"Have you seen or heard from Sadaf lately?" Mi Yun asked me before my psychology class.

"No, I haven't," I answered. "I thought you have."

Mi Yun shook her head. "I've texted her a couple times, but she hasn't responded."

Sadaf hadn't been to school for the past two days. It was weird for her to miss school, and it was even weirder for her to not answer our calls or reply to our texts.

"I hope she's okay," I said. "I'm going to try calling her tonight."

"Me, too," Mi Yun said with a nod.

"Estella." I glanced back to see Brice approaching me. I grinned. "Hey." He pulled me into a side hug, and I held him with my head resting on his chest. "Hey, Mi Yun."

"Hey."

Mi Yun was slowly warming up to Brice, and I appreciated that. Brice wasn't a jerk. He was misunderstood.

Brice looked down at me. "I'm here to walk you to psych."

I held him tighter. "That's sweet."

"I'll see you later, Estella," Mi Yun said. "I have to head to class, too."

"Bye, Mimi," I replied.

She left with a wave, and Brice and I pulled away. His hand found mine, and we walked to class.

"Is Velasco okay?" Brice asked. "I tried talking to him, but he didn't say much. It seemed pretty serious when you were talking to him."

"Just some family stuff."

Brice frowned. "Classic Velasco. Keeping secrets."

"It's not so much a secret," I said as we walked into class. Brice and I found our seats, and I turned my body to face him. "Jax has a lot going on right now."

Brice shook his head in disappointment. "I share something so personal with him, and he can't even talk to us about his family issues." Then Brice watched me. "Why you? Why are you the person he always goes to?"

I smirked. "Are you jealous?"

"You and Velasco are really close," Brice said.

"Again, are you jealous?" I asked once more.

He shrugged. "Just curious, that's all."

Before I could speak, Mr. Clines clapped his hands. "Okay, guys. I have an announcement to make. You have a project coming up." Some people groaned softly. "It's quite simple. I want you to do a presentation on a mental illness someone you know has." My attention moved to Brice, but he continued to stare ahead. "It can be anything. If you don't have anyone, which I highly doubt, you can just choose a mental disorder of your liking. You have some time to think of a mental disorder and to get your presentation ready. Once you come to a decision, you just have to pass it by me. More than one person can do the same disorder because everyone experiences mental illness differently."

Mr. Clines continued talking, but I was looking at Brice. "You should do your presentation on schizoaffective disorder."

"No way," Brice said. "I don't want the whole class knowing my business."

"Everyone is sharing something personal," I said. "Mental illness is personal. Plus, it'll be nice to educate people. Not many of them know about schizoaffective disorder. Most people would do their presentations on depression and anxiety, so it'll be refreshing to do yours on schizoaffective disorder. Like, I personally only know people with depression and anxiety."

"I don't know." He still wasn't looking at me. "I don't know if I'm allowed to tell my mother's story."

"You're doing yours on an illness," I reminded him. "Your mother lives with it, but she isn't the only one. You're just going to add her experience there as something personal. I think you should do it. It may be therapeutic to finally confront it and share her story in public. You may finally get past the shame and fear."

His jaw tensed up. "I'll think about it."

We spent the rest of the class silent. I didn't want to push it any further, so I let it be. When class was over, Brice and I walked out. Then I spotted Jax.

"Jax!" His gaze shifted to us, and I waved. I turned to Brice. "I'm going to go talk to Jax, okay?" He nodded. "I'll see you later today, right? My house?"

"Yeah," Brice said. "Your father is not going to be home, right?" I nodded. "Awesome. I'll be there." Jax approached us, and Brice pounded his fist. "Velasco. Everything good?"

Jax nodded. "I'll be fine."

"Well," Brice said, "I'll see you two later."

"Bye," Jax and I said at the same time, and Brice left with a two-finger salute.

I liked being alone with Brice. We weren't having sex, but I enjoyed how intimate our moments felt when it was just the two of us. Although, sex had been on my mind lately. I wasn't ready to go all the way, but maybe fooling around wouldn't be so bad. I wasn't going to do it to be "mature." I was going to do it for myself. There was nothing wrong with exploring my sexuality. If I didn't like it or it didn't feel right, we could always stop.

I focused on Jax. "Okay, be honest with me. How are you really feeling?"

He shrugged. "Hanging in there."

I leaned against a locker. "How's your dad? Your mom?"

"My mom is still gone," he said. "Hasn't called or anything. My dad is drinking more than usual, which says a lot."

"I'm sorry, Jax."

Jax didn't deserve this. He deserved a family that was there for him. A family that wasn't so dysfunctional.

"Don't worry about it." He sent me a small smile. "Thank you for being there."

"I'll always be here."

My friendship with Jax was priority. Even if we dated, our friendship would always come first.

"You have no idea how much I appreciate you, Estella," he said with his hand moving to my cheek.

I pulled away, and he frowned. "Jax, come on. Brice."

He nodded slowly with his lips curled into his mouth. "Yeah, of course."

There it was. The elephant in the room always came out. Jax and I were friends again, but we could never be friends like we were before. Too much had happened.

It was funny how Jax was Mr. No-Touching, but now, it seemed that he always wanted to find an excuse to touch me. Moments like this gave me hope that he liked me the way I liked him. I knew I shouldn't have. It was wrong for me to be with Brice when I had feelings for Jax. My complete attention should have been on Brice. At the same time, I liked Brice way too much to let him go. It was selfish of me, but I wanted them both.

Maybe I should have been in the polyamorous lifestyle. But I didn't want Brice and Jax with other people. I doubted that they would want to share me and not get the chance to be with other people. I wanted to groan. Why was this so complicated?

"Wanna head to French?" Jax asked, and I nodded.

We walked to our class, as close as possible without touching. I wanted to touch him, and I wanted him to touch me. But I knew better. I couldn't disrespect Brice like that. A part of me also wondered what it would have been like to fool around with Jax.

I didn't know why I was suddenly having such sexual thoughts. I didn't know if my desires were growing or if my relationship with Brice was bringing out this side of me, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop these thoughts from creeping into my mind.

After French, Jax and I walked to lunch. Brice kissed me, and Jax made it to his seat, not looking at us. All of us got our lunches and got seated. When I was almost done with my food, I stood up.

"I'm going to get apple juice," I said.

Jax stood up. "I'll come with you."

Oliver chuckled. "I didn't know Estella needed a bodyguard at the vending machine."

Jax narrowed his eyes at his friend. "I need to talk to Estella."

"How clandestine is this information for you to not desire to share it in front of us?" Tyler asked, and Jax's nostrils flared.

"This really isn't a big deal," Jax said.

Brice laughed. "If I didn't know any better, I'll think you're trying to spend more time with my girlfriend than I do, Velasco."

"Okay, enough," I said. "Jax, let's go."

Jax and I moved to stand beside each other. Brice's eyes became slits. "Why do you always do that?" he asked.

"Do what?" I said in confusion.

"You always take Velasco's side," Brice said. "I've noticed it a couple times, but I chose to ignore it."

"Brice—" Jax started.

Brice held a hand up. "I'm talking to Estella."

The jerky Brice was coming out. Sometimes, I didn't know what to expect from him. He could be the sweetest one moment and a complete a-hole the next.

"He isn't wrong," Oliver piped in, and Jax and I glared at him.

"I just want apple juice," I said. "Is that such a crime?"

"Why do you always have private conversations with Velasco?" Brice asked.

"I'm sorry that we don't always talk with you around," Jax said. "I just want to talk to Estella. That's it."

"About your family issues?" Brice pointed out.

Jax turned to me. "I didn't tell him anything," I made sure to say. "I wouldn't put your business out there."

"Why do you have to keep your business from us, anyway?" Oliver said. "I thought we were getting somewhere."

"I don't have time for this." Jax's voice was rising. "I already have enough shit to deal with."

"What is the shit you have to deal with?" Oliver asked him.

"I can't do this right now," Jax said with his hand running through his hair.

Brice's eyes traveled between me and Jax. "You guys are really close."

Why did he keep saying that?

"I was friends with her first," Jax said. "If it wasn't for me, you and Estella wouldn't even be together. So, stop acting like I don't have a right to talk to her or be important in her life."

"Are you competing with me, Velasco?" Brice stood up as well.

"This is ridiculous," I said. "I just want apple juice. Why is this being made into a bigger deal than it has to be?"

"Let's go." Jax grabbed my arm. "I'm done with this conversation."

I allowed him to lead me away with my eyes on Brice. He didn't break my stare. I hoped I wasn't hurting him. I didn't want to disrespect him or our relationship, but with Jax, I wasn't sure what I was doing.

When we stopped at the vending machine, Jax leaned on the wall with his arms crossed. "The nerve of Abrams," he said. "Attacking us like that."

I got my apple juice. "Maybe he's right," I said. "He is my boyfriend, and maybe you should cool it a bit."

"We can't be friends anymore?"

"That's not what I mean," I said. "Just try not to undermine him when it comes to me."

Jax scoffed. "I hate this. I hate everything."

"Don't say that."

"Everything sucks," Jax said. "My family sucks. Things suck between us, and now they may suck between me and my friends."

"That's not true," I said. "Things don't suck with me. I'll always be here as a friend, even if nothing else comes of it. Your boys will always be here. You just have to open up to them more."

"I lied," Jax confessed. "It's not okay. A lot of things aren't okay."

"And I'm sorry for that," I said. "All I can do is be your friend. Let's keep it like that." I moved to walk away, but when I caught him staring at me, I stopped. "Let's go."

He hesitated, but he pushed himself off the wall, and we walked back to the table together. The rest of lunch was mostly filled with silence. I tried talking to Brice more, but he was less receptive.

By the time school was over, Brice and I sat in his car. "I'm sorry," I said halfway through the ride. "I don't mean for it to come across like I always take Jax's side."

"It happened at the beach, too," he said with his eyes forward. "I'm your boyfriend. I should be the one taking you to the truck to tend to your wound."

"It's really not that big of a deal."

"It is to me," he said. "If I didn't know any better, I'll think I'm competing with Velasco."

"You're not." We made it to my house, and Daddy's car was gone. Good. "Jax and I are just friends."

"I know." Brice killed the engine, and we got out of the car. "But I still feel like I'm competing with him. I've been trying to ignore it. I really have, but I don't know how much more I can take."

I unlocked my house, and we walked in. "I'm sorry I've made you feel that way. That wasn't my intention."

He wrapped his arms around my waist. "I know." He gave me a peck on the lips. "I'm just being paranoid. Sometimes, I get intimidated by Velasco."

"Why?"

"He's wicked smart, and so are you," Brice said. "He's socially aware, and you seem to like that. You bond over music, movies and shit. What do you and I have in common?" I didn't say anything. "Exactly. He knows you better, too. I feel like when it comes to you, he has me beat."

Brice seemed perfect. He was handsome. A great dancer. He wasn't dumb. He was popular. His family had money. The only thing that wasn't perfect was the situation with his mother, but everything else seemed great. It was weird seeing him feel insecure about Jax.

      "I'm not with Jax," I said. "I'm with you. It'll take time, but we will find things to bond over. We will get to know each other better. Actually, let's do it now." I removed myself from his hold to sit on the floor cross-legged. "Sit."

He sat in front of me. "What is this?"

"We're going to get to know each other better."

"How?"

"We'll ask each other questions, and we have to answer it honestly," I said. "It can be as personal as you like."

        "I don't know."

        "C'mon," I said. "Give it a try. Ask me anything. We have to start from somewhere."

"Okay," he said. He seemed to think about it. "What's your greatest fear?"

"A lot of people say failure, but my greatest fear is finding success at the expense of my happiness," I said. "I'm afraid of being one of those people who make history, but they have a miserable life."

"I can see that," he said.

"What about you?"

He thought about it for a second. "My greatest fear is being insignificant."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Not being enough," he said. "Being easily forgotten, and not finding people who love me. Sometimes, I feel like no one knows me. They perceive me to be a person I'm not. My boys are the closest ones who know me, but even that seems fake as hell sometimes."

      Brice and Jax had more in common than they thought.

"What are you passionate about?" I asked.

"Dance," he said. "Music. People. I like being around people, and I could never do a solitary job."

At the same time, Jax and Brice had many differences.

"You?"

"People, too," I said. "Just in a different way. I like culture and the people of those cultures. I also like movies and music."

        "We have music in common," he said.

        I touched his leg. "You see?"

He smiled. "What do you want in life?"

"I just want to be content," I said. "I don't have to make history. I just want a happy life."

Brice chuckled. "I want to do something significant."

"At the expense of happiness?"

He raised a brow. "Who says you can't have both?"

"True," I agreed. "But if I had to choose, I'll choose happiness. What about you?"

"I'll choose success and impacting the world," he said. "People don't see me as a deep person. They only see me through a one-dimensional lens. I want to prove them wrong and do something with my life."

"Sometimes the most significant thing you can do is touch people's hearts," I made sure to add. "Maybe you should try letting them in, so they can see more of you. You like people. Impact their lives. Your friends, your girlfriends and so many more people."

"Girlfriends?" He chuckled. "You make it seem as if we're breaking up soon."

I scowled. "Of course, not. You're not getting rid of me that easily, Abrams."

He smiled. "I get it now."

"Get what?"

"Why Velasco confides in you," he said. "It's easy to talk to you."

"I try," I said. "If the anthropologist thing doesn't work out, I could always be a therapist."

"I can see that."

"Okay, less serious talk," I said, changing the subject. "What's your favorite movie?"

"The Hills Have Eyes," he answered.

I wrinkled my nose. "You like horror, don't you?" He nodded. "I can tolerate it, but it's not my favorite. Why do you like that movie?"

"I don't know," he said. "I just do. I can re-watch that movie a thousand times, and that says a lot. I hate re-watching movies. I connect to it for some reason. A lot of people expect deep answers for certain things, but sometimes, you just like something. You don't know why, but you're drawn to it."

"What's your favorite thing about the movie?"

"My favorite thing about the movie is how it highlights a parent's love for their child," he said. "The horror isn't the most important part. The love is."

I nodded, impressed. "I like that. My favorite part about The Shawshank Redemption is the perseverance. Andy keeps going no matter what. I admire that."

"It was a good movie," he said. "Okay, I would ask about music, but you like too many genres to talk about."

"Then let's focus on you," I said. "Why do you like hip-hop?"

"I hate how hip-hop and rap get a bad rep," he said. "People only see it on a superficial level. They only see the misogyny, the homophobia and the bragging. But it's so much more than that, especially the older stuff. People did hip-hop and rap to express their pain and hardships. Hip-hop and rap was very important to the black community. It's still important now because it's ours. It's something we haven't lost. That and R&B. So many other genres got appropriated and taken by white people. Did you know rock and roll and country were started by black people?"

"I didn't know that."

"Elvis is seen as the king of rock and roll, and when people think about country, they think about white people," he said. "But hip-hop, rap and R&B, they're ours."

"I learned something new today."

There was more to Brice Abrams than people expected. He was deeper than I thought.

My doorbell rang, and I stood up. "I'll be back."

I hoped it wasn't Daddy, or I was screwed. When I saw Sadaf outside my door, I almost smiled. Until I saw her face.

She was on the verge of tears. "Sadaf." I grabbed her, leading her in. "What's wrong?"

Brice stood up, and one look at her face, he took a step back. "You want me to leave?"

"No," Sadaf said. "You can stay."

"What's going on?" I asked her as I led her to sit on the couch. I sat beside her while Brice sat on the table in front of us. "Sadaf, what happened?"

She broke into tears. "Oliver."

Brice's eyes widened. "What about Oliver?"

"My parents found out that I've been talking to him," she said. "They were grilling me, and I finally admitted that I like him."

Brice smiled. "You like my boy?"

I glared at him. "Not the time, Brice." He kept his mouth shut. "So, what happened?"

"They were pissed." Brice got up to get some napkins, and he handed them to Sadaf. "Thanks." She wiped at her eyes. "They forbad me from talking to him again. They took my phone and my computer, and they've kept me from school—for now, at least. They're even threatening to send me back to Iran." Sadaf looked at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to go. I can visit, but I don't want to live there. I know every culture has its issues, but I can't deal with staying there."

"They can't do this," Brice said.

"Yes, they can," Sadaf countered. "All because of a boy. I knew this was a bad idea."

"You're a teenage girl," I pointed out. "Why is this such a big deal?"

      "You don't get it," she said. "None of you get it." I was trying to, but I guessed I didn't. "I couldn't stay home any longer, so I grabbed my phone and took an Uber here."

My house was closest to her house, so it made sense for her to come to me instead of Mi Yun.

"You'll get through this, Sadaf." I rubbed her shoulders. "Talk to your parents, and you guys will work this out."

"I can't be the girl they expect me to be."

"Then talk to them," I encouraged her. "There's nothing wrong with you. You're like every other girl. Your normal just includes your culture and your religion, but that doesn't mean you're weird. Just like how Mi Yun's normal includes being gay, and my normal includes being black. Everyone is normal in their own way."

Sadaf smiled. "Thank you. I just want everything to work out."

"It will," I reassured her. "Just hang in there."

I continued talking to Sadaf, trying to calm her down, and after staying for half an hour, she decided to go back home.

I hugged her. "You'll be okay, Sadaf."

We pulled back. "Thank you, Es," she said. "Hopefully, I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Hopefully. Text me when you get home." I hugged her again, and when we pulled away, we smiled at each other. Her Uber arrived, and I watched her enter it. We waved at each other as the Uber drove away. When she was out of sight, I closed the door and turned to Brice.

His arms were around me again. "That was something," Brice said. "I didn't know homegirl was going through that."

"We all have our issues."

"I guess so." He was kissing my neck. "You handled that really well." He was kissing my face now. "You handle people really well, Estella."

"I do?"

He was pecking my lips now. "Yeah."

I didn't know where this want for Brice was coming from but knowing I had him made me feel very grateful. Sadaf couldn't be with the guy she liked, but I could. With that, I grabbed Brice's face and kissed him. He kissed back just as hard, as we moved together, following each other's lips. His hand moved down my back and stopped on my backside. I allowed it to stay there as his lips were my priority.

When we parted, I met his eyes. "Let's go up to my room."

He allowed me to lead him upstairs, and when we entered my room, I pushed him back onto the bed, so he could sit. He watched my every move as I knelt before him.

I started undoing his jeans, and his eyes bugged out. "Estella." He made me look at him. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"I want to," I said. "Just relax."

I didn't know what I was doing because I'd never done this before, but I wanted this. If I didn't like it, I could always stop and not do it again. There was no harm trying.

With that, I removed Brice's jeans and his boxers, and I refused to psych myself out as I explored uncharted territory. A part of me felt guilty for doing this with Brice and not Jax. But like I said, Brice was my boyfriend, and it was time I started acting as such.