When we all get to the costume shop, Jamie calls a meeting. "Listen, I want all of you guys to be able to watch the show from the audience at least once." She consults her clipboard. "Since tonight's opening night and we want everything to go as smoothly as possible, I want the department heads to stay back stage. So Greta, I'm gonna need you on makeup tonight, and if you could keep maybe one or two of yours behind, that should be enough to help with the quickchange makeup. Will, your bunch can see from the lighting booth and you probably need them all anyway. Saoirse, I'd like you to stay, just in case there's any set mishaps, but probably the rest of your crew can go; that's on your discretion." She flips to another page on her clipboard. "Jessika, I think if you and Jam–oh wait that's me. Anyway, if we stay behind, that should be enough for costumes. "

She grins. "The rest of you double check with your group heads and if you're free to go, enjoy the show! Just be back stage in time for bows, please, as all of the backstage workers go out for that."

I walk down the hall into the auditorium.  A few people are already milling about, mostly parents and other crew members.

I remember Dan telling me during the first meeting that the best seats were in the middle section, third row from the front, six seats to the right, so I make my way over to sit there.  A few minutes later Chris and PJ join me.

More people start filtering in and in a moment I hear an odd noise from behind the curtain.

"ooooOOOHHWOOOH!!" followed by laughter and quieter shouts of "Break a leg!"

The lights click on and off twice, signaling that the show will start in just a few minutes.

The orchestra strikes up the first chords to the opening overture. Pj shushes Chris, saying "You've gotta listen now, or else you won't hear the musical themes later on. "

There's a whirring noise, then the curtain pulls open.

"Once upon a time, there was a little ogre named Shrek." Rob, the boy playing Shrek delivers the opening line. "He lived in a little bog, by a tree. It was a pretty nasty place, but he was happy, because ogres like nasty."

I've never really seen much of the rehearsals. I've always been busy with tech. But from out here in the audience, everything looks perfect. Saiorse's sets look amazing, the enormous paper mache trees towering above the actors, creating perfect, slightly creepy shadows. The costumes look good enough to be on Broadway or West End, and the makeup is so well done that you almost don't realise that Rob actually doesn't have weird little horns (ears? tiny trumpets?) growing out of his head.

Dan was right; these really are the best seats in the house.

"It's a big bright beautiful world, with happiness all around! it's peaches and cream, and every dream comes true..." The girl playing Mama Ogre pauses. "But not for you!" And the audience cracks up.

The rest of the song passes in witty oneliners and slightly crude humour until Rob belts out the last note. Then the curtains whizz close again before opening to reveal a clump of soldiers and a ragtag assortment of FairyTale Characters.

"Alright, when I call your name, step forward!" Ethan, aka Guard #1 calls out. "Pinocchio, the puppet!"

"Um, I'm not a puppet I'm a real boy?" 'Pinocchio' answers and his nose grows.  He laughs nervously and with that, the next song begins.

The rest of the FairyTale Characters begin coming forward with single line descriptions of their problems. I sit taller in my seat, looking for Dan. I know he's in this scene but I can't seem to find him.

"Banished! From the town." Danny leaps over a set piece. He's playing Peter Pan and...oh my god. Is he wearing tights? Why would Jamie do that to him?

More FairyTale Characters come forward, then the Three Little Pigs sing in a three-part harmony.

And then The Big Bad Wolf comes out from the crowd. "They tore my cotton granny dress and called me a hot and tranny mess!"

And I recognise his voice, despite it being growlier than usual. It's Dan! He's almost totally unrecognisable in a dress and under fake fur.

The FairyTale Characters move into a perfectly choreographed dance and end their song with a dramatic finish.

Rob is cast perfectly, and Isaac, the boy playing Donkey is absolutely hilarious. Jen, who's been cast as Fiona has the most amazing voice. Watching the production, I nearly forget it's the same one we've been working on for the past four months. Everyone is so good, and I might be biased, but I honestly think most of them are just as good as the Broadway cast.

The audience cracks up when Ross, the boy playing Lord Farquaad comes onstage on his knees, little fake legs dangling from his torso.

I've never actually seen the Duloc Dancer scene, but I have seen their costumes. They file onstage in white tights and dresslike things that look as if they're made of vinyl. The girls all wear these ridiculous, bright yellow wigs that aren't even separate strands of hair, just rubber or something, that curls up at the end like a bad 50s hairstyle. The boys all wear short dark wigs of the same material, making them look like Ken Dolls. 

Danny leads the boys and a tall girl whose name I can't remember leads the girls.  For all his complaining about how clumsy he is, Dan is actually a decent dancer. But Danny....Danny is absolutely amazing. He moves easily and gracefully, never missing a single step or letting the fake Duloc smile slide off his face. He effortlessly lifts the girl into the air and spins her before setting her down. There's definitely a reason he always gets assigned to help with choreography.

During Travel Song, I recognise Dan's shriek as the rabbit who Shrek offers to eat.

Darlene, who plays the Dragon's main voice is just stunning. She has one of the widest vocal ranges I've heard.

Even though it's kind a totally understated number, I think Morning Person is kind of a show stopper. The Rat-Tappers (with Danny leading, of course) are amazing. Midway through the number, Jen rips off her long, princessy skirt to reveal a shorter skirt and tights. She throws the long skirt into the orchestra pit so she can do a ridiculously intricate tap number with Danny and the boy playing the Pied Piper.

When the number ends and the audience is distracted and applauding, I see one of the stagehands crawl out from the orchestra pit and dash out a side door carrying Jen's skirt.

We go through another three songs before Bailey, the stage manager, informs everyone that "There will now be a fifteen minute intermission. Please tip your orchestra,"  gaining groans and laughs from the cast and orchestra.

When intermission is over, the show jumps into Morning Person (Reprise).
("What the fuck is the point of a reprise, anyway?" Dan complained to me once. "It's like those teachers who rephrase one question a bunch of different ways and expect you to answer all of them slightly differently.")

"Listen up, puppet!" Randall, the boy playing Gingy leads the rest of the FairyTale Characters on stage. You know, again, I might be biased, but I especially like the scenes with Dan in them, even though as a FairyTale Character I can't really see his face under all the fur.

When Rob and Jen start singing This Is Our Story, I leap up from my seat. "Sorry, sorry, scuse me, pardon me
sorry!" I try to exit the auditorium and get back stage as fast as possible. I totally forgot I was supposed to meet everyone for bows!

Luckily I make it back in time to join Jamie and the rest of the tech crew just as the main cast begins I'm A Believer.

"And then I saw her face!" The cast gestures: first to the orchestra. "Now I'm a believer!" then the lighting and sound."Not a trace, of doubt in my mind!" We run out onstage, dancing with the ensemble.

"Hey," Dan whispers, suddenly next to me. He grabs my hand and we dance, pulling in Danny, then Jamie, then a few others of the cast and crew. The last notes are played, we take our final bows, and the curtains close for opening night.

congratulations u fucks u just got two of the rly long chapters plus a rly short one
also this chapter is my favourite so far I think and I love it and I want to cry have a good night