on all accounts.

"Look," he said. "If you really want to rewind the clock, we can go back to being friends without benefits. If you don't, then stop making excuses not to be happy."

Gabe popped into view again to stuff his backpack.

"Gabe, I'm taking you to school today," Mitch said, handing him his little jacket.

"Really?" Gabe asked excitedly.

"Yessir. I'm taking the day off, so it would be my pleasure. It's funny because I think your aunt said she had the day off too. Isn't that right, Emma?"

She was all out of excuses. "The, uh warehouse is closed today, yes," she said, trying to sound cool.

"What do you know?" Mitch said slyly. "Guess maybe I'll see you when I get back?"

"Sure, sure, I'll be around, just tidying up."

"Have a good day, Aunt Emma!" Gabe said.

As she waved them off, all she could think of was wanting another crack at tearing off his shirt. Even if it did all feel like too much, how could anything that felt like Mitch be bad for her?

*****

Mitch grabbed his keys from his apartment, and then he and Gabe rode the elevator down to the garage.

"Whoa!" Gabe said, seeing Mitch's custom replica of a 1966 Shelby. "It looks like a race car!"

"You like?"

"It's so cool. How fast can you drive in it?"

"As fast as the traffic signs say."

"What about when the cops aren't looking?"

"As fast as the traffic signs say. You trying to get me in trouble? Was that a trick question?"

"No," Gabe laughed, getting into the passenger's side.

"No narcs allowed in this vehicle."

"What's a narc/"

"A tattle-tale. A stool pigeon. A rat."

"Like snitches who get stitches?"

"Exactly. Where'd you hear that? No, wait, let me guess. Veronica, right?"

"No, Isla."

"You better buckle up."

"I am."

They pulled out of the garage and onto the street. Mitch knew the general neighbourhood of the school and Gabe helped by pointing out a right turn.

"When I get a car, I want one like this," Gabe said.

"Well, it's gonna cost ya. But I splurged. That's probably one of the reasons I don't own a house. It's just when I was younger, my father always talked about wishing he had this car. Well, this, or a Mustang Fastback. He couldn't afford an old one back then, so he bought a vintage Cougar that broke down every other month. Then we had Capris and then a New Yorker and nothing really impressive later."

"What's the most expensive car in the world?"

"Good question. Maybe some McLarens or a Lotus."

"Would you buy one if you had the money?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because they don't remind me of anyone I like."

When they got to the school, Gabe started to get out on his own. "Hang on to your horses there, Gabe. I'm walking you to class. Your aunt will kill me if I don't."

Mitch's long strides followed Gabe's hurrying legs to his grade 3 classroom. They knocked on the open door and Gabe's teacher, Mr. Cafferty, waved them in.

"Sorry, I'm late, Mr. Cafferty," Gabe said, taking his seat.

"You missed the cake and fireworks, man," the teacher razzed him. "Get your spelling book out.

Mitch explained, "There was a mix up and some car trouble. Very sorry to interrupt."

"It's all good. Did you let the office know?"

"No, should I?"

"Yeah. Just stop by on the way out and fill them in."

"Will do."

Cafferty's affable smile suddenly fell from his face, and his chill vibe more or less froze. He was distracted, Mitch assumed, because he had about twenty kids waiting for his attention. Time for him to leave. "Well, have a good one," he said.

"Uh, sorry," Cafferty said hurriedly, "but you sound a lot like Mitch Garner."

"Do I?"

The teacher relaxed. "You must get that a lot."

"He is Mitch Garner!" Gabe said.

"I am," Mitch admitted. "Only messing with you."

Cafferty's face lit up with a little kids' grin. "Oh my gosh! This is incredible. Oh my gosh, Mitch Garner!" He reached out to shake his hand. "Kids, you're watching your teacher fan-boy out right now because Mr. Mitch Garner here is a famous sports broadcaster for the Toronto Blue Jays."

The kids "oooh"ed, knowing that the Jays deserved the reverence at least.

"I am such a huge fan. We totally grew up with you," he gushed.

"Thank you very much. Best team, best fans in the world."

"Can I just get a selfie before you go? My brothers will wail on me if I don't."

"Sure," Mitch said. The kids all started asking for one too. "How about we all take a big one together and then your teacher can send you all a copy?"

"Yay!" everyone shouted, rushing Mitch at the front of the class. Mitch made sure to grab Gabe and put him front and centre, and everybody's day was made.

Mitch drove home with a tremendous sense of well-being. He only hoped he'd find Emma the same.

She'd kind of blocked his cock-walk this morning, but he still wanted to crow from the rooftops with how good he felt. Emma was in every way his kind of woman. A sexy, sweet, smart-ass, with a giant heart. It felt so natural to be with her, so easy that he was annoyed with himself for time wasted, even though it couldn't have been helped. He missed being in a relationship. He missed being excited to come home to a face he loved, or without getting ahead of himself, could love. One that would or could love him back. The only leap of faith he had to take was hoping she wouldn't get scared and talk herself out of it. Encouraging her to give them a chance was one thing, but he wasn't keen on having to convince her. Thank God she wasn't afraid to speak her mind.

Back at the apartment, Emma answered her door wearing a bathrobe and a head towel. She looked much more relaxed. Maybe a little nervous, but in a playful kind of way. Mitch couldn't wait to get his arms around her, but he had to get out of the hallway first.

"I just jumped in the shower," she said as she let him in. She swung the tie from her bathrobe around like it was a burlesque tease, making herself giggle.

"You should have waited for me," he teased her. 

He kicked off his shoes, advancing as she backed a few steps away from him.

"Well, I didn't wash my hair." She shook the towel from her head, letting her dry hair fall loosely.

"I'll do it," he said, peeling off his shirt. She bit her lip excitedly and led him back to the shower.

*****

After another round of the most delicious sex Emma ever had, she and Mitch sat snuggled up in her bed, drinking Dr. Peppers and sharing a bag of pretzels. It was almost all of her favourite things at once. She was as happy as a clam. Man alive, it felt good to feel so good again.

She started rubbing his arm because she could and kissed his pin-up tattoo.

"I like your tattoo. It's old-fashioned, like you."

"Am I crazy or does she look a little like you?"

"I don't think so," she said, instantly hatching a plan to buy a sexy sailor-girl costume online to knock his socks off at Halloween.

"I'm beginning to think all this time it may not have been the mistake I thought it was. Maybe it was a premonition."

He made her break a pretzel with him like it was a wishing bone. It just made a mess and they laughed.

Then Emma took a swig of her pop and said, "I'm going to tell Gabe. Just that we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I can't have him finding out and thinking I lied to him."

"I think that's a good idea."

"We can have sleepovers but no messing around when he's home."

"No problem. We can just do like we did today, or you can always come over to my place and borrow a cup of sugar."

"For coffee, of course."

"Exactly."

She laughed and snuggled into him closer. "Oh! While you were out, I got a text from Petey. He's coming at the end of the week to fix the hole."

"Maybe we should just get him to knock the whole wall down."

"Can you imagine?" she said, not taking him seriously.

"I can," he said, squeezing her tighter. "It's something to think about anyway."