Estella and I walked along a trail in Rowe Park, talking about what happened between her and Mi Yun.

Well, I listened, and she ranted.

"Can you believe Sabrina?" Estella said with a glare directed at no one in particular. "Butting her way into my and Mimi's friendship, and she had the nerve to try and confront me. As if I was in the wrong."

I didn't understand why Estella disliked Sabrina so much.

"You don't know Sabrina, Estella," I pointed out. "They're not wrong about that. You are kind of making a scene when you don't fully understand the situation."

Estella stared at me with her mouth dropped. "You're on their side."

"No," I said. "I don't know Mi Yun, and I'm not in Sabrina's life anymore." She perked a brow. "I'm biased towards you, and you know that, but I'm also seeing things from their perspective. People have a tendency to dislike and distrust Sabrina, for no reason."

"She's sketchy."

"How would you know?" We stopped at a popcorn stand, and I bought one bag of popcorn for us to share. "Do you know Sabrina? Do you know her personality? Do you know where she lives? Her life situation? Do you know any of that?"

She kept her mouth shut as she held the bag of popcorn.

I thought so.

Sabrina was an enigma. No wonder she was misunderstood. I thought I knew her, but she ended up breaking my heart and then getting her heart broken by Brice. Now, she was hooking up with a girl.

The girl was full of surprises.

"Give Sabrina a break," I said while grabbing some popcorn from Estella. "She's actually really broken on the inside. She could use all the support she could get, and if Mi Yun is as sweet as you say she is—"

"Mi Yun is a sweetheart," Estella said, "just like you."

I almost smiled. "Then Sabrina could use a person like Mi Yun in her life. She needs it."

Estella sighed. "I still don't like her. I don't know why, but I don't. She rubs me the wrong way." She glanced at me. "Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever disliked someone for no reason?"

"No," I replied. "I don't care enough."

Estella rolled her eyes and put some popcorn into her mouth. "Of course not." She jogged slightly ahead of me and turned around to start walking backwards with her eyes on me. "What did you mean earlier?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You said you're not in Sabrina's life anymore," she said. "So that means you used to be in her life?"

She slowed down, and I caught up to her. "Don't worry about it," I said while stuffing myself with popcorn.

I shouldn't have said that. Now, she was curious. Shit.

Estella stopped with a blank stare, and I stopped as well. "There it is again," she said with a shake of her head. "The wall."

"Estella," I groaned.

"I just told you about the fight that happened between me and one of my best friends, but you can't tell me about your relationship to Sabrina?"

I didn't see the point in talking about it, but looking into Estella's expectant eyes did it. She was the only person who could bug me like this and not irritate me to the bone. She was the only person who could get me to talk.

So I talked. "We used to date."

Estella gasped, and I walked past her. "Jax, wait." She caught up to me, and shock covered her features. "You and Sabrina dated?"

"That's what I just said."

She deadpanned before shaking her head in recovery. "When? How long?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"Then tell me." She resumed eating the popcorn, as if a movie was about to start. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"I don't like to think about it." I kept my gaze forward. "I don't like to think about Sabrina and when we dated. It's just... I don't like to think about it. That's all."

I could feel her eyes on me, but I kept walking.

"Jax." Estella stopped, and so did I, but I refused to look at her. "Come on. Let's sit." She led me to the nearest bench, and we took a seat. "Look at me."

I hesitated, but I did, and her expression softened. "I don't like to talk about it, Estella."

"She hurt you," Estella said, and I closed my eyes for a second. "She must have really hurt you. I knew she was no good."

"The fucked up part is," I started, needing to clear my throat before continuing, "I don't hate her. She treated me like shit, and I still care about her."

Sabrina Fraser was the perfect reminder of why I couldn't tolerate people. Let them in, and they took advantage of you. Allow yourself to care and suddenly, you cared too much. My parents reminded me of that every day, but Sabrina was the first reminder from the outside.

She taught me that the outside was no better than the inside.

Estella rested a hand on my thigh, but I didn't flinch. Her touch was actually comforting. "What did she do?" she asked in a gentle voice. "You can talk to me, Jax, you know that, right?" I met her gaze. "Even if you feel like you can't talk to anyone else, you can talk to me."

Her expression held sincerity, and she squeezed my leg. I knew I could. Out of everyone, Estella was the only person I could actually talk to, and we'd only known each other for a few months.

"My freshman year, Sabrina and I met at a party," I said. "It was one of those lame parties that Brice and Oliver dragged me to. Tyler didn't go, and once again, I should have done the same thing, but no. I went. Brice and Oliver ran off, drinking and dancing and flirting with girls, while I stayed in the corner." Estella smiled. "Everyone else seemed to be having a great time, then I noticed her. Sabrina stood in the corner, looking just as miserable as me. I don't know what it was about her, but I wanted to talk to her, even though I usually don't want to talk to people. I didn't have the courage to approach her, but luckily, she approached me. We started talking, and it was surprisingly easy to talk to her. We spent the whole night together, and she tried hooking up with me."

Estella scrunched up her face. "That's fast." Her features relaxed. "Not that I'm judging."

"You are," I said with a chuckle, "but I refused. I barely knew her. I didn't want to hook up yet. I'm not a casual sex type of guy."

I only slept with girls I was in a relationship with.

"Really?" Estella asked with a surprised smirk. "That's new information."

"I've only been with Sabrina and Ximena."

"You've only slept with two girls?" She appeared taken aback. "Wait, have you only dated those two girls?" I nodded. "How? I've dated more people than you? You're hot!"

"And you're beautiful."

The air went silent between us, and we both glanced away. The heat accumulated on my face as I kicked myself for my words. Why did I say that?

"Thanks," Estella muttered as she fumbled with the popcorn bag. "You're pretty beautiful yourself." We chuckled, but it went silent again. "Keep telling me about, Sabrina," she spoke up.

For the first time, I wanted to keep talking about Sabrina. "We didn't hook up," I said, "and she appreciated that. Apparently, she thought that was the surefire way to get my interest, but I'm not one of those guys. So we exchanged numbers and started talking. Before we knew it, we were dating, and we were inseparable the remainder of freshman year."

Sabrina was my first in a lot of things. My first kiss. My first time. My first girlfriend. What I thought was my first love. She lived in one of the bad parts of Creek Rowe, like me. Her parents weren't in the picture; my brothers weren't in the picture. Her brother sucked; my parents sucked. She had her demons with self-harm, drinking, smoking and doing drugs. I didn't do any of those things, but I felt a little broken on the inside, too.

I was damaged in a way that most people couldn't see.

Sabrina got me. The two of us weren't perfect, and we embraced our imperfections. We didn't try changing each other, but maybe we should have. Maybe we should have helped each other instead of allowing each other to continue down this path.

Maybe we wouldn't have ended the way we did.

"But good things come to an end," I went on. "The beginning of the summer before sophomore year, Sabrina ended us. She said it was over, and she wanted nothing to do with me. And that was it." I shrugged. "We stopped calling and texting, and when we see each other, we don't even say 'hi.' My first time talking to Sabrina since we broke up was that party we went to. That's it. Just like that, the girl I thought I was in love with, the girl I thought understood me, left my life."

I shrugged again, but I pressed my lips together into a thin line. I didn't like talking about this.

"Jax." Estella put the popcorn down and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm sorry."

I leaned into her hold because I needed it then. I hated hugs, and I hated people, but I didn't hate Estella.

I didn't even hate her hugs.

"It's her loss." She pulled back. "You have Ximena now." I almost rolled my eyes. "What's wrong?"

I turned in my seat to face her more. "I honestly don't know what me and Ximena are. We have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend, but we might as well be open fuck buddies."

      Estella's eyes went round."Open what?"

"Fuck buddies who are open to fucking other people," I answered. "We're not friends because we barely talk. The few times we're around each other, we have sex a lot. I wouldn't be surprised if she's sleeping with another guy right now." Estella's eyes widened even more. "And I don't even care if she sleeps with other guys. Just like, I'm sure she wouldn't care if I sleep with other girls. We only have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend."

I didn't know why I was with Ximena, but I couldn't break up with her either.

"You deserve better than that, Jax," Estella said once her shock wore off. "Do you actually want this?"

"I don't not want it."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I'll be fine," I said. "I'm a big boy. If I can handle Sabrina's heartbreak, Ximena can't break my heart."

Estella watched me with a brow quirked. "Boys are weird."

"I'm not as weird as Brice and them."

"Brice isn't weird." Of course she would say that. "Oliver isn't weird either. The one person who is though..." Estella shivered. "Tyler! That boy is weird and mean."

I chuckled. Tyler did give Estella a hard time at the lunch table. He was always so frank with her and pointing out things that everyone else just ignored.

"He's so rude!" Estella frowned. "How can a human being be this rude? How does he still have friends?"

"Tyler has Asperger's," I said, and Estella froze. "He has Asperger's syndrome or whatever it is they list in the DSM."

"Asperger's, as in autism?"

I nodded. "He's weird, but it's not always his fault. He just has different interests from most people, and he isn't the most social butterfly."

Estella sighed. "Now, I feel like a jerk."

"Don't," I said. "You didn't know. Tyler doesn't hate you. He honestly doesn't mind you, but he shows it in a really bizarre way."

"I bet most people don't know." I nodded. "What if they're mean to Tyler because of it? What if they see him like I did?"

"That's usually what happens," I said. "Why do you think we're his only friends? Like actual friends?"

Tyler and I were the only ones who didn't have friends outside of the group. Well, I had Estella now, so maybe it was just Tyler.

"Thanks for letting me know," she said. "It puts everything into perspective now."

"Okay, but don't coddle him just because he has autism. He's still a big boy with agency and his own shortcomings."                                                                                                                          

        Tyler had flaws. Flaws that had nothing to do with his autism. He could be nosy and judgmental at times.

"I'll keep that in mind." She stood up. "Now, let's keep walking."

I got up, too, and we continued along the trail. The sun was setting, and the sky was a beautiful twilight. Estella and I finished up the popcorn before trashing the bag, and we found a semi-isolated spot on the grass to sit.

Estella was smiling until her eyes stared past me, and her smile diminished. I peeked over my shoulder to spot an African American woman holding her child's hand as they walked. My gaze returned to Estella, who continued to watch them with her smile completely gone.

"What's wrong?" I asked as she refocused on me.

Estella sent me a sad smile. "I love Daddy." Okay. Good? "And I love my girls." Her expression fell slightly. "But is it bad that I want a black woman in my life?"

"What do you mean?"

"I want a black woman in my life who can straighten my hair," she said while grabbing some of her hair to run her fingers through it. "Who can perm it and give me advise on the best skincare product. I want someone who can help me with every day things. I want to talk about what it's like to be who I am. I love my girls, but they'll never understand what it's like to be me, just like I'll never fully understand what it's like to be them. Even Daddy would never understand. I just want someone in my life who would understand."

Wow. I never knew Estella felt this way. She was always so cheerful and optimistic.

"That makes sense," I told her, "that you would want to have someone in your life who's like you. There's nothing wrong with that. Do you have a grandmother or aunt around? Black friends?" I thought about it before saying the next part. "Your mother?"

Estella never talked about her. She didn't elaborate about her mother, but I'd been curious since then. I wanted to know what was up with that.

"Daddy and I are the only ones who live here," she said. "The rest of our family is out of state, and we're not that close to them because of it. I've only had a handful of black female friends, but that's not the same thing as having a black woman in my life."

"Like a mother figure?"

"Exactly," she said. "And my mother..." She picked at the grass. "My mother hasn't been in the picture for a while now."

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking."

This girl had been on my case lately about sharing, so she better share with this one.

Estella looked up at me with another sad smile. "She's dead. My mother died in a hit and run when I was six."

Shit.

"I'm so sorry, Estella." I was about to reach for her hand, but I stopped myself. However, looking into her sad eyes, I grabbed her hand anyway and gave it a squeeze. "Did they ever find the guy?"

"What makes you think it's a guy?" she asked. "No, we didn't. I honestly don't care. If I hit someone and they died, but I got away with it, I feel like that guilt would be a worse punishment than going to prison."

Yeah, but still, her mother needed justice. "What happened exactly?"

"My mother was very athletic and all about fitness," Estella said. "She was in track and field in high school and college, so she would always work out, and when she didn't go to the gym, she would always go running. She would run along the outskirts of Creek Rowe where there weren't many cars and people. Daddy hated it because she always went running at night, and he always thought it was unsafe, but my mother wouldn't have it. Then one day, she went running, and usually she comes back by 10:00, but it was 10:45 and she still wasn't back."

Oh no.

"I can barely remember that day because it's hazy, but I can clearly remember how scared Daddy was. He put me in the car, and we went looking for her. We searched and searched, but Daddy stopped suddenly, and I remember the jerk of the car. I barely remember the day, but I remember this moment. Daddy left the AC on, and he told me he'll be back. A couple minutes later, the ambulance came and then the police. When I saw Daddy again, he was crying. Crying like his world got ripped into pieces, and I was so confused because I didn't get it. All I kept wondering was: where's my mother and why's Daddy crying? I didn't get it."

She chuckled as she ripped some of the grass from the earth. "Estella." I scooted closer to her, and I wrapped an arm around her.

She grabbed onto me and rested her head onto my chest. "I never cared before." She took in a deep breath and let it out. "But lately, I think about it so much."

"Of course you care," I said while her grip tightened. "She was your mother."

My heart pounded in my chest, and I knew she could feel it. I could also feel every breath she took and every movement she made. Her skin was still soft, and I could still smell coconut from her hair.

We were really close, but for the first time, I liked it.

"Thank you," Estella muttered into my chest, and the warmth of her breath made my breath catch in my throat. "Thank you for letting me in, and thank you for letting me talk about my mother."

"Have you talked about her before?"

She shook her head. "My friends know she's dead, but I haven't talked about her like this. Only you."

A feeling I couldn't describe swelled in me at her words.

        Only you.

I didn't know how long we stayed there, but I didn't want to go home. Based off of how long we stayed at Rowe Park, I had a feeling Estella didn't want to either. Eventually, I had to drop her home, and I made my trek back to South Creek.

When I got home, my father was passed out on the couch with the latest soccer match on. He had a whole bottle of whiskey in front of him that was now empty.

Predictable.

I wasn't hungry, so I went straight for the stairs, but I made a detour into my parents' room. A telenovela was on, but my mother laid in bed with her back facing me.

"Hola, mama," I greeted, and she said nothing. "Estás bien?"

She sniffled, and that was when it hit me.

She was crying.

"Mama." I took a step forward.

"Estoy bien, Iago!" she hollered with her back still facing me.

"Okay." I raised my hands in surrender and headed for the door. "Goodnight." I shut the door behind me and made it to my room.

I didn't get my mother sometimes. She seemed just as miserable as me, but we continued the same vicious cycle. I should have checked to see if she finished another bottle of Sherry. I got ready for bed, needing to hit the hay early. As I did, I received a text.

I was grinning, actually excited for school tomorrow until I got another text.

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* What do you guys think about this.... There's no ship name. We need a ship name. #Jestella? #Ex? I'll go with #Jestella for now. What do you guys think about this Jestella filled chapter? Their talk? Ximena showing up soon?