You set me free

You make me see colors I've never seen before. You make me feel emotions that were previously available to Iseul only.

You gave me light and a newfound life to go on.

You showed me something new. Something that had been unexperienced.

Areum.

For the first time in a long time... someone actually listened to me. They let me tell my story... You've allowed me to feel like myself. Not an extension of Iseul. You made me feel alive, unlike what I truly am.

Sometimes Iseul was the only name you could mutter... and I would feel heartbreak. I know that emotion well. My first experience with it was when mother abandoned me in such a cold place...

But... I never felt it when I heard my brother's name. Yet, if you sat there, battered and broken and calling out for him, my heart tugged. It made me want to puke.

You've only had that power.

I've said "Set me free" as a request. You've done it as a promise. You also saved my brother, which I will be eternally grateful for. If I could, I'd see myself as an everlasting servant to you.

I felt more and more free of my emotional shackles each day I was with you and even if I wasn't in control.

Each day you laughed, each day you smiled. Each day that you cried with me instead of because of me.

I felt alive. I felt safe. I felt free.

I never wanted to hurt you, dear.

There's a secret you wouldn't ever want to know.

It's horrid. It's wretched.

You don't need that burden of even knowing it.

I had to hurt you, my dear. I had to. Otherwise, I couldn't have protected you or Iseul from the future. The only way I would've prevented it was if I stopped you two from having a further relationship.

The only way to save her was to keep us from having children...

Oh... You must want to know who 'her' is.

Sorry. I can't say. Not to you.

However, I can say this. You and Iseul would've made two beautiful little twin girls together.

You're probably confused as to why I wouldn't want that to happen.

You'll find out soon.

I love you so much. I never want to hurt you. I don't have any pleasure in seeing your blood. I don't have satisfaction when you fall or when you scream. I don't like it. Your screams make my ears want to fall off. I hate it. I hate it so much! I hate it so much!

But I'm the only one who'll make it happen.

I'm the only one who can stop anything from happening before it's too late.

I'm the only one who can stall the pattern.

As long as you don't marry someone who has a twin gene in them.

Promise me?

Promise me, won't you?

Or at the very least, never have children with them.

Please.

If you do anyways, there's a chance it might happen. I would've allowed Iseul to be with you if it happens anyway.

God...

Did I say too much?

Have you connected any dots?

I hope not.

This secret stays with me. Not even brother dearest knows.

Iseul and you... You two would've been so good together. You were a match made in heaven. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry...

But... if you knew the reason... you'd probably agree with my tactic.

There are some things I did out of my own will. Such as cutting your hair.

Your hair was so long... it was like my mother's. I hated it with every fiber of my being. Sure, it wasn't as wavy/curly but it was enough. I needed it cut. But you like it that way now, don't you? You think it's cute, right? Please tell me I'm right.

And the scar... I'm sorry about that too. It's just.... for the first time, I had someone make me feel something. I wanted to mark you over and over and over again. I wanted everyone to know who you belonged to.

Of course, I put Iseul's name. I was still acting like him at that time. But you know who's name I wanted it to be, right? Besides, I know deep down that Iseul's name tag would've been on you anyways.

I... I'm not sure if I like you in a romantic way or a friend way. Some days, I love you with a burning passion, and others, I admit that I only confused friendship with romance. Both could be true. It's really hard to decipher my emotions from Iseul's. It's worrying sometimes.

I just know that I love you either way.

Sincerely, Haneul.

Goodbye, Areum. I really really don't want to give someone like you up...