Having a boyfriend was not on my bucket list, at least not yet. I was not sure whether I was ready for that. Whenever someone asked me out on a date, I always had an excuse. I didn't get that tickle in my stomach or whatever. I convinced myself that maybe they were not my type. I wanted to fall hard for someone who gave me no reason to, so that I would get overwhelmed and couldn't withstand asking him out on a date.

I don't know who's my type exactly, maybe I have set the bar too high, expecting someone to love me like they do in novels, or maybe I haven't met that kind of person yet. But I never imagined that I would reach this point in my life where I liked a guy even without knowing him.

I started searching for him in everyone I got to see. And I started looking for letters everywhere I went. With all this, I was going mad eventually. I really started pondering whether this was all a fantasy and he was just a fictional character I created to spice up my life. Sometimes I feel sick with everything going around and decide to leave everything behind and start resuming my usual life. And sometimes I wonder whether I will get to see him at least today and starts wearing the best clothes.

Both not being in love and being in love are cool. But being in one without knowing the person is seriously one hell of a roller coaster ride. Some days I will be curiously looking around to find his letters, like a little girl searching for candy. And some days I sound like a loser going around everywhere and asking people whether they have something in my name without knowing what. Some days I get confused about my feelings for him, like whether this is a mere curiosity to know the one who loves me or whether this is what they call love. I could not define my feelings in a word, nor could I contain them in a jar. I wish I could figure it out at least before getting to meet him. "Take it slow, El, one day at a time." I convinced myself.

I took a deep breath so that all the tension in me oozed out into the air. "Hey there! Have you finished the assignments? I have few doubts." I texted Kia, as I need to submit those assignments tomorrow. As soon as the message was marked read, she pinged me.

"Hey El!" She sounded very enthusiastic.

"Hi Kia! I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning. I just didn't even start my work, and that's why." She interrupted me in the middle, asking, "No, I didn't call for that El. Did you forget it?"

"Yeah, I totally forgot about the assignments until this morning."

"Oh God! I didn't ask about it. I asked about our plans today."

"Plans?" A deep furrow appeared between my brows as I tried and failed to remember it.

"Jesus Christ! How did you forget it?", she asked grimly.

"Anyway, we are going out today, and Ryan will be coming too. Period." It's been merely a few weeks knowing her, but deep down, we were like friends known for ages. There are only a few people we get to meet in our lives like this. The moment we see them, we know that they're going to be our forever kind of friend. That kind of first instinct never fails us. And with her, I felt that deep.

"Oh yeah! I'm in." I replied as I closed my laptop, wondering when I would complete the pending work.

"So since you're new to the place, it's your call. Where can we go?"

"Mmm. Bakers Beach?" I didn't plan on this, but it rolled out instantly.

"But if it's not on the list, we can go somewhere else. I wouldn't mind."

"Nah, it sounds cool! We will pick you up at 4." She hung up the phone avidly.

3:00 PM

The clock struck 3, and still I didn't select my outfit. I was looking for a vibrant-colored dress to make myself brighter, just in case he was there. Though I try to choose some peppy-colored outfit beyond black, my hand sooner or later gets pulled towards it. That treaty between me and black color is a non-written abstract one. This time the black crop top lying beneath all the dresses at some corner hauled me. And I couldn't deny it. After all, what makes us look peppy than our favorite colored outfit. I mismatched it with olive green trousers, making it more casual.

I heard the horn of the car when I was about to take the coolers. Once I got hold of it, I hurried downstairs. "I'll be late today, mom. Bye." I shouted and darted out of the house.

"Jesus Christ! Slow down, El! You may hurt yourself." Ryan was so kind who looked naturally striking in his white hoodie.

I opened the back door of his exotic red Jeep, which was transcendent just like him, and fastened the seat belt as I comforted myself.

"Ugh! I thought at least today you would wear something with no black shades in it." Kia sighed.

"Anyway, it looks nice on you." Ryan complimented him as he kicked off the engine. The engine roared, and fleetingly, the volume dropped as the Jeep started moving.

I touched my trouser pockets to once again make sure I took the last letter. I took it just in case I forgot the pole number.

Kia changed the song that was playing, and Ryan, being offended, changed it back to the previous one. In defense, she shuffled the playlist, hoping he could not keep changing songs until finding that one. He instead searched for that song's name and played it again. She paused tirelessly. He played it and fixed it in loop mode. This cold war occurred without words being aimed at one another.

"Don't mind, we do it every time." Kia excused their naive behavior.

"No, actually, it was cute." I grinned.

"Cute?" Ryan smirked and looked up at my face in the back mirror.

"I mean from the third person's point of view." I shrugged and looked away.

The traffic was more intense than any other day, as it was the weekend. It took quite some time to get there. I leapt out of the Jeep in elation as Ryan made a beeline for the parking lot, which was crowded.

"Are you up for a leg day?" Kia took my hand. "What?" I looked here and there, doubting if there was a gym.

"Are you kidding me? I'm not going with you on the sand ladder." Ryan groaned and looked at me, saying, "You should have seen what she did last time here."

"C'mon Ryan. That's on my bucket list, so I asked you to do it." As Kia was saying, an old couple walked across us and exclaimed, "Hey kids! Have a great time." They seemed to be in their 60s and were thrilled like little kids. They were walking, holding each other's hands, and she was scolding him for not bringing her scarf. He tried convincing her in his quavering voice.

"They are adorable, right?" I looked at Kia, who was feeling the same way.

"But what happened last time, Ryan?" I urged him as we sauntered ahead.

"When climbing down the ladder, she was enthusiastic and started running, not minding the sandy wood log stairs. But while ascending back, she was tired and couldn't even move one step ahead, and instead she put up a scene, saying it was one of the things on her bucket list where I needed to lift her up and walk ahead. I would have carried her all the way if she had said the truth." He smirked, looking away.

"Then what did you do?"

"Poor me, with no choice, had to lift her all the way up even after knowing she was lying." I couldn't control my laughter thinking about Kia and her tantrums.

"If at all, it's me who's going to lift you this time." Kia walked ahead of us with determination. And poor Ryan ran behind her to keep up with her speed.

As the sun was already hitting home, it was less sunny. I ambled along, enjoying every view. Looking up the hills, it was green here and there, as if someone who is bad with brushes painted it and was waiting for it to dry. Looking downhill, the Golden Gate Bridge stood majestically, supplementing the scenery. To my south was Baker's Beach. There were a few people walking, a few others clicking photos, and a few people of my type playing with water. The chill breeze hit my cheeks, giving me goosebumps. I rubbed both my hands against one another and placed my palms against my cheeks, making them warm.

The sand covering the wooden stairs made it really hard for us to put our feet down. At times, I gave Kia and Ryan a side-eye, ensuring they weren't too far away in case I fell down.

Once we landed, I waved at them to move ahead. I climbed back again, counting one for each pole. At the 20th one, I stopped and looked around to see if there was anything. People walking across asked in concern if I had lost anything. Only if I knew what I was looking for I could say it. I took a deep breath to calm down and looked around the bushes.

When I was looking at the pole again, ensuring it was the 20th one, I saw a rope tied to the pole at its bottom. I tried pulling it. But as it was covered by sand, I needed to pull it harder. After putting all my stamina into getting it, I succeeded.

There was a glass bottle full of sand. I sighed in disgust, thinking I had come all this way to get a bottle of sand. I didn't know what I expected, but for sure, I didn't want a bottle of sand. I stood disappointed, angry, and hopeless. Furiously, I pulled the cork out and tilted the bottle, emptying it.

An empty silver balloon fell down, making its way unique amidst the pouring sand. My face glittered, overtaking the shininess of the silver balloon, as there was a letter rolled up inside it. I promptly forced it into my pockets and ran down.

Ryan and Kia were sitting at the top of metallic grey rocks, waiting for me. Kids were playing around them, trying to catch the crabs hiding under the rocks. And the couple we encountered before was standing there and clicking each other's photos with rising waves in the background.

I approached them to help click their pictures.

"Aw! Thank you for asking, honey. But you don't have to do that. Your friends are already looking for you." The woman patted my shoulders with her trembling hand.

"It's just.. I would love to capture you guys, if you want. Could you please give me your phone, Mrs.?" I paused, as I didn't know her name.

"I'm Matilda, and he's Richard." She was kind enough to take my hand and enclose it gently within hers.

I asked them to pick a pose as Mr. Richard gave me his phone. And instantly, they both got into a squabble about which poses they should try. I cackled, realizing they were no different from Kia and Ryan, and asked them not to spare anything. They were happy doing some lovely poses and also crazy doing funny ones. But the candid ones I took when they were talking and laughing were the best shots.

I gave them the phone and excused myself. I was feeling as relaxed as ever. I smiled ecstatically and wished I could see them often.

I sat on one of the rocks, the one that was a little far from Kia.

"At times, I see ourselves in them." Kia smiled, looking at the couple.

"I see them quite often here." Ryan said the very thing I just wished for.

"That's cool! Do you come here very often?" I asked him as he was trying to catch a crab playing hide and seek beneath the rock on which I was seated.

"Not very often. But at times, to get some air." He rubbed his hands together, getting rid of the wet sand sticking around.

"We come here every summer." Kia said, throwing a ball of wet sand against his shoulder. Ryan threw another sand ball straight at her face. They were busy hitting each other, and meanwhile I found some quality me-time to relax.

As I took out the letter and unrolled it, a series of waves hit the rocks and splashed water everywhere.

This beach!

This beach is my safe haven.

I used to dig a hole sitting somewhere here, placing my legs within, and covering it back with sand. The warmth from the hot sand travels from my feet to my head, electrifying every nerve. And each time the waves strike me, they wash away the sand, and I feel like they wipe away all my sorrows along with them. And I again cover my feet with the wet sand, waiting for another strike of waves. I keep doing it again and again until my heart feels weightless and starts flying up.

The blow of the wet breeze catches my flying heart, taking away the emptiness within it. Maybe that's the magic of this place. Maybe that's why I come here whenever I want someone to listen and accept me the way I am.

Throughout my life, I've been called a nerd, freak, shithead, introvert, and everything else that could possibly affect a young boy's mental health. Just because I'm a little reserved and it takes an extra ounce of effort from people to understand me doesn't grant them the right to stamp me with such names. There came a point in my life where even I started believing that I'm an introvert and I don't get along well with people. And I was a fool to take it to heart. That's the phase that totally shifted my life upside down.

With my family, everything seemed right. Within the four walls of my room, everything actually seemed to be perfect. But when I entered the world, I started feeling inferior, and I started hating myself for being abnormal. It took me a while to understand that it's not me who is abnormal, but it's the world, which refuses to give hands to the ones who feel left out, inferior, and cornered.

Eventually I started living a solitary life, to be honest, I was pushed to. And no one cared about it. Actually, there was no one to care.

I don't have many friends, but deep down, I wanted to have hundreds and thousands. I wanted to be friendly with everyone. I wanted to live a social life where I got to smile at everyone I came across throughout the day. Maybe I am not that lucky to afford a normal life. It made me believe that I'm worthless and don't deserve to live like others do. That's what bullying does to unripened hearts.

But when I came to this beach for the first time, this sand, this wet breeze, these waves, and these warm sunrays hit me hard, reminding me that I'm not alone. At least with them, I find myself sociable. I find myself more lively when I'm here. Maybe humans don't get to see the goodness in people like me like nature does. Maybe that's why they say nature heals. It healed me. It healed my loneliness.

From then on, I used to come here whenever I felt down and about to burst out. Like how heat transfers from a region with a higher temperature to a lower one in order to maintain equilibrium, the peace in here enters my heart, balancing nature.

I am not a person who believes in love at first sight. But when I got to see you for the first time, I felt the same peace in the air around me, just like here. After all, I believed it was true.

And I felt myself talking to the letters when I was writing them for you—the same me who didn't even used to talk to anyone near. I'm no longer the person I used to be. I started smiling at the people whomever I came across, not minding and waiting for the response. Maybe that will make the day for someone who's living my life.

After all, maybe I am an extrovert. But it takes the right people for me to manifest it. And I guess that's what love does. Like how I love nature, and like how I love you!

As an extrovert,
N.

Btw could you spare some time logging in to this email ID?
Email ID: likehowiloveyou@gmail.com
And the password is your heart.

It was so much for me to take in. But I could totally understand him. I could see himself through this letter. Like a mirror, I could see his thoughts and pain through this mere piece of paper. It takes immense effort for someone to put all their guards down for an unknown person. But he did that without any second thoughts. I was overwhelmed by how much he values and loves me for that. I had the impression that I had already begun to know him.

And I was glad that this time he took the novel Message in a Bottle seriously.

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Happy reading folks!

A gentle reminder : Let's appreciate and celebrate people for who they are. And let's smile at every one we come across everyday. I hope it will make the world a better place to live & love!

See you at next chapter! Love until that!❤️

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