ANDREW

When I finally managed to pull myself from Ben's apartment at half four this morning, I had no intention of being friendly towards Alyssa, I had every intention of coming to her apartment to tell her that I didn't need her help and I just wanted her to keep the hell out of my life. I didn't need another Lopez fucking with me for their own amusement.

I was pissed when I heard Ben telling her about the fact I would rather be dead than be alive, I wanted to move from the bed and punch him in the face, simply so that he would shut the hell up. I didn't need everyone knowing my business, and I certainly didn't want a Lopez to know that the last four years of my life had consisted of suicide attempts and being admitted to seven different psychiatric units; all of which I escaped from without too many problems and had then refused to come out of hiding until people were actually going to listen to me.

Ben tells me that he only wants what is best for me, but then he never listens to me when I need him to listen to me, he only judges me and tells me that I need help which he can't give me. Not even Robert, who was the closest thing to a friend I actually had, bothered to stop my brother on any of the occasions where he had me admitted; it would seem Robert agreed with him that I needed help and some mental home was the best place for me to get that help. All I really needed though was for the two of them to listen to me and for them to be there for me without judgement.

But, the moment Alyssa woke up and realised I was in her room, I realised that I was never going to go through with the plan I had in mind. I couldn't bring myself to tell her that she needed to keep her nose out of my business. Not when Ben had already told her just how fucked up I truly was and, in his own fucked up way, I knew that he was actually trying to help me this time; it's just a shame Alyssa Lopez had to be the person he asked for help.

She had actually agreed to give me a chance, which was going to prove stupid because I wasn't going to treat her any differently to how I had done yesterday, I didn't have time to make new friends and I certainly didn't want to be friends with the sister of the woman who had broken my heart and was the reason for the demons I am now fighting on a daily basis.

Though, in the hour and a half that I spent watching her sleep, it hit me just how peaceful a person can look when they're not in the land of the living. I even briefly wondered if I looked anything like she did when I slept, wondered if all my troubles simply melted away in the night and my anger dissolved into nothing but a bad memory, or if I just looked like someone you would want to talk to rather than kill.

"Well? What do you want to know?" Alyssa faced the mirror as she spoke, but she didn't understand how much those words actually meant to me. Rebecca would never had said something like that, she would have argued the matter and refused to talk, but then her sister had never really been one for talking about anything other than herself, but that was the moment where I realised I had judged her far too quickly. I didn't even give her the chance to prove herself, I just assumed that she was going to be the same as her sister, and I was an ass for doing that, but that's all I really knew how to do and I didn't see that changing in a hurry.

"Why do you tell people you're married? It's obvious, just from looking around this place, that you live alone," I knew that was a personal question and that she may not even want to tell me the reason for it, but when she knew what she did about me, it only seemed like a fair question to ask. It may have been a massive secret which she didn't want to share with anyone, but so was the information Ben shared with her about me last night, and that didn't stop him from tell her my life story.

"Bad experience with a guy. Next," I could hear the reluctance in her tone and I could tell that it wasn't something she really wanted to speak about, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to push her for an answer, it wouldn't be acceptable for me to just back down and accept that she didn't want to tell me.

"What experience?" I tried to think of what could have turned her against the male population and made the idea of being married rather than single all the more appealing to her. I can imagine it now, it's probably something cliché and expected, like her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend after admitting to her that he loved her. Or perhaps he just got bored with her, not that I would blame him because the only thing she had going for her was her body, and so left her before their relationship became something the both of them resented.

"I don't see what business it is of yours. It's not like you give a damn about me anyway," her anger finally got the better of her once again as she turned around to look at me with a murderous gleam in her eye.

"Ask me something," I changed tact in the hope that she would actually open up to me. I may have been an ass and I may not have necessarily liked the woman, but I wasn't the sort of person who would use what happened against her in way which would get me one up on her, that really would be heartless and I didn't want to be that sort of person.

"Why would you want to tell me anything?" she never bothered to look at me as she pulled her heels on and ten grabbed a brush from the desk to sort the mess on her head out. I didn't know what was going through her mind, but I would imagine it probably had something to do with the day I had in store for, but as long as she kept her sarcastic comments to herself, there was nothing for her to worry about and we could both get through the day without pissing the other off.

"I don't know. You seem like you'll understand me and like someone who will actually listen to me without judging me or telling me how god damn crazy I am," my gaze shifted from her and to the floor. I didn't want her to see my weakness, the moment where my walls all fell down and I just wanted to break down in tears, but that was only because I didn't want her pity and I didn't want her comments about how sorry she felt for me either. I just wanted someone who was actually going to listen to me without judging me.

I was so damn tired of people listening to my problems and then judging me, like they had the right to make a comment on my life and the decisions I had taken. The last therapist Ben had forced me to see was the worst, from the moment I walked into the room, I could tell that he was judging me, and it didn't get much better when I told him the reason I was there. He laughed at me, he actually laughed at the fact I had tried to commit suicide, and then he had the guts to tell me how pathetic I was for acting in that manner when I was a fully grown man.

I would have paid him good money to live my life, to suffer the same things I was forced to suffer, and then have the power to continue fighting for something which seems so pointless. I would enjoy watching as he lost everything he loved, only to continue as though nothing had changed and, if he could do all of that, I would accept that he was a better man than I am.

"Why have you tried committing suicide so many times?"

"Honestly? I didn't feel like I deserved the right to be alive. I felt like there was something wrong with me, no matter how hard I tried to be the person everyone wanted me to be, every single person I loved walked out of my life and left me," I tried to compose myself, to force the tears to remain hidden, but there was always going to be that one which betrayed me and showed the woman in front of me the extent of the pain I was in. "I felt so alone, especially after Rebecca walked out on me, and I didn't think it was ever going to get any better. The first time was a spur of the moment thing, I saw the pills on the side and I just took them, but Robert got to me just in time and I had to spend the night in hospital after having my stomach pumped. It was at that time that I realised I wasn't good enough to be alive and was better off dead because my life was pointless."

"Why didn't you walk to anyone? Get help before it went too far?"

Talking to someone? That almost seems like a cruel joke. Both Robert and Ben were too wrapped up in their own lives to realise something was wrong with me, they only started to give a damn when they witnessed for themselves just how far it had gone, and just how far I was willing to go in order to take my own life. And, even then, the only reason they pretended that they gave a shit was because of how sorry they felt for me, but that didn't stop them from telling me how tired they were of my shit nor how it was high time I got over myself.

"No one ever listened to me, they all thought I was doing it for attention, and not because I really did need help. People only started listening to me after my overdose and when they realised I was serious about killing myself, that was also when they thought the only solution was to have me locked up in a mental institute, apparently it was just some faze I was going through and I needed help to snap out of it," I almost laughed at how ridiculous that sounded. I had people there for me, but they were never really there for me, they were there for themselves and to make sure they saved face; they didn't want me to bring shame upon the precious Collins' family name.

""The reason I pretend to be married—"

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I can see how painful the memory is for you and I don't want you to relive something you don't have to," I took her hand in my own and it was much smaller than my own, and her smooth skin against my own calloused fingers brought me some strange sense of happiness and warmth. But there was a look in her eye when she started that sentence, a look when showed her vulnerability, and I suddenly felt like a prize dick for asking her about something she clearly had no pleasure in remembering; I didn't want to be the one who forced her to bring back those memories when it really was none of my business what had happened to her.

"I haven't spoken about it since it happened and there are days where it all gets too much, where all I wanted to do is scream from the roof tops that I'm not as happy as people think I am. There are days where I just want to give up because I feel so damn guilty over something which wasn't even my fault. If I didn't want to tell you, Andrew, then I wouldn't tell you," her voice was quiet and there was a hidden weakness in there too, something which I found myself not wanting to hear in her tone, and I didn't even understand why the hell she was having this effect on me.

I didn't want to care about her and I didn't to be the one who put her back together either, just as I didn't want her to be the one who put me back together, there were plenty more people out there who could do for the both of us. All we needed to do was get over what had happened in the past and move on with our lives, but I guess that was easier said than done sometimes.

"So, the reason you pretend to be married is," I prompted her. Her hand was still wrapped in my own and I had a slight smile on my face which was there for reassurance. I would listen to her now and I would be there for her but, when we reached the office, it would be a whole other story because she was my employee and I was her employer.

"—Because my husband, well now ex-currently serving time in prison-husband, forced himself on me. I wasn't ready to sleep with him, not even when we got married, but we got tired of waiting for me to put out and, in the end, he just took it from me. My own husband raped me and all because I wasn't ready to have sex with him," I caught the action as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. Now I really did feel like a right ass for the initial thoughts I had about her reasons for not wanting anything to do with the male population, being raped was enough to put any female off wanting any form of relationship with a male.

"Why marriage though? If that's what you had to endure in your marriage, then why wouldn't you tell people you had a boyfriend instead?" I was curious as to her reasoning behind pretending to still be married to someone who did that to her. There were other ways of avoiding relationships, other than telling people you're still married to the man who destroyed you in the worst way possible and made it damn near impossible for you to look at another male, without remembering what had happened in the past.

"When a guy starts hitting on you, boyfriend or not, he's going to keep hitting on you until you do something stupid. But, if a guy comes up to you and starts hitting on you, and you tell him you've got a husband who has a reputation for being violent towards people who so much as speak to his wife, then he's going to run for the hill," Alyssa shrugged. I don't know how many times that had worked for her, but if I didn't know her and she said that to me, then I would believe her husband was real and I would definitely stop hitting on her because I rather like my limbs in one piece.

"Perhaps I misjudged you Alyssa Lopez," I pulled my jacket back on and stood up from the bed, I took one last look around the room and then headed towards the door with a slight smile on my face.

"Perhaps you did, Andrew Collins, perhaps you did," Alyssa smiled back at me and pushed herself from the bed, grabbing her jacket from the back of the door and walking straight past me towards the front door. I fastened my jacket to protect against the light wind which I had heard brushing against the window most of the morning and looked over in Alyssa's direction. ""We had better get to work. I would hate for my boss to sack me after just one day."

"We could always go for that breakfast Ben promised he would ask for?" I suggested. I liked not being in the office because it meant that I could be nicer to her for just a little longer, I didn't need to go into arrogant ass mode until I stepped through those doors and then she would hate me all over again, nothing I wasn't really use to though. Most people in my office hated me for one thing or another, usually because I had shouted at them and threatened their job more than once, but if they did their job then it wouldn't be a problem and they would never have to face my wrath.

"Sure," Alyssa walked out of her apartment in front of me and I took that as my queue to follow her. I was rather looking forward to a decent breakfast this morning, especially after the amount of alcohol I had drank last night, and there was no way in hell I was going to attempt any work without having eaten beforehand. I could already use another drink though, getting drunk as often as I did was thirsty work, as well as very bad for basically every single organ in my body; I already knew that I would be dead before my next birthday if I didn't get the help I already knew I needed.

Robert's frame was leaning against the front of the car, his thumbs tapping furiously while he replied to something on his phone, and a slight smile on his face so I assumed that he must have been messaging his wife. I was envious of their relationship, he and Joanne had been happily married for fifteen years now with a son between them and a daughter Robert treated as his own, they were so happy together and their relationship really was something I admired; it was something I actually wanted for myself again but I knew it was never going to happen.

I had my chance at that, a chance at marriage and a family, but the woman who could give that to me took everything from me the day she walked out on me. Not that she actually cared about anyone other than herself, there was only room in her bubble for her, and her alone; I would be surprised if she had the time for our daughter with the amount of time she spent thinking and talking about herself.

"Mr Collins, Miss Lopez," Robert finally looked up from his phone and smiled at the both of us. He immediately moved from where he was leaning and took two large steps to reach the back doors of the car.

"Morning Robert," Alyssa grinned. It was the happiest I had seen her in the last twenty-four hours and all it took was a friendly smile. If only I could have that effect on people rather than having them run for the hills because they didn't want to get on the bad side of me, but that was wishful thinking and I knew that better than anyone else.

"I told you that dress would suit you, Miss Lopez. You look amazing," Robert complimented.

"How are Joanne and the kids?" I spared no subtly in the question. He had a family and he was shamelessly flirting with a twenty-something in front of me, and there was me thinking he had standards and understood the importance of family life these days.

"There's no need to worry, Mr Collins, I made Miss Lopez fully aware of the fact I have a family back home. I was simply complimenting her appearance," Robert quickly defended himself as he pushed the door closed and climbed into the driver's seat, he didn't ask any further questions as he started the car and began the journey to the café Ben had told him that we were to meet him at.

This is generally how I was used to starting my day. I would wake up at half four, the nightmares would usually wake me before my alarm even went off, Robert would collect me at six and we would travel to the office in total silence; the only comments which would pass between us were those concerning either Joanne or the kids. We would reach the office within twenty minutes, traffic permitting of course, and there was always time for me to watch the sun ruse with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a cigarette in the other.

Going to breakfast and turning up late to the office was a novelty to me. I may have been the CEO but The Board kept an extremely close eye on every little thing I did, marking down the second I did something wrong and trying to find the next best thing they could use against me, but there were times where I had simply pushed their buttons for my own amusement before sitting back to watch the fireworks explode.

"So? How old are you?" I broke the awkward silence which had fallen in the car.

"You should never ask a lady her age," Alyssa's eyes didn't reach mine as she continued to type a message on her phone. Whatever, or whoever it was on the other end, had been making her smile to herself for the last five minutes.

"You're the older sister of Rebecca, right?" I guessed.

"Indeed. Though, as I told your brother last night, I am absolutely nothing like my sister is and I would really appreciate it if you could stop treating me like I was. I have no intention of bringing you down, Andrew," her expression was impossible to read, I didn't know whether I had pissed her off by mentioning her sister, or whether she was just clarifying that she wasn't anything like her sister and I was wrong to assume that she was.

"Well, given that your sister is now twenty-six, that means you're somewhere between that and thirty? Right?" I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of replying to her comment, I just wanted to consider what she had told me for myself and without shouting at me, I was rather enjoying the calm which existed right now and the peace which was between the two of us.

"Are you really going to guess my age?" she finally put her phone into her pocket and turned so that her attention was on but, rather than answering her, I simply looked at her with a stupid smile on my face and hoped that she would get the message. "Fine. I'm twenty-nine."

"See. That wasn't so hard," I chuckled. I loved winding people up and I especially loved winding Alyssa up, because it was just so damn easy to do and I could always get some reaction out of her, no matter how hard she tried to resist my comments, she would always end up saying something back.

"Do you always have to be an ass?"

"I have a personal reminder at the beginning of every single day which tells me to be nothing other than an arrogant ass," I showed that I did have a sense of humour in me somewhere and I wasn't totally serious all the time, I also didn't have to be a twat all the time and I could smile about the things which were wrong with me.

"How much further?" Alyssa didn't appreciate the joke and I wondered what had crawled up her ass to cause her rapid change of mood. I knew that I could be scary when it came to mood changes, but that's who I was and that probably wasn't going to change, so when I was in a good mood, it was better to take it than complain about it because there was little chance of it happening again in a hurry.

"Sir, we have arrived. Ben is already waiting inside for the both of you," Robert smiled in the mirror and I rolled my eyes before stepping out of the car, closing the door without bothering to wait for Alyssa to get out with me, and walked towards the entrance. There wasn't much to the place, but it was where Ben insisted that we came because, in his words, it was somewhere he could act normal because no one here knew him and that meant they didn't know that he came from a wealthy background either.

"Thanks for holding the door back there. It was real nice of you," Alyssa's sarcasm was unmissable but that didn't mean she walked any quicker to catch up with me. In fact, I'm sure she walked slower on purpose, just to delay the time that she had to spend alone with me. I did love it when I annoyed people and they were pissed with me over it.

"Don't worry, baby. You're welcome," I shrugged. When I walked into the café and spotted my brother, Alyssa had just about managed to catch up with me and she looked just as pissed with me as she had done the day before, so it was good to know that I could still get under her skin and that I didn't even have to try to be able to do it.

Ben was hiding in the corner, the same place we would always sit when we came here to eat, right beside the window so that he could watched as another day passed by where he didn't have to worry about anything besides which colour underwear he was going to wear and how much money he was going to give to his charity of the week—which I think is something to do with children in care this week, but I can't be sure, since I usually stop listening when Ben starts talking.

There are times where I find myself wondering why our father didn't just leave the company to Ben. He had always been interested in being a leader and, when we were younger, he was always the one who wanted to control people and had wanted to have the power to tell those below him what to do. While I was the opposite, I had never wanted any of that, I had always been the one who wanted to settle down and make my own life, away from everything we had grown up with.

Ben had always wanted the money and I had always wanted the family. I may have been close to Ben when we were growing up, mostly because he was the older brother who would beat the shit out anyone who dared to upset me or those who so much as made a rude comment in my direction, but we were two totally different people. Though, somewhere along the way, the roles were switched up and we became different people----my life now revolved around money and control, while Ben's life revolved around happiness and helping other people before he helped himself.

"You can stop with those terms of endearment as well," Alyssa muttered under her breath.

"What's got you pissed again, sweetcheeks?" I smirked.

"You. You fucking dick," I barely heard the words leave her mouth because, the moment we reached the table where my brother was sitting, she had the biggest smile plastered on her face and Ben was none the wiser to the exchange which had happened just seconds beforehand as she took the seat opposite Ben. The two of them began to have a conversation, which was barely audible from where I stood, and then slid in beside my brother with a blank expression—it would seem that I didn't have to actually do anything to piss her off and that seemed to be a talent which I possessed, regardless of whoever I was around at the time.

And that was a reason right there not to have any friends. You could be the nicest person in the world to them and actually be there for them when they needed you to be there for them, but it would never be enough for them and there would always be something else which you could have done for them but never actually did; you would never be good enough for them and it seemed pointless in even trying to make friends for that sole reason.

Another reason is that, you can always be there for them and be their back-up when they have no one else, but the moment you need them to be there for you, they are nowhere to be found and they have disappeared off the face of the fucking earth because they couldn't give two shits about your problems in reality. Though, if you're not there when they have a problem, you quickly become public enemy number one and they assume you to be the worst person to have ever existed.

I got tired of having to deal with that shit, hence the reason I only have one friend to my name, and he happens to be my forty year old bodyguard. I managed to have a profound effect on people in that I managed to make people hate me the moment they met me and, usually, I didn't even have to open my mouth for them to hate me; it was a clever talent which I had accumulated over the years.

"I still can't believe that you don't have a hangover," Ben's voice startled me. I was so caught up in my own world that I didn't even realise that Ben and Alyssa had finished their own conversation.

"Years of drinking. It's made me immune," I knew that drinking wasn't good for me and I sure as hell wasn't immune to the effects of alcohol on my body, not when it was slowly destroying my internal organs and significantly reducing my lifespan with each drink I decided to take every single day.

"You'll be dead before your next birthday if you're not careful. I hope you realise that," Ben's reply was instantaneous. I didn't know whether he actually cared about me or whether he was just thinking about the lasting effects on my death on what remained of our family—I hadn't actually seen my mother in a while, despite the fact she didn't live all that far from my office, I just couldn't bring myself to visit her because I didn't want to sit there as she lectured me about still being single and not providing her with grandchildren in the same way my sister and her husband already had done.

Andrea and her husband of four years, Dylan, met each other when they were still in school. At thirteen, they quickly became best friends and were basically inseparable from that moment on, so when they announced at sixteen that they were dating, it didn't really come as much of a surprise because we were all expecting it to happen soon enough anyway. But, when did come as a surprise, was when they announced that they were pregnant with their first child at the mere age of seventeen since none of us even knew that they were sleeping with each other—but the birth of my niece, Scarlett, was probably one of the best things which happened to me and I couldn't be more proud of my niece as she grew, becoming everything I knew that she could and so much more.

"And, like I already told you, you won't be short on guests for my funeral," I shrugged. The only other person who cared about me was Robert and, if no one else cared about whether I lived or died, then I don't understand why I should care either. If I was going to die, at least I was going to die from my own inflictions, and not from being shot at or stabbed by a total stranger.

"This isn't something to joke about, Andrew. You have your entire life ahead of you," I knew that he was getting angry with me, that wasn't anything which I wasn't used to now, but I also knew that he was growing tired of trying to help me now. He had done nothing other than be there for me, even listening to me when all I did was complain, but I just threw it back in his face and treated him like he meant fuck all to me.

Besides my mother, and my sister whom I hadn't actually seen in almost two years now, my brother was the only family I had left now. I already knew that I should have treated him better than I did, but I had issues with expressing my love and showing people just how much I appreciated them, especially where my older brother was concerned because I still blamed him for Rebecca walking out on me—though I don't understand myself why I blamed him because he had never been Rebecca's number one fan when she was around, so it wasn't actually his fault that she left me.

"What? A life where I am destined to be alone as I continue to make money for a company which I happen to hate until I finally drop dead?" I laughed humourlessly. It was amusing to think that I had a life outside of Collins Inc. and that there was a chance for me to have actual happiness with another person, it was almost like a bad joke and I was the punchline.

"You infuriate me so much, brother. I wish, if only once, you would actually listen to what I have to say to you," I shook my head and looked away from him, turning my attention to where Alyssa was supposed to be sat, only to realise that she was no longer sitting there and had disappeared while I had been in the midst of a conversation with my brother. I looked around the café, thinking that she may have gone to the counter to get something for herself, but I couldn't see her around and I actually found myself wondering where the hell she had gotten to. "She went to take a phone call, if you're wondering where Alyssa has gone. It looked rather important from where I was sat and the expression on her face."

"Right," I waved the waitress over to the both of us and, as always happened when I was sitting in this place, she tried to shove her not-so-impressive breasts in my face with a fake smile covering her make-up clad face as she asked the both of us what we wanted. I pushed her in disgust, telling her that I wanted a bacon sandwich and an orange juice, while Ben went with the full English and his usual black coffee, which was the same thing he had every single time he walked into this place and I am surprised that the waitress even had to ask what we wanted.

"While you are here and Alyssa is not, there is something which I wish to ask you," Ben finally broke the silence which had fallen between the both of us after the waitress had returned with our drinks and slipped her phone number into the pocket of the jacket which I was wearing.

"What?" I didn't look up from the spot on the table which seemed more interesting than listening to anything else my brother had to say to me.

"I was thinking about something last night. After you had passed out and Alyssa left," Ben captured my attention with both his words and the cold tone he used, I knew that what he had thought about wasn't going to be good, and I also knew it was only going to end in trouble for me rather than him, but that didn't stop me from looking at him and listening to what else he had to say, "I thought about how god damn tired I am of your shit and how, even when people actually want to be there and help you, all you do is push them away and refuse to let anyone into that pathetic life of yours."

"That's not fair. I have my reasons, and you know that."

"I then came up with this idea. I formulated an offer which you will never be able to refuse," Ben smirked proudly as he skilfully ignored the comment which I had previously made. He had never spoken to me like that before because he had always taken the shit which I had given him and he never said a word about it. It was, to say the least, a shock to hear him tell me that he was giving up with me and that he had accepted me as the fucked-up piece of shit he had the misfortune of calling his younger brother.

"I came up with a little bet. Just something between the two of us," Ben's smirk now met his eyes and he glared at me with a challenging look.

"A bet?" I wanted to make sure that I had heard him correctly and I was just imagining what he was proposing to me because of the severe lack of sleep over the last few months.

"A bet. Yes. I know how you like a challenge," it had been a while since I last saw this side of my brother, the side which saw his greed and anger take over without a thought for anything else, and I didn't know how to deal with it. I honestly thought that he had changed and he was a totally different person to what he used to be but, you know what they say, a leopard can't change its spots.

"Continue," I said. I took a sip of the orange juice which had been sitting in front of me for a good ten minutes now though, personally, I would have preferred it to be a glass of whiskey, but they didn't serve alcohol in this place so I was going to have to settle for what I could get.

"You have until the end of the year to convince Alyssa to sleep with you."

Convince Alyssa to sleep with me? Ha. That was never going to happen. I could pay her all the money I had in my bank account at the moment and she still wouldn't sleep with me, but I also didn't want to sleep with her, she wasn't someone I wanted to get into my bed and I didn't really want to add her to the growing list of women I had slept with.

Firstly, she looked too much like her sister, so I wouldn't be able to look at her with anything other than disgust. Secondly, she wasn't the sort of person I typically slept with. And, thirdly, I didn't beg women to sleep with me because they would fall at my feet and beg for themselves to be invited back to my place just to enjoy my company for the night.

"And? What if I fail?" I couldn't stop myself from asking the question. I had always been a sucker for a bet and I had never been able to turn down a challenge. Even when I knew I was going to fail and I was going to end up humiliating myself, I would still agree and, right now at least, I would agree to do anything my brother wanted me to do.

"You sign the company over to me and I never see you again."

I never see you again. He hated me that much because that's how far I had pushed him. I had pushed him to the point where he couldn't stand to be around me anymore and that he didn't want to be there for me either. He was giving up on me because, as I had always told me and I had always known in the back of my mind, there just wasn't any helping some people.

"Do we have a deal?" Ben asked when I didn't reply. But I couldn't form the words which I wanted to say and, instead, I ended up looking at him with a blank expression and in total shock, as though he had just told me he was sleeping with my fiancée and that he was in love with her.

"Deal," I finally sighed. By the end of the year, I was going to have nothing and I wasn't going to have to anyone there for me, I was going to be no one and there wasn't going to anyone there who actually gave enough of a fuck about me to be there because I had finally pushed them all the breaking point. I had finally pushed every single person who had been there for me away.

I would now understand what it was like to be truly alone in the world.

© 2015 Emma Norman. All Rights Reserved.