ALYSSA

I was struggling to believe that he had actually done this to me. I thought that he cared about me, that he wanted to be with me because it was something he wanted, not because he was using me as some sick joke to prove a point to everyone that he could land any girl he wanted to land, even at the end of the first date with each other.

I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the energy to do so, I used it all being angry and hating myself for being so bloody stupid. I always knew how this was going to end before I got myself into it, and I still allowed myself to fall in the hope that he would catch me, I still allowed myself to be caught in the moment and willingly gave another man the chance to hurt me.

They were all the same. I should have known this by now. Once they got what they wanted, that was it, they had no use for you anymore and they never wanted to see you again. You could drop dead for all they care, because they wouldn't be there to give two shits about what happened to you, as long as they were fine and they could get on with their lives, you didn't matter and you weren't important to them.

I hated Andrew, I hated that he had done this to me, even after knowing the hell which I had been through with Dean and after promising that he wasn't using me as Darren had done. But, short of hating Andrew, I hated myself because I should have known that I would never be able to change him and he was always going to be a selfish bastard who only ever thought of himself, and he was incapable of giving his cold heart to anyone.

I could feel my phone vibrating against my breast, I always stored my phone in my bra when I wore a dress because there was nowhere else to put it, but I was deliberately ignoring all those who wanted to get in contact with me. I especially couldn't be dealing with Andrew and his pre-prepared bullshit apology for what he had done, because I couldn't be dealing with him right now. And to think I had gone to all the effort I had done to make sure he could actually see his daughter, but I wish that I hadn't bothered now, because he didn't appreciate it anyway.

I thought that I was doing him a favour, helping him out because he had been broken by my sister, and I thought that I was giving him the chance he was after to bond with his daughter, but I wish that I hadn't have bothered because he clearly isn't worth the effort which I went to in order to make everything happen. He would only corrupt his daughter and end up using an innocent three year old against her own mother for his own gain.

"I have been looking all over the place for you," I turned to find Andrea standing behind me with a slight smile on her face and her arms across her chest as she continued to stare at me for a moment.

"If you came here on behalf of your brother, then don't bother, because I have no intention of going back there," I muttered and continued walking. I wasn't sure where I was going, but anywhere was better than stepping foot back through those restaurant doors and having to hear Andrew's voice again, as he begged me to listen to him and his lame reasons for doing what he did.

"I didn't ask you to come back with me, I just wanted to talk before Darren and Robert get here, and try to offer you some explanation about my brother," Andrea spoke softly as she led me towards a bench at the side of the road. I don't know why I followed her, or why I even wanted to know what she had to say about Andrew, but she was his sister and, if there was anyone who knew why he did what he did to me, then she was the woman to speak with.

"He's a total fucking dick. No explanation needed," I muttered angrily.

"Since he's my older brother, I should disagree with you but, just this once, I shall agree with you. What he did is unforgivable—"

"Then what is the point of this conversation?" I interrupted her. I knew that she was going to be on her brother's side and she was going to attempt to make me forgive him for what he had done to me, but there was no going back from this, he had slept with me because of a stupid bet which he had with Ben and it was as simple as that. There were no words which would soften the blow and no amount of apologises were going to repair the damage which he had caused.

"—But I know Andrew better than anyone else, I even know him better than he knows himself, and that means I know he hates himself for what has happened. He is an idiot, he is thoughtless, and he does things without thinking about the consequences until it is too late, but you didn't stick around long enough to see the hurt and the regret in his eyes," Andrea sighed quietly. I wanted to look at her, I wanted to know that she was telling the truth, but Andrew was the one who had done this and there was no turning back from this—he had made his bed and now it was time for him to lie in it, with only himself to blame for what had happened.

"He still did it. He still used me for his own gain," I held back the tears which were about to fall.

"If you are going to hate anyone, then you should hate Ben, because he is the one who has always known how to push Andrew's buttons and he has always got a kick out of deliberately fucking up the best things in his brother's life," Andrea said and she expelled a breath which she was clearly holding, "Ben is even the reason that your sister left Andrew and he is the reason that Andrew is having a hard time keeping hold of the best thing to have happened to him in a while. You, Alyssa."

"What do you mean that Ben is the reason Rebecca left? She told me that she didn't love Andrew anymore and that she had only ever been with him for his money," I still, to this day, don't know whether that is the truth or whether that is just something she told me so that I would stop with the questions as the reason she walked out on her fiancé. But, listening to Andrea, I get the impression that was a complete lie and there was more to the story than she ever thought appropriate to tell me.

"She had been sleeping with Ben behind Andrew's back and, when he offered her all the money and love she could want, but never have while she was with Andrew, she took the chance and has been with Ben ever since the day she walked away. I don't even think that Ella is Andrew's child, but I have never been able to prove it, and I also didn't have the heart to take the one thing away from him he had always wanted," I had always thought that Ben cared about Andrew and had wanted to be there for him, but all this time, he had only been covering his own ass and making sure Andrew never found out the real reason his fiancée walked out on him.

Ben was the real monster and I wanted to wrap my hands around his neck for what he had done to his own brother, especially when he knew about the hell Andrew had been through when Rebecca walked out on him, and he even knew of the times in which Andrew had tried to kill himself because he didn't feel like he was good enough for anyone and he didn't have the fight to want to live anymore, but that still wasn't enough to make him actually give a damn about his younger brother—he ruined Andrew's life for his own gain and then stuck around, just to watch as his perfectly hatched plan fell into place.

"And how do you know about this? Andrew has never told me, and there isn't much that man hasn't told me," I muttered.

"I was never meant to find out. I heard Rebecca and Ben talking just a couple of days before she vanished, and that's when I also discovered the truth of their affair, but neither of them gave a damn about Andrew and declared their love for each other. I had always planned to tell Andrew the truth but, when I saw for myself just how broken he was after Rebecca left him, I didn't have it in me to make it worse than it already was," Andrea sighed and, if I had been in her position, I would have done the same because I wouldn't have wanted to see my brother hurt any more than he had already been.

I knew that he loved Rebecca, no matter how many times he told me that he hated her and he never wanted to hear about her again, I knew that he had loved her once and she had been everything to him. She was the woman who caught his eye and stole his heart, and she was even the woman who gave him the one thing he had always wanted, she was the woman who made him a father and he was always going to have that connection with my sister—I wasn't jealous, it didn't even bother me that he still had some sort of feeling towards Rebecca, not when he had told me that I was the one he wanted.

But that didn't mean I was going to forgive him for what he had done. I was angry and I was hurt, those were two feelings which weren't going to disappear in a hurry, and they also weren't going to make it easy for me to forgive Andrew for what he had done. It didn't matter that Ben was the one who had done this, Andrew was the one who had gone along with it and he was the one who had agreed to the bet, and that's what hurt more than anything, is that he thought he had to make a bet with his brother to get me into his bed.

"No wonder she stopped me from seeing Ella. She was so busy ensuring her dirty secret never got revealed, that she had to push me away to make sure that happened, and now I have missed out on god knows how much of my niece's life," I was pissed with my sister because she had been with Ben, all the time I had been begging her to see my niece, she had been spending time with Ben and that meant Ella had also been spending time with a man who may or may not be her real father.

"I'm not saying that you have to forgive Andrew immediately, I'm not even saying that he shouldn't work for it, but don't push him away and don't leave him just because he made one stupid mistake in a moment of weakness," Andrea offered me a weak smile with her hand on my shoulder, "I will leave you with Darren and Robert now. Just, please, think about what I said and what I have told you."

"Andrea—" I called as she walked away, causing her to stop and look over her shoulder back at me, "—thank you."

"No need to thank me, Alyssa. I am always here if you ever want to talk, or if there is ever anything else you want to know," Andrea replied and then walked off as Robert and Darren appeared in front of me, Darren taking a seat to my left and Robert to my right, the both of them offering me pitiful smiles.

I allowed my head to fall against Darren's shoulder as the tears, which I had been fighting back for so long, and I thought about what Andrea had told me. I knew that I couldn't entirely blame Andrew for what had happened, Ben had pushed his buttons and given him an offer which he couldn't refuse and, as much as it did hurt, I did have to remember that Ben was the reason this all happened and Andrew simply allowed his ego to get the best of him when he agreed to the ridiculous bet in the first place.

I needed to know why Andrew did it though. I need to know if, at the time, all he cared about was getting me into his bed so that he could prove a point to his brother, or whether he did it because he was Andrew and he hated that I was related to the woman who had broken him in ways which almost seem irreparable. I knew he didn't have feelings for me at the time, he had only known me two days, but I still wanted to know what was going through his mind when he agreed to get me into his bed—I also wanted to know what he stood to gain from sleeping with me, because that could be the real changer, whether he stood to gain something from winning the bet or whether he just did it because he could do it.

"I knew that Andrew had made the bet with Ben," Robert spoke quietly and now, not only was I pissed with Andrew, Ben and Rebecca, I was also pissed with Robert for not mentioning something to me sooner and for allowing me to make a total fool out of myself with someone I never actually stood a chance with, "it was the day you went out for breakfast and, when you came outside to take that phone call, Ben gave his brother the usual lecture about his drinking and how it was going to kill him—"

"Shame the drink didn't kill him before I get my hands on him again," I muttered. I would never actually hurt him, in the back of my mind I knew that it didn't matter what he had done, I would never take the time to get even with him and make him feel the same way he had made feel, but it was anger talking and it was that anger which did make me want to do something to at least make him feel half of what I was feeling right now.

"Andrew, being Andrew, decided that he was going to act as he always did when Ben tried to be there for him—" I wanted to tell him that Ben really didn't give a shit about his brother and, had he actually died from his massive alcohol consumption, Ben probably wouldn't have even shed a tear because it would mean that he could stop hiding his relationship with Rebecca and they could be a proper couple, "—Ben grew tired of being there for his brother and of being pushed away, when all he wanted to do was help, and that's when he proposed the bet. Andrew's ego, as always, got the better of him and so he accepted the bet, despite actually considering what would happen if you were to find out the truth."

Andrea's words were running through my mind, and I knew that I couldn't push Andrew away over this, but I also couldn't forgive him as though he had done nothing wrong because that would give him the impression that he could walk all over me and that there would be no consequences for his actions. If I was to push him away over this, I would be as bad as my sister, and I didn't want to be anything like Rebecca, I didn't want to be the one who destroyed Andrew's world again.

Not when this was something we could sort out and move on from. I wasn't willing to throw away something which had the potential to be amazing, but I needed time and I needed space as well, because I still couldn't bring myself to face him right now, not when my emotions were as raw as they currently were. I just needed time to think and I needed to be alone, that was the best thing for me right now, simply so that I could clear my mind and get my head in the right place.

"At least you didn't sleep together, so I guess the only thing he actually did wrong here, was agree to the bet in the first place," I guessed that he must have heard what Ben asked me in the restaurant and he must have heard my reply as well. It hurt like a bitch when I lied about what had happened, but I wasn't going to broadcast what we had done the night before in front of his family, because it wasn't any of their business whether I had or I hadn't fucked Andrew.

"I understand that he should never have mad the bet in the first place but, now you know about it, at least you can sleep together on your own terms," I couldn't help but laugh at the both of them, they were so naïve and stupid that it was almost comical and, if they believed that Andrew and I really didn't sleep together last night, then they will believe anything they are told.

"Robert is right, Alyssa, now—"

"You two are so freakin' dense. Do you honestly believe that Andrew just took me home last night and that was the end of that? No goodnight kiss? No late night coffee? Not even a conversation?" I found myself chuckling humourlessly as the words left my mouth. I couldn't believe that I actually had to spell out to them what happened last night because they were too stupid to see through my blatant lie. One of them was Andrew's best friend and one of them was his brother, but neither of them knew the real truth of the matter, and neither of them could even see how I really felt about Andrew Collins because they were too stuck in their own worlds to even see it.

"But, you said—"

"Yes. I lied. Because whether I did, or did not, sleep with Andrew was really none of Ben's concern. It's not like I make a habit of going around bragging about the men I fuck," I didn't care that I had lied, or even that Darren wanted to know the reason for my lies, I just didn't want him to finish what he was going to say, "but, just so you are both aware, we ended up back at Andrew's place last night and we had shitty, meaningless sex. So, if you wish to make me feel any more of an idiot than I already do, then feel free to speak up now."

But, even as the words came out of my mouth, I knew they were all lies. It was the best sex I had had in a while, and that was impressive, since Darren was pretty fucking amazing in the bedroom, but even he didn't make me feel as good as Andrew did last night.

"Alyssa. I understand how you fe—"

"How can you possibly understand how I feel, Robert? You didn't fucking fall in love with someone who made a bet that they could sleep with you," I stood up so that I was looking between the two mean, who were now glaring at me as though I had said something wrong, but they couldn't possibly understand how this felt, not when they had never been in this situation themselves.

"Just listen to me, Alyssa, please," Robert sighed. He was Andrew's best friend and, granted, he didn't know the truth about Rebecca and Ben, but I am sure there is more that he does know about the man I have fallen in love with. And I had promised Andrea that I would consider what she had told me, and I had even told myself that I was going to move past this in my own time, but the anger was consuming me and I wasn't able to release it before it ate me up to the point I hated both Andrew and Ben for what they had done to me.

"What, Robert? Are you going to tell me that he's a good guy and I should just hear him out?" I allowed the anger to finally take over and I fought with the tears in the corners of my eyes once again, I didn't want them to know just how much this had affected me, or even how conflicted I was by everything which was happening to me right now.

"I saw the way you looked at him last night, Alyssa, and I didn't miss the way you were acting like hormonal teenagers either. You are in love with my brother and you know there's no way out of that," Darren said and, when I looked up so that I was making eye contact with him, I could see the confliction in his eyes. He wanted to be happy for me, I know that he did, but he also still felt something for me and that made it harder for him to accept that I felt nothing besides friendship towards him.

"Did I mention the A* I once got in Drama?" I commented dryly. I may have finally admitted to myself how I felt about Andrew, but that didn't mean I was ready to admit to everyone else that I loved him, and I sure as hell wasn't about to admit it to his younger brother and best friend why I was pissed off with him.

"Alyssa—"

"Hang on a second, Robert," Darren prevented him from speaking but Robert, the ever obedient man that he had become while working for Andrew, nodded knowingly as he fell into silence and sat back against the bench, waiting to see how Darren was going to deal with this and how he was going to make me realise that I was being a stubborn idiot by denying the truth. "You could, for all I care, have won an Oscar for Best Female in a Leading Role, and you still wouldn't be able to fake the feelings I saw last night. I understand that you hate him right now, and I know what he has done must hurt like a bitch, but you also love him and that's the feeling which you need to hold onto."

"I don't love him. I don't want anything to do with him right now," I don't know who I was trying to convince of either of those facts, because I wanted everything to do with him and I needed him more than I wanted to admit to myself that I did, but I did want to hate him and I wanted to never see him again because this was something I had vowed I would never feel again because of a male.

I wish, at this very moment, that there was a pill which you could take and it would make you forget anything you felt towards someone, just so you could get on with your life and never have to remember the way that they had once made you feel. I would be entirely grateful if someone was to invent that and I would be even more grateful if they allowed me to be the first person to test it.

"I know that Andrew is an idiot, and I will admit that he had made some serious mistakes in the entire time that I have known him, but this bet is one of the more ridiculous mistakes he has made. He would, however, have never wanted to intentionally hurt you, not with the look of defeat which he had when you walked away from him back there," I knew that I was fighting a battle which I was never going to win, not because Darren was defending his brother and not because Andrea had defended her brother either, but because they had both told me the truth and that was the thing which frightened me more than anything.

I knew I was going to end up back in Andrew's arms because that's where I wanted to be. He made me feel free and he gave me a life which I had never before thought I could have, and he had even given me a reason to get out of bed with a smile on my face, Andrew Collins was my reason for life now and that's why I was always going to go back to him.

It didn't matter that I wanted to hate him for what he had done, and it didn't matter what he had used me in one of his childish games, not when he made me feel the way that he did and not when he had the power over me which he did. I loved him and, even if I tried to, I wouldn't be able to stay away from him and I wouldn't be able to tell him to stay out of my life either—he had quickly become my everything and that scared the hell out of me.

"I know it seems like we are trying to defend Andrew, and perhaps we are, but you also need to realise that he's not entirely to blame for this situation—" I already knew that and, when I get my hands on Ben, he is going to know to never mess with me again because, if he so much as dares mention my name in any of his other games, he will live to regret that decision, "—and when he told me about the bet, I went absolutely mental at him and told him that you were only going to get hurt at the end of it, but Andrew didn't care."

"I think there are other people to look at for his lack of care when it comes to other people, my sister and his older brother, for starters," I didn't care of Darren and Robert heard me, and I didn't even give a damn if they worked out what I was talking about, not after what they had done to Andrew. I just hoped that the both of them got what was coming to them in the end.

"He didn't care because, when he first made the bet, he genuinely hated you and saw you as nothing more than another conquest which he had to win, so to prove his point to Ben," Robert paused and I found that I was actually interested in what he had to say next, and I hoped that it was something which would give me the urge to actually speak with Andrew, and to tell him that I was pissed with him, but I didn't actually hate him, "I refused to let it drop because, as the weeks went on, I knew there was more to it than proving a point to his brother. I even warned him that, if he hurt you, then I would hurt him in the same way, if not worse."

"Uh. I never realised you cared about me that much," I muttered.

"I may be Andrew's best friend, despite his stubbornness and out-right lack of respect for anything human, but I love him like my own brother because we have been through some serious shit together. But you, Alyssa, have been through more shit with the male population than any woman should ever have to deal with," Robert sighed and I knew that meant Andrew must have told him about Dean, the one thing I had asked him never to do, he had gone and done by discussing my personal life with someone else, "when he opened up to me last month about his feelings for you, I had to beg him to ask you on a date, before someone else snapped you up and he lost the best thing which could happen to him. But, I also made him do it under the warning that, I would protect you and, if he hurt you, then he would live to regret the day."

There was something which tugged at the pit of my stomach as I took a moment to digest his words. I couldn't remember the last time someone had cared about me as much as Robert obviously did. I had my parents, and I knew that I was always going to have them and they were always going to care about me, but they hadn't really been there for me since I moved to New York and I hadn't been in contact with them since Dean was sent to prison—in his own discrete way, Robert had been there for me over the last few months, and he had been protecting me without me even knowing it.

"Just think about this, Alyssa. Are you really ready to give up what you already have with Andrew, for the sake of one mistake which you can work through together?" Darren asked and that was a question which I already knew the answer to. I knew the answer to it the moment Andrea told me about Ben and Rebecca, because there was no way I was ever going to be able to leave him on his own, not when I knew what he was capable of when he lost someone important in his life.

I knew that he was always going to be an ass who didn't think before he acted, and he was always going to be just a little cold-hearted towards those who cared about him, and he was probably always going to be an absolute twat. But he was still the person who had saved me from myself, he was the person who had given my life that little bit more excitement, and he was my other half without whom I would be totally lost.

"You know the answer to that question, just as I know the answer to it. But I need time without Andrew," I sighed.

"Don't leave it too long, and remember to tell him how you feel sooner rather than later. Because then you can both work to move on from this and you shall be able to get on with your lives. Together," Darren said and, when he said it like that, it was almost simple. I would admit my feelings to Andrew, we would work through this betrayal, and we would be able to get on with our lives together with the past behind the pair of us, "I also think that you should reconsider what you said about Ella. Every child has the right to know their father."

"And, if you don't want Andrew there with you alone, you could always invite Andrea and Scarlett over as well. I am sure Andrea will be more than happy to help you out, since she seems to be quite taken with you already," Robert smiled. I knew that I couldn't prevent Andrew from seeing Ella, she was potentially his daughter and, if I banned him from coming to my apartment to meet her, that would make me as bad as my sister and I didn't want to be compared to her when I was nothing like her.

The only reason Ella was spending the night with me this evening was because Rebecca would rather go out with her male companion, whom I can now only assume is Ben, and there was no one else to watch over her daughter while she went out to get pissed and to sleep with someone she should never have been with in the first place—she was spineless and I will never understand how someone like her was allowed to be a mother, not when she used her own daughter as a bargaining chip, and certainly not when she kept me away from my own niece because she feared that I was going to discover her dirty secret.

"I will think about it," I knew that Andrew was going to come over on Wednesday and I knew that I was going to invite him, but neither Darren nor Robert needed to know just how much of a pushover I was when it came to Andrew and Ella, "I would like to go home now, Robert. Please."

He simply nodded at me and stood from the bench, giving Darren a silent goodbye as he walked over to where the car was parked, and I quickly followed behind him, only stopping so that I could give Darren one last look and wave goodbye to him. I was going to say something, but decided against it when I realised there was nothing else to be said, and settled for closing my mouth instead; everything which needed to be said had been said and it was just time to put this day to an end.

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