^ a picture of my brother and I and also one of the pictures I described in the first chapter :) we were adorable, I know

This chapter is dedicated to my big brother, he's not the best brother who would buy you gifts at your birthday or give you sentimental bear hugs randomly. My brother and I may not have the tightest bond siblings can have and he's not the touchy type but he's everything I would ever ask for and I wouldn't change him in any kind of way nor would I trade him for another.

Nothing in particular happened and this chapter is for all the brothers out there that has given a decent amount of love to their sisters or siblings in general.

My bro doesn't have a wattpad account and I doubt he'll ever see or read this but I just wanna lay it out there. He's my brother and I love him for who he is, I wouldn't ask him to change because he's perfectly imperfect with all his flaws.

I love you bro and no matter how much I annoy you or make you wanna pull your perfectly styled hair out of your scalp, don't ever leave me or I'll haunt your ass. *cheeky smile* Thanks for not bailing on me bro, I know I'm hard to put up with and I'm really stubborn at times but thanks for not giving up on me. You made me who I am today and kept me out of trouble. Love you <3

•~•~•

I could feel the car spinning as the screech of metal against cement pierced my senses and the toppling over of the car as I was thrown into the embrace of the seat belt before it all came to a stop and silence filled the night but the problem is, a huge weight is on top of me and I'm hanging upside down.

I felt something wet sliding down the side of my head and my head throbbed and my eyes felt heavy but I can't shake off the feeling that I shouldn't be sleeping.

I felt my throat going dry when I saw the face above me and the dread settled in the pit of my stomach as panic surged through me.

I faintly heard my brother's voice telling me that a panic man is a dead man but he didn't say anything about keeping calm when HE was the one causing me to hyperventilate.

"No No NO! Bry? Bry?! No, this cannot be happening. You just have got to be shitting me right now! Bry?! Wake up, please wake up!" I pleaded and begged but no matter how many times I did, he didn't open his eyes.

I waited for the moment he'll suddenly form that smirk of his and say "Boo!" but it never came.

I sobbed uncontrollably and screamed myself hoarse. Yet I didn't feel a thing, I kept on screaming with what I have left, hoping anyone would hear me. The tears left my eyes as I felt sorrow filled my being and hope ejecting itself from my core.

"HELP! SOMEONE HELP US! PLEASE! HELP! SOMEONE PLEASE!" I tried thrashing around, trying to reach an opening. Anything.

I started choking in the midst of my panic and my whole body wretched as I made an attempt to keep it at bay.

My brain didn't want to cooperate since it was too busy worrying about whether my brother's alive or not.

"Bry?! Hang on! Don't leave me! Bry-"

I opened my eyes and shot onto a sitting position as my whole body quivered. It's just a dream. Just a dream, I chanted but it wasn't helping as I curled up into a ball and sobbed onto my knees. I tried convincing myself it was a dream but truth is, my conscience knew it was more than that and refused to acknowledge the lies that I was feeding myself to soothe my wrecked being.

I felt a hand came onto my back and started rubbing it soothingly before I flinched. Raising my head, I came face to face with Monic who was giving me a sad smile. I looked around and met the confused and worried eyes of the guys.

I rubbed my eyes furiously, not liking the fact that they saw me cry. "Sorry, did I wake you up?" I willed the lump in my throat to go away as I cleared my throat, not liking the sound of me being vulnerable. My throat was still dry and a hand offered me a glass of water which I gratefully took.

After a lot of them fussing over me, I finally managed to convince them that it was just a nightmare that was so bad it left me all shaken up.

Monic, though, was a much more different story. She knew better to trust my every word but she also knew I didn't like to let anyone see me in such a vulnerable state. It was weak and it was disgusting.

She managed to help me convince them and told them that she'll keep me company.

She knew of the nightmares. It happened a month before she decided to move out of the state and start a fresh new beginning there and I can't blame her on that, I know how it feels like. To be desperate to leave everything behind in hopes that it'll won't chase you and let you be.

But it has never been that case, it can never be. You can't run from your past, it will always catch up on you no matter how many seconds of a head-start it gives you.

Monic looked at me and I can see her eyes brimming in tears as she hugged me. I could feel a sob rising in my throat.

No, I have to be strong. Monic needs me to be strong. I have to be strong. I chanted and it was like a mantra. The sob slid back to wherever it came from and I rubbed Monic's back soothingly in silence.

"It's okay, Case. I know you miss him too. Let it out. Don't bottle it up, it can hurt you." Monic whispered into my ear as she sniffled and behind her words, I found the comfort I can only find from her. She was as much as a sister to Bryant as I was. Bryant loved her as much as he loved me and she is family.

Bryant's death affected her as much as it affected me so if there was anyone who can understand me, it's Monic. She knew how much grief I have to deal with, the pain I have to endure and the guilt in me. She doesn't have nightmares about it because she wasn't there but I knew she loves Bryant.

Her words brought back the sadness I felt and then I just.. let go.

It was her turn to cradle my head as I sobbed and wept into her pajamas as flashes of the aftermath of the crash filtered my mind.

"I'm a horrible person, Mo. I just had to be so selfish. If only I just stayed home then Bryant would still be here, you and Dom wouldn't have left and everything," I stopped to catch my breath and hiccuped as my chest moved irregularly, fighting for air through my sobs. "Everything would've stayed perfect. Bryant would've bit off Adam's head if he as much as laid a hand on me and I would still have my brother back. We would've still have our scary big brother. It's all my fault, Mo. It's all my fault. I'm so sorry."

I took Bryant from Monic's life, from Dom's life and most of all, from Maddison's life. It was my fault and my doing that she is who she is now. If I just stayed home and ignore the taunts of the popular girls in challenging me, Bryant will be the one comforting me- no, Bryant won't have to because there won't be anyone to grieve over.

I wanted to blend in the crowd so hard and I did blend in during that party in the middle of the night but it costed me the brother I love dearest hours after it was over.

It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair. I was just a girl. I was young, naive, oblivious to the cruelty of life when all that ignorance was wrenched form me and transformed me into this, a broken girl, longing to feel her brother's warm hugs and kisses again. He was what kept me sane.

I was barely seventeen, and what did life decided to throw at me? The death of my brother. The death of the only person who cared for me all those years, who would pick me up when I'm too weak to stand on my own and who would give me the best hugs anyone can give.

I know that we're mortal beings and would eventually have to face death but the way my brother was taken from me was so heart-wrenchingly abrupt that I can't function properly every time I think about it.

And I think about it a lot; not because I want to but Bryant was my everything and that means everything reminds me of him. The song that plays in the radio, the food I have for breakfast and hell, even my shoes remind me of him.

But that's life. It doesn't care if you're ready, it'll toss you into the sea of sharks where anything can happen when it sees you fit. Some sharks might nip your skin, some might ignore you and swim pass and some might just eat you up whole.

"No, Case. It wasn't your fault. It wasn't. I'm not gonna let you blame yourself. It wasn't your fault." I sobbed in hearing her words. She may not have blamed me but because of my stubborn nature, my brother had to clean up my mess after me and it costed him his life.

I didn't bother answering her and just stayed there, accepting any form of comfort she can offer and let the tears continue to fall.

Soon enough, the tears stopped and I could feel myself drift away and my senses dulling as my eye lids became heavier and heavier.

Monic seemed to have caught on and laid me down on Bryant's old bed and covered me up with my blanket as my eyes shut closed. She shuffled back to my bed and I could faintly trace out her silhouette as she let herself be engulfed by the covers. Her back was turned against me and as I feel another lone tear drop out of my left eye, I let my eyelids drop and I welcomed the darkness.

What saddens me most is the fact that once I accepted the fact that Bryant is gone forever, I realized that the memories we made wasn't enough and now that I finally realize it, it's too late and the memories that I already have of him will have to be enough to fill the gap in my heart.

'I love you, Bryant. You'll always be close to my heart' was the last thought that entered my mind right before sleep was about to swallow me whole.

•~•~•

There ya go peeps.

It's heartbreaking, I know.

For all of you who have brothers, younger or older, nearby or across the world. Call them and tell them you love them because Casey wasn't able to say her last 'I love you' to her brother, she wasn't able to tell him how much she loves him before it's too late and don't make the same mistake.

Love your siblings and don't mock them or harass them just because you wanna look cool in front of your friends.

Anyways..

You guys will have to wait a little longer than usual because I don't think I'll be able to update until the next day comes so.. Hold on tight, bro.

Love y'all and I hope you like the chapter. -J