Nicole

The sound of the wind blowing at full speed, the rain hitting the windows at full force and the thunders, which seemed to be approaching the resort we were staying in closer and closer, bringing with themselves another round of Yale, the storm that was scaring everyone who wasn't from the Bahamas, was the original soundtrack of mine and Matt's turn of events, of what was happening now in this hotel room that was surely more expensive than anything I ever owned.

"What the hell were you thinking going back into the ocean to try and get the ring?" I wasn't mad or furious at him, at least not at that moment yet. I was purely and innocently concerned about Matt and what on Earth he had in his mind when he ran away from me when locals were calling us out. A storm was settling, the waves were crazy wild, and he still did all he could and tried fighting Mother Nature. 

"I was trying to get the ring back! For you!" Now Matt, he was clearly upset. The ring seemed to be consuming all his attention, and he somehow forgot about me. But of course, I didn't notice that at the time, my mind was racing. " I spent half my savings on it."

"Matt, I could not care less if you got me a stupid, expensive ring! I love you. Don't you understand that? Instead of caring only about the ring, how about caring about the fact that your girlfriend said yes when you popped the question?"  By this time I was getting upset but I was trying my hard not to show it. But hiding my true feelings had never been something I was good at so, I blurted out whatever was on my mind and I told him what I thought he needed to hear.

"Stupid? Oh, is that what the ring is to you? Stupid?!" He repeated himself once more as if I were really some dumb girl who was turning down diamonds for the love of the only man she loved. "Well, it isn't to me!"

I was starting to get uncomfortable with the whole situation that was going on in that hotel room. 

How were we fighting over jumping into the ocean to retrieve an engagement ring when I had already said yes when he had proposed?

This was something that I simply couldn't fit inside my head and I could not comprehend why the money spent on the ring was his priority when it should have been me. 

It should have been me, right? I thought so too. 

For a brief moment we were standing face to face, a few inches apart from each other, and in other circumstances being that close to him lit up a urge in me to grab his face and kiss him, but not in that moment, no.

I felt the wet dress clinging onto my body in a discomforting way, almost as if there was only glue between my skin and the fabric, the strangeness of the feeling made me take a step back, acknowledging the state I was in. I touched my head and twirled my hair in between my fingers, noticing how wet it was. I wouldn't know if it was the touch that sent chills down my spine or if it was my body actually realizing what had been going on but all I could do was shiver. Let's face it - I was completely wet because a (cold, very cold) ocean wave hit me like a brick when the temperature around the island was no less than 100ºF - this could not mean any good.

"I... am going to shower." I said in a whisper before turning around. I didn't quite know what was happening between us. Were we fighting right after getting engaged? I needed time to think that through and a shower seemed like the best idea at that moment. I got my pajamas out of the suitcase and made my way inside the bathroom, quickly turning on the hot water while taking off my dress. Another chill ran down my spine.

When I looked at my expression in the mirror I almost didn't recognize myself - one of the most important moments of my life had just happened and my eyes were bloodshot, I looked exhausted, my face was pale, my lips were dry, I was sad... I looked like I had been hit by a truck. 

I left the dress on the floor and in a swift movement, one foot after the other, I got out of the fabric circle on the ground and jumped inside the bathtub. The warm water was comforting me, almost in a way that was enough for me not to drift my thoughts back to what had happened between me and Matt. Keyword being almost.

We were fine. We were great. He had always been a big lover of his money but that never stood as an obstacle in our relationship. If anything, it provided some sort of confidence and security for me, regarding our relationship. 

Of course, think back now, I've caught a few red flags here and there - when he complained about having to spend money on Christmas gifts for my family or that time on my birthday when he bragged about how he could afford that expensive dinner - that by the way, tasted awful, was too gourmet for me to even get a full stomach, and during which I did not feel comfortable at all with all those stupidly rich people around me - but it was never anything that made me this mad about him and his actions. 

Did I really say yes to someone so consumed by money? This was the exact opposite to who I was, and they say opposites attract but this behavior only made me fall out of love with him. 

If anything this bath was providing me some clarity and it was making me realize the ugly truth about the man I left standing in the large hotel room - Matt doesn't love me. In fact, he doesn't love anyone, not even himself. He only loves money - making it and spending it.

I move my hands in the water, taking a handful of bubbles from time to time as I think about our relationship and it hits me that this was something that had gradually happened but I had been too blind to see it. God, I hate myself for being so fucking stupid for so fucking long.

Now that it came down to a moment I had such high expectations for, I noticed how low I was raising my bar. I deserve more. I deserve more than someone who cares more about the lost engagement ring he spent so much money for, than his fianceé for God's sake.

The fog that was clouding me and my judgment and thoughts for so long was slowly fading and I was seeing everything so much more clearer now. The water was warming my body, making me feel good, secure and relaxed in that bathtub. If only it matched how I was really feeling inside.

I sighed, feeling a sense of ease rush through me as I exhaled, the pressure I felt in my chest now easing. Not gone though.

I knew I had to face the elephant in the room, which meant I had to be a big girl, get out of the comfort of the surrounding bubbles and face my - What was he to me? I asked myself. - Well, whatever he was to me now, I knew I had to face him and talk to him about what had happened. It was hard, but I had to.

So I did.

"Matt, can we talk?" I had dried myself with a towel and was now standing in front of him in the hotel room - that felt empty - in a white, unbelievably soft and comfortable hotel robe (that I seemed unable to enjoy) tied around my waist, having not wasted any time in putting on my pajamas.

"Yes, please!"  He said. I opened my mouth in attempt to start and say what was on my mind but he beat me to it. "Nic, I don't know what the hell you were thinking. Maybe you were just tired from writing and from having so much fun all these days. How could you say you don't care about the ring I got you?" He had an expression on his face that I hated. Had he always been like this all along? Had I always despised that expression in his face and tried to unconsciously love it? He looked confused and cocky at the same time, if that's possible. Looking back I had never seen him act this surprised, but he also had never been rejected by me.

"Matt..." I sighed before starting. "I gotta be honest with you, I was expecting an apology."

His eyebrows wiggled and met in his forehead, in the small area that lead to the nose, while he also made a gesture with his hands, letting his feeling of confusion known.

I took a deep breath and tried to explain myself the best way I could. 

"I don't think you are understanding what's going on here. You ignored, you neglected me when I said yes after you asked me to marry you. You proposed and I accepted your marriage proposal. Nature came in the way and we weren't even two seconds into being engaged and you already showed that much disregard for your fianceé and almost lost your life for trying to get a stupid ring back."

"Stupid-"

"Let me finish." I sighed again. "I don't think you know the person you want to marry. Do you think I am some girl from the Hamptons whose best friends are diamonds?"

"Girls love jewelry, you can't deny it." He said, making his statement sound as obvious as he thought it was.

"Not this girl." I said, now letting my emotions get the best of me. I felt my voice crack when I said the last word and closed my eyes before taking a deep breath. "See, I'm starting to think you don't know me at all. And I didn't know you. And I guess it was because we never had to 'cause we were just easy. We met, we had fun. You had your life, I had mine. But now you decided to take this huge step and bam! Life hits us with a challenge." I was on a roll, but I decided to take a quick break for gathering myself again and taking another deep breath. God, how many of those does it take to feel prepared for something like this? "And we failed."

The final three words hung in the air as he looked into my eyes and I looked at his, as our breaths mingled and while the only audible sound was the rain and crashing waves.

Those were not the three words I always hoped I would be saying the night I got engaged. 

Maybe romance only works in the books that I write and the ones that I read? Maybe romance is only real in movies, with fictional characters and situations? Maybe romance doesn't exist at all and I was fooling myself this whole time. Well, romance clearly doesn't exist between Matt and me, I know that for a fact now, it's as clear as day.

"What are you saying?" He asked, sounding more offended than he should be.

"I'm saying..." I bit the inside of my cheek and looked down at our feet to avoid eye contact, until I got the courage to say the next words and looked him right in the eyes. "I don't want to marry you. I take the yes back, I need to think."

"About what?!" Matt asked while he sat on the bed and took off his shoes, tossing them to the other side of the room.

"Are you not hearing me right now?" This time was my turn to sound offended. "You marry the person you love, you marry the person you're connected with, the person who you share your interests with, who you know you're going to share a great life together with. Not the person who you had fun during a couple of years." 

"First of all, we've been together for three years. Secondly... I do love you." His voice softened and he held his hand up to wrap his fingers around my own, looking up at me with a pleading look. "And I do see us sharing that life together. Don't you?"

"If sharing a life with you means we get to have these stupid fights for the rest of our lives then no. If it means a lifetime of hearing you complain over how much money you spend on gifts for my cousins, or how expensive the food we're eating is or..." I closed my eyes as the thought crossed my mind. "God, no. I don't, Matt."

"You need a good night of sleep, that's it." He let go of my hand and got up from where he was sitting to move all the way through the room, his forehead resting on the closed window while he starred at the night storm.

"No, I don't. What I need is to reflect on the last three years we spent together and think about what I deserve and make a decision regarding my future. A future that's good for me."

"Don't be ridiculous, Nic. Come on!"

"I'm not being ridiculous." The tears in my face were drying fast but that was not stopping new ones from rolling down my cheeks. "Look I get it. You have your whole life figured all out. You have a great job, you're living your dream, you have your own house, you have the girl and now you wanted to get married. That's what's the plan for you, as it is for me. But it's not that simple, because I don't want the rest of my life to be what these past three years were. And if you think you want that for yourself, you're wrong. You're fooling yourself and you're aiming for something that wouldn't be good for you."

"What? Nic, how can you say that?" Sounded offended again, and on what grounds? He was the one who treated me like I was some girl that could be bought with a diamond ring and expensive dinners and paradisaical getaways.

I deserved better.

"I'm positive." I looked down again, closing my eyes in the process as I tried to gather my thoughts, thinking thoroughly about what I was about to say, before the raw truth slipped out of my mouth much more effortlessly than I thought it'd be. "We're done."

The ocean had dragged the ring that was more expensive than anything I could ever afford, and it dragged my relationship with Matthew along with it. 

 * * *

Author's Note:

Hi dear readers! Here it is - chapter number one! I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you're enjoying the story so far. 

What do you think of what Nicole is thinking? Is she right or is she wrong? What would you do if it happened to you? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below or throughout the chapter - however you prefer - and don't forget to vote! ⭐

Also, if you're enjoying the story so far and do not want to miss a thing, add this story to your reading list or follow me! 

Xoxo, Mars