Analyzing Garroth's poor small body tagged to these wires made my heart break. The machines beeping, made my eyes ache, but I was counting each one. They all timed at the beat. My head lowered down, my eyes only focused down on my legs and the tile floor, Garte, and my poor baby that didn't deserve this.

I wish I could have screamed at fate that distanced Garroth to go through such hell in such young age, he was already at stage three of cancer. As if just beggingly crawling to death's doorstep.

''Remember what we talked about before he was born? Like when I was pregnant with him?'' I whispered. I broke up the silence, distracting myself from the repeating sounds from the machines, Garte just zoomed back into his sad reality turning to me.

"We argued whether he was going to be a boy or girl until we found out.'' He talks softly, his voice still cracked. Still a bit shaky from the news, he hid it with a mellow deep chuckle.

''We thought he'd be clingy to me.'' I say, not being able to imagine that happen anymore. My lips were widened to my cheeks that were slightly redder than my whole pale face that lost colour, forming a warming smile that Garte looked at finding happiness himself.

I slowly lift my hand up, gliding it like a feather down Garte's cheek. Garte embraced the touch, he let out a sharp breath and closed his eyes. His hand sneaks onto my mine, holding it. My hand brushes onto Garte's neck, rubbing it gently. We both lean in for a kiss, Garte slightly tilts his head.

A slight ring creaked through, breaking our moment. It came from Garte's pocket, annoyingly I tried to tell him to ignore it but before I could even say anything Garte jumped turning to Garroth.

Hence, from those wires tied up to him it was harsh to sleep, I could see by each day those bags pile up beneath his eyes and he became skinnier and skinnier. He only took little bits of food-the other was thrown up with in the next few hours.

Garte tried to silence it, seeing Garroth's leg move  and his eyes opened, looking at him naively. Garte froze, turning to me. He snapped his head, making a worried and urgent eye contact.

''Can you take care of him for a few minutes? I need to take care of this.''  He almost begs, I nod, not really having a option to stop him.

I stood up, my back hurt from all the sitting and crying. Reaching my arms out as I wrapped my hands around Garroth, lifting him up. I pecked him on his forehead, feeling his skin was still warm. Garroth peeked through my shoulder, holding to wherever his hand lands, grasping my neck.

''Daddy?" He tried to say the word, of course for a soon to be ten month old. Who only had six teeth, he didn't say it quite well. But, it was impressive enough to awe at.

Garte waved at him. Just a simple one. It was short, and quick. Snapping his attention to his son from his phone. Garroth had his expression on his face happen before Garte turned his heel and snapped through the hospital doors.

Of course, Garroth's first reaction was to cry.

He is the biggest daddy's boy, and with his senses he began crying. Panic arose within me, I rocked him in my arms trying to humm a simple nursery song, it doesn't really calm Garroth down, he whined, trying to push himself off of me.

''Oh, Garroth. Come on.”

''Please don't cry, Daddy will come.'' I tried to shush Garroth, but he cried out sadly. I  rested him down onto the blanket, pausing him with a lion before he could crawl away. Garroth straightened himself while he was sitting, looking at the stuffed toy.

''Do you like the toy?" I ask, wiggling it around. Garroth looked at it, he had a friendly expression on himself, resting one hand on my knee to reach out for the toy.

''Awe, you do. Here.'' I giggled, seeing Garroth take it as I lowered my hand. He took the lion’s ear, playing around with it, I reached out for another toy, it was a golden stuffed dragon.

''Wanna play with Raven the dragon?" I smiled, I randomly named the dragon right now, it felt right for a reason I myself didn't know. Garroth let out a happy screech, rushing towards the toy, he grabbed onto it, playing with the dragons wings almost instantly.

I smiled softly. He was adorable, completely.

I zoned out into my thoughts, watching Garroth play with the two stuffed toys I offered, he didn't run off anywhere else. He seemed so happy and cheerful just playing with it, I could not understand how come he deserved such punishment like this disease.

I pick Garroth up slowly, checking the time to see that almost ten minutes passed.  And just in time for me to start getting worried.

Garte opened the doors,  his appearance was in distress. Garroth reaches out for Garte, squealing impatiently, he was smiling a big full smile. l, myself couldn't help but smile at the little guy and how happy he was, Garte forced on a slight smile.  Garroth responded with a soft baby giggle, Garte takes him,  picking up gently and pecking his forehead. Garroth grabbed tightly onto his shirt, smiling like a small angel. Garte caressed his hand across Garroth's blond locks, stroking his small daffodil yellow hair.

''What's wrong..?" I question, already seeing through Garte something was already wrong. Something bad happened.

"Nothing, Honey.'' Garte halfway smiled, but he barely could even cover up the lie. I furrowed my eyebrows.

''Garte...'' I whine out, holding the e and lingering it in my mouth.

''Zianna,  I told you. Everything is okay.'' He promised me, in a calming and reassuring tone. I bite my lip, giving a frustrated look.

''Garte Ro'meave.'' I commanded out his name. "You never act like this for no reason.'' I got irritated and annoyed so quickly and fast, my face turned boiling hot as I was about to jump up and down in annoyance.

''Act like what?" Garte inquired, acting like a clueless idiot.

''Nervous, unwilling to tell me something? We don't keep secrets from each other, G! We promised that.'' I cry out, exclaiming my words. The distress and anger grumbling in my voice. I held my hands in fists.

He stands silent for a moment, resting a hand on Garroth's back. Before he turned around, he glanced at his family, the only two people in the room not counting himself. He turned around, heading to where we keep toys, resting him on a soft lime green blanket that we brought from home. Garroth tries to crawl back into his arms, grabbing onto his legs as Garte bent down, he took a moment to reach out for a lion stuffie, offering Garroth the toy. He smiles as Garroth happily grabs it, analyzing the friendly features of the lion. The crown that was a brunette brown circled around the lions bubble like head. He had a small smile shaped like a simple three, the lion was a simple crust yellow matching the fur of a natural lion.

I wondered now, what would be Garroth's favorite animal?

He stood up, lifting himself up from the crouching position,  his teeth nibbed into his lip as he signaled nervousness when he walked closer to me. I ease my face, snapping from anger and frustration to confusion and curiosity.

He hugged me.

He pressed his hand hand onto the back of my head, I could feel my muscles relaxing as I embrace Garte, it was a quick hug so I couldn't melt into it slowly, his grip around me separates, I look up to him, the expression on my face was readable. Sorrowful and disoriented.

''Zianna that phone call...I-It was the general...'' He muttered. His voice was low, he would pause at times. Deciding if to tell or not to tell.

''And..?" I question, holding onto my two hands, refusing just to flat out admit that I knew something was wrong.

"He said that...My next tour is in Afghanistan, for six months.'' He whispers. Soaking up the words.

My mouth wobbled, dropping. My eyes already broke out with a river of tears, covering my mouth with a harsh heart taking breath. I took a step back as if something just attacked me.

''Oh my God..." I say, in shock and unable to talk.

''Th-There is more.'' He stuttered, pausing to take a deep and gather his words. ''I have to leave in three days.''

I take my step forward, I shook my head in a slow motion as Garte stood in the same spot. I felt nauseous, I almost thought this was just my imagination. But I was wrong, I tripped on my legs, struggling to stand still. But, I did. Standing three feet away from him, I could feel tears drooling down my cheeks once I spoke.

''N-No...Garte you can't leave!" I cry out, panic rose in my voice. As it was cracking and breaking as I spoke.

''I tried, I tried so hard to say...''’

''Not...Not in a time like this! Our baby has cancer!" I plead, I was a mess.

Whenever I blinked my eyelashes were slapped with a new layer of tears, my eyes wore sorrow and red. I let out a unattractive sniffle, breaking down.

''Please, Zianna. Don't make this harder than it has to be.'' Garte sighed, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

But, it was hard. It was hard to stand, it was hard to breathe, it was hard to think, it was hard to do anything at this point.

All I could do is cry.

Garte thinks I stopped sobbing as I rest my head into his shoulder, but I still weep with tears, not making a sound. I slowly calm down, as Garte pecks a kiss on top of my head. Once I steady my breathing, I lift my head up.

Tears running down everywhere in my face, my red eyes never stopped being red. Garte grasps onto my hand as I take a deep breath.

''It's gonna be okay, alright? You, Tobin, and your mom will take care of Garroth just fine. I promise, Honey.''  He said, I nod slowly. Tilting my head down.

I tried to hide my tears by wiping them off with my wrist, letting out another sniffle.

My poor hair was probably tangled and greased into a mess, making me look like a crazy lady. Garte brings Garroth who was smiling, giggling. He drops the lion onto the floor on the sight of me, I sigh, bending down to get it I pick it up, giving to it, Garroth gave a mischievous smirk, seeing some new game to play with. He let go of the lion, letting it fall onto the ground.

''Oh, we're playing that game, are we?" I question, smirking back. I picked up the lion once again in a rush, kissing Garroth on the cheek and handing it back to him. Garroth let out his little happy squeal, even if I could still feel tears and my neck sour from all the crying I felt better seeing Garroth.

Garte crept a smile at both of us, he moved Garroth around in his grip before handing him to me. Offering to at least.

''Can Mommy hold you, bud?" I coo out, I knew he couldn't answer. He didn't understand what I was asking until I physically did it. But, I still had the need to ask him.

Garroth shakes his head with a sugar cookie smile, he looks at his dad and giggles. I smile silently, even if I was rejected by my own son, I felt anything he did was adorable.

''No? C'mon , buddy, let Mommy hold you.'' Garte reassured, Garroth shook his head in slow motion. Ignoring his parents pleading.

''No, no?" I ask, smacking a kiss on his cheek once again. I was glad his cheek was still slightly red.

''Why not?" Garte asks.

''Momma hurt!" Garroth responds, not expecting him to be even able to speak properly. He missed the 'r', but me and Garte could understand what he was trying to say.

''Mommy would never hurt you, little man.'' Garte promised to the little child. His voice was soft, almost encouraging Garroth to do it, no wonder Garroth loved him, Garte’s voice was deep and soft, some lullaby I would be able to fall asleep to. Which was one of the many reasons I loved him.

It took me a moment to progress that Garroth would think I'd want to hurt him, but I managed to shake it off.

''I'm sure it's just cancer hurting him. Here.'' Garte passed little Garroth to me, I wrap my arms around him gently, Garroth instantly lets out a long whine, Garte calms him down by combing his hair with his hands and kissing his forehead, promising that everything is alright and safe.

''See? You're okay. Mommy can hold you, too.'' Garte gives a huge warm smile.

Garroth slowly turns to me, looking up. I instantly give an energetic smile, at this point my eyes were back to the basic taffy cyan they were. Garte stayed near by me, and Garroth smiled softly. Which was good enough for me.

''Hi, baby.'' I swathe Garroth with soft words.

I kept on trying to make him laugh, cooing and mumbling sweetlings along with little jokes, I tried laughing myself but at the point in time Garroth finally let out a small naive giggle. Revealing his white new little teeth.

The proudness in me was over filled,

I played around with Garroth for a moment or two before he looked over to Garte who was zoning out, Garroth let out a sound, trying to say something. Garte instantly snapped his attention to Garroth.

He shares a stare with Garroth, looking deep into Garoth's tired yet happy eyes. Garte scooches closer to me, wrapping his arm closer to me as Garroth clinged his hand onto his shirt. I slide my hand down on his chest, where I could feel his heart beating, his chest was strong like a wall, no wonder- he was a soldier after all.

I look up at Garte. His azure with the mix of sapphire eyes showed affection, hiding away the worry. He rubbed his hand, warming up my back slightly.

"Were gonna get through this, okay? I promise.'' Garte promised me, making me believe his words.

''I know.''  I whisper. Before Garte rested his lips onto mine, I tighten my grip onto Garte's shirt, feeling the heat tingle between our mouths before Garte separated us.

Oh, how much I miss kissing him.

~-~-~-~-~

I watch Garte walked down the stairs in his formal army uniform, his hair was cut, even if there was some left at the middle, I didn't like that hair cut. I didn't like the uniform, it all signified violence and death for me.

I turned around for a moment, giving Garroth his pacifier, while Tobin held onto Garroth.

I rotated my attention back to Garte looking at him in such a dazed and mortified look, I would not stand him dying.

I immediately sprint up to Garte, I wrap my hands around him. His muscles stiffened, now wonder- I was hugging him as if he was the last thing left in my life. Nonetheless, he ignored it and kissed my forehead softly. Pressing his hand on my lower back and his other with the back of my hand.

He let go off me and all of the waves of ecstasy was gone, almost finding the need to cry. I looked over at Garte.

‘’Hey, I promised him and I’ll promise you. I’m coming back.’’ He promised, smiling generously at me.

‘’I-I love you, so much.’’ My eyes shimmered with tears, I did not have the time to tell him how much I will miss him, how much I loved him.

‘’I, love you too, Honey.’’ Garte smiled, letting go off me.  He gave the attention to his son and brother, bending down  after he took a few steps forward to see Tobin sassily bopping Garroth on the nose, which Garroth was giggling.

Garte took his last moments, talking to Garroth and Tobin before standing up. I felt to nauseous and hot to hear what he was saying throughout their conversation. But Garte was standing up, standing up to leave.

I felt my heartbeat up fasten, Garroth cried out watching his father heading out the door, and I couldn’t do anything to stop Garte. He turned his attention to me, giving out his little goodbye, before leaving for the next six months out the door. I could see the light in the outside shape his fit figure, as he dragged his bag along. I was fighting my tears, seeing him close the door shut before making a last glance around the house.

I am going to miss him very badly.