Desperate, lost, and frantic, Jeff finds himself in the same place he usually does in the situations, at the Cedar room with his friends. After suffering the biggest humiliation to date, Jeff is desperate to make amends with Katie but can't think of a good way to do it. It's not like Hallmark has a card that says 'I'm sorry I mistakenly offered to gratify your mother sexually, I hope we can still be friends'.

Niko and Louis were also there with him and could tell Jeff was getting lost in a thought spiral. They've seen this many times before, Jeff gets lost in his own thoughts and he may as well be 1,000,000 miles away. It was time to snap him out of it.

"Just go to her and tell her what happened," Niko said matter-of-factly.

"I don't know where to find her and even if I did, I wouldn't even know what to say."

"She should be a breeze to find," Louis said. "Women that age are always talking about where they are and what they're doing. Just go on to her social media.

"Yeah, because that's worked so well for him before," Niko says.

Just then, Ashley comes in and plops down at the table. "I'm so screwed. My wait staff canceled for my champagne social tomorrow night. Get this - they're actors who just got hired for the same production. Leave it to me to hire the only two actors in this city who can actually find work."

"What about me?" Louie asks.

"You have a full time job and don't pay rent."

"So what. I like cash."

"Okay fine. You're lucky I'm desperate."

Niko's cell phone rings. The call display shows it's Tanya.

"Well hello there."

"Hi. I only have a minute but I was wondering if you wanted to be my date to my life coach's party tomorrow night."

Niko did his best to conceal that he was immediately overcome with terror. He had yet to seal the deal with Tanya and he knew that if Ashley knew they were secretly seeing each other, she would put the kibosh on it before he could experience the sheer euphoria of that first unhooked bra clasp. No, he thought to himself, it cannot end here.

"Couldn't we just meet up after it?" he offered.

"I was telling her about you today and she said if you were really different from the other jerks, you'd come with me to important functions. She said if you don't come with me, it will prove you're just trying to get into my pants."

Niko is now glaring at Ashley. "She said that? Well of course I'll come with you. Is it okay if I meet you there?"

"Sure."

"Great. Can't wait. Okay bye."

Niko hangs up.

"I'm so screwed."

*********************

Later that night when Jeff should have been sleeping, he instead found himself in front of his computer pouring through Katie's social media pages. As he scrolls through updates he sees one from earlier that day that reads. 'Can't wait lead the mob squad tonight at Dorchester Square.'

There's a part of him that thought for a second, you know every other time you've tried this it's ended up in abject failure and humiliation. But like all the other times, he convinced himself this time it'll be better. Jeff is like a degenerate gambler in Vegas is convinced that yes, he's left his money at the casino all that all those other times but now he has a sure fire system to win it all back.

*********************

Ashley is attending to the flowers and the decorations when her doorbell goes off. She answers the door to find a very spiffy Louie done up in classy black and white with some grocery bags in his arms.

"Nice duds!"

"Hey, I am nothing if not all class."

"Well at least half that sentence is true." She is cross checking their bags with the list.

"Did you bring the ice?"

There is a prolonged silence. Louie looks down at his shoes.

"Louie! Is this the bagel incident all over again."

Louie just shrugs.

"I've got forty-five people coming over for champagne and no ice to chill it? My whole next year depends on this night. It has to go off with exact precision. I need you to go out and get ice now!"

Ashley takes the bags inside to continue her preparation as Louie starts towards the building's front door when suddenly Niko appears. He seems a bit out of breath, as if he ran all the way. He's dressed business casual or but is wearing his brand-new suede jacket.

"New jacket! Someone's trying to impress," Louis says playfully. Niko appears in no mood for games.

"This is not just a new jacket, this is tan calf suede with 100% genuine leather body lining and brown ribbed trims. It cost me a fortune but it will all be worth it when I'm putting Tanya in a cab at four o'clock in the morning. Is Ashley here?"

"She's in her condo."

Niko steps closer to Louie and speaks in a hushed tone.

"Okay here's the thing - tonight you are my wingmen. There will be a very hot blonde showing up soon. Under no circumstances are she and I and Ashley to be in the same place at the same time. Any two are fine but if you see the third coming, throw your body in front of her.

"You got it."

Louie starts for the door.

"Where are you going? She could show up any moment now.

"But I need to go for ice."

"Not right now, you're not. Figure something out."

"No I have to get ice. Ashley's going to kill me because I forgot to bring it when I showed up."

"Just stay here, help me out and I promise I'll help you figure out something with the ice, okay?"

Before Louis can answer, Ashley opens the front door and is more than a little surprised to see Niko there. Niko thinks quickly on his feet.

"Oh that's right, this is your party night isn't it?"

"Yeah. What are you doing here?"

"I just popped by to say thank you for helping me with my cousin. She's doing much better now. Heck, I'm almost a client myself now. Maybe I should stick around for a bit tonight."

"If you want."

After a few more moments of awkward silence, Ashley goes back into her condo while Niko exhales in relief.

*********************

Jeff wanders through Dorchester square looking around until he finally spots Katie who is hanging out on a park bench. He starts walking towards her and when she looks up and spots him, her eyes reveal great concern.

"I know you said you didn't want to see me but I had to talk to you," Jeff pleads.

"There's nothing to talk about."

"I can't let it go until I've had the chance to explain."

Slowly people start gathering around the area where Katie has been waiting. Of course being totally wrapped up in his own thing right now, Jeff doesn't notice.

"Jeff, I can't do this right now." She says.

"It never seems like the right time to allow yourself to take a chance. You just have to do it."

Katie steps up to him and speaks slowly punctuating the key words with her cadence.

"You're not hearing me. I can't do this...right now!"

*********************

Niko and Ashley are chatting in a corner of the condo when he sees Tanya enter. Niko kicks Louie who is right beside him and gestures with his head that Tanya is the one to look out for. Tanya sees Niko and Ashley in the corner, starts waving frantically and starts over towards them.

Niko instinctively starts doing the fake cough thing which is supposed to be inconspicuous although anybody who's ever seen it and practice knows it is anything but. "Code red! Code red!"

Louie leaps into action and jumps directly in front of Tanya's path. He grabs her by the arms and escorts in the other direction.

"Excuse me, Miss. Could you come with me please?"

He leads her to the back hallway.

"What do you want?"

"I need your help with..."

He glances all over his immediate surroundings like Keyser Soze and spots the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall.

"Fire...."

"... safety," Niko ads as he enters the picture.

"Fire saftey?" Tanya asks incredulously.

"It's my responsibility to test the fire safety equipment and I need a party guest to be part of it so they know we didn't fudge the results," Louie explains.

Louie grabs the extinguisher and hands it to Tanya and he sneaks a peek to see where Ashley is.

"So just give this a blast and we'll see how it goes," Niko says.

Tanya squeezes the handle and a blast of FREEZING cold Co2 hits Niko on the hand.

Ashley turns the corner and Niko quickly pulled Tanya into a spare bedroom. Ashley sees Louis holding the fire extinguisher and is more than little confused.

"What are you doing back here? And where are we on the chilled champagne? I can't stall people much longer."

"Almost ready. Real close."

Ashley goes back to her guests and Niko reappears as Tanya joins the other guests.

"Holy crap that blast is cold." Suddenly his face changes expression. "That blast of Co2 is freezing cold!"

Louis just stares at him blankly. He has no idea where Niko is going with this. Niko grins from ear to ear. "Louis, my friend I think I just solved our ice-chilling dilemma."

*********************

Jeff remains determined to get through to Katie and even though she seems preoccupied with whatever is going on at the Square, he refuses to give up. Katie walks away from Jeff but he stays with her in lockstep. Katie gets to the middle of the square and stops.

"I have been in and out of terrible relationships since I was sixteen. I spent two decades believing that being in a relationship is about obligations and chores. And I didn't know it could be any other way until I met you."

Katie is almost pleading for him to stop.

"Jeff!"

Suddenly music starts playing over a public sound system.

"And from that first moment we started spending time together, I knew we could have something special. I was so terrified you would never go for a guy over forty, I just did whatever I thought would keep you from losing interest."

Suddenly and inexplicably, Katie starts into a dance routine. Jeff is a bit perplexed but carries on.

"It's not easy being forty and out there again on the dating scene. Almost everyone else your age is settled with the wife and 2.5 perfect kids and the house in the suburbs. It's like the whole world is moving in one direction and you're moving in the other. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

Amongst the countless things in his immediate area that Jeff doesn't see are the other people in the square directly behind him dancing in perfect sync with Katie.

*********************

Niko and Louie have locked themselves in the bathroom. They have a couple of champagne bottles in the tub as Niko stands over them with the fire extinguisher. He is about to blast them when he suddenly puts the extinguisher down and starts taking off his jacket. He hands to jacket to Louie who is standing by the door.

"Can't let anything happen to this. Go put it in another room."

Louie ducks out of the room as Niko turns his head and unloads on the bottles. After a good 30 second blast, he grabs a towel and wipes the foam off the bottles. Louie comes back in and Niko looks at him and smiles.

"They're cold?" Louis asks tentatively

"They're cold!"

"Niko pops open the bottles and starts filling champagne glasses on the tray on the bathroom counter top. "I am a Golden God! Lou I have the feeling we're going to be talking about this for a long time to come!"

*********************

Jeff is watching as Katie is busting out full on dance moves. Jeff stands there looking on, still unaware he is caught in the middle of a flash mob.

"You can dance all you want, I'm not going away until you talk to me."

"Turn around Jeff."

"I'm not leaving."

"I'm not asking you to leave. I'm asking you to turn around."

Jeff turns around and sees that more than one hundred people are all dancing in sync and he is caught at the front of it.

"You wanna talk, we'll talk but you gotta do something for me first. You gotta dance!"

Jeff tries dancing along with everyone else but it is a complete disaster. He trips over himself and stumbles into people behind him. They shove him off and he stumbles onto other people on his right. They shove him into other dancers and the disruption starts to snowball. Jeff tries to escape but only winds up knocking down more dancers back in the pack.

*********************

Louie carries a tray of glasses of cold champagne. He catches Ashley's eye who gives him an approving nod. Louie goes over to Niko and Tanya.

"How's the avoiding going?" Louis whispers to Niko.

"Up til now, pretty good. But I need you to be on constant alert.

"Hey guys."

Louie turns around and is horrified to see Ashley has joined the group.

"Or that could happen," Niko says to Louie in a hushed but stern tone.

They all stand there quietly exchanging glances. Niko is too terrified to say anything. At this point he's wondering if he could survive the fourth floor fall because, at that particular moment, leaping off the balcony seems like the best of all options. Louis is thinking of how he's going to explain to Niko that he failed in the only job he was given that night and is wondering exactly how Niko will punish him and for how long. Finally, it's Ashley who breaks the awkward silence.

"I wouldn't waste your time on this one," she says to Niko. "She's got a new boyfriend."

Tanya laughs thinking Ashley has made an obvious joke. Niko seizes on the opportunity and laughs louder than the others. Louis siezes on his opportunity to escape retribution from Niko and starts pulling Ashley towards the kitchen.

"Ashley, can I talk to you for a moment."

Tanya turns to Niko and smiles. "I really want to thank you for coming tonight. I think it's time that we took this to the next level," she says with more than a hint of playfulness in her voice.

Upon hearing the last bit, Niko takes a step back and bumps into a guy pouring himself a drink. The guy drops the bottle of 150 proof licquor and it smashes on the floor with most of the splash covering Niko's pants. While people rush over to help clean up the mess, Tanya leans in to Niko.

"Why don't we get you out of these wet clothes."

She starts towards the spare bedroom as she gives him the come hither finger.

"Here? Now? Oh yeah!"

*********************

Jeff and Katie sit on the edge of the public fountain. Jeff is tending to some bumps and bruises. "I'm sorry I screwed everything up."

"They'll get over it."

A woman walks by stops in front Jeff. "Thanks a lot asshole!"

"Eventually," Katie adds.

"I meant I'm sorry I messed everything up with you."

"You think I didn't know what you were doing the whole time? The waiting an hour to return texts, chatting up other girls in the bar. All these guys my age are reading from the same playbook and I'm tired of that scene. The reason I wanted to spend time with you was because I thought finally, here's a guy who's past all that game playing bullshit."

And that's when my great awakening overtook me. Right then, I realized that irony was more than just a misunderstood phrase overused by today's millennials. It was also the universe's way of punctuating teachable moments in life. Like even though you may be twice as old as the person you're dating...

Katie takes Jeff's hand and looks deep into his eyes.

"I'm willing to give this a shot but you're going to have to drop these immature games and, well...act your age."

...you're the one who has to grow up.

*********************

Niko and Tanya and have snuck off to Ashley's spare bedroom where they have lit some candles and are well on their way to having sex on the bed. Niko's pants are around his ankles and, in all the commotion, they don't notice when a candle falls off the dresser and on to the floor right next to Niko's feet.

Or it could teach you that sometimes when you give in to the heat...

A small orange glow can be seen behind Niko who stops what he's doing and looks around.

"Is that...fire?"

"Oh yeah baby, we're on fire," Tanya whispers.

Niko gets up and notices that his pants, bunched around his ankles, are completely engulfed in flames.

...it's the bad boy who ends up getting burned.

Niko tries to run but trips himself and falls on the floor.

Bonus points if the liar literally has his pants on fire.

"Put me out! Put me out!"

Ashley comes barging through the door.

"Somebody get the fire extinguisher!"

Ashley tries stomping out the flames.

"Nicholas? Are you okay?" Tanya says.

"This is Nicholas?"

Now Ashley's stomping on Niko more than stomping on the flames. Louie comes charging in with a fire extinguisher.

"I have the extinguisher but..."

"Louie, blast the damn thing!"Ashley screams.

Louie tries to blast Niko with the extinguisher but nothing comes out. Ashley quickly scans the room and spots Niko's suede jacket which his hanging on a hook on the bedroom door. She grabs it and uses it to smother the flames.

"Not the jacket!"

When she's done, Ashley holds up the coat which is burned beyond salvation.

Niko clutches it, close to tears.

Or it can be as simple as the precise moment when the student schools the master.

"Wait, I get it." Louie exclaims. "You didn't want your precious jacket to get damaged by the fire extinguisher so you had me put it in this room. But because I put it in this room and you used up the fire extinguisher, it got ruined in a fire. That's ironic."

Niko just looks at him in disdain.

"Wonderful, now you get it!"

And lastly, it can explain how a guy who ruined an attempt at creating an internet viral video...

Jeff brings up Youtube and clicks on a video called "Idiot ruins flashmob." The video shows Jeff getting in the way of the emerging flashmob in the square. It shows how the group quickly went from flash mob to angry mob as they turn on Jeff and start beating and kicking him.

Is the latest viral sensation with over four hundred thousand hits today. Ironic...isn't it?