Lucas 

Not wanting to sound too cliché: ever since I met the woman of my dreams, life has never been the same.

Nicole makes me forget yesterday and not think about tomorrow. Except right now.  

With the food getting cold in front of us, we both agreed on putting off the so needed talk for a couple of hours so we could just eat and go home, and then talk somewhere private.

"I think I'm gonna miss this."

"What?" I asked, low key scared about what she was gonna say this time. 

Her next move was to softly brush her lips against mine. "Coming home to your house." She said after the kiss, her breath tickling my neck. "It smells like you, you know?"

I couldn't tell if she'd been crying on the tube ride home or if she was about to right now, but the look in her eyes made me engulf her in a tight hug.

It was the latter. 

"Shh, come on, don't cry..."

I heard her sniffle in response before she slowly backed out of my embrace. Without saying another word in return, she took off her coat and tossed it care-freely to the arm of the chair before sitting down on the couch. 

I hadn't noticed I had followed suit, taking my own coat off while I watched her every move before I joined her. 

"Lucas, I am so sorry I am hurting you. I didn't mean to upset you when I brought up the conversation."

"I think first and foremost we should talk, and focus on the apologies after." 

She nodded in agreement and the expression of fear that she had on just a while ago at the market made its' comeback. 

"I've just... been thinking a lot about all of this. This whole situation was far from what I had in mind when I came to London. I never thought I'd meet a man I love so much like I love you. When we started going out and I first started to realize I had feelings for you, I always imagined we wouldn't last." I gave her the silence break she needed before she continued. "But then I realized I couldn't live without you so, I thought I'd just move here, for good. I mean, you were decided not to move away from here. Away from your family."

"You're right, I was."

What I said seemed to have hit a nerve, somewhere in the depth of her eyes I could see that.

 "Then great, we're on the same page. You'll understand where I'm coming from here."

With a nod from me, she went on. 

"If that was your decision before, what changed after we went to Pixar? What made you change your mind so quickly?"

I opened my mouth to answer when she cut me with more questions. "And what about what you said to me about not wanting a long distance relationship for us? But then questioning my decision to go to LA with you for the semester? I am not questioning your love for me, I know you love me. I feel it with every touch, every kiss, every look." Another pause settled after the last sentence came out as a whisper, as if we were still in that market and I was the only one meant to hear it. "I guess I just want to know if you love your dream more than you love me?"

I put a strand of hair behind her ear and she gulped, eyeing me as she waited for an answer to all those questions. 

It hurt me a little that those were the questions that have been crossing her mind lately, it hurts me that she'd have those thoughts when I always thought I'd never given her a reason to in the first place. 

Her last question caused another question to pop in my mind - can we not love our dreams more than we love our soulmate?

Why can't we? Or why can we? Maybe that was something I was going to know the answer to after this crazy journey I was about to embark on.

"I'm glad you know I love you. Because I do. And if you didn't know or if you were doubting my love for you, I'd show it to you, right here, right now."

Her eyes softened and she flashed me a small smile. I took the hint and continued. 

"When we first met I was indeed decided on never leaving London or my family behind. But when we first met I had no idea I'd be falling in love with you. And when we started going out we were only, "giving it a go" remember? Trying to see where this," I nodded in between us both. "was going. I definitely wasn't going to even consider leaving for a girl I had just met, who I was still getting know, without knowing for sure if we'd work out or not. Plus, when we met, I wasn't even taking my long time dream into consideration. If you'd shown up on that first day at the store with a Pixar contract in your hand, ready for me to sign, I would have probably said thank you, but no, thank you."

She closed her eyes in what seemed like realization. But I went on. 

"All the time we spent together before we went to that meeting was what caused me to consider their offer so effortlessly. You made me believe in myself, you gave me the confidence, you cheered for me... Without you, I would have never accepted it, I know that for a fact."

She bit her lip and I continued my speech.

"I still mean what I said about not wanting a long distance relationship for us, that is not what I want. But I also know I'm only staying in Santa Monica for a semester and that you're whole life is in San Francisco. And no, I don't think I love my dream more than I love you. Because what would my dream be if I couldn't share it with you?"

Her elbows rested on her knees while she let her head fall down and her hands rushed to cover her face. Instinctively, I traced random patterns on her shirt with my hand, rubbing her back gently and smoothly. 

"Lucas, you're way too good for me. I acted like a bitch towards you and you don't deserve that." She looked up at me, a pleading look in her eyes. 

"I agree to disagree." She rolled her eyes while her teeth grazed her bottom lip. "What do you think made you have all those questions? If you want us to work in the long haul we're gonna have to be honest with each other, and talk things through."

Her silence indicated she needed some time to think it through and I gave her all the minutes she wanted.

"I think I've let my insecurities get the best of me." I took a deep breath and waited for her to elaborate. "Not too long ago my heart was broken because I was in love with a person who didn't love me as much as I thought he did, and I ended up having to break off our engagement. I truly felt like shit. I felt disposable, unworthy, unloved." 

She shrugged and let her head fall down again, in attempt to try to hide her trembling lips the best she could, but I managed to acknowledge them. 

"I think somehow that made me become a little insecure and scared to be let down again, or worse... hurt. And that's what I think caused all these questions and second guessing to cloud my thoughts. I'm so sorry."

I tugged one leg under my other one and leaned back on the couch, my right arm stretched out until it touched her cheek. I caressed it and gave her a knowing look. 

"I've been hurt before, I know. That was probably why I was so defensive at lunch earlier, I wanna apologize for that too. Look, I understand where you're coming from, I truly do, but I have to let you know that I would never ever do anything to hurt you or to make you feel unworthy or not loved. I understand you might have some uncertainties about us after going through what you went through before but I'm not Matthew."

"You're more than great, you're... perfect, and that scares me to death. Because of stuff like what just happened."

"We were just talking, nothing else happened." I said, reassuringly. 

"But it could have happened, I could have hurt you more and I could have lost you and... I don't even wanna think about that."

"Then let's just not, alright? What matters is we talked to each other about our feelings. Are we good?"

"Yes, we're good." 

With a lot of weight lift from both our shoulders and lot of hurt put aside, forgiven and forgotten, we spent the rest of the afternoon testing the long known theory that make up sex is in fact better than normal sex. 

It was a true fact.

The large sized pizza we ordered for dinner vanished in less than half an hour and the empty carton box was now laying on the coffee table. Sex makes you hungry. 

And pretty tired. With our legs tangled underneath the sheets of my bed, my  right hand found its' way to her her thigh, and rubbed it softly. 

"We've still got a lot more to discuss, though. If I were to stay in San Francisco, where would you live?"

"Santa Monica College has got dorms."

"Dorms? You're not gonna live in college dorms like some frat boy, come on." I laughed at her choice of words.

"What was you suggestion then?"

"Firstly I thought we could stay at my parents but then I thought about how much I love not having to keep it down when we're alone," I laughed at her words filled with  genuineness. "I think we should just search for an apartment where we can both live in, alone."

"I'm okay with that idea. But I still think that for only six months, it's not worth it. It'll be way cheaper if you stay in your house in San Francisco and I stay at the dorms."

My extra large Guns N' Roses t-shirt looked like it was made for Nicole and I had to refocus my eyes on hers instead of where they kept drifting to. 

"And never see each other for six whole months?"

"I didn't say that. I could go to your place for the weekends, you could come by anytime you wanted to." She didn't look too happy with my proposal but the wheels in her head turned and I knew she knew I was right.

"Okay, I guess we could... do that. It's just six months anyway."

"What are you gonna do for those six months?" 

"I was thinking I could use that time to properly finish my book, re-read every chapter again and maybe start the process of knocking on every publisher's door and wait until someone says yes to my book. The only thing I'm missing is the title, I can't choose one that fits the story."

"Maybe if you'll let me read the whole book I'll be able to help."

I knew sharing her work with the people she was close to was something Nicole hated. In fact, I don't even know how I managed to persuade her to let me read one of her chapters when we first started going out. But whatever worked back then, it was working now too.

Her fingers grasped the printed pages of the words she firstly typed in on her computer, with colorful post its and little notes here and there that decorated the black and white pages. 

"You're my best friend, I love you." She said. It was like she knew what thoughts crossed my mind. "And I trust you more than anyone, so... you'll get to read it first."

When she came back to bed we changed positions, I was laying on the mattress while my head rested in between the pillow and her chest. She sat next to me, her legs folded under herself while her chin rested on the top of my head and her fingers ran through my hair slowly, gently, lazily. 

By the way our day started, I could have never predicted that this was how we'd end up at night.

I started reading out loud. 

* * *

Author's Note: 

Hey lovelies! Brand new chapter ready for you, what did you think?

As always, I hope you liked it and if you did, vote, comment, add the book to your reading list and share it with your friends 💞

Don't forget to go check my bio and follow me on social media so you won't miss out on all the special activities I have planned for you all, especially on the Facebook page (which by the way, I'm still trying to get that community grow, so get your likes in there!) ✨💫

Xoxo, Mars