Lance didn't plan on telling Keith. He was going to let James get through his exams and then tell him so James didn't have to worry about Keith and his exams at the same time. James already seemed to be on the cusp of a mental breakdown and Lance didn't want to be the final shove that pushed him off the edge. In the end, Lance wasn't given much of a choice.

It was 3am when Lance's phone began to violently vibrate on his bedside table. He reached for it and felt around blindly until he was able to raise it up to his ear. "Hello?" He choked out, voice thick with sleep. He was much too tired to consider the implications of a call so early in the morning when most normal people would have been asleep.

"Lance, I think I'm being paranoid but James did something weird." Keith's words had Lance pulling himself up into a sitting position. He was speaking so fast that Lance's brain took a long moment to process the words but, once it clicked, Lance started to push his covers off him. Most of him thought it was a false alarm but, knowing James's habits, not checking in on him didn't seem to be worth the risk.

"What did he do?"

"We were meant to meet up earlier so I could help him with the simulators but he cancelled last minute without an excuse. I called him to make sure he was okay but he sounded so distant and... and I didn't think much of it at first but, since I've been laying in bed, I can't stop thinking. What if- What if he-"

"Keith..."

"With the way he's been acting and, since the call, he hasn't read any of my messages... I can't stop imagining him doing something stupid. I'm probably just being paranoid but I don't know what to do..."

The image of James's adderall made itself clear in Lance's brain. He swallowed thickly as he pressed the tips of his fingers into his temples. "You're not being paranoid."

"He's just been so down lately and it reminds me of how he was before- before his dad died. What if he tries to-" Keith was unable to finish as he let out a heavy sob. Each time he attempted to speak again, it just came out an inaudible wail.

"If it makes you feel better, we can check on him." Lance didn't even need to wait for Keith's response: he had already gotten his shoes on. Placing the phone on loudspeaker, he began to butterfly-knot his laces so he was ready to go when Keith wanted him to.

"Could we?"  Keith sounded so small and fragile; far from a brave defender of the universe. He sounded more like the kid who had just lost his dad and didn't have any other family. All the progress Keith had made seemed to have backtracked and faded into dust.

"Meet me outside James's dorm in a few minutes, alright?" Keith hummed before the line went dead. Lance rubbed his eyes before grabbing his jacket to pull over his pyjamas. He began to walk down the hall, triggering the sensors that turned on all of the lights as he did so. It took less than one minute for him to reach James's dorm but Keith was already standing outside, hugging himself. Lance took it upon himself to raise his hand and knock a few times. When James didn't open the door immediately and Keith sent him a worried expression, he murmured, "I'm sure it's fine. He might just be asleep."

"But what if he isn't?" Keith spoke so softly that it sounded more like a release of air than speech.

After knocking a couple more times, Lance tried the handle. Surprisingly, the door opened. James's lights were on, shining a spotlight onto the sight in front of the pair.

"Oh my God..." Keith stumbled backwards, flashbacks of James's first suicide attempt flashing in his mind so rapidly that it triggered the onset of a migraine. His hands flew to his mouth as his brain refused to let him turn away. Lance didn't pay any attention to Keith as he dialled for the emergency services on his phone and explained the situation.

"It's my friend. We're at the Galaxy Garrison in dorm 11A. He's out cold." Lance leaned forward and pressed his fingers into James's thin wrist. "He still has a pulse." 

Keith's knees buckled in beneath him as his ears rang with a deafeningly high-pitched noise. He couldn't even find it in himself to sob because it was all happening again. Suddenly, Keith was fifteen years old and he was stumbling across his best friend after an overdose all over again. He could remember cradling him and blurting out a bunch of bullshit to the emergency services because his friend was too young to die. James was still much too young to die.

He should have noticed. He should have pushed him into speaking. He should have been a better boyfriend. He should have been there. Keith should have stopped James from feeling like he needed to end it all. In other words, Keith was sure it was all his fault.

Lance sounded a million miles away and underwater as he choked out, "Overdose," The next thing Keith heard was the word, "Adderall," which didn't make sense but it was too much for his panicking brain to acknowledge and dwell on.

-

"I don't get it," Keith hung his head, refusing to look at James, Lance or the doctor. "Why would he take ADHD drugs if he doesn't have ADHD?" He sounded so naive and confused, as he had been the day he found out about his dad's death. It always felt like he was in the background, simply an extra that was there to assist with the protagonist's storyline. He didn't have control of the world around him and everyone always left. No one stayed forever. Lance reached out to press his hand onto Keith's arm as an attempt of comfort but Keith shook him off. 

"People sometimes take them because they increase productivity," The doctor explained. "It's a stimulant and quite often we see students take them towards exam season."

"His exams were next week..."

"That might be why he was taking it then. We will only know once he wakes up and we can ask him himself."

Keith raised his head and turned to Lance to mumble, "Did you know?" His voice was hoarse from crying and it was clear that his hand was trembling from where it was sat on top of James's.

"I-" Lance started but Keith cut him off before he could even think about continuing.

"Tell me the truth."

"I found out last week. I confronted him about it and he promised he would stop after his exams."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It... It wasn't my place to say."

"This is all your fault," Keith stood up and pressed both of his hands into Lance's chest to shove him back. Lance stumbled but managed to regain his balance in time to stop himself from falling. "If you had just told me, James would never have overdosed."

"Keith-"

"If he," Keith cleared his throat to compose himself and stop his voice from cracking. "If he doesn't make it, it's all on you. I will never forgive you."

"Look, I-"

"Leave. I don't want you here."

Lance opened his mouth to argue but the doctor sent him a look that told him to back off. He swerved around and walked out of the hospital without any other words.

Blood boiling, he walked out into the early morning air. Without a watch and his phone dead, Lance could only assume it was about four in the morning. Despite the rest of the world being asleep, the hospital car park was more alive than ever. Lance couldn't help but feel like he was frozen in one spot whilst the world moved as a blur around him.

I'm posting this in the middle of a boring lecture. I much prefer updating my book over learning about attention (it sounds interesting but don't let that fool you...)