I look into her caramel eyes. The eyes I want to stare into forever. We smile at each other, her cheeks turning a subtle red. She looks at the ground and stands up as she gives me a hand. I grab it and weakly stand up.

"We should get you home.." she says as she brushes her jeans off.

"Yeah, I guess," I say.

We begin walking back into the direction of the car. The wind surrounds and bites my fragile body. I shiver and ball my hands into fists, making sure the tips of my fingers are inside my palms. I cross my arms and keep looking down.

The colors of everything are hard to make out in the dark. Shapes are hard, partly because my eyes go blurry every two seconds. I sigh and look at Aphmau.

Her eyes are glued to the direction we're going in. She bites her lip and breathes quietly. The only sound is the crunching of leaves and quiet breathing with the occasional sniffle. For me, it's because it's cold and I get sick easily. Aphmau might be the same way or she might be crying. I don't really know.

We approach the car. Aphmau looks at me and presses her lips together, forming what seems to be a smile.

"Ready to go back?" She asks.

I nod, "Ready. You?"

"Yeah, I'm freezing and exhausted." She laughs and gets into her car.

I go sit down in the passenger seat, staring out the window. I rest my elbow next to the window and prop my head on my knuckles. Aphmau starts driving slowly to make sure no one's following us. Once she's sure, she drives faster.

"S-So... you okay?" She asks.

"Yeah," I lie.

The reason I lie is because I dont want to rant about everything to her. She doesn't need to hear it all, and I highly doubt she really wants to hear it, too.

"No, you're not. What's wrong? I promise, you can tell me." She glances at me.

Tears burn in my eyes, "Are you sure?"

"Of course," she nods.

"I... it's just not fair! Why now? Why not when I'm old?! Everyone's telling me I get to see my dad again but I don't want to yet! I haven't even lived, I'm sixteen!" I wipe forming tears with my sleeve.

"I know, Garroth." Her voice shakes. "It isn't fair, it isn't. If I could do something about it I could but, I can't G. I'm so sorry."

"No, no. It isn't your fault," I say. "I'm sorry I got so mad."

She shrugs, "It's cool."

I sigh and look back out the window at the figures rushing by. The bright yellow lines on the street show up the best, but they go the fastest.

We pull up to my house. I look at Aphmau and force a small smile. She turns to me and smiles back.

"Thanks," I say.

"No problem," she sighs.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" I ask.

She smiles, "Sure, of course."

I wave and step out of the car, running up to my house and unlock the door. I give another wave to Aph and step inside, locking the door behind me.

Tears burn my eyes as I throw the keys across the kitchen and slide down against the door. I bury my face in my knees. Hot tears flow down my cheeks as I just sit there, waiting for nothing.

I hear footsteps come down the stairs. I hold still, hoping they won't notice me. But the footsteps grow louder and louder. I feel a hand on my back as the figure sits down next to me. I look up to see mom.

"Baby, are you okay?" She asks.

"No! No I'm not!" I shout.

"Shh, Shh. I know, I'm right here," she says.

"I just wanna get it over with..." I wipe my face again.

"Baby, don't say that," she rubs my back gently.

"B-But I-"

"Don't say that, honey. We love you so much, we don't want you to go," she says calmly.

"I just want dad.." I say.

Mom pulls me into a hug and strokes my hair. Dad's death hit her hard, and even hearing his name makes her sad. She keeps gently rubbing my back.

"I remember when you used to say that all the time," she says. "Your dad would be gone and you were just devastated when you were little," she says.

"But now he isn't here to make you feel better," she says as she seperates from our hug. "What would dad have done?"

"I-I don't really know," I reply.

"Think about it, baby," she says.

I sigh and begin thinking hard. I know when I was a baby I liked his medals and pretty much just his presence. Same thing when I was eight and twelve.

"J-Just was there, I guess..." I state.

"Okay," she says. "I'm not really your dad."

I chuckle, "I knew that."

"Well I didn't know," she smiles. "But... hold on. Go upstairs into your room for me?"

I nod, get up and slowly climb the stairs. Every step is painful on all parts of my body, like a thousand small needles pressing into every bone in my body. I walk into the room and practically collapse on my bed. Mom walks in seconds later with two pictures in her hands. She sits down next to me and shows me the first picture.

I look at the picture of dad, smiling with a newborn baby in his arms. He's smiling down at the baby, and the baby is smiling back.

"Do you know who that baby is?" Mom asks.

"No," I shake my head.

"That's you," she says.

I smile and take the picture from her. I stare at both of our smiles, when everything was easy and happy. When nothing was complicated and none of us were dead.

"I don't want to die, mom.." I say quietly.

"I know, honey." She puts a hand on my head again.

"There's a million things I haven't done and now... I can't do them!" I exclaim.

"Shh, I know, I know..." she says.

"Is it okay to cry mom?" My voice shakes.

"Remember what I told you when this all started?" She talks softly.

"It's always okay to cry."

••••••••
THERE'S A MILLION THINGS I HAVEN'T DONE

BUT JUST YOU WAAAIIT

WHATS YO NAME MAN

ALEXANDER HAMILTON.
••••••••