Sisterly Saga continued...

"You came!" I open the door, rather surprised that she's here. After the lunch fiasco and the gossip Vinay no doubt filled her ears with, I didn't think she would come.

"You asked me to come, remember?" She steps in, scanning my room as if she's hesitant to be here.

"What did Vinay say?" I close the door, partly because I don't want her to flee and partly because I need her by my side tonight.

Bhawani drops her dress bag on the bed and places her makeup kit neatly beside it. Even in her frustrated state, she refuses to be anything other than perfect. She turns to me. "You're not serious about the boy, are you?" She shakes her head, her eyes finally lifting to meet mine. "Vinay said this morning ... that wasn't ... It's not something a grown woman does."

I laugh. My sister and I have clashing views on what a grown woman should and shouldn't do. I learned to go of all those warped beliefs of propriety we were taught young a long time ago, all thanks to Charlie—but Bhawani? She's as prude as they get, reminding me of our insufferable mother with her spouts of modesty. Conservative down to their last cells. Now that mum's gone, it almost fills like Bhawani is trying to fill that void by being extra prude. I'm frankly surprised this is the first time she's openly told me 'It's not something a grown woman does.'

"Why are you laughing? Ryan isn't who he says he is. Vinay tells me the boy's makes remarks that he's only with you for your money. He even saw a gaudy ring in the boy's luggage that probably cost him only a couple of hundred bucks." She looks perplexed. "People are using you. They think you are a loose woman; judge you behind your back. They laugh at you, strutting around with a man half your age. He could pass for your son if you hadn't lost—"

A sharp jab pierces my heart. Why did she have to go there? Our son... Charlie's son...

"Di, why are you destroying your life like this? This is not you, moving from boy to boy like some twenty-year-old."

I sniffle, trying to put the wretched loss out of my mind. Charlie isn't the only thing this miserable life's taken from me. I turn to my sister. "They laugh at me?" She nods. "They judge me?" She nods again. Unbelievable. Not her. Them. "Yet they are here, enjoying the fruits of my labour, my money, my kindness, my generosity. What does it say about them?"

Bhawani looks at me as if I spoke gibberish.

"I'm done, Bhav." I sit on the edge of my bed, feeling tired to my bones. "I'm done pretending all is fine, that I'm fine. That it doesn't hurt when my own people only see me as a means to something."

"I don't think that." She sits beside me, squeezing my hand. "I'm worried about you. I know you miss Charlie, but these boys you keep dating, they will not help you forget him—"

"I don't want to forget him."

"You never properly mourned him." She squeezes my hand harder, to reassure me. I clear my throat, trying to fight the tears blooming in my eyes. "Di, I hope you know I'm here for you. That I see you."

I nod. I know. I know. She's the only one in my life who truly loves me unconditionally.

"But I don't understand this ..."

"What?" I look up.

"This." She looks about the room. "This trip. What's going on?"

I chew my lips, shrugging it off.

"I know that look. You're troubled," she says to my surprise. "I know you've had a hard couple of years with your books. I know you can't afford this anymore, but here you are, splurging on us like we still deserve it. What are you doing?"

"Going out with a bang?" I try to make light of it.

She narrows her eyes at this. "You're not thinking—"

"Oh God, no. I'm not suicidal. I'm just done with this pretentious life. But I just wanted to re-live Charlie a bit before I say goodbye to it all."

"What do you mean goodbye?"

That's when I sense it, that this is the moment to bring her into my planning. What I've been thinking about doing for a long, long time. "I'm leaving," I start. "After this book launches, I'm going on a hiatus, Bhav, come what may, success or failure ... I'm gone."

"You're leaving? Where?" She shifts on the bed to face me.

"I don't know yet." I shrug. "Anywhere. Charlie always wanted to see more of the world. Maybe I'll begin with Nepal ... I've been thinking about it. Going back to our roots. Find out what I lost. Then, who knows? Anywhere." It's my turn to grab her hands. "Come with me. We're free or will be after tonight. We can go anywhere, be anything. Leave it all behind us, the mess that's our lives. Be one another's rock. Come with me."

Bhawani stares at me in shock. "You're not serious? This is our home, Di."

"What home are you talking about? Have you looked around us?" I stand, unable to give her a passionate talk and win her over to my side while sitting. I need to see her face, watch her reactions. They'll tell me everything. I'm going to be alone after this or leave this stupid place with the only love I have left in my life. My sister.

Tears prick my eyes and my voice trembles as I continue, "I'm a widow sleeping around with men half my age, trying to find some spark of life I miss with Charlie. And you, you're about to get divorced from a cheating-sleazebag-of-a-husband who's not only gambled away your money but mine? Who's so knee-deep in debt that he can barely come up for a breath? Who, minutes earlier slipped into my room, looking for sex all because I was a fucking drunk asshole once and slept with him. Big mistake! What life, Bhav? What life? Your son's a carbon-copy of your husband, not a backbone in that boy ... always after easy, quick money. You say 'people are using you, di,' but what about those we call family? Do you know what he said to Ryan earlier today? Did he tell you about that while he tattled? He thinks everything of mine is his by default, and he'll be damned if he lets anyone get their hands on his money? Entitled much? So tell me, what life? My life is just you now. You and no one else. These other people, they mean nothing to me."

After I'm done with my verbal spew, Bhawani shoots up to her feet, glaring at me. "You what?" her voice is raspy in the end.

"What?" I shrug. I don't entirely know which part of my rambling she's referring to.

She blinks at me, shaking her head in disbelief. "You slept with Marv?"

Oh shit. Did I say that? I did, didn't I? Fuck. Why can't I shut up for once? I play dumb. "What? No, I didn't..."

"You said Marv came in here just before, looking for sex because you've done it before." She shakes her head, taking a step in my direction. "Are you the other woman?" Her jaw juts out like she's fighting tears. "For years, I've known something was wrong, that he got easily distracted ... I knew he had other women ... but you?"

I hold up my hands. This was not how I picture this afternoon would go. "No, Bhav. I'm not the other woman."

"But you just said—"

"I know what I said! And I'm sorry... Marv and I go a long way back, before you, or at the same time. I don't know. It's complicated."

"You're the reason I'm getting divorced!" Bhawani drops to the floor, sobbing; mumbling, in Nepali, "My own sister."

"No! No, no, no. Bhav. I'm not, I swear." Fuck, what do I do? I want to take her in my arms but I know this is not the time to play sister-sister. Fuck. "Bhav, listen to me..."

"No!"

"Bhav, please. Listen to me, I'll explain everything."

"I don't need your explanation, Di!" She throws back, glaring at me like she could stab me in the heart.

"Please," my voice trembles. "Let me explain. And then you can do whatever you want to me ... even throw me off the boat if it pleases you."

After a while, sobs upon sobs, Bhawani calms down but will not let me near her—understandable. While I stand by the door, she leans against my bed, glaring at me from the floor, and finally says, "Speak."

"I met him couple of years before I met Charlie. He's the reason I took the cruise job in the first place," I begin, quietly, afraid to spook her. "I met him at the uni bar, some concert. Terrible local lads, but the beer was cheap. It was couple of weeks before you brought him home. I swear I didn't know who he was at that time, but once I knew ..."

I sink to the floor and sit in front of her. "I never wanted to hurt you. You seemed so happy ... so I left. Took that job to get away from the truth; that I slept with a man you were in love with ..."

So I tell her my story. Of how I met Marv, naively thought he could the one because he took my cherry—there was that modesty lesson from Ma, coming through. I gave myself to a man, so naturally, he was the one I should marry. That when I discovered—rather rudely—that he wasn't, I fled Sydney. Cruise after cruise, working in housekeeping. I told her about how I met Charlie, how he made me feel whole, how he made me realise whatever I had done with Marvin, was nothing. A mere blip in my life's trajectory. I tell her everything. I even tell her the two times I made the stupid mistake of taking Marv to my bed some months ago; months after she filed for divorce. I pour my heart out, hoping my sister will still see some flicker of goodness in me by the time I'm done. But by the time I'm done, I realise how horrible I have been, to her, all this time. I could have saved her grief, if only I'd been brave. If only I'd told her about him before she threw her life away.

"I'll take whatever punishment you give me," I stare at the glittering paint on my toe-nails, feeling like a rotten piece of garbage.

In the end, as the boat continues to sway like a cradle, as the cabin diffuses into darkness, as a knock comes on the door from housekeeping, reminding us dinner will be served shortly, she finally stirs. She looks me in the eyes with her bloodshot ones. "Let's make them pay."

I don't know if I believe her, but relief floods me like a ten-metre tall tsunami. I leap into her arms as I used to when we were children, my buoy in this terrible sea of life.

"This doesn't mean I forgive you."

"No." I shake my head. "I'll have to earn that. I know."

She nods against my shoulder, her arms looser than I'd like them to be around my torso, but I'll take whatever she gives me. I'll take an inch. Hell, I'll take a millimetre if that's all she can offer right now.

"What was it you wanted from me tonight?" She pushes me away.