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Chapter 15 (1st Draft)

*Media pic portrays how Penn sees herself in this chapter. Poor girl!




That first week was hell for Penn. She felt like a caged animal.


She and the pups were restricted to the basement suit and the relatively small backyard of the pack house. Alpha Troy and Beta Lucas were working day and night to get to the bottom of why Arn attacked her and they did not want to expose Penn and the pups to any more threats. So, until they knew for sure that Arn did not have any co-conspirators, sympathizers or the like, they had asked her and the pups to remain on the secured grounds of the pack house.


It was a reasonable and rational request, but Penn had not been cooped up in a building with a small yard since she was a teen. Not being able to stretch her legs for miles upon miles each day was a burden she was not the least bit prepared for. She felt agitated, anxious and altogether unhappy as she padded around and around the yard until she wore a path in the manicured lawn. Her only consolation was that the children were having a wonderful time.


They ventured out daily to play, run and generally stretch their legs both in their fur and their skin. They were carefree and happy from morning until night. But this was what they were use to. They were thrilled that they didn't have to run for miles through rugged terrain each day to keep ahead of an unknown enemy. They were happy that they did not have to forage for food they could barely swallow several times a day. They were content to remain confined to such a small, pleasant space where they were safe from harm and all their basic needs were met.


Penn, on the other hand, longed for open places, rocky mountain sides, and varying woodlands as far as the eye could see. Here in the pack house, despite the size of the basement suite, Penn felt almost claustrophobic. Living in close quarters, seven nights in a row, did little for her peace of mind.


Penn realized with a heavy feeling in her heart that she would not be able to stay here much longer. Not even for the children's sake. She simply was unaccustomed to living in such a confined situation. Every day it was getting harder and harder to clamp down on her instinctual need for space, for quiet, for a long run through the wooded mountain side - a long run to freedom.


Things changed quite dramatically though the beginning of the second week in the pack house. Alpha Troy made an unexpected and unannounced visit one evening after the children had eaten.


It had been raining all day and he found the pups indoors, feeling a bit bored but occupying themselves with various things. He looked for the rogue and was a bit surprised to find her, even in the safety of the pack house, in her fur. Troy gave her a little nod as he came into the living area. Penn had heard him coming and was sitting up, waiting and watching for him to come through the door.


The children tensed with worry but relaxed somewhat when she laid back down and rested her head on her paws. Troy saw that they still took their ques from her. If she was calm, they were calm. If she was cautious, then they were too. But Troy felt unhappy to find her in her fur. It was a clear sign to him that she did not feel safe and that bothered him.


Rogue or not, she was a guest and he really did want her to feel at ease here. He sighed with frustration as he turned from her and met Cassidy and Jackson with a smile. He wasn't the least bit sure how to make head-way with the rogue, but he hoped a fun evening with the pups would help him build some meaningful connections with them. It was important that they felt Orthos was in deed their new home.


Cassidy and Jackson made him feel welcome and they went to the trouble of introducing him to all the pups. The pups were polite and well behaved but a little withdrawn. He often caught them watching him a bit anxiously as if they were afraid of him. Troy tried to show his softer side by being cheerful and playing with the kids. That night, as he talked to them and tried to get to know them, he coloured with the littlest ones, played card and board games with the pre-teens, and video games with the older kids until Fancy came to help put many of the younger ones to bed.


He watched the littlest girls hold onto the rogue's scruffy neck and walk into one of the assigned bedrooms. It was sweet to see. The she-wolf was as gentle as any mother wolf would be. Troy got up after a few minutes, when the she-wolf did not return, and excused himself for the night. He felt his visit had been good but not great.


Even as he left, he felt the children still regarded him with some uncertainty. He wished he could talk to the rogue about it. She knew the children better than anyone at this point. He was sure she might have some ideas how he could break the ice with them. But first, he realized he would have to break the ice with her.


All but the littlest pups were too upset about the Alpha's visit to sleep. So, when Fancy left, they all came, as one group, out to see Penn who was pacing back and forth in front of the patio doors.


The rain had stopped and the sky had cleared. The moon lit up the damp patio stones and cast a soft light on Penn's black and white coat. It made her fur look like shimmering silver. For a moment the children were all a bit spellbound as she sat in the moonlight and turned to look their way with a curious tilt to her head.


Suddenly, all the children began speaking at once and Penn could not make out what the matter was. It was clear though that they were both agitated and fearful about something. Seeing the need to talk with them for the first time since they entered into the pack house, Penn transformed into her skin. It had been eight days since she'd taken this form but she did not miss it. She much preferred her fur.


"What on earth is the matter?" she asked the pups, but her eyes were on Cassidy as she walked toward the centre of the room and took up a seat in front of them all.


Cassidy hushed the younger ones and began to explain, "We are concerned that Alpha Troy will send us away."


"Send you away?" Penn repeated with confusion.


It took a while for her to get to the heart of the matter. The pups somehow got it into their heads that the Alpha had only come to size them up that night. They were afraid, if he didn't like what he saw, well, he was going to cast them off.


Penn was puzzled at the strange way in which the pups' minds worked. Their's were too imaginative and wild for her to follow. However, she did understand that they needed to be reassured. This she could do. Even Penn, the wolf of few words, could remedy this and set their hearts at ease.


"You have nothing to worry about. Alpha Troy gave his word. He has already adopted you into the pack. He made it official that first day. He will never cast you out. Even if you make mistakes or get in trouble. No one is ever going to throw you away," she said with confidence.


Of course, this was not Penn's experience. However, she recognized two things in the children's favour, which gave her every confidence that her life experience was never going to be theirs. One, the children were not like her. They were clearly pack material. Each and every one of them was and would always be a valuable member of the pack unlike herself who had never quite fit in somehow.


And, two, they really did have a good Alpha. Penn hadn't wanted to trust him initially. She kept waiting for him to show his true colours - to be cruel and unkind to her - but she'd been there a week now and nothing bad had happened to her. He might not have come to visit her and make her feel welcome personally, but he also hadn't sent his warriors to drag her out of the pack house, humiliate her and send her off into the woods broken and bloody. Even during the visit that evening he had been respectful towards her and kind to the children.


No, she was convinced that they didn't have anything to worry about. "You can trust Alpha Troy," she said simply and confidently. "He only came to get to know you. So, you have nothing to fear. Orthos is now your home."


However, the very introspective and clever Jackson piped up and said thoughtfully, "How can we trust him when you don't?"


The children murmured among themselves and nodded their heads in agreement.


"Why don't you think I trust him?" Penn asked feeling surprised.


It was the twins, Ace and Archer who spoke in unison saying, "You are always in your fur."


And the children all looked to Penn and nodded their heads again.


To preserve her own safety she had remained in wolf-form in case there were any other unexpected (and yet not surprising) attacks on her person. In trying to safe-guard herself she'd given the children the wrong impression though. It seemed they did not fully understand the risk she was living under and thought her risks were their risks somehow.


"I see," Penn replied to the twins, "I do not think any of you are in danger. You are all now Orthos and your Alpha will lay down his life for you.


"But, I am not Orthos, or Griffin or even Phoenix. I have no pack. I am rogue. And that means that other wolves, wolves who don't know me like you know me, hate me and fear me just like you did when you first met me," she explained gently.


"So, while you are safe here and can expect a warm reception from your Alpha and everyone in the pack, it is only natural that the pack will hate and despise me."


She smiled at them sadly. They were very upset and made a great fuss that this was not fair.


"This is the way of all packs," Penn told them quietly. "It's been this way for centuries. It is the best way packs know how to protect their own from rogues who would do them harm."


The pups settled down a little. They knew it was true. They'd heard the same thing from their parents and teachers. She wasn't telling them anything they had not known. They'd just forgotten - or more precisely, they had turned a blind eye to the truth because they had already accepted Penn in their hearts and minds as some long-lost member of their old pack.


Zoe and Aria, the two ten year olds, got up from where they were sitting and came over to hug Penn. She let them embrace her and lean on her while she promised them, "I will stay in human form until you are all settled and it is time for me to leave." It was a risk she would have to take to prove to the children that they were safe and they were welcome.


She smiled at them now and looked at all their face. "I'm sure you will be settled soon," she said to help and cheer them up.


Only, it had the reverse effect. The littler ones began to cry and sob and say they did not want to stay here anymore. They wanted to go with her when it came time for her to leave. Here Penn laughed lightly and called them forward - Layla, Riley, and Aiden.


"I have no home, no bed, no roof, no bathroom, no running water, no kitchen, no TV, no games, no nothing. I eat nothing but the animals I kill and I don't even cook them. This is no life for you," she told them while smiling into their crushed little faces.


She could see that Layla, Riley and Aiden were uncertain, and still not ready to give up yet.


"You'll make us a fire," Riley said, "You did it before."


The other two nodded their heads in agreement and they smiled brightly at Penn as if they solved the problem.


Penn laughed warmly thinking they were the sweetest little pups she'd ever known, but as much as she'd hate to part with them, she would have to go and they would have to stay.


"I'm sorry children. You cannot come with me into the wilderness. Your Luna wanted you to come here and become a part of the Orthos pack. You must honour her and your old pack by staying here and becoming the best Orthos Pack members you can be. You will make your mothers' proud if you do that. Coming with me now would break their hearts," Penn added to help seal the deal.


The children frowned at her and at each other. They were not happy.


"Will you visit us?" Liam asked from behind the youngest children.


Penn looked him straight in the eye, sighed heavily and told him the truth. "No, I wont."


He gave a curt nod, turned around and left the room. Many of the children got up and followed after him.


It had been a strange night, a long night, a troublesome night, and suddenly the children felt like they needed to sleep. Penn let them go. Cassidy tucked in the girls and Jackson looked after the boys. When they had everyone settled Cassidy and Jackson came back out to the living space where they found Penn waiting for them.


She smiled at them and asked how the children were. Cassidy promised that they would all feel better after a good night's rest, and Penn nodded her agreement. It had been an emotional night for them.


"Where will you sleep?" Cassidy asked, feeling concerned because Fancy had not assigned a room for Penn. "You can bunk with me if you want. I don't mind," she offered shyly.


Penn gave her a soft smile but declined the offer. "I will take a couch for now. What concerns me is clothes. I'm sure the staff here wont be able to handle me walking around as I am."


Penn had nearly knee length, bone-straight, silky black hair that covered most of her nakedness when it was unbound as it was then. However, she could not walk around the pack house as she was. She, Cassidy and Jackson all knew the staff there would have a fit. All three laughed just thinking about it.


"I'll call Fancy," Cassidy offered. "She said I could call her any time."


Penn gave a nod of approval. She had only the one set of borrowed clothes from Lara and they had been destroyed when she shifted into her wolf-form to protect herself from the Second Beta. Cassidy had a couple changes of clothes in her old knapsack but they were too small for Penn. Penn was quite a bit taller and much more toned then the thin and delicate Cassidy. So, Cassidy's extras would not do at all.


The only person who could help them out was Fancy. Penn was sure the woman would have a heart attack, young as she was, when she saw Penn in her birthday suit. But, it couldn't be helped until Fancy brought her something to wear. Penn just hoped Fancy brought something suitable. The woman only ever wore business attire, whether pant or skirt suits, and that was not going to work for Penn at all. Still, she reminded herself, something was better than nothing right now.


It was in awkward moments like this that Penn couldn't wait to get back to the woods and her old life. Clothes had become such a nuisance to her after having lived nearly a decade without them.


When she'd first been exiled she clung to every small reminder of her pack life. She wore the clothes on her back, the only clothes she had, until they were nothing but rags. It didn't take long before they were useless to her in the harsh outdoor environment of the mountain woods.


Penn frowned deeply just thinking about those old memories. The day she shed her clothes was the day she shed all hope that her family would come looking for her, that he brother's would find her, that her pack would take her back. It was the same day she embraced her fur and her isolation.


Even now, she still had mixed feelings about that day. But, in the end, it had been the right decision. Going wild was the only way she was going to survive in the unyielding wilderness she'd been thrust into.


Penn let out a sigh and looked out the glass of the patio door. Her heart longed for the wild right then in the same way she'd been longing to be part of a pack the last few weeks. The two longings seemed entirely counter-intuitive.


Penn got up and paced back and forth in front of the patio doors. She couldn't have both. She was going to have to let one desire go and accept the other or risk being pulled apart. But, even knowing that, the decision wasn't easy. The pups had changed everything, and Penn wasn't sure how to make peace with a life without them.

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