I get the distinct feeling y'all are gonna hate me for this one... heheheh... no regrets

"Marinette!"

At her name being called, Marinette's head snapped up from where she had previously been staring off into space at her set of notes, which was depressingly short. She, Nino and Adrien were all over at Alya's to work on a history project, which was heart-stopping to think about already, had a storm not rolled in and pounded them with winds and rains far too dangerous to be out in. Hence their current situation being a sleepover at Alya's. 

Marinette was two heartbeats away from having a panic attack. But whenever she tried to protest to Alya, she wouldn't listen, driven on getting Adrien and her together.

"Sorry, Alya." She sighed, slouching as if a tonne of bricks had been placed on her shoulders. She rubbed slightly at her eyes and continued to focus on her slow breaths, while also researching.

"Seriously, what's up with you lately? You keep zoning out - come on, we'll never get this done!" Alya scolded, the playful glint in her eyes dispersing over the occurrences of this happening.

"Sorry." Marinette mumbled once more, the black hole inside her swelling and growing once more, eating at her thoughts and heart. 

She couldn't bear to meet Adrien's gaze. She couldn't bear to see what was undoubtedly an equally annoyed expression, she couldn't handle the off-put glare in his mesmerising emerald eyes. She couldn't- wouldn't force herself to burden the dislike he had for her.

After all, he liked Ladybug.

Ah, Ladybug. The wonderful curse. Such power with her miraculous, and a chance to be someone else behind a mask while still saving the day. Dedicated, intelligent, agile, strong, beautiful, she was renowned across Paris and possibly further as being the most eligible hero in the city of love. Those who didn't admire her, adored her. Spots were a huge trend in fashion because of her, she even had a statue dedicated to her and her partner.

But... nobody appreciated Marinette the way they did Ladybug. And with the knowledge that one day, Ladybug would disappear... would they ever remove her from that pedestal?

Even her beloved Adrien, her beloved Chat Noir had fallen for the masked woman instead of the girl beneath. 

Was it so bad to want some recognition?

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng!"

Oh no.

"I don't know why you keep zoning out, but if you keep doing so, we'll never get this done! This is worth 20% Marinette, this is important, and like hell I'm going to let you ruin it for the rest of us!"

Ruin it. I'll ruin it. I ruin everything. I'm an inconvenience, I'm worthless. I can't do anything right. I'm wrong. I'm a mistake. I shouldn't be here.

Eyes stinging and heart threatening to rip its way out of her chest, throat constricting and tightening and tightening until she couldn't breathe, knees shaking and body trembling as if cold yet sweating and dizzy, Marinette stood up, her small amount of things in her arms and began to leave.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?!" Alya's fury hadn't trickled away yet. Shame.

"Seeing as I'm nothing more than a hindrance here, how about I complete the work at home and email it to you? After all, I have all weekend, and I'm sure you'd like to play some games." Her voice was quiet and shaky, as weak as she felt. 

"Marinette, it's too dangerous to go out! Didn't you hear the news?" Adrien forever being the voice of reason had jumped up to race after her as she slowly descended the stairs.

"I'll take my chances." This time, bitterness bled into her tone and she was unable to stop her sentence from breaking into shuddering sobs. 

And she was gone.

-^-

Drenched. Cold. Sobbing. Shaking. Dizzy. 

Her notes were useless at this point. The ink ran. Paper was barely a wad of tissue. Useless. Like the girl who held them. Tikki was probably sick again. She'd have to deal with that. She had to deal with so much... it wasn't fair...

Her papers and pens dropped out of her hands, soon followed by her tablet. Thankfully, due to Marinette's clumsiness, she had bought a smash proof case and waterproof protector. 

she fell to the ground

felt her heart speeding up but her brain slowing down

barely feeling the scalding tears mixing with the freezing rain on her cheeks

eyes closed

slowing

use l e s s . . .

s o . . . u s e  l  e  s   s   .   .    .

s     o     t       i         r            e             d

rest now, my warrior
rest now, your hardship is over 

-^-

Chat Noir found her passed out on the grass of the park in the rain, pulse dangerously jerking and breathing ragged. 

live. wake up, wake up.
and let the cloak of life cling to your bones
cling to your bones

Hospitals. Tears. Worries. Alya's regret and self-loathing for having caused it. Sabine and Tom's breathless begs for her health.

wake up, wake up.
live, wake up. wake up
and let the cloak of life cling to your bones
cling to your bones

Explanations of past incidents, more tears and more pain and more guilt. 

Adrien hurt inside. How could Marinette hide such a thing as an anxiety disorder, and a severe one at that? How could she feel the need to try and carry that burden on her shoulders and her shoulders alone? 

... he understood. That urge to carry your own problems, and then friends and their problems, building the pile up until you break. Convincing yourself that you're strong, capable, all the while cracking underneath the pressure. Telling yourself that it would be selfish if you stopped to take care of yourself and solve your own problems when everyone else has it so much worse than you and you're just being weak and pathetic and...

Marinette... sweet, kind Marinette who always put others before herself... of course she would feel like that.

-^-

When she woke up a day later... she was alone.

Thank god.

People asking questions and pressuring her to smile and the urge weighing down on her to say I'm okay, it's okay, it's not your fault would've been too... 

She wouldn't be able to do it. 

Because she would be lying, and that killed her so much.

Because in all her life, she had never, ever, wanted to hurt anybody.

Because, she knew, that even mentioning that is was Alya's fault, she knew it would kill her, kill both of them.

Because...

Because she hated the idea of being the cause of pain to the people she loved.

Shaking her head, Marinette flung off the covers of her hospital bed and stood on the cold vinyl, stable and firm. Grounded. She could see the white-washed walls, the smooth glass of the windows, the green grass below, the red and white flowers dotted throughout the garden, the sky blue and beautiful. She could hear the wind faintly battering, the soothing constant of the heart rate monitor, her steady and slow breathing, the distant sound of voices. She could smell the antibacterial wipes from where they sat on the table, the vague strawberry scent of her shampoo, the fragrance from the flowers set at the side of the bed. She could touch the icy metal of the bed frame, the smooth floor beneath her. 

A long, slow breath escaped her mouth.

She was here. 

She was alive.

She was safe.

She was here.

"I'm here." She whispered.

I'm here.

-^-yes that was an SU reference let mother caitlyn continue her heartwarming story-^-

She finished the research.

She finished the research.

After everything that just happened she still fINISHED THE GOD DAMN RESEARCH?!

Marinette SERIOUSLY needed to get her priorities in order.

...Okay that sounded a little hypocritical.

But Alya hadn't just had a panic attack that resulted with a hospital bed. Marinette, sweet little angel that she was, had. Why wasn't she relaxing?!

"Because the whole reason why she had the panic attack was because she was afraid of failing you." Nino cut through her thoughts while she paced from where he lounged on her desk chair. "Face it babe, Mar is a sweet pie who doesn't think about herself any more than you hate Ladybug. She's constantly worrying and stressing and fussing about everything except herself."

"I know! I'm just... she didn't even tell us. She didn't tell me about the fact that she has an anxiety disorder, Nino, I'm her best friend! I should know these things!" Alya ran a hand through her hair frustratedly as she continued pacing.

Nino sighed heavily and stood, moving in front of his girlfriend and placing his hands on her shoulders, effectively halting her in her steps. Ignoring her scowl, he shook his head. "Anxiety doesn't work like that, Al." His soft voice enticed a confused look from Alya to replace the anger. "She's constantly scared, terrified that something's going to go wrong and she'll lose everything, she'll lose you. And that it'll be her fault." He glanced away from Alya's curious brown eyes for a moment. "She... forgets... sometimes that the worst doesn't always happen. Like... she doesn't realise that we're not heartless like... ahem." He cleared his throat, clearly realising he nearly broached a bad topic. "She wouldn't want me telling you that. But... she doesn't know how to..." He struggled to put the emotion into words while Alya stared at him. "...let others know how she's feeling, okay?"

Alya's lower lip trembled. This was going to be hard. Pulling back and not pressing for answers. 

But... for Marinette...

She would do it.

-^-

Marinette walked into school Monday morning with her head held high. She was wearing new clothes, nothing crazy though, just white jeans and a light pink blouse. The night before, she had done a full facial, had a long bath, used all her nice soaps and shampoos. She had styled her hair into a cute French braid, or as they call it in France, a braid. She had cleaned her room, reorgansied her books and items, and this morning she felt great.

Waking up early, eating a healthy breakfast, not running to school... it was calming.

But when she reached the front steps, saw Alya, Nino and Adrien there already...

No. She could do this.

With a deep breath, she approached her trio of friends. Nino knew what she would say, after all, she had said it to him years ago. So he placed a hand on Alya's shoulder to stop her from speaking.

"Hi."

Alya and Adrien frowned, identical looks of confusion on their faces.

"I'm Marinette Dupain-Cheng. I'm 15 and live in a bakery. I'm a perfectionist, I stress constantly, I have an anxiety disorder. I don't express my feelings well, nor do I talk about myself very well. This is me, picking up the pieces and putting them back together again. Which involves trusting my friends more than I do now so... I would appreciate it if you made it easy for me."

She peeked up at the taller students through her long lashes, biting her lip. 

Nino, the first to speak, smiled. "I'm Nino Lahiffe, and it would be an honour to and a privilege to be your friend, Marinette. I shall help you pick up the pieces."

He nudged Adrien and Alya, the two of whom broke out of their confused states.

Adrien spoke next, the softest of smiles on his face. "I'm Adrien Agreste, and I will try to make it easy to trust me every day of our friendship." After exchanging a glance with Nino, his smile grew. "I shall help you pick up the pieces."

Alya let out a watery laugh, tears pricking at her chocolate eyes. "I'm Alya Cesaire, and I will protect you girl, no matter what. And I will always be here for you." She leaned forward to bring Marinette into a sudden hug, laughing again. "I shall help you pick up the pieces."

While Marinette may sometimes feel like the world is drowning her with their problems and difficulties, she didn't have to be afraid anymore. Not everyone was Chloe. Not everything ended at the worst possible outcome. But the best part was, she wasn't alone.

She would never be alone again.

Everyone wants happiness, 

no one wants pain. 

But you can't have a rainbow, 

without a little rain.

DONE MY FRENDOS WE HAVE FINISHED POSSIBLY MY FAVOURITE ONE SHOT TO THIS DAY IT'S 11:45 AT NIGHT AND NOW I SHALL GO TO SLEEP GOOD NIGHT ALL HAVE A WONDERFUL SAY WHEN THE SUN RISES AGAIN