They say when you die and the Valkyries do not take you to Odin that you go to Helheim. Hel and her blood stained wolf, Garmr, meet you at the gates of her realm and lead you to her hall, Elvidner, where you are welcomed with horns of mead. Unlike in Valhalla, where every day is a massive battle in which everyone must fight until the last man stands in preparation of Ragnarok, in Helheim it's life after life. Every one does the same tasks they did in life, except now in this realm. If you farmed in life on Midgard, you farmed in afterlife on Helheim. If you were a raider in life, you are one in death.

It was supposed to be a relatively peaceful existence, so long as you were not wicked in life. In which case, you were doomed to the place called Nastrond. The great hall is made from giant woven serpent spines, all of their skulls facing downward with venom slowly dripping from their fangs onto all of the wicked who are trapped there. The venom makes it's ways from the halls and creates a river of venom surrounding Nastrond so no one could escape. The dripping venom was the least of the oath-breakers, adulterers and murders worries, however. Every day, Nidhoggr, the great dragon, would eat the corpses of the wicked. Doomed to this torture for all time.

An existence in Helheim would be peaceful, that is until Loki, Hel's father, comes to collect the dead. To take them across the river Gjoll to fight against the Gods in Ragnarok.

When my eyes closed on the battlefield that day, I did not find myself in Valhalla. Nor did I find myself in Helheim, nor Nastrond though I knew I would never be cursed to go there, nor any of the other realms.

Instead, everything was was dark. There was no sound, no feeling, just cold darkness. Had everyone been wrong? How could that be? Everyone knew the stories of the Gods and the many realms. And not just here in Denmark, but in Sweden and Norway and Finland. All of our peoples stories are the same so how is it I am in this cold, dark abyss alone?

Did the Gods even exist?

The darkness seemed to go on forever until a twinge of warmth struck me. At first, the warmth was so minimal but it quickly started to spread across my belly. The darkness that surrounded me seemed to lighten and the colors I would normally see dance before my eyes when I closed them again started their sporadic and chaotic dance.

The warmth I felt started to turn into an almost searing heat. Then the pain hit.

My hands clutched onto my stomach and the moment they did, it made the pain infinitely worse. My eyes shot open and I sat up, yelping in pain. I looked down at my torso and saw dirty bandages wrapped around my stomach and chest. Brownish-green mud was seeping through the bandages that were stained with dried blood.

My body started to shake uncontrollably and before I could even think, I collapsed. I closed my eyes tightly while the throbbing ache in my belly spread across my whole body.

"Little one?"

My breath caught in my lungs. Ivar.

"Briet?" Ivar called again when I didn't answer.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and was immediately caught in his icy blue ones. He was sitting hunched over at a table with a rather large horn of mead. His shoulders were tensed and raised almost up to his ears while his one brace clad leg was stretched out to the side. The room was dark, save for the light coming from the crackling fire in the hearth and the few candles that were scattered about. Even in this dim light I could see the dark, puffy circles under his eyes from my spot.

I felt my brows knit together in confusion. Where exactly was I? I looked around at my surroundings and instantly recognized this place as Ivar's room in the great hall of Kattegat. Had Ivar and Harald won?

I was still in a daze, my mind groggy from whatever happened. I didn't know what to say, what questions to ask and even if I did, I feel too exhausted and sore to even speak. My fingers twitched against the soft furs of Ivar's bed making me close my eyes as I relished in the comfort of his bed.

My peaceful moment didn't last for long. The sound of the wooden chair legs scraping against the wooden floorboards made my eyes shoot open once more. They landed on Ivar who was standing with the aid of his crutch. He took a long sip of his drink and then made his way to the side of the bed.

He turned his body sharply and then collapsed on the edge of the bed, his back to me. He went to place his crutch next to him against the edge of the bed but in his, what seemed to be drunken state, it fell onto the floor with a loud clang.

The loud noise made me jump which only caused the pain in my torso worsen still. I sucked in air through clenched teeth and instinctively went to grab at my torso but as soon as my hands landed on it the pain intensified, if that was even possible.

"Unngh!" I yelled out, still clenching my jaw.

Ivar's rough hands gripped my wrists and pulled my hands away from my wound, pinning them at my hips. "Calm yourself."

The moment his hands landed on me memories of him raping me tore through my mind like a wild storm. The tears that I was trying so hard to keep at bay finally spilled over my lashes and down my cheeks.

"Please let me go," I begged between sobs.

"Never again." Ivar whispered, moving so that he was now laying on his side next to me. His closeness made my whole body tense

"Please, n-n-no,"

He snaked his arm under my neck so that my head was now resting on his arm instead of his pillow. Ivar leaned down and gently pressed his lips against my forehead making me whimper.

"Wh-where's Lagertha?" I stammered.

Ivar stiffened. "You are lucky I found you." his voice was low and emotionless.

"Where are the others? What happened on the battle field?" I craned my neck to look up at him. The corner of his lip turned up, making him look like a growling wolf. Vidar... where was my wolf? "Where is Vidar?"

"Please calm down before you hurt yourself more." He commanded again.

"No! Tell me what happened! Where is everyone?"

Ivar's eyes rolled in annoyance. "Defeated. Lagertha and the others; Ubbe, Bjorn and Torvi are on the run."

My eyes fluttered shut. No. This couldn't possibly be the truth. I forced myself to think back to the battle but it was all a blur. Random images that I couldn't put together or make out. He was lying. If he won, why would he keep me alive? I left him. He told us that if we left that they would be turning their backs on him and he would show no mercy.

"You're lucky to have survived." He continued. "Not many did."

"What of Vidar? He was there with me, I remember that."

"He stayed by your side. That's how I found you, I saw him pacing by your side after the battle was won." He answered, his fingers mindlessly playing with my hair. I could smell the mead on his breath. "Well, Hvitserk saw him first."

Hvitserk. His face flashed in my mind. I saw him bringing his sword down onto Florian's neck and then his concerned expression once he saw me on the ground. It was like flood gates were opening now. I could see Harald killing his brother, Halfdan. I remembered running after him to kill him for what he did to Halfdan.

"Hvitserk... Hvitserk killed Florian..." I whispered.

Ivar growled. "Mmm, yes. Florian is dead." Ivar's body tensed and he pulled his arm out from under my neck, making my head rise and fall harshly back onto the plush pillow. "As is his baby."

I remembered Harald gripping his brothers' axe and swinging it at me. The blade cutting open my swollen belly. I shakily got up on my elbows and looked down again at the bandages around my belly. What have I done?

My heart felt like it had exploded inside my chest. My child was gone and it was all because of me.

"I am sure you are sad to learn that both Florian and the baby you made together are both gone." He sneered, sitting up so that his back was again turned to me.

I froze. "What?" I managed between my silent sobs.

"You heard me!" He roared.

"Ivar... I didn't sleep with Florian,"

He cut me off. "You left me! I bet you didn't even make it back to Kattegat before you fucked him!"

"I didn't sleep with him, Ivar!"

"Did you even care about me?! Did I mean anything to you, you whore?!" Ivar's trembling hands clenched into tight fists.

"You raped me!" I snapped, sitting up despite the excruciating pain. "That baby was yours, you stupid fool."

Ivar slowly turned back to me, his face that was once red in anger was now turning white. "What did you say?" He whispered.

I was taking in long breaths in hopes of dulling the burning pain. Before I was able to speak, his hand shot out and grabbed ahold of my jaw.

"What did you say!"

A pained scream escaped my lips. The fear that took over me was all too familiar. "You heard me. You raped me and that child was yours because of it!"

Ivar's grip tightened still around my jaw. The intense rage growing in his eyes would have scared the life out of me but in this moment, I didn't care. I didn't care if he killed me right here and now. I would welcome death. Anything so that I would no longer feel this physical and mental agony.

When he finally let go, I collapsed back into the pillows. My tears were still slowly streaming down my cheeks. Now that I finally told him the truth of what happened, I felt empty and numb. He was glaring daggers at me.

"You were pregnant with my child?" He questioned, his voice monotone and low. "You knew you were pregnant with my child and still you fought against me?!" He boomed.

"You told me you wanted to marry me and then I found you with a naked woman straddled on your lap." I retorted. "And then you raped me when I confronted you about it!"

"How could you have done that?" It was like he wasn't even hearing what I was saying. "How could you have fought against me?"

"You were going mad in England. You killed Sigurd, you took over the army. You had some naked woman fawning over you and then you did that to me." I repeated in hopes it would finally click in his mind.

"Did you... did you even have feelings for me?" He finally looked away onto the fur blankets that littered the bed.

His question hit me like a shield leaving me feeling even more numb and helpless. There was no way he was listening to me.

"I could ask you the same thing, Ivar." I shot back, moving so that my back was now resting against the wall his bed was pushed up against.

My voice was quiet as I spoke. "Ivar, you took my freedom and made me your slave. I thought the only reason why you had made me a slave was to show Sigurd that you had more power as a prince of Kattegat. You were cruel to me until that night of the sacrifice when we... we had sex.

"Then you left with Ragnar and I stayed loyal to you, even when Lagertha overtook Kattegat. I fought to save your mother. And when you came back, no matter how many people told you, you still didn't believe me. You were still cruel." Using the back of my hands, I wiped away the tears on my cheeks leaving dry, salty patches on my skin.

"And when we were in England, and you told me you wanted to marry me, that was the first time you were truly kind and loving towards me." I scoffed when the next point came into my mind. "And then you killed your brother and in that moment, you turned into someone I no longer recognized. A few days after you told me you wanted to make me your wife, I found you with another woman. And then you did that revolting, disgusting thing to me. Did you think I was going to stay by your side after that?"

I could feel anger start to boil within me as I told him our story from my side. I was angry with him for everything he had put me through but now that I'd finally told him, I felt angry with myself for letting it happen.

Ivar slowly laid back down onto the bed next to me, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. I could see the tears building in his eyes and within seconds they started to pour freely.

"Why didn't you come to me when you saw me before the war?" He questioned, still not looking at me.

I had to bite my tongue from asking why the fuck would I? I knew better than to challenge Ivar's rage.

"Lagertha wouldn't let me." It wasn't entirely a lie. Lagertha wouldn't let me go to him and I sure as Helheim wasn't going to sneak away and go to him.

"Did she know you were with child?" He finally looked at me. The whites of his eyes were now a bright red from his crying. His tears left glossy trails down his cheeks.

I nodded my head in response.

"And still she let you fight?!"

"No, she wouldn't let me. I... I snuck away once everyone had left camp and stayed hidden from her. No one knew I joined them."

"Hvitserk was your hostage. He said you were there when Lagertha was pleading that I call off the attack. Did you tell him you were pregnant?" Ivar was going through all the people who would have known I was pregnant so he could later confront them, no doubt.

I sighed. "No, Ivar, he didn't know. I didn't speak to him."

Ivar nodded his head, accepting my response.

We both remained silent for some time. His eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling while his fingers mindlessly tapped against his chest. Every few minutes he would take in a quick deep breath through his nostrils and then exhaled slowly. He looked as if he was going over our conversation in his mind, trying to pick apart my answers to try and find a lie.

I nervously fidgeted with the linen skirt that was tied around my waist to cover my womanhood. It was the only bit of clothing I had on since I couldn't wear a normal dress because it would hinder the healer from getting to my wound.

The longer he stayed silent, the more nervous I became. With everything that happened, I wouldn't care if I was sentenced to death. My heart was now an empty pit in my chest after learning what happened to my child. There will be nothing in this world that will ever be able to heal this feeling. But I know Ivar. He wouldn't let me go that easily. With every passing minute he stayed silent, I could only imagine the ideas of torture and revenge that was being plotted inside that twisted mind of his.

He sat up and in one swift move, took his tunic off and threw it onto the floor in front of him. His hands went for the many buckles of his metal braces and started to undo them. When they finally were all undone, he slipped them off from around his legs and pushed them onto the floor as well and then laid back down in bed.

"Lay beside me." He finally commanded, still avoiding my gaze.

I stayed still for a moment, not knowing what to expect and not quite understanding why he wanted me to lay next to him. His head snapped in my direction, his eyes instantly meeting mine. He raised a brow at me in a silent command to do as I was told.

Biting my lip, I awkwardly moved so that I wouldn't cause myself that much pain and laid down on my side next him. As soon as I stopped fidgeting he moved in, snaking his arm under my head and moving me so that my head was resting on his bare chest. His hand moved so that he was again playing mindlessly with my matted hair while his other reached over and gently brought my arm so that it draped over his torso.

My heart was racing like mad inside my chest. Of all the possible responses to what just happened, this was not the one that I expected. I tried to lay as still as possible to not upset him.

He must have noticed how rigid I was. "Relax, little one." His voice was gentle as he spoke. "I don't think the Gods wanted me to have a child. They obviously didn't want me to exist." He stayed quiet for a moment, taking in a shaky breath. "I am so happy you survived."

Ivar squeezed me closer to him. My face scrunched together and I stifled my whimpers from the pain that he caused, not wanting to ruin the tender moment. I could feel myself slipping right back under his thumb.