Chapter 5

Eve gently shook Claire's arm until she had her full attention. Michael was sitting at the table and Shane was still AWOL. There was an eight pack of cans of Coke in the centre of the table with a big pile of hotdogs beside it. Eve had neatly laid of the sauces and crisps and nibbles as well.

"Why so much trouble, Eve?" Claire asked. Her voice sounded hoarse. "It's just lunch. We're not expecting anyone are we?" She started to worry about her appearance and tried to push back her feelings into a locked box.

"I thought we might make it nice, at least." Eve smiled. "Come on CB. You must be starving." Eve was ready to catch Claire if she was going to collapse. She didn't.

"Where's Shane?" She immediately glanced at Michael incase he had mentioned something to him. But he hadn't as he looked at Eve for an answer.

"He'll only be a minute. He's taking a shower upstairs." Eve passed Claire a Coke and then she gave one to Michael.

"Actually, Shane will be here in a second." Shane laughed as sat down in the chair next to Claire. He seemed extremely happy. It broke her heart. "Alright?"

Claire didn't answer. Nor did she eat or drink. She was hungry but she felt sick with herself. Instead she went to the toilet with the help of Eve - even though she didn't need it. On her way back, she snagged her backpack and brought it to the table. The others carried on talking but Claire wasn't listening, she was leaning over the side looking for the journal she had placed in there.

"...Claire?" Eve had asked her something.

"Claire, are you ok?" Shane placed a hand on her back.

"I'm fine." She sat up slowly and kept one hand in backpack, trying to find the journal by feeling around.

"What are you doing?" Both Eve and Shane were trying to see but they couldn't.

Michael apparently could. "Are you working?" Claire gave up and pulled her backpack up on to her lap.

"Claire, you mustn't." Eve tutted at her. "You were just in hospital. You need to rest. And eat. You haven't had one bite."

"Not hungry." Claire continued to dig through the books in her backpack.

"That's a lie." Shane tugged the backpack away as she managed to find the journal and pull it out. "You told me yourself that you're hungry. Please eat."

"Fine." She placed the journal on the table, took a hotdog and took one bite. "Happy?" She asked as after she had swallowed it.

"You've got to eat properly." Eve crossed her arms. "Especially since you're eating for two now."

That threw Claire completely off eating. Michael froze for a moment, hoping she would tell them. But she didn't. Instead, she picked up the journal and stared at it, trying to get her brain motivated again. She always loved a challenge.

"What's that, Claire?" Michael asked, knowing that she would eat in her own sweet time. "Is that your diary or something."

"Something like that." Claire said turning the journal over to see if there was some trick set if she opened it - you never know with Myrnin. "I have no idea. I swiped this from Myrnin. He has a trunk full of them. With people's names on. This is mine."

Shane looked a little fed up. He took the journal out of her hands and placed it on the table. "Claire, please eat. You look pale and you shouldn't do work until you've eaten and feel better." That'll take a while, Claire thought. "I have a surprise for you... but you have to eat if you want to have it."

Claire thought he was trying hard so she was going to force herself to eat. The hotdogs tasted of sawdust to her as they slid down her throat. All she could think about was that she wasn't eating for two. She wished she was. It was more like comfort eating than it was lunch. Shane and Eve thought it was because she was pregnant. But Michael knew. After Claire had eaten four hotdogs in a row, she guzzled down a can of Coke and started up a second one.

"Jesus, Claire." Eve looked at her half  in amusement and half in disgust. "You never eat like that. I never thought pregnancy cravings were that bad."

"I'm not pregnant." Claire just blurted out, not really thinking about what she was saying. Then it hit her, what she had said. "I..."

"What?" Eve and Shane gasped at the same time.

"Claire, I thought you were." Shane's face was hard. "Eve said last night that you were. And you said so. Are you just playing a joke on me now because it's a little harsh. I can't help being excited to be a dad."

Claire broke down in tears. "I'm not playing a joke with you now and Eve wasn't joking last night either." Her voice started breaking like her heart. "I lost it, Shane. God... I lost it."

Shane was speechless he was just staring at her. Eve wasn't understanding and Michael was keeping quiet. "Claire, honey. How could you have lost it? Where'd it go?" But Eve managed to catch on. "Wait... you had..."

"I had a miscarriage." Claire threw her head into her arms on the table and silently cried. She didn't want them to hear her pain. They had their own to deal with.

Michael pulled Eve into the kitchen and mumbling of her trying to calm her down could be heard behind the closed door. Shane placed his arm around Claire, making her jump. "Claire... it's ok."

"I lost it, Shane. I'm so sorry. I couldn't save it. I lost it." Claire turned to him, her face tear-streaked. "I lost our baby. It's my fault. I'm so sorry."

"Claire," Shane said with tears sparkling in his own eyes, "it's going to be alright. It wasn't even a proper baby - it was too early. It's not your fault. You were stressed out with work, hadn't been sleeping or eating well." He brushed back her hair and caressed her cheek. "These things happen. It's life. We can try again."

Claire glanced up. "Are you sure you would want that?"

"Of course. Maybe not right away, considering." Shane wiped her tears away. "But I would want that. In fact I think we should do it as soon as you feel better again."

"What? Why so soon?" Claire was so confused.

"Come with me." Shane took  her hand and lead her up the staircase. They stopped outside his bedroom door. "Close your eyes."

"Why?" She asked but did as he said.

"Trust me." He threw his hands over my eyes and pushed me forward. "Ok, take a breath and... open your eyes."

I opened my eyes and gasped. Shane had pushed his bed aside and a little cot was next to it. The cot had a little teddy bear inside and mobile with little ducks hovering above it. Stacked underneath it were tins of paint and paintbrushes. "I don't... understand."

"Well, I thought that the baby would need somewhere to sleep. So, if you don't mind, we could move into your room and the baby could have my room. I was going to paint the room a light tan colour. I was going to put pictures on the wall of you and me, and Mikey and Eve." Claire picked up the teddy bear and looked at it. "I thought it would need something to remind it of it's mum. You know, 'cause Eve always calls you Claire Bear?"

"It's sweet, Shane. It really is." Claire smiled sadly. "But there's no baby."

Shane pulled Claire over to his bed and sat down beside her. "I know there isn't anymore. But maybe in the near future?" Shane sighed. "Wouldn't it be better if I got it all finished and set up and be able to take care of you when the time comes?"

"Yes, but you wouldn't be able to always take care of me." Claire pointed out. "You have a job. And so do I."

"I know," Shane sucked in a deep breath, held it and let it out. "Claire, why didn't you just tell me you were pregnant?"

"How would you have taken it?" Claire counter-asked.

"I admit it would have been a shock," Shane thought about it, carefully, "but after whatever dick-move I did, I would have come around to realise I want a child. I want to be a dad. And I am so glad that you are the mother." That made Claire smile, only a little. "I know we're both young but still we are married. And we've fought off vampires-"

"And humans." Claire added.

He nodded, "-and humans, but maybe we can have a little bundle of joy to protect now.... You still haven't answered my question: why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I was scared." Claire confessed. "I still am."