It started as a hit: 20,000 for the head of Lynwood Cary, longtime animation director/writer and multimillionaire.

It is 3:00 AM and I sit alone in my dimly lit apartment, typing blindly into my homemade Linux computer rigged up to my 1989 GE Color TV through a series of dangerously exposed wire and cables. I need no illumination but the dimly lit screen, and I press each button of my keyboard without hesitation. Due to both age and over-use, the white painted letters have long faded away, and my mouse cursor barely works. As I scrolled nonchalantly through my email, I suddenly stopped scrolling. The email read;

"Dear 'Deathstroke',

I have confirmed your cleanup for Cthulhu's resume, and am on course for

Lynwood Cary, in exchange for the previously negotiated amount of 50,000,000 being

wired to my account. it has been a pleasure doing business with you.

I double checked my email account, and the one I had logged into was Death_Stroke.

There is no way on earth this is possible. It has to be a prank. On instinct, I searched the table I call my stomach for my Cheetos bag and began shoving them into my mouth. This isn't real. It can't be.

Now I began hyperventilating, almost instantly queuing another asthma attack. No. Wait. Opening reddit in one tab and 4chan in the other, I searched for 'Cthulhu's resume' Nothing. 'Cthulhu...'

'Cthulhu cleanup' As soon as I pressed enter, I noticed one article in particular, titled "the_day_i_hired_a_hitman".