Zianna and I sit next to each other in the hospital chairs next to Garroth's crib. He had several IVs hooked up to his tiny body, wires attached to his chest to make sure he was still breathing and his heart was still beating at a good pace. He was sleeping like nothing was bothering him.

The constant beeping of the machines in the silence drove us crazy. Our nine, almost ten month old shouldn't be here. He should be playing with toys that aren't constantly sanitized. Zianna and I shouldn't be talking about whether or not we should let our son go; we should be talking about seeing the family for his first birthday.

"Remember what we talked about before he was born? Like when I was pregnant with him?" Zianna whispers, breaking the silence and giving a calm smile.

"We argued whether he was going to be a boy or girl until we found out." I talk softly, giving a soft chuckle.

"We thought he'd be clingy to me." Zianna says, smiling a little wider this time.

I smile, looking down and ignoring the annoying beeps. Zianna puts a hand on my neck, rubbing it gently. Heat rushes to my face as I grab her hand. Then, my phone begins to ring. I jump, immediately turning to Garroth.

He was even harder to get to go to sleep because of the wires and needles pricking his skin that the nurses constantly had to do. He was still throwing up, only able to keep very small doses of food down. We would feed him a cup of applesauce and he would throw it up within two hours. It was sad to see, especially since he was getting skinnier and looking more tired by the day.

I can see his big blue eyes open once the phone began ringing. I pulled it out and silenced it, but once I saw the name my eyes grew wide. I turn to Zianna.

"Can you take care of him for a few minutes? I need to take this." I say urgently.

Zianna nods and walks over to Garroth, picking him up gently and kissing his forehead. His eyes are locked on me. He reaches for me, I give a sad smile.

"Daddy?" He asks, sounding very curious.

I pick up the phone and give him a small wave. Walking out the door, I can see Garroth turn to Zianna. I pray to God he's not crying or about to scream.

"Garte Ro'Meave," I state, answering the phone.

"This is General Jefferson from the army base. We have your next assignment."

My eyes grow wide as I rush into a more quiet and private area, where there aren't that many people or doctors rushing around. I reach a hallway with big windows, the bright golden sun shining through the glass.

I cross my fingers behind my back, hoping I get somewhere near Nebraska. Biting my nails, I pray for Iowa or Kansas, states that I only have to drive no more than a few hours to see my son. Panic rushes through me as he asks if I'm still there.

"Y-Yes, sir. Where is it...?" I awkwardly ask. I haven't talked to a general I haven't known for a long time.

"Afghanistan." His voice echoes through the phone. His voice is deep and calm, but also stern and quite intimidating.

I bite my lip, my hands shaking and tears filling my eyes. My son was just diagnosed with cancer and I'm being transferred to a place with soldiers that are going to try and kill me. I shake my head, trying to come to reality.

"With all due respect, sir, I can't go. My son was just diagnosed with cancer and-"

"Ro'Meave, we need you to go. You have to. I'm sorry about your son, but you should have known you would have been moved around." General Jefferson says.

"Sir, my ten month old son was diagnosed with cancer. Isn't there anything you can do, sir?" I desperately plead.

"I'm sorry, Sargent. There's nothing."

"You can't do this, sir! Please, anything!" I say with tears running down my face.

"Sargent. I didn't decide this. You need to go to Afghanistan, they need you." He becomes more stern by the second, but I can tell he's choosing his words carefully.

"General Jefferson, can't you try to convince them? My son could be dying, I can't go halfway across the world!" I try to show as much respect as possible, but it's hard when there's nothing going right for you.

"Sargent Ro'Meave, I'm gonna need you to listen to me." He says. I take a shaky breath. "If anything happens to your son, we will send you back. I just need to you to go. You're one of our most valuable soldiers. You'll be fine, all right?"

I stand there in denial, biting my nails. Only a couple of tears stream down my face. I try not to panic on the outside, but I am internally.

"Y-Yes, sir." I say quietly.

"All right, your tour will be six months. I'll see you in three days. Take care of your son." The general says as he hangs up.

Three days.

Three days to spend time with my wife and son. Who's going to be a male figure in his life for the six months I'm gone? Garroth is super clingy to me, I can't just leave him like that. Zianna needs me as a husband to be there when she breaks down, to be there when she just needs to cry.

I place my hands together, pressing my two index fingers on my lips. I pace back and forth, back and forth, thousands of thoughts racing in my mind. But then I realize that every second I'm here is a second wasted not spending time with my family. I slide my phone in my pocket and practically sprint back to the room.

Doctors and nurses look at me like I'm crazy. I brush it off, running as fast as I can to get to my little boy. I try not to breathe too heavy as I go back up to our door, giving a gentle knock and turning the knob, slowly opening the door.

Zianna turns to me, a look of slight relief in her eyes. Garroth's face lights up completely, his smile bigger than I've seen in what feels like years at this point. I force a smile back, but it's not even a full smile. Garroth gives a mediocre giggle and reaches for me. I take him and stroke his hair, kissing him on the forehead.

"What's wrong..?" Zianna asks, sternly but nervously. She plays with her fingers, that's how I can tell she's nervous.

"Nothing, Honey." I say, smiling halfway this time.

"Garte..." She replies, holding out the e at the end.

"Zianna, I told you. Everything's okay."  I say in a calm, reassuring tone. Zianna bites her lip and gives me a frustrated look.

"Garte Ro'Meave, you never act like this for no reason." She sounds irritated and annoyed. I can't blame her, though. But I don't want to tell her with our son right in front of our eyes.

"Act like what?" I ask.

I don't notice I'm acting any differently. Sure, I may seem more jumpy and shaky but I would assume that would be understood by her. Our baby has cancer. I guess it's all about perspective.

"Nervous, unwilling to tell me something? We don't keep secrets from each other, G! We promised that!" She exclaims. Distress and anger rise in her voice.

I place a hand on the back of Garroth's head. I glance back at Zianna and look down at Garroth. I walk over to where we keep his toys and gently set him on the floor on a light green blanket that we brought from home. He looks up at me, his arms reaching out for me to hold him. I hand him a stuffed lion and his eyes light up. I smile at him as he takes it, looking at all its childish features.

I stand up and walk towards Zianna, sighing and biting my lip, tears barely burning my eyes. Her face goes from frustrated to confusion in a matter of seconds. I pull her into a hug, pressing my hand on the back of her head. I separate and she looks at me with fear, sadness, and confusion.

"Zianna that phone call... I-It was the general..." I say, struggling at my words.

"And...?" I can tell she knows something is wrong, but she refuses to just flat out admit it. That's one of the things I love about her, she's not one to assume.

"He said that... my next tour is in Afghanistan, for six months." I say.

Zianna's mouth drops, her eyes flooding with tears. She covers her mouth with her hands and takes a step back. I bite my lip, standing there and shaking my head.

"Oh my God..." She says, in shock and unable to talk.

"Th-There's more." I stutter and pause. "I have to leave in three days."

She walks very slow towards me, shaking her head in almost slow motion. I swallow, probably a little too hard. I bite my lip so hard it feels like it's going to cut open and begin to bleed. She stops at about three feet ahead of me, a good distance to talk to a person at.

"N-No... Garte you can't leave!" She exclaims with panic rising in her voice.

"I tried, I tried so hard to stay..." I look at her, my bottom lip and voice quivering.

"Not... Not in a time like this! Our baby has cancer!" She pleads.

I close my eyes and shake my head. "Please, Zianna. Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"Y-You just have to tell them you can't go!"

"Honey, I have to go by order of the law. I vowed to and I can't quit now." I try to speak as calmly as possible. Tears very slowly flow down her face as she has a slight panic attack.

"Th-They must have made a mistake.. Call them back! Beg them again!" She breathes heavily.

"I did, I begged. The general said he can't do anything." I pull her into a hug.

Zianna doesn't sob, but she just stands there. Her face is buried in my shoulder. I kiss the top of her head as she calms down. Her breathing becomes steadier and she separates. She takes a deep breath as I grab her hands.

"It's gonna be okay, alright? You, Tobin, and your mom will take care of Garroth just fine. I promise, Honey." I say. She nods and looks down.

I turn around and look at Garroth. He's still looking at the small, stuffed lion in awe. He smiles at it, and I smile back at him. I pick him up and he giggles, dropping the lion. Zianna picks him up for him, handing it back. Garroth gives a mischievous smile and drops it on the ground.

"Oh, we're playing that game, are we?" Zianna says, picking up the lion once again, kissing Garroth on the cheek and handing it back to him.

I softly smile at both of them, but then turning my eyes to Garroth. I decide to try and hand him to Zianna; he's gonna need to become less clingy to me if I'm going to be leaving for six months in three days. If he cries loud or long enough I'll take him back, but I want him to know that his mother is okay to hold him, too.

"Can mommy hold you, bud?" I ask him. I know he can't answer, but occasionally he will respond.

He shakes his head with a smile on his face. He looks at me and giggles. Zianna smiles at him. She doesn't take it offensively, she knows he's just a baby. Plus, everything he does in her eyes is adorable.

"No? C'mon, buddy, let mommy hold you." I say. He shakes his head once again.

"No, no?" Zianna says as she kisses him on the cheek once again.

"Why not?" I say to Garroth. Once again, I know he won't answer, but I'll still hand him to Zianna no matter what.

"Mama hurt!" He says. Not the most clearly, he misses the r. But I can tell what he's trying to say.

"Mommy would never hurt you, little man." I say.

Zianna looks a little taken back, at shock of what her little boy just said. I then realize that Garroth still hurts in every bone in his body. She looks at me confused, her eyes showing a little bit of hurt.

"I'm sure it's the cancer that's hurting him. Here." I say reassuringly.

I gently hand Garroth to her. Garroth immediately turns around to me and looks at me with big blue eyes. He doesn't cry, rather he gives out a small whine. I stroke back his hair and kiss him on the top of the head, reassuring him that he's okay.

"See? You're okay. Mommy can hold you, too." I say, smiling.

Garroth gives me an upset look and turns around to Zianna. She gives an energetic smile. He doesn't giggle, but I can't see if he's smiling back.

"Hi, baby." She says.

Zianna keeps holding him and smiling at him, trying her best to make him laugh. Eventually, he gives a small giggle. I smile, but inside a feel a small urge of jealously rush through me.

I guess it's like that when you're always the one to make your child smile, always the one to hold your baby. I know it's terrible to think that way, but I can't help but feel it. My arms feel slightly empty, like there's something missing. If this is what it's going to be like in Afghanistan I really am considering not going.

I zoned out long enough to not realize Garroth's small eyes looking at me, reaching for me with a smile on his face. Zianna gives a soft smile at him. I take him back, careful not to break or move any wires so that they don't work. He looks at me with happy yet sick eyes. He seems to have circles around his eyes, which more than likely the effect of not eating and constantly throwing up when  you do eat.

I wrap my arm around Zianna, kissing her on the side of the head and looking back at Garroth. He rests his head on my shoulder. Zianna places a hand on my chest. I look down at her calm yet uneasy light green eyes. I sigh and rub her back in a circular motion.

"We're gonna get through this, okay? I promise." I say.

"I know." She smiles at me. I give her a quick kiss on the lips.

God, I love her so much.

~•~

I take the camouflage jacket and slide my arms into the sleeves, resting the shoulders of the jacket of my broad ones. I bite my lip and look at my reflection in the mirror. I had cut my hair shorter so the army will accept it, but not completely shaved. There's still a little bit of my golden blonde hair at the top.

I fidget with the hat in my hands, the same color mixture as my jacket. I take a deep breath and walk back out into the room. Tobin sits in a chair holding Garroth while Zianna's sitting next to him, placing his pacifier in his mouth and giving him a toy to play with.

She looks at me and stands up immediately, walking towards me. She wraps her arms around my chest and hugs me tight, almost suffocating me. I ignore it and kiss the top of her head, wrapping one hand around her waist and pressing one hand on the back of her head.

I look up and see Tobin tapping his finger on Garroth's nose. Garroth gives a small, baby giggle. The more I focus on all his perfect and amazing features the more I realize how much I'm going to miss him. I separate from the hug and walk over to Tobin, taking Garroth out of his arms.

"You gonna be good for your mommy while daddy's gone?" I ask him. He gives a cheeky smile. That usually means yes, unless it's a mischievous smile.

I smile at him. "Good job, little man."

I check the time, almost noon. I have to be on the plane by 1:30, which means I have to leave soon. I bite my lip and hand Garroth to Zianna. His slender arms reach for me, reaching out as far as his body will let him. I brush his hair back and kiss his forehead.

"Daddy has to go, okay?" I say, trying not to let my voice quiver.

He shakes his head and keeps reaching for me. I see so much of myself in him, it's almost unbelievable. Tears flood his eyes as he raises his eyebrows in confusion. We probably have a similar look on our faces.

"I love you so much, okay? Daddy's gonna come back." I promise him, even though I'm nevertheless unsure myself.

I bring Zianna into a hug and kiss her on her lips for a few seconds. She looks at me with red and puffy eyes. I can tell she's been crying for a while. I bite my lip.

"Hey, I promised him and I'll promise you. I'm coming back." I say, trying to make everything quick and not harder than they have to be.

"I-I love you, so much." She says, her light green eyes shimmering.

"I love you, too, Honey." I reply.

I walk over to Tobin. He stands up and gives me a hug, but not a dude hug. It's more of the brotherly hug. I separate and he pats me on the shoulder.

"Good luck, little brother." He says in a serious tone.

"Tobin, are you trying to act straight again?" I joke.

He gives a soft laugh, and so does Zianna. She wipes tears from her face as she tries to calm Garroth down from crying. His eyes are glued to me.

"I love you, buddy." He says. I smile;

"Love you, too." I turn to Zianna and Garroth and turn back to Tobin. "Take care of those two."

"Of course." He nods.

I inhale a deep breath and begin to walk out of the hospital room door. I try to walk quickly but it feels like there's some sort of weight chained to my leg.

"Daddy!" I hear Garroth scream.

I turn around with tears in my eyes. I try to break a smile and I succeed. Giving a small wave, I turn around and walk back out the door hearing Garroth's cries.

Zianna, please, take care of him.