I woke up expecting my head to feel like a brick had been smashed onto it. My head was heavier, but it was tolerable. The way I felt was tolerable. My mouth was a little dry, my throat a little tight and the taste of vomit lingered in my mouth.

I felt disgusting.

When I opened my eyes, that was when I caught Estella picking up my bucket of vomit. "No!" I sat up in bed, my head swirling a little. "Don't." I grabbed her wrist, but she held on. "You can't clean up my vomit."

"You're not well."

"This is embarrassing." I could barely look at her. "Not only did I fuck up last night but now you have to clean up after me."  I groaned. "I'll clean up my own mess."

"Don't be silly." She removed her wrist from my grasp. "If I don't clean up your vomit, who else will?" She smiled. "Just rest. No need to be embarrassed. It's me."

That was exactly why I was embarrassed. She walked out of the room. Estella wasn't just some random girl. I cared about how she thought of me. I cared about the way I looked in front of her. Me puking my guts out last night was anything but appealing.

Before I could lay back, Estella called out, "Wanna brush your teeth? Wash your face?"

It was the least I could do. I entered the bathroom, and the bucket was empty by then. I wanted to groan in embarrassment, but I focused on freshening up instead. I brushed my teeth, and since Estella didn't have a toothbrush, she used her fingers. We smiled at each other through the mirror. When we were done, we entered my room.

"You're really bad for my hair," Estella said as we sat on the bed, facing each other.

"How?"

"Every time we have a sleepover, I never wrap my hair," she said, "which is really bad for it."

"Wrap your hair?" I asked. "Like Sadaf's hijab?"

Estella chuckled. "No, it's something black girls do before we go to bed."

"But you have extensions," I said before taking her in. "These are extensions, right?"

"They're extensions," she said, "but I still have to take care of them. Chronic bedhead is detrimental for black hair."

"All the girls I've been with never wrapped their hair."

"Because they're white," Estella said. "Ximena is Hispanic, but she's still pretty white."

"Why is black hair so different?"

"It needs more tender, love and care."

I smiled. "Your hair is always changing."

"I get bored with the same hairstyle for too long."

"They all look good," I told her. "Your face is the same, but you look different with each hairstyle."

Estella rolled her eyes with a smile. "Sometimes, I forget just how white you are." I chuckled. "Then we have these discussions, and I'm reminded of it."

"Did Brice ask these questions?" I asked without thinking.

We went silent, not looking at each other. "No," Estella finally said. "He didn't." Of course, he didn't. He had black women in his life. Estella looked up at me. "Can we talk about last night?" I guess it was time to address the elephant in the room. Estella's expression softened. "Jax, what happened?" I couldn't look at her. "No." She turned my face, so our gazes could meet. "Look at me. Talk to me."

"It's pretty self-explanatory," I said. "I finally told Brice how I feel."

"You were being a jerk about it," she said. "There are so many better ways you could have gone about it. You called him 'gullible.' You made him look like a fool."

"I know." It ate at me. Knowing I hurt Brice, and I didn't know how to fix it. "I meant everything. I just didn't say it the right way."

Alcohol brought everything out, in the worst way possible. I spoke without a filter, and I said some hurtful things, both to Brice and Estella.

"I'd never seen you like that."

"I know," I said while reaching for her hand. "I'm sorry for the things I said. I'm sorry for fucking things up for you and Brice."

At the same time, I was relieved. It was finally out there, and I didn't have to carry it like some burden on my shoulder.

She rubbed her thumb along the back of my hand. "So, you think I'm breaking your heart?"

Fuck.

She wouldn't break our stare. "I was drunk."

"You meant everything you said," she reminded me.

"Fine," I said. "Yes, I meant that."

"Jax," she said with her shoulders slacking. "I'm not trying to break your heart."

"But you can," I said. "I haven't been heart-broken in a long time." Ever since Sabrina. "Then you come along, and I still don't know how you got in. I don't know how you moved from being someone who annoyed the hell out of me to being..." I paused as we stared at each other. "To being someone who can break my heart."

She squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to break your heart."

I rubbed my forehead, trying to keep my emotions in check. "It's scary. It hurts enough at home. I can't handle hurt anywhere else. I hated seeing you with Brice." I raked a hand through my hair. "Because I knew I fucked up. I thought being with you would hurt me, like everyone always does. But not having you was worse because I knew if we never got a chance, it was all on me."

"You should have talked to me."

"The dad situation didn't help either."

We were silent again.

I wanted to speak, but I didn't know what to say. "I'm not mad at you," she spoke up. "I don't know how to feel about what your father did. A part of me feels like I'm betraying my mother by not speaking up." I held my breath for a second. "Then the other part wonders whether or not your father getting arrested would do anything at all. It won't bring my mother back. It'll destroy your family. Sure, she'll get justice legally, but some punishments are worse than law. There're a lot of things I'm not sure about. But one thing is certain." She cupped my cheek in her hand. "I'm not mad at you, Jax. I'm not going to punish you for your father's crime."

She pulled me into an embrace, and I held her. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to fix this with my father, my mother or even my brothers. Screw my brothers. They shouldn't have even been a factor. I was done with them.

When we pulled away, I looked off to the side, feeling Estella's eyes on me. "Jax, why did you drink?" I didn't speak at first. "You're against drinking. For yourself, at least. What threw you over the edge?" Again, silence. "Did it have to do with your family?"

My resolve crumbled as I fought back a cry, pinching the bridge of my nose to hold back the tears. "I can't handle this anymore," I said. "I've dealt with it for years, but I don't know how much more I can take."

Estella moved across the room for some Kleenex, and she sat back down with the box between us. "Tell me about it."

"Ever since my father did what he did, he's been an abusive drunk," I said. "I guess it runs in the family—being an asshole when we're drunk. My father's new attitude and our financial situation probably led to my mother's depression. I'm not like you guys. I can't do the things you do or afford the things you buy."

"You make it sound like we're all rich snobs," Estella said. "I'm not rich."

"But you live comfortably," I pointed out. "You're not living pay check by pay check or facing the risk of foreclosure on more than one occasion. I just don't feel like I belong."

"You do belong," she said. "Just because you're different doesn't mean you don't. When you're with Brice and the boys, they don't push money in your face to make you feel bad."

"I make myself feel bad," I said. "I make everything worse for myself."

"You just need to open up, Jax." She scooted closer. "Let your friends in. If something is going on, let them know. You don't have to cry in front of them, but just keep them updated. Stop keeping all these secrets from them. You don't have to be ashamed of living in south Creek or of bringing your friends to your house. We're not going to judge you. Give us the benefit of the doubt."

"I hate being home," I confessed. "It reminds me of everything that bothers me. Our situation. My parents. Even my brothers. They got out, lucky them, but they've left me behind." I scoffed. "Not that I'm surprised."

"Why?"

"We're not The Three Musketeers," I said. "It's Santiago and Diego, and I'm just the third one left to the side. They've always been close, and I've always been left out. Not only with my age, but with everything. They left together, and they forgot about me. Even when I call, they shut me out, so I'm done." It was getting harder to keep the tears back. "They haven't reached out to me since the last time we spoke."

What did I expect? They never called before. Yet alone when I told them to fuck off.

"I'm sorry, Jax."

"They're not," I said. "They don't care. My father will never stop being toxic. My mother needs help, but I don't know if she will ever get it. Santiago and Diego have left, so they've forgotten about us. I hate all of it."

A tear finally fell. "This really bothers you," Estella said as she handed me a napkin.

"It's the same old shit every day."

Estella fought back a smile. "A Shawshank reference."

I rolled my eyes with a smile. "My family don't love me."

"Jax..."

I wiped at my eyes as more tears fell. "These past few months, you've shown me more love and care than they ever had." She moved over to snuggle into my chest, and I swung an arm around her shoulder. "All they do is neglect me, hurt me and disappoint me. Nothing changes."

"Maybe you all need a change."

I glanced down at her. "Like what?"

She brushed a tear away with her thumb. "I don't know. We'll figure it out."

"It's not your problem." I stared ahead. "I don't want you in my mess."

"Stop trying to do everything alone." She played with my bare chest. "Contrary to what you think, it's not what's best for you. You let me in." She grinned up at me. "Let others in as well. It can be good for you." Her grin persisted, and that was all it took for me to bust into tears. "Jax." She straddled my lap and removed my hands that covered my face. "You're be okay." She wrapped her arms around me, and I wrapped mine around her. "Just cry it out." That made the tears flow more. "I got you."

Everything rushed out in the form of my tears. The situation with my family. The situation with Brice and Estella. All my personal shortcomings and battles. All of it came out, and Estella held me through all of it, playing with my hair and whispering soothing words into my ear.

I cried harder because I knew I would never get this from my family.

"I hate the name Iago," I muttered while pulling away. "It's the name they gave me. It connects me to them. Jax is mine. It has nothing to do with them. I can be whoever I want without it being tainted by them."

"I like the name Iago," Estella said. "It's beautiful, even if it is the name of Othello's villain."

"That's another thing, who names their kid after a villain?"

My parents wanted me and my brothers' names to sound similar. This false sense of unity.

"They didn't name you after a villain," Estella said. "They gave you a name that a villain happens to have. Plus..." Estella hid her face. "It seems like a hot name to say while having sex."

I busted into laughter, my tears long forgotten. "Estella." She buried her face into her hands, and I made her look at me. "Do you fantasize about having sex with me?"

I didn't know when Estella's desire for sex increased, but I didn't want to think about Brice having anything to do with it.

"Do you?" I repeated, our faces close together.

"That's not a fair question."

"Why not?"

We were still close, and her eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips. "Brice and I just broke up yesterday. I shouldn't be thinking about having sex with you."

I pulled her closer, our lips barely separated. "But you are."

She embedded her fingers into my hair. "I think about you." She pulled away, but I brought her even closer. "Brice and I broke up so I should be sad, but a part of me feels relieved. It's messed up, but I do."

"Why?"

I wanted her to say it.

"Because." Our eyes lingered on each other. "If we didn't break up, I wouldn't get to have this moment with you." I kissed her cheek, slowly and softly. "God, Jax."

"What is it?" I pulled away, but her grip didn't loosen. "What do you want?"

"You."

Her lips crashed onto mine, taking me back for a second before I reciprocated with just as much power. Our bodies pressed together as our lips found each other, moving in sync with one another. It didn't matter how many times our lips touched, I wanted more. I wanted her soft body against mine and her warm lips caressing mine.

I'd missed this.

Kissing her. Holding her. Knowing she wasn't someone else's. It'd been so long since we did this.

We parted for a brief second. "Jax." My lips silenced hers, and we were back at it again. I kissed her like I was going to lose her. The same way I kissed her before she agreed to be Brice's girlfriend.

I groaned as I parted from her lips. "You're Brice's ex-girlfriend." She peppered kisses along my neck, and I closed my eyes. "Brice's girlfriend a day ago." She kissed up my face and made me look at her. "I shouldn't want you." She removed my hair out of my face. "Fuck, Estella. I don't know what to do."

Brice was one of my boys. He befriended me and took me under his wing when I had no one. He was nothing but good to me, and here I was crazy about his ex-girlfriend, being part of the reason they broke up.

"What do you want?" she asked me, waiting for my response.

I watched her for a second, but one glimpse of her lips, and I smashed mine to hers. She didn't hold back, meeting me halfway and kissing me with just as much vigor. This felt so right. Estella and I. A part of me shouldn't have felt guilty or been thinking about Brice. But it wasn't enough.

Brice wasn't enough to make me pull away from Estella. I wasn't giving her up again, not even for him.

We panted against each other, sneaking peeks at each other as we caught our breath. "Haven't done that in a while."

"Yeah," I agreed. "I hate the way it happened, but I'm glad it did." She stayed on my lap, leaning back on her hands. "If it didn't happen, we wouldn't have this." She gave me a quick kiss. "Let's do this. It may be wrong. It may not be the right time, but I'm tired of waiting." I cupped her face into my hands. "Let's be together."

Brice was my friend, and I may or may not have been betraying him, but I couldn't hold it back anymore. I couldn't lose another opportunity to be with Estella, even if it made me a shitty friend. I was ready to give Estella all of me.

She seemed conflicted. "I have to use the bathroom." She got off my lap and headed for the door.

"Estella." She was gone, the door slamming with her. I sighed. I wasn't holding anything back anymore. If I wanted to be with her, I was going to be with her, despite the circumstances.

Then the bell rang, and I walked downstairs to answer it. What I didn't expect was to see Brice at my door.

My eyes nearly popped out. "Brice."

He walked past me to enter, and I closed the front door, moving my focus to him. He glanced around the room nervously.

"Look, Velasco," he started. "Yesterday was intense. You were drunk. I was pissed. Things were said, and swings were made. I just want to talk right now, since we both have a clearer head."

I was surprised I wasn't hungover. Probably because I threw it all up. I was in my right state of mind, but I still wasn't ready for this conversation.

"How do you know where I live?"

Only Estella knew.

"Sabrina," he said. "She has your address." Of course. "I'm sorry I hit you and put your life in danger. I shouldn't have tried stopping Estella from taking you home. I did a lot of shitty things yesterday, to you and Estella." His expression changed. It was warmer. "I have to talk to her, too. I did a lot of things yesterday that I regret."

"I meant it," I said. "I have feelings for Estella."

It felt strange but liberating to say it out loud.

He bobbed his head. "How long? Why didn't you tell me?" I couldn't answer that. "You're my boy. We have to talk this out. You know us." He smacked my arm with a dimpled smile. "We never stay mad at each other for too long."

"Brice, I—"

"Jax," Estella called out from upstairs, and Brice's expression dropped. "Where are you?" She halted at the top of the stairs while we turned to her. Her expression matched Brice's, and the two watched each other. "Brice." She made it down the stairs.

His jaw was tensed. "Estella."

She stopped to stand beside me, and the two of us faced Brice. His warm look was gone and replaced with tension. He gave us a once-over. I was shirtless, only in a pair of jeans. Estella wore my shirt, it stopping halfway up her thighs.

"Wow." Brice looked around with a forced chuckle. "Not even a day."

"Brice—" Estella and I started, but he silenced us with a hand.

He frowned at me. "Really, Velasco?" He moved closer to me. "You have sex with her less than 24 hours after we break up?"

"We didn't have sex," Estella said.

"Could of fooled me," Brice retorted. "What the hell are you doing in his shirt?"

"Brice," I said while pushing him away from Estella, "if you want to be pissed at someone, be pissed at me."

He shook his head at me. "We broke up yesterday, but it doesn't take you long to swerve right in. Right, Velasco?"

"Abrams..."

"Don't 'Abrams' me," he said. "You've been waiting for this ever since Estella and I got together. You've been waiting for the moment you could swoop in and take her right from under my nose."

"I would be lying if I said I wasn't."

Brice chuckled, humorlessly.

I couldn't lie. It was fucked up, but the moment Estella and Brice got together, I was waiting for them to break up. I was waiting for my second chance with her.

"A girl," he said. "You do this to me for a girl." I cleared my throat, not looking at him anymore. "Good to know where we stand."

His gaze shifted to Estella. "I was going to see you next, Estella. I was going to go to your house and tell you I was wrong." Her expression relaxed. "I shouldn't have given you that ultimatum, and I want us to work it out. You like Velasco. Velasco likes you. We'll figure something out. As long as you're my girl and you rock with me, we'll get through this. That I regret ending us so quickly." He shook his head with a smirk. "Then I find you with Velasco."

"Brice, please," Estella said. "I never meant to hurt you."

"If I told you right now that I want you back," he said, "that I want you to end whatever this is that's going on between you two, what would you do?"

"Brice—" 

"What would you do?" he interrupted her. "Would you get back together with me? Or would you stay with him?"

Brice was such a manipulator sometimes. I saw through him and what he was doing.

"I'm sorry, Brice." Estella moved closer to me. "I'm not leaving, Jax." I smiled.

"A day," Brice muttered. "That's all it takes for you two to shut me out and find your way to each other."

"Abrams..." I reached for his shoulder, but he pushed my hand away. "Brice."

"Don't talk to me." Brice glared at me with so much venom that it scared me. "Not outside of school, at company or at lunch. None of it. I'm done with you." He moved close. "You're dead to me, Velasco." He turned his attention to Estella. "So are you."

"Brice..." Estella trailed off.

"You two deserve each other." He moved past me for the door, and he slammed it with his exit.

"Brice..." Estella repeated as she began to cry.

"Estella, no." I wrapped my arms around her, and she clung onto me. She cried into my chest as I smoothed her hair back. "It'll be okay. I got you."

"I never wanted to hurt him," she said, sniffling. "But I can't choose him over you." She glanced up at me. "You're the one I want." I pulled her back to my chest, and her head rested against me. "Now, that I have you. I can't let you go. Not even for Brice."

That was exactly how I felt. I hated hurting my friend. It hurt me that I may have even lost a friend, but all I could do was press her against me. Never wanting to let go.

"I care about you, Estella," I said. "I care about you so much. I'm not going anyway, okay?" She nodded. "You have me." I kissed the top of her head. "We'll take care of this."

I could face Brice's wrath any day, as long as I had Estella, and I did. I finally had her.