If you asked Naruto what he thought the Akatsuki was like before joining, he probably would've said, "Deadly, Murderous, Terrifying, Psychotic, Ruthless, Evil...," typical villain shit but most of all, "Powerful."

If you asked him now he'd say, "Fucking insane, but hysterical." He swore he'd never meet a better group of fucking crackheads in his life and the best part is that you love them all! For instance, this morning!

~Flashback~

He was peacefully snaked around his pillow, drooling, and dreaming of Sasu-I mean ramen when he heard something. 'What is that? Talking? Yeah, probably. Wait...TALKING IN MY EMPTY APARTMENT?!'

He shot up and looked around, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, then smiled. 'Oh yeah, I'm not at my lonely crummy apartment, I was taken in by a group of notorious S-ranked criminals.'

He heard a snort in his head, signaling his pet fox is up. 'I'm not your damn pet, Kit! Also, how and why can you say that so easily?'

Naruto simply shrugged. "I've been here a short time and they already treat me way better here than in all my time living in Konoha." Kurama was silent and let the sad truth linger.

Soon Naruto focused back on the voices and instantly put faces to them. 'Oh yeah, Deidara and Sasori....' 'Who the fuck are they?' 'The gays.' 'Rightttttttttttttttt, gotcha!'

Both proceeded to listen to them chat while the duo was getting ready in their shared bathroom. "Dannaaaaaa, have you seen my makeupppppp," the blonde whined, earning an eye roll from his precious puppet. "No, brat."

He huffed but continued on.

'I knew, he wore makeup!' Naruto quietly scoffed. 'Probably only a little, he seems mostly natural!'

"Dannaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa where's my hair spray and flat iron?!" Unfortunately, for the bomber, his boyfriend seems to have slept in a bed of termites, since he proceeded to snap like a twig.

"Deidara do I look like I use your worthless beauty trash?!" He could practically hear Deidara's heartbreak as he gasped. Naruto's jaw dropped. 'Shit, he shouldn't have said that,' Naruto and Kurama agreed on.

"YOU'RE RIGHT YOU DON'T! NO, THE ONLY THING YOUR PATHETIC PUPPET ASS USES IS PINE-SOL AS MOISTURIZER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A beat of silence.

Then another.

Once more.

BAM! Suddenly a punch was heard and Dei crashed into the bedroom wall. Sasori soon ran out in only his pants enraged.

"GET THE FUCK OVER HERE! I HAVE A NEW POISON YOU CAN TRY OUT!!!!!!!!" Deidara bolted in the hall away from him, but Sasori was quick to catch up and it wasn't long before everyone was trying to break them up.

"Deidara here's your flat iron, hairspray, and makeup!"

Silence.

Everyone slowly turned to Hidan coming over holding said products before seeing the commotion and frowning confused. "Did I miss something?"

Naruto sighed, 'Goodbye, Hidan....' The gays descended upon Hidan like starving lions and ripped him limb from limb.

By the time they walked back to their room hand in hand, Hidan was completely ripped apart and confused. "I left a note this time....," he whimpered as Kakuzu picked his parts up after kissing his cheek.

"I'll buy you your own products..."

"Really???"

"Don't get used to it...." Naruto smiled at the two before laying back down. "I've only been up 15 minutes, what the hell...?"

Breakfast was no better. It was Itachi's turn to cook, and the man was a GOD in the kitchen, on top of looking like one.

Everything was going well...until it wasn't.

Konan looked at Itachi calmly, "Itachi, I think you overdid the eggs." Sasori and Kisame tensed before slowly grabbing their breakfast and sliding under the table.

Sasori then grabbed Naruto's stuff and brought him under too. They could still see from underneath the table and hear what they couldn't see. Itachi slowly turned to her. "Oh...you don't like it? THEN DO IT YOUR-FUCKING-SELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He nailed them in the forehead with an egg knocking Konan out of their chair and to the ground. Everyone gaped in sheer horror.

'HE'S ON HIS MEDS!!!!!!!!!!!!'

"DON'T BE MAD AT ME BECAUSE YOU CAN'T DO SOME FUCKING EGGS!" Konan retaliated with it a knife, but Itachi blocked it. Unfortunately, it ricocheted and decapitated poor Hidan. Luckily Kakuzu caught his head.

"BITCH, MY EGGS ARE LIKE MY EVERYTHING, FUCKING FLAWLESS HONEY! YOU JUST LIKE YOUR SHIT BORDERLINE RAW!!!!" Soon food was thrown and everyone took cover as the two brawled.

While Sasori, Kisame, and Naruto finished their breakfast. Nagato scolded them both and made them clean up and apologize.

Kakuzu then retreated to fix up Hidan and Sasori gave Kakuzu money to take Hidan out to eat as an apology for earlier. 'That could've gone worse.' 'It could've?' 'Maybe....'

~Flashback over~

It's been a while since breakfast and Deidara is training Naruto. Something catches his attention, making him stop.

Which nearly gets him blown up, but it's fineeeeeeeee.

It was Hidan looking really upset, but not in a loud boisterous way, instead, it was silent pain. 'I know it all too well.'

He ran in making Deidara chase him. Naruto tried to grab Hidan, but swiftly, Kakuzu picked him up. "Not a safe choice, he's really upset."

Another voice joined the fray, "What happened?"

It was Kisame.

"Long story..." We took it to the living room and sat. Hidan went to his room to cool off, and everyone else went to the living room to hear what transpired.

Nagato looked pissed and concerned in a way only he could. Everyone else looked ready for murder, except Naruto who was simply worried about poor Hidan.

Kakuzu sighed and leaned back with Naruto still in his lap and being held like a teddy bear. He didn't mind, clearly, Kakuzu needed it. "We found a village a bit away from Amegakure to eat since we couldn't earlier. And we were getting weird looks, obviously."

Everyone nodded in agreement, "But not the normal ones. Not because we looked strange... They were trained on the arm I had around Hidan and our painted nails." Sasori took particular offense to that since he did everyone's nails.

He silently seethed and continued to listen. "Their faces were disgusted, but Hidan didn't notice them. So I bit my tongue but held him closer. When we got to a nice place to eat, we sat and ordered, you know."

Everyone nodded, more to encourage than really answer.

"Afterwards, Hidan complained about the crummy morning, and I Iistened since it was pretty bad for him. He didn't even do anything today! We were holding hands across the table, and it was relaxing. I even saw a smile peek out on Hidan's lips as he gazed at our hands.

However, the day clearly wasn't done being absolute trash! Why? Well, our waitress came over and dumped her pot of HOT COFFEE ALL OVER HIDAN AND SMASHED THE POT IN MY FACE!" Everyone's face twisted in shock, then rage. \

'WHY DID SHIT HIT THE FAN SO FAST?!' Nagato immediately sat up absolutely heated, "AND. SHE. LIVED?!" Everyone shivered but Kakuzu nodded.

"Hidan did throw her out the window and went after her. But when I caught up to them, they were surrounded by villagers angry at Hidan! He got livid and wondered what their problems were. I already knew, but he was blissfully unaware of it...or he was until they....they.." Kakuzu took a minute to breathe and calm himself.

Naruto hugged him, and he returned it with a quiet thanks. "They said, "Our kind wasn't welcome there. Homo freaks and sissy boys!" And I could merely stare in amazement at their stupidity! My boyfriend had coffee dumped on him for having fabulous nails and a boyfriend! AND THEY RUINED HIS MAKEUP!"

All of them felt personally attacked, and the aura of the room turned to one of death. "At first, I thought, they had no hope. Hidan was going to snap and go on a massacre, but no..."

Kakuzu shakes his head and sits up, frowning, "Something was wrong. He was quiet and looked extremely hurt." He glanced to the side. "I didn't understand it and truthfully I still don't...so I just took his hand, and we left. He didn't say a word the whole time...he...he even pulled his hand away."

Everyone let the information sink in. Then they heard footsteps after a solid minute.

It was Hidan. He sat on the ground across the room from Kakuzu. Two green eyes narrowed, "Oh hell no." Naruto got off his lap and sat between Dei and Danna.

Kakuzu rose and crossed to Hidan, who looked away from his boyfriend. Hidan immediately struggled when Kakuzu picked him up and crossed back to his seat. "Put me down, damn it! KAKUZU!"

"No." His voice was stern enough for Hidan to give in begrudgingly.

Everyone turned to him. "Stop fucking staring at me! Say something already!"

Nagato asked the million-dollar question, "What's wrong....?"

Hidan cringed and hid in Kakuzu's neck. Everyone agreed on one thing, "That is fucking adorable."

The two murmured to each before the Jashinist sighed and relented. "It's just...when I was hearing them spout that...bullshit I-I dunno I thought about you guys. I mean none of us fall into the cishet (cisgender and heterosexual) group at all!"

Nobody disagreed, not even Naruto, which made everyone look at him. Naruto shrugged, "Raging Bisexual, my dudes."

Itachi looked at him, "Neji and Shikamaru?"

"Neji and Shikamaru..."

Itachi snickered, "Called it~." Hidan grinned, then frowned, "That's what I mean...how would they treat you guys? There are others like them! So many...How would they treat you...?"

Naruto looked blanked and uttered bluntly, "Horribly....throw stones, spew mean names, slurs, grab us in weird places, and stuff..."

Everyone now stared at him, horrified. Nagato nearly lost his shit, "WHAT THE FUCK WENT ON IN THAT LEAF VILLAGE?!"

Itachi mumbled, "Nothing good...I helped him when I could, Kakashi sometimes, Sasuke, Iruka, and the few friends he had, but even all of us weren't enough. I went through my share of it as well, and he's right on the money."

Sasori hugs Naruto and Itachi tightly. "........."

Hidan nodded, "Konan likes women! Me, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, and Leader are gay! Naruto and Itachi are raging bisexual legends! And Kisame and Zetsu are panromantic asexuals!

Then Konan is agender, while Leader, me, Deidara, and Itachi are genderfluid! Kisame is a fish or at least not fully human, Kakuzu, Sasori, and Naruto give no fuck about gender rules or norms, and Zetsu is a Venus flytrap!" Everyone nods.

Konan speaks up this time, "Yes, we will be hated, ridiculed, insulted, and mocked. But that's fine! Do you know why?"

Hidan, Naruto, Deidara, and even Danna shake their heads. "Because they're jealous. We're proud of who we are, we're comfortable in our own skin! We know who we are and what makes us happy.

We're proud, loud, and open! We're different, and it scares them, as it should. It just means they can't handle our fabulousness." Everyone grins, even Kurama, 'What a legend.'

Naruto jumps up, "Yeah! I never let those bullies keep me down! I had people who supported me and told me I was fine as I was. So I never stayed down long! I'm proud of myself, and you guys should be too!"

Hidan grins at him, "Thanks, sunshine."

Itachi smiled, "It wasn't easy coming to terms with everything about myself, especially with such a cold environment around me. It was hard to look in the mirror. I was uncomfortable and felt so trapped, but I learned to live through it with help. We aren't alone in this. You're not alone anymore, Hidan, you have us."

Nagato becomes stern, "This goes for all of you if you're having trouble with something, someone, or whatever then talk to each other. You can come to me in my office or anytime you need to. What you will never leave that room. We have each other for support. For the good and bad times. We're a family. A crazy-ass one, but a family nonetheless."

Zetsu pipes in, "If you're feeling like trash, if you feel like you're suffocating, drowning, if your mind isn't right, come to any of us. If you need to vent or cry, or hell, even just scream your rage out, feel free. We all get like that. We get stuck in our own way, even when we don't have to."

A tear snuck down a certain puppet's cheek, which caught a few people's attention.

Kakuzu nuzzles Hidan's cheek, "See? It doesn't matter what those cretins think."

Kisame ruffles Hidan's hair, "It's what you believe that's important. As long as you're able to look in the mirror and smile, then who cares about anyone else? Because most people will come and go in our lives, but we're stuck with ourselves and our thoughts forever."

Hidan let everything sink in and looked at the smiling faces of his family.

"Heh," he relaxed against Kakuzu and smirks, "you all are getting soft. Thank you."

Kakuzu wipes Hidan's tears and hugs him tightly before everyone joins in except for Sasori.

Kakuzu swiftly took that choice away and yanked him in with his threads. They pulled away and the feel of the room mainly became light again.

Itachi smiled, "How about ramen for dinner?" Naruto practically sparkled, "YES!!!!!!!! YES! YES! YES!!!!!!!!" Everyone laughed, and Deidara ruffled his hair.

Nagato chuckled, "Ramen it is, but first~ how about a family activity~?" Everyone caught the gist of Nagato's suggestion, even Naruto, but he smirked rather than protesting.

"Suit up."

And let's just say that village (or what's left of it) regretted hurting one of their family members.

So yeah, are the Akatsuki anything like Naruto was expecting? Absolutely not. They're better, so much better.

Would he change anything? Absolutely not. Not a thing. They were perfect. And the best family he could've hoped for. He was so happy they took him in.

~Omake~

Sasori sat on the porch and watched the rain descend upon the ground. The words of his....family...echoed in his mind.

"Family, huh? Haven't had one of those in a long time, or I thought I hadn't." He thought over his memories in the Akatsuki. Itachi became an older brother to him, not to mention his best friend, constantly caring for him and spending time with him despite Sasori being older!

Kakuzu was like an uncle watching over him and making sure he had everything he needed. Zetsu, his close friend or cousin, given their similar interests and Zetsu's inability to eat him (thank fuck).

Kisame was another cousin that hung with him pretty often since he thought Sasori needed more company (which he secretly cherished), and Hidan was an excitable little brother that made Sasori try new things and get some fun in his life (more cherished memories because wow he needed that).

Deidara, his annoying, ridiculous boyfriend that he'd die for in a heartbeat. Man, he loves that dumbass blonde.

Konan, the overbearing parental figure, and Jashin help him if he had so much as a crack ANYWHERE for longer than twenty minutes! He was a dead man walking if they found out. He shuddered, remembering a time that happened.

That left Nagato as the best friend and another parental figure with high ass expectations. He had a weird hold on Sasori he didn't notice before...balancing as his leader, precious friend, and parental figure in a bizarre way.

Never wanting to disappoint Nagato, yet knowing it's okay if he fails. He trusts Sasori and holds him so high that it's nerve-wracking and flattering!

So...why? Why is he so angry? He has the family he dreamed of! Is it because he wanted to care for Naruto and he felt Nagato trusted him less? That he felt so brushed aside? What is it?!

Whether he was in charge of Naruto or not, he'd still do anything for him! He pretty much adopted the kid the second he saw him, so he didn't think that was it.

It's true, that everyone goes to him, more often than not. He was constantly needed, constantly had a full plate, and constantly was doing something!

'Maybe...maybe I feel used...?' The thought hit Sasori hard as hell and left him feeling ice cold. He was startled from his thoughts when he felt a presence but relaxed when he recognized it.

Itachi sat by him and gave him some tea. His favorite. Sasori didn't realize tears were streaming down his cheeks. Nor did he realize how much he needed Itachi's hug till he was wrapped in it.

Itachi's body coddled Sasori's small frame. His warmth seeped into his wood.

Neither spoke. They had no need. Sasori merely curled into Itachi, sipped his tea, and watched the rain. And Itachi comforted the slowly cracking puppet. Holding him together when he was too weak to do it himself.

"Thank you, Itachi."

I have no idea where I was going with this chapter, I meant to keep it light and failed so miserably, but the last one ended on a bleakish note and I wanted to pick up on that a bit. Sorry if this is seeming like Sasori's story, I just love him and Naruto so much. But they threw Sasori (and the whole Akatsuki) in the trash and ruined Naruto with BS and plot armor. So yeah...sorry. :D Please put up with me and my crap. I write on instinct and don't plan beforehand, I have no clue where this story is going.