NOVEMBER THEME: WOMEN

I think both myself and the judges can agree that this month has had some phenomenal entries that perfectly matched the theme. Your stories have been inspiring, empowering, and simply fantastic -- well done to everyone involved! And, when I say that the results were close... well, you'll see just how close I mean soon.

But first, a HUGE thank you to the judges:

awesomeSTG - It is absolutely amazing to have you back (or should I say awesome?). Thank you for being an absolute champion -- your feedback was incredibly extensive, you kept me updated at all times, and you are always so much fun to work with. I feel very lucky to have you as part of the team. Thank you very much!

GnomeMercy - As always, you blow me away with your incredible commitment and utmost professionalism when you judge. Your feedback is a review in itself, usually, and you're always willing to lend a helping hand when I need it. Thank you so much for being one of my favourite people ever, and thank you so much for being a fabulous judge.

GryffindorsLoneWolf - Okay, at this point, you must be tired of hearing me do this over and over again, but I honestly cannot thank you enough for being an absolute queen when it comes to these awards. You're the longest running judge, your feedback is always submitted well before time, and you're always keeping me notified throughout the process. Thank you so much!

it_is_me_centimeter - It's never easy judging as many books that you signed up to judge, especially in a short time period, so thank you so much for your effort and hard work! I know it's difficult to work around technology and such, but the fact that you tried nonetheless means the world to me. Thank you!

NDeMeer - One of my favourite people in the universe, and one of the best judges to ever join these awards. Thank you so much for helping me out yet again -- your judging is always so professional, you're always happy to lend a helping hand, and you always get things done well before time. I really appreciate you, so thank you so much!

And now, the results:

Now, when I say that the results were close, this is what I mean:

- There was a tie at second place.

- Third place was only a single point behind second place.

- One story was one point away from third place.

- Three stories were two points away from third place.

Crazy, right?

But before we get to our winners, a MASSIVE congratulations to all shortlisted books:

STORY: The Fairy Tale Syndrome

AUTHOR: ChristinaAnnRiley

FEEDBACK:

  I really liked the concept of your story how it has been hinted that fairy tale tropes sound like crap in reality. (Did I just say that?)

The grammar issues weren't that much, but I'm nitpicky. Some commas disappeared like Cinderella and there were a few inconsistencies with the past and present tenses along the way, too. (Speaking of which, the word too often has a comma before it.)

  Also, also, characters. The interactions sound a tad awkward to read, even if they're just repeating words like that, and probably because there was more telling than there is showing. When it comes to a major character making the first appearance, they have to come with an impression that would leave them unique in the minds of readers, so we don't end up forgetting them every few chapters. Their gestures, way of talking, tone of voice, expressions, all make a huge part of what sets them apart from one another.

STORY: #youlikeit

AUTHOR: MonicaPrelooker

FEEDBACK:

  The story was great, it was compelling, and to me, it was also a new experience! I've only read mystery/thriller stories about detectives and lawyers so far, so taking in the side of policemen is a breath of fresh air. It's always lame to read about them as people who arrive just after the hero beats up the bad guys to conveniently arrest them.

  Regen, Connor, and Kurt are one of my favorites. I may have had a hard time with recognizing them or the others before, but by the time I did, I saw that they were fun and serious and relatable at the same time. The story and the thrill was nice, you got my curious gears going, and you made me enter a world where I would always suspect those who might not be as they seem. You make me go hungry for the answer to the mystery. Overall, this is one page-turning novel!

By the way, congratulations -- you were only two points away from third place.

STORY: Mark of the Moon

AUTHOR: MaryKhah77

FEEDBACK:

The cover seems a bit hard to see. I suggest lightening up the title/author's words and maybe using a clearer image. I like the characters! They're strong without having paragraphs and paragraphs written about them. However, I noticed here and there that you wrote some verbs in the present tense when you've stuck with past tense for a majority of it. There are some areas where you'll be writing what one person is thinking and what another person is saying in the same paragraph. A good example of this is within chapter II, where the two of them are meeting with Praxis and the King and Queen. It's confusing, not being able to tell which character is saying what. Other than those few things, I'd suggest adding emotions to your dialogue. It's hard to tell how your characters are feeling without emotions.

STORY: The Legend of Mother Nature

AUTHOR: WyPark02

FEEDBACK:

I've never seen a story written surrounding the Aztec legends! I wish I could extra points for creativity. However, I think you spent a lot of time on the backstory. Instead of trying to incorporate to the main part of the story, I think making it a prologue would help a lot more! The other thing that bothered me was the way some of the paragraphs had looked like they'd been tabbed and others hadn't. Either have them all offset or not. You also tend to repeat words within a paragraph or ideas, which can make things look redundant over time. However, the descriptions were amazing! I loved the historical aspect of it (you included Cortez, a major figure within the Aztec history). But instead of telling everything, show it. Show it in dialogues, show it in interactions. I also want to commend you on the awesome cover!

STORY: Queen of Hell and Paradise

AUTHOR: BitchIsMyReligion

FEEDBACK:

Firstly, your summary is downright amazing. It's got everything a summary needs, and I was excited to jump right in! There was a small error with hyphens and dashes. (-) is a hyphen. It's used to connect two words (e.g. blue-eyed). If you use it in the place of an em/en dash, then it's going to be incorrect. You should use either a (—) (--) which are em dashes (they're both the same thing) or an (–) en dash, which is a longer hyphen. So, it could look something like this, for example (this is using an em dash):

She has the makings and the potential of a queen—one worthy enough to be crowned monarch of the third and darkest realm...

In general, your writing style was immersive, wonderfully descriptive, and flowed very well. My biggest problem, however, was tense changes. For example, in the prologue, it was mostly written in past tense. However, it slipped to present during the part where Hades questions Persephone on how she is feeling. There are some small slips (and bigger ones that come later) throughout chapters, and can be solved with a quick reread and edit.

In terms of plot, I absolutely adored it. I think it was original and creative, with a lovely concept. You've done a wonderful job, overall, but it does need a little more work. Hope this helps!

Also, congratulations -- you were only two points away from third place.

STORY: The SandWitch

AUTHOR: Gugus4682

FEEDBACK:

In terms of writing, the mood was light with a tone of humour. I enjoyed reading a lot! I think the short sentences were nice, but it did get quite repetitive, but that is understandable as it is a short story. I think you might want to add more descriptions of things, instead of putting pictures, and writing out numbers, such as saying "twenty-four" instead of "24" for professionalism's sake.

(I also loved the touch of realism when it came to gender discrimination. I loved how Alexandra showed them all that she was a powerful woman! Even though they were all dead...)

Grammar was pretty decent—but there were some tense errors. Here is a sentence:

The explorer prepared all her equipment into her exploring bag. ("Prepared" is past tense.)

This bag is very important for her because it was given to her by her recently deceased mother. ("Is" is present tense. It should be "was".)

STORY: Kaiba's Prostitute

AUTHOR: KariRakitan

FEEDBACK:

On the one hand, this story is very well-written. The author has a good vocabulary, strong command of the English language and a descriptive voice. There were a few grammar errors, but barely any spelling errors or strange sentence structures. However, the story did not speak to me at all, because the characters just did not resonate with me. Obviously, it doesn't help that these characters are just fundamentally different from me. But the author should still find a way to make the characters relatable in some way. I think it would help the story massively to make the characters more three-dimensional and more rounded right from the start.

Additionally, look out for grammar. For example:

His kiss came in powerful and ravenous.

In the example above, it sounds like you are either missing a word at the end or you are missing a punctuation mark. To make this a complete sentence, it should be:

His kiss came in, powerful and ravenous.

STORY: Sakura Eyes

AUTHOR: naeomiiii

FEEDBACK:

In terms of writing style, I think you've done a wonderful job trying to show and not tell—but there were still quite a lot of places, specifically descriptions, in which writing could tell everything to the reader and not show. It almost seemed as you were checking this off on their appearance, or listing them down. I suggest trying to show it a little more. A great way to practice doing this is to try to describe, say, eye colour without outright saying "eyes".

There were also sentences and descriptive paragraphs in which you repeated the same word over and over again. In chapter three, this paragraph repeated the word "ground" three times:

Unwillingly, I got on the ground and laid my head on the ground, wincing when I feel my hair touch the dusty ground.

Overall, these problems are easy to solve—with a quick reread and edit, you'll be good to go! I think you have an interesting premise (though the "secret-world-I-never-knew-of" has been done before) and your characters have a lot of potential. I love the feel of this story, and with a few tweaks, you'll have an interesting story in your hands!

STORY: Kepler-168F

AUTHOR: breathingchemicals

FEEDBACK:

In terms of writing style, I really enjoyed reading about Etta. She was such a wonderful character, and her brother seemed so sweet. I loved how 3D she felt, and the pain she had gone through on Earth had been described so well. In terms of plot and characters, you really have it down!—though I have seen stories with similar plots in terms of "moving to another planet", I loved you had your own twist to it.

There were, however, a few grammatical errors I caught:

"We have orders." The commander barked.

The error here is that a period (or full stop in some countries) indicates the end of a sentence, and since dialogue is technically a part of the sentence, it shouldn't be there. Also, since "the commander barked" is a verbal tag (basically any way to describe what a character said, like "he said", "she welcomed, anything like that) and, thus, technically a part of dialogue there should either be a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark (depending on the sentence). This isn't the case for things that aren't a verbal tag (that come after speech, of course), however. So, in the end, it should look like:

"We have orders," the commander barked.

Or, if you were intending for it to be a shout, then maybe:

"We have orders!" the commander barked.

And, congratulations -- you were only two points away from third place.

STORY: The Underground

AUTHOR: LivEvansWrites

FEEDBACK:

In terms of writing style, I highly enjoyed reading the story! It was perfectly-paced, and the characters felt real. I adored Flit and Hawkeye's relationship—and the entire world you had created. I had fun reading about how she met up with KC-847, and how Derivates were treated (well, it wasn't fun, but I loved the system as it was pretty creative). In these areas, this story really shone!

I also found some grammatical errors. Here's a verbal tag one:

"So, when are you moving down, then?" He asked...

This is actually incorrect as a question mark (along with a comma, exclamation mark, ellipsis, and a dash) still makes dialogue a part of a sentence. So, it should be:

"So, when are you moving down, then?" he asked...

Overall, I think this story does need a quick edit and reread—just to simply clean up the small errors that crop up here and there. Make sure you know your way around dialogue, and you're good to go! Hope this helps!

Also, congratulations -- you were only one point away from third place.

STORY: Jeels

AUTHOR: Tidwell56

FEEDBACK:

What I really love about this story is that you've really thought your characters through. They are all individual characters with their own personality and background, and that's really nice to learn about over the course of the story. The story starts in chapter one with a whole lot of backstory for the two characters. Though interesting, I feel like this should be sprinkled across the story a bit more, rather than given to us all at the same time in chapter one. Because I got lost in backstory, I lost sight of what was actually happening in the here-and-now, making the ending of the first chapter (which I think was meant to be very thrilling) much less impactful.

My other problem while reading this, was that I often didn't understand what words meant. You use a lot of alien words (Jeels-language, I'm assuming) without explaining them. Every once in a while is fine, it'll add to the authenticity of your story, but don't use this too much. That'll just confuse readers. In fact, by chapter two it's still not actually explained what exactly a Jeel is. Alternatively, you might want to explain certain words or phrases if you're going to use them more often. Additionally, there isn't a whole lot of character interaction. There's a lot of telling us what kind of background the characters have, but we don't actually see them engage with each other, so their personalities don't really get developed. Not for the reader anyway. On the other hand, I really like how the story immediately gets started, how the plot is set off right from chapter one. It makes the story very exciting to read and makes sure the tension is up from very early on, hooking your readers in. Great work!

Congratulations to all shortlisted stories!

And now, to our winners:

IN THIRD PLACE:

STORY: Daughters of Fate

AUTHOR: MathiasCavanaugh

FEEDBACK:

You have a wonderful story that has an immersive plot, an enticing writing style, and characters that aren't 2D or monotonic. I found it a very enjoyable read! In fact, there weren't too many errors I noticed, so well done! This is clearly a well-edited book!

However, in the summary (and scattered throughout your story), you used a double space between a period and words. Here is an example from your story:

The bodies of guards and the blood-soaked ground shocked her so bad she stopped dead in her tracks.  Sheala, in turn, ran into her from behind.

It looks a little messy and unprofessional, and it's also grammatically incorrect. I recommend a quick edit of your chapters to find them.

This is an extremely small observation, but I noticed that throughout your story you used (-). However, there were some cases where you used (–) which is basically a longer version of (-) called an en dash. I suggest using one version for consistency's sake.

These are some very minor problems, and I enjoyed reading your story quite a bit! With a quick sweep you'll be able to find the inconsistencies, and have them solved. Great work!

SCORE: 90/100

As mentioned above, we had two stories tied for second place.

TIED FOR SECOND PLACE:

STORY: When the World Calls

AUTHOR: lionobsession

FEEDBACK:

  Let's talk about Lizzy, shall we? There are just so, so many people who get this type of character wrong, which is why I instantly grew fond of her. The moment I got a glimpse of her unique voice and persona, I immediately thought, "hey, this is very accurate!" I can relate to that sense of security in a stable schedule, especially with that world she's living in, where there's such a corrosive acid rain! Also, the anxiety. You did this very well on Lizzy, which makes her very real and believable as a person. Great job!

  A story so far in the future, yet so seemingly close once you take the time to think about the realities our planet is currently facing. This story right here is gold! Also, one more word: Merlin. He is just such a wholesome addition in Lizzy's seemingly dystopian world. This fact alone is sweet, paired with your simplistic way of showing us what is going on without drowning us in another great flood of information.

  Overall, the story is, in a way, even though futuristic, sets a gloomy reality that might be possible if we humans continue on with our horrid ways. Thank you for creating this wonderful, heartfelt story!

SCORE: 91/100

TIED FOR SECOND PLACE:

STORY: Jessamine

AUTHOR: jennylgale

FEEDBACK:

Let me start with this: This story made it incredibly difficult for me to put down after a few chapters. I didn't have a choice, because I had a couple of other books to judge before the deadline, but you made it so, so difficult. Jessica was immediately relatable. A character who comes across as both strong and in one of the toughest situations imaginable. Even in the first three chapters, this story made me want to cry for Jessica and reach out and help her escape the horrors of her life. The plot sets off right from chapter one as well. You start the story at the perfect timing; when she's decided for herself that she is, in fact, leaving. On top of all that, there were barely any grammar of spelling errors and the descriptions were absolutely fantastic. I love the way you sometimes leave things out for the reader to fill in the blanks. It's clear what's happening, yet you still tickle the reader's imagination. All in all, great work. Keep it up.

SCORE: 91/100

IN FIRST PLACE:

STORY: Before She Ruled

AUTHOR: amelierhys

FEEDBACK:

I absolutely enjoyed reading this! It's been a long time since I've read a historical romance! You've got a strong understanding of your characters and the dialogue and descriptions really shape them well. It also felt very realistic. She doesn't attach to the Duke right away; she's suspicious of him and his intentions. But his side was equally as fun to read! The only thing I found off was the summary and how some sentences were written. There were a few areas where you switched from using past tense verbs to using present tense verbs. When it came to some of your longer sentences, you wrote them without conjunctions or semicolons. I'd suggest looking through some of the longer areas and checking because you can't always break up a sentence with a comma. I really enjoyed reading this though! Another book to add to my list! I'm already shipping Addie and the Duke and look forward to reading more someday.

SCORE: 96/100

And, that's a wrap! Congratulations to all stories -- in particular, our four winners, and our four participants who were literally only one or two points away from placing. How crazy is that?

Another thank you to our judges -- I would literally have no hair left if it weren't for you guys, your prompt scores, and your kind words.

Feedback is always accepted from both judges and participants alike! If there's something I'm doing wrong (or something I'm doing right?), let me know, and I'll either stop doing that or keep doing that.

There's one month left of the year, which means that there are only two more months left of these Monthly Gemstone Awards. Which, in all honesty, is also a little crazy. I can't believe these awards have been running for 10 months already. If you're ready to participate or judge for our 11th month, go have a look at the new theme -- which should be out in just a few minutes.

Thank you, and I look forward to seeing you all in December!