Chapter Two:

After breakfast, I jog upstairs to get ready for my day with Ethan. He and Luke started at it again literally ten seconds after I got up the stairs. Luke got told off by Mum and deliberately elbowed in the ribs. Fun times.

I wanted the chair to suck me into it and make me invisible after his outburst. My stomach was in knots. His bringing up of the whole having to punch a kid at school wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.

The way my mum always looks at me with those awfully droopy, sad-looking eyes whenever someone mentions anything to do with me in that way gives me this icky feeling. Guilt, I think. Even if it isn't technically my fault. She's a great mother, and the last thing I want is for her to feel like anything less. I know she blames herself sometimes, but I wish she wouldn't.

When someone mentions what happened to me or asks about the dark shadow of aftermath that still follows our family around today, I can see it in her eyes. The truth is, I'll never be your typical teenager. I can't do all the things that everyone else my age can. Not without an escort, at least. One example of that being going out alone or being on public transportation alone. If anything like that is mentioned, Mum's facial expressions would be very alarmed and I can always see the panic in her beautiful blue eyes. The fear. It's too dangerous for me to go alone.

She feels like it's her fault. But we all know that that's completely not true. Reality is completely different. It's no one's fault, except for the evil and toxic people in this world that only know how to do one thing— bully others, just because they're different.

I remember the boy making fun of me, taunting me in the hallway, just as I was getting into the Maths corridor. He called me a Mute Freak and started laughing. As well as his idiotic laughter, the rest of the kids in the hallways' laughter was heard. If I'm honest, I've grown quite used to people calling me names and treating me like dirt. It's been this way since the accident. The only time I'm granted some relief, some peace and quiet, is if Luke's around. The bullies turn into crickets in his presence. All except for one...

But Luke always finds out somehow, even when he's not around. He has no trouble with confrontation, despite my pleas to just let it go. He handles things his own way; usually cruel pranks that end in him getting into trouble. Anyway, I just don't enjoy discussing those things at home, especially not in front of Mum. Luke knows that, but he has no filter. Any hope she may have had that things were getting better must be diminished now.

I pause at the top of the stairs and listen to their conversation. Hearing them talking again as I purposely stall myself. Mum or Ethan must have said something that I didn't catch.

"I punched him hard and he bloody well deserved it." Luke's angry voice echoes up the stairs.

Mum says something just above a whisper. I don't know what, though. I didn't hear her.

"The things those arses say to her, Mum."

I imagine she released an unimpressed sigh.

"They expect me to believe that I have no idea what they say to her. I'm supposed to be quiet about it all. I won't."

"Ethan, shut the door please, darling."

And that was the last clear thing I could hear before all was muffled and voices were low and difficult to hear from the stairs. Ethan notices me standing on the stairs before he shuts the door and gives me a sheepish smile. I know that smile. It's full of pity and guilt, the same smile people give me when they find out what happened to me that day two years ago. But I do hear a few unclear things before going to my room and completely giving up on listening.

"Make sure. . . tell her. . . deserved to know. . . Known for weeks." Luke voices, "Only. . . Out now. . . Fair." Luke's muffled voice says from through the other side.

*****

Shower. I had a shower, enjoying the warmth and the steam for as long as I possibly could without looking down at my legs. I couldn't bare to look at them. I know what's there. I always know. I just can't face it.

Now, I'm standing in front of my bedroom mirror, just blow-drying my hair and getting ready to straighten it out.

I shift to clothing, deciding to change into a dark blue and pinkish-purple checked shirt and my black skinny jeans. I leave the shirt untucked with the sleeves purposely rolled down. I don't like revealing my legs and arms. Just generally any of my skin. The scars just go on so deep.

I shut the door of the wardrobe, then apply a little mascara to my lashes and lip balm to my lips. Swinging my purse that holds my notebook and pens over my shoulder, I quickly leave the room and run downstairs. I slip on my navy blue Converse trainers and enter the living room where I find Luke slouching.

His hair is a great mess, and he's flicking through the channels on the TV, mumbling rude words under his breath about how there's nothing decent on the telly. My eyes feather over to Ethan, who's sitting next to him on the couch tapping away on his phone. His eyes are fixed on that and his posture is full of tension. I don't know what more happened between them after I left to get ready, but by the looks of things, it hadn't ended on a good note. Resting my purse on the coffee table, I pull my phone out of it. Instantly, I begin tapping out a text.

Me: Hey

In a second, his phone buzzes and he looks up. "Hi, you ready?"

I nod and cross my arms, stiffly glancing toward the door.

"I'm not sure where we should go first. What do you think?" He says, looking at me awkwardly.

I shrug carelessly, as if to say I don't really mind. I'm still not making eye contact.

I'm glad he's giving me the time of day to spend together, but I find myself feeling less excited than expected. It's different. Not necessarily in a bad way, just in a this-is-awkward and what-are-we-doing way. He leaves the room and returns wearing a black Nike hoodie over his plain white T-shirt and dark jeans. He's clutching his car keys in his hand.

"Luke, we're going out now, so tell Mum not to worry about lunch." Ethan tells him. He runs a quick hand through his dark hair; fixing it, I guess.

"Okay." Luke mutters back, his eyes now focused on his own phone while the TV is still on.

"Have fun, Jess. Bye Ethan." The singsong tone he says my name in drops to a deep grumble with Ethan's name.

I wave bye to him and follow Ethan out the door, but not before grabbing my own jacket. I'm glad I do, too, because it's freezing cold out here. The moment I step out of the house, the cold air bites my face, chilling me all over and making me shiver.

*****

Fifteen minutes later, the car squeals to a stop outside the arcade in what used to be our usual spot. I haven't been here with Ethan in at least a year-and-a-half. The last time I came here with him, it was with a group of people: Ethan, Emma, Luke, Drake, Sam, Tyler, Alex, and some other boy called Leo Pennington. I didn't know Leo at the time, and that day, unfortunately, was the first time I was introduced to him.

That day didn't really end quite as well as we all had probably anticipated. It was all because Leo said some things to Tyler, one of Ethan's best friends. I didn't hear it because I was too busy trying to explain to Drake why the different colours of M&Ms mattered, I had picked up this delicious addiction from spending the week in Luke's company, but I'm guessing Ethan had overheard him and didn't like what he had said.

Whatever it was had been bad enough that he took Leo outside for a chat, and the rest went something like this.

"What did he say?" Luke huffed, angrily staring through the glass at the guys outside.

"I'll... uh, tell you later," Tyler mumbled under his breath. "Right now isn't the best time."

I gave Drake a confused glance, and he mimicked my expression. When they came back inside the arcade a long fifteen minutes later, everyone was silent, almost deadly silent, it was a bit awkward. Ethan looked full of fury. His jaw and fists were clenched, and his eyes were full of an explosive, unexplained anger.

Alex and Tyler were talking him down while Leo's back was facing me. I couldn't hear what any of them were saying, but their facial expressions told me it was something serious. Emma was standing beside me, Luke was on the other side, and Sam and Drake were behind us. They could all see what I was seeing.

An angry Tyler, an even more furious-looking Ethan, and a slightly puzzled Alex. You could tell they were trying to get him to calm down because they kept patting his shoulders in a comforting manner.

It worked for a few minutes, until Leo called out, "Why don't you stop talking about me, and say it to my face, huh? If you're that mad, do something about it!"

Ethan's reaction was something Leo wasn't expecting. The boy I grew up loving, admiring, and looking up to as my role model lunged forward, shoving Leo to the ground. Throwing punches to his face. Trying to stop him from doing any, most likely, permanent damage, Alex and Tyler grab him by each shoulder and pull him away, throwing him into a corner.

"Let go of me! How dare he?!" He yelled at them, struggling to get free while Leo was still on the ground.

They were trying to knock sense into him. "No! You were there, Ty! You heard, you saw! If you have any mind whatsoever you'd let me beat the friggin' crap out of him." his face was red, the same colour of anger"I am going to take his tongue out!"

Sam and Drake tell Luke they need to sort it out. About ten minutes after the chaos, Luke said we needed to go back home because Mum called saying something about coming home because she needed to go to a client's house. I knew it was a lie. It was just an excuse to get out of that horrible situation.

So now, I usually come here with Luke alone or maybe with Emma on the odd occasions. Last time was a bit wild because one of the machines was faulty and kept giving us loads and loads of money, not that either of us were complaining. Usually, it's only a few coins that come out, and that's if you're lucky, but at most times, none. So, Luke stuffed all the coins he had in his bag instead of his wallet, that's how much change he had. He tried making me stuff a few handfuls in my bag too, but I wouldn't because I was afraid of getting caught. I'm not like my moron brother.

Silently, I laugh at the memory as we walk in. Ethan goes rushing to switch some notes into change at the counter whilst I wait for him near the motorbike video game. I have little view of him as there are a few people gambling, blocking my view, but from what I can see, there's like three people in front of him. Plus, there's only like one guy behind the counter, and he's messing around on his phone, seeming oblivious to the three people waiting to be served in front of him. I release an impatient sigh. This is going to take a while. I get my phone out of my bag and find two new messages. I click on them.

Ethan: Thought of where you want to go next? I decided the arcade for right now, you decide what after.

Ethan: God this guy at the counter is an idiot! I want to smash his stupid phone and along with his head. What do you want to play on first?

Me: Okay, I'll think, but I'm not really sure. You know him or something? Ouch, cos I'd hate to be him. And I want to play Boom Blast then air hockey.

Me: Please.

Ethan: Anything you want. You choose.

Ethan: lol no I don't know him. But if he doesn't look up in the next thirty seconds there'll be a problem.

Ethan: Nah, I'd like to beat him but I don't think that's such a great idea. Mum would kill me.

I'm not as keen as Luke is at visiting the arcade. My choice would be to get competitive and head for hockey and table tennis, but Luke has more of an addictive personality and enjoys games of chance and luck. Maybe it's the uncertainty for me. You could come back with more pennies then you went with, but likewise, you could lose them all. I think we'd be much safer somewhere where there isn't a risk of chance, like the mall, the cinema, or even the library. There's nothing wrong with reading a good book.

*****

Ethan returns with these two off-white paper cups in each hand. He hands me one cup with a jingle as he passes them. They are filled with coins.

"Let's get to it, then, shall we?" He suggests, looking over at the Boom Blast.

Pocketing my phone, I follow after him. The arcade is alive with music and laughter. Each game we pass by blares a different theme song and set of flashing lights. The further we walk, the dimmer the room becomes, and I notice a lot of the games are shut off with paper taped to their screens, screaming "out of order" in bold letters. A lot of the machines are really old, so this doesn't surprise me. I stop at my favorite system, the one we always went to first--well, when I was able to talk them into it--and a childlike smile spreads on my face. I park myself in the leather chair in front of it and insert some coins into it. It fires up with its usual tune, and I get more excited. It's been far too long.

After playing for a few minutes, I realise Ethan's not playing with me. Instead, he's standing behind me, eyeing something far in the distance. I pause the game and frantically tap on his back, and his blue eyes eventually break contact from whatever he's staring at. I usher him to join me and he flashes me a smile before he says "I'm gonna kick your butt at this." The fun in his voice is so radiating, I can't help but feel it, too. Having my brother back after all this time is rather enjoyable. I don't have too much hope though, hope can be disappointing. I nod my head very eagerly, looking forward to the turn-out.

*****

"Nice day today, isn't it? Do you have any nice plans on this fine day?" The young blonde employee twirls her hair, batting her eyelashes at Ethan.

She's definitely into him. The world around us can see it, but Ethan is avoiding it.

"Two Big Macs and a portion of nuggets, please. Also, a Diet Coke and sparkling apple juice," he says. The stiffness is very prominent in his tone.

"Is that all?" She asks, visibly taken aback by his response.

Before Ethan finally blurted out his order, she had been blabbering on about things that weren't even relevant for ten minutes straight.

"Yep," he looks at me as if to confirm what he's saying, which I then nod at. "And thanks." He adds, quickly dropping some cash on the counter before walking away.

"Wait," she calls out with a fake giggle, leaning over the counter. "Sorry, I forgot to ask; are you eating in or wanting it to take away?" She smiles and continuously blinks in a flirty way. I don't know, I'm not sure. Can you blink like that? Maybe she fluttered them.

Seriously?

"Takeaway." There is a harshness in his voice as he speaks.

"Okay," she says gnawing at her bottom lip, still playing with a loose strand of her raven hair that's falling out of her ponytail.

"Is that all? Or are you still trying to look for another excuse to talk to me, Stacey?" He rolls his eyes. "Take a hint. Do your bloody job properly instead of getting all chatty chatty with me?

Wait, what? Ethan knows her? Why is he being so mean?

"Sheila." She mumbles. "My name is Sheila. How do you not know that after being in all of my classes for like three years?"

My cheeks burn with embarrassment because of the way he's treating her. I can feel all the eyes in the restaurant darting our way. It's not okay at all. He's being very mean to her.

"Whatever. I got places to be and stuff to do, so the least you can do after wasting," he shrugs his shoulders in an I-Don't-Care fashion and glances at the clock on his phone screen, "fifteen minutes of my — oh, sorry, our time," he quickly looks my way, "is to hurry up with our food, please."

With that said, he walks away, taking me with him. We walk through the restaurant, and I can still feel eyes on us. I don't look up from the concrete floor until we are at our table. I turn back to look at Sheila before sitting down. Her mouth is slightly open, and there's disbelief written all over her reddened face. Somewhere in the midst of shock and irritation, there's hurt.

I can't remember a single time Ethan has acted that way. He used to be cordial with every person he came into contact with, so it was hard to believe he could be so rude to someone. Was it because of the crowd he runs with now? Had they changed his character into this? Was he becoming the typical jock now? Or had he been this way for a while? Maybe that's why he never wanted to spend time with me anymore. Maybe hanging out with your little sister wasn't cool for the wide-receiver on the football team?

I would expect this kind of thing from Luke quite honestly because that's just the way he is. He's the prankster, the "bad boy" at school, and his entire identity was formed by doing cruel things; but normally to the ones who wronged him first. It used to be to any person that crossed paths with him, including myself. When we were little, he used to push me about a lot. He used to be very rude to people; I think I remember a seven-year-old Luke Graye swearing for the first time somewhere. It's like they've swapped personalities.

Now that I'm thinking about it, they do have a lot in common. Their personalities in some forms but definitely not all. Their looks--they both have dark brown hair and blue eyes just like Mum. I'm the odd one out, the black sheep, in many ways. Mum says I got my looks from my dad, which is light brown hair and eyes. But I wouldn't know. I'm not "cool" like Ethan and Luke, but that's obvious. I wouldn't be bullied on a daily basis if I fit in like my brothers do. I'm the weird kid who becomes even weirder to people when they realise I can't talk. Some have been tormenting me for years, some for only a few months. Some are creeped out by it, but imagine how I felt when I woke up in the hospital and found out I'd never speak again.

Not everyone sees me that way, I guess, but it's hard to tell. There are the few stray people who talk to me every now and then, but it's strictly school-related small talk. They're probably afraid to let it go beyond that, afraid they'll be mocked, too. So, I guess I can't blame them. But it's a lonely world sometimes; constantly being misunderstood and preyed on. I'm just thankful for the few friends I do have.

A paper bag lands on the table in front of me with a smack, pulling me out of my thoughts. Ethan is typing something on his phone, completely distracted. His elbows are propped on the table and he's shielding his phone from view, so the only visible part of his body are his hands and the top of his head. What is up with him? Sheila silently stands over us, waiting on Ethan to notice her and speak.

"Thanks." He says finally, his voice full of hostility. He's still not looking up from the screen.

"Okay," she mutters under her breath.

She's noticeably embarrassed and unimpressed with his attitude. If the tables were turned, I would be, too.

She turns to me. "Enjoy. Have a nice day." She's giving me a tired, half-smile.

I give her a small nod. She then leaves, not looking back again. Ethan is obviously not planning on looking up from his phone anytime soon. I get my phone again and type out a quick message for him.

Me: What are you doing?

"Nothing, I'm just looking for something."

I'm nodding my head, though he can't see. I move my feet around creating invisible patterns on the floor. The awkwardness is coming back again, and the silence is definitely deafening. I feel as if there's nothing to talk about, and that's because there isn't. The arcade was fun, but we didn't do much besides play a few games and sip on the cans of Cokes he brought. We'd also give each-other forced, insincere smiles here and there. We didn't talk much at all.

The only proper conversation we had was about Emma. He asked what she and I do together and how much I miss my old friends. Whenever I think about them, the fond memories come to me, and I wish I could talk to them. Then, I remember that things have changed. They have changed.

I also asked how his best friends were doing, like Tyler and Alex. I wouldn't know how they are because I never see them around the house anymore. Alex is the loud one in their trio. You can always hear his voice booming over everyone else's. He's outgoing, and he hates to admit it, but he's actually very smart. He plays dumb often, mostly as a joke, but I think he wants people to believe he's not as intelligent as he actually is. Tyler is a little more on the stuck-up side. He's your typical upper class party guy. He's always been nice to me, but others sometimes weren't as lucky. Alex went off to uni an hour away and Tyler's in college in our town.

I want to ask him why he's been shutting me out of his life for all of this time. I've been living in the same house as him my entire life. I've always been the closest thing to him, and him likewise with me, yet nowadays, I feel so distant from him. So close, yet so, so far. This isn't how my brother is supposed to be.

Why? Why does it feel like the only person who is open and honest with me is Luke? Why is Luke more accepting than him? I get it, they are my older brothers plus they are boys, so I should not expect much from them, but all my life, I've spent hanging out with them. More Ethan than Luke until recent years.

I get it they are both my older brothers and I should not expect much from them but all my life I've spent hanging out with them. More him than Luke.

My phone vibrates in my hand tickling me.

Luke: How's the outing going? Awkward? You okay? Is Ethan being too weird about anything?

Luke: What's he been saying? What are you guys talking about?

Luke: I'm bored. There's nothing but shit on the TV!

Me: No, being weird is your job. I'm having fun. I'll talk to you later.

Luke: Noooo! I'm bored.

Luke: Don't go!

Me: Why don't you just go to Sammy's? Get your board.

Luke: I can't.

Why? They're always together, the three of them. It's always been that way. They are sort of practically the guy version of what Amber, Emma and I were. Did they have some sort of fight?

Sammy is cool, fun to be around and he has this energy that's just so happy and positive, it's nice. He's Luke's prank partner, but that's the only downside. He has always been so talented at reading people, including myself. Just by the expression on my face, he knows when something is wrong and he would go as far as he could to cheer me up. And Drake too. I love them both.

Drake's more of a quiet, chilled, sort of guy. On the outside he looks like someone you wouldn't want to talk to, but once you get to know him, you realise he's actually pretty awesome. He's down-to-earth and would happily give you his last pound if you needed it more than he did. Once you get to know Drake properly, you'll see he's sarcastic and blunt, carefree and so chill and mellow. But on the outside, he'll seem like this grumpy grizzly bear; this rude, moody, unapproachable teenager who's creepy quiet. That's the beauty of knowing a person properly. Really, he just likes to keep to himself and his business.

They've been friends for years. Since they were really little, just like me and my best friends.

Me: Why? What did you do?

Luke: I am shocked you would think I'd have something to do with it! Maybe Sammy did something and not me. Ever investigated that?

I can almost guarantee that he messed up first. It's just the way Luke is. But the three of them always make up pretty quickly. One time, Luke put purple dye in Drake's face wash, he was staying over. He came out of the bathroom in the morning all purple-faced, but he didn't realise until noon what had happened. Sam and Luke were staring and sniggering at him every so often, so that's what eventually gave it away. He was not very impressed. Turns out, it was some pretty strong dye and to his terror, he spent days walking around with a plum face. He did not speak to him for almost five days, then things were back to normal when he got his revenge and pranked Luke back. Looking back at it now, it was pretty hilarious. The way he just looked so fed up and done with them.

A few minutes go by and yet again my phone buzzes times three from the last time.

Luke: You are so bored!

Luke: Otherwise you'd never have answered any of my messages.

Luke: Is he even talking to you?

Damn, he's right. Ugh!

I hate it when he's right.

*****
AUTHORS NOTE

Hi! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know your thoughts.

What did you think of Ethan?

What's your fave McDonald's food? What is your regular order? I don't usually get McDonald's but when I do. I get a Big Mac with a side of nuggets and a shake. I love McDonald's fries though!

See you next week for another chapter!

Lazy/Dreamy (For the last time.)

Here's a cupcake for reading!