I totally messed up.

I took on the overtime at work not only to try and distract myself from Louise, but to avoid all of her family in the apartment block. But of course, I'd bump into her on the exact day that I thought I'd be sure to avoid her. I guess that's what I get for going to the same place she'd introduced me to in the first place. What an idiot.

But that was only the start of it. Why did I invite her to sit with me? Why did I sit at all? I should have just walked back to the job and had my takeaway coffee there. But I couldn't resist the chance to hang out with her. I didn't want to admit it, but I missed her. Was that sad? That someone like me, my age, wanted to hang out with someone so young? Was Lyn right that I should be hanging out with people my own age?

For a start it didn't seem to matter. My conversation with Louise was going ok, like they had done before things got complicated. But then I had to open my big fucking mouth. Would she have tried to change my mind if I hadn't brought it up? Or was it wishful thinking to presume things would go back to the way they were?

In the end I finally took the advice of my brother and my friends. I didn't want to hurt her, but I had to. That was it now. No going back.

In the days that followed I didn't see her in person but she was all over my Facebook feed. Posting status after status that didn't mention me by name but was pretty obviously directed at me. Or at least about me. Loads of song lyrics, music videos and another which was pretty upsetting to read.

I guess this proves how pathetic I really am.

I hated seeing her like this, and hated that this was what she seemingly thought of herself. But in a weird kind of way, it showed me even more that she and I were probably not meant to be together. That age really did matter when the gap was this big. Don't get me wrong, I remember doing that myself, years and years ago. When something pissed me off I would head straight onto Facebook or MySpace as it was in my day and just rant about everything that was on my mind. But getting older, you realise that you can't do that. That's not how you fix things, and really it just makes everything that much worse.

It's a maturity thing. And I knew that if I told her that, she'd just bite my head off again. Sometimes I just see myself as a big kid, and don't see how anyone could take me seriously. But compared to how Louise was reacting, I realised how much I really had grown up. Of course, that didn't stop me doing some pretty stupid things.

I told my friends how low I was feeling but I don't think they took it too seriously for a start. It was only when I was back at the extension, working with Kevin that he realised the truly severe nature of my problems. I was voluntarily working with Bradley. My thinking was that if I had to spend most of my time babysitting his useless ass then I wouldn't have time to worry about Louise. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case.

I watched him attempt to screw a light bulb in the wrong way and had to remind myself that this clown was actually two years older than Louise. I didn't doubt for a second that she was far smarter than he was but he was quite possibly more mature and that scared me. His last Facebook post was about how his friend scored some weed for crying out loud.

Ok, that's a bad example.

"We need to fix this, stat!" Kevin told me.

The boys took me out that night and I tried my best to enjoy it, I really did. I drank so much that the room started spinning and I ended up dancing to some random songs that I didn't know. Then I drank some more and got completely hammered. I remember Ray ended up scoring with this girl, and apparently her friend, Ashley, was really into me. I spoke to her for a bit and she seemed nice enough but she just wasn't the same. She wasn't my sarcastic, deadpan, popularity-hating neighbour. She wasn't Louise.

Ray's girl, who I found out was called Jenny, took a picture of me and Ashley but I don't think it was a pretty one. Ashley kissed me before heading to the bar to get another drink. I took that as my chance to sneak out like a thief in the night and head home. The last thing I remember doing before crashing into bed was sending Louise a Facebook message with my number attached, telling her I was there if she ever wanted to talk.

I woke up with a pounding headache but went for a run anyway. It was a struggle, but sweating out the alcohol from the night before was a great cure, especially when topped off with the nap that I was now accustomed to taking. Then after all that was out of the way, I did the unthinkable.

I went to Scott and Kate's for dinner.

It wasn't as bad as I had imagined it would be, mostly because neither of them pressed me for any information about any girls in my life. Scott obviously knew what had been going on lately and I'm pretty sure he'd filled his girlfriend in. It was another incredibly hot day that had carried over into the evening so we were sitting on their backdoor patio. That's right; they have a patio attached to their house. Some people just win at life.

Scott and Kate met at a bar around five years ago and have been basically inseparable ever since. It was honestly one of those things you see on TV when their eyes just meet from across the room and the rest is history. I was there that night and I remember thinking to myself "This is going to last forever". I don't blame my bro either.

Kate has long straight brown hair and sky blue eyes, large, rosy cheekbones and a killer body. She works behind a reception desk at a recruitment firm but she was a gymnast when she was younger and has remained active and healthy despite "retiring", leading to her tremendous shape.

They work well together as a couple too. As you've probably realised, Scott is great but it doesn't take long to make him grumpy. But Kate is always so full of energy and ready with a joke to bring him out of his foul mood. It's weird because obviously Scott is pretty active at work and so just wants to put his feet up when he gets home, but Kate is stuck sitting in the same place for 8 hours every day so when she's home, she's got all this pent up enthusiasm that Scott almost can't handle. Opposites definitely do attract. As do people who are the same age, unlike me and a certain someone.

We ate the lovely casserole that Kate had made and I offered to help clear up.

"No no don't be silly! You're the guest of honour!" She smiled.

"I'm the only guest" I mused.

"Exactly!" She giggled before lifting all of our piled up empty plates. "You guys just have a brother chat while I get this all tidied away"

She left the room and Scott put on his serious face. They'd definitely planned this.

"So how are things on the neighbour front?" He asked.

"Just the same" I shrugged. "The Lanes hate me and Louise is pretty fucking angry"

"I know that this sucks right now but it is for the best" He sighed.

"Yeah I know" I nodded. "It's just frustrating, you know? Like, how did this even happen? What was I thinking?"

"I don't think you were, to be fair" Scott laughed.

"Thanks" I spoke sarcastically. "I just feel like it could have been so good you know? Like if things had went any further then I could have done so much good for her"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I could have stopped her making all the same stupid mistakes that I did growing up. I was a little runt. Trust me; the world doesn't need any more of them"

"I get that but that's not your job. That's her parents' responsibility. You have to let teenagers make their own mistakes, Jason"

I snorted.

"What?" He snapped.

"Nothing. It was just a little bit of a different story when you were forcing me to tow the line when I was a kid"

"Yeah and look what happened. You ignored every single thing I ever told you!"

"Fair point" I shrugged.

"Like I said, things will get better. They always do" He put his hand on my arm in a comforting gesture, kind of like what I'd tried to do to Louise at the coffee shop.

Feeling rather uncomfortable at this now, I asked him when the guy who confessed to the murder would be getting sentenced. Can you guess what Scott's answer was?

I got home and was almost ready to go to bed but there was a knock at the door again, preventing me from doing so. I found it sort of funny that whenever I had an unexpected guest when I first moved in, I was always excited by the prospect. But now I was almost dreading who I'd find on the other side. Would it be Louise ready to start another scene? Would it be Anna ready to give me another lecture? Maybe it would be Ashley, randomly stalking me for a booty call. Regardless of my fear, I answered and was surprised at who I saw. My body stiffened when I saw Keith Lane watching me as if I was an animal in a zoo.

"Mr Lane" I said in surprise.

"Hi Jason, sorry to drop in on you like this. Can I come in for a second?" He asked. I could tell that he really didn't want to be here.

"Sure" I said more enthusiastically than I really felt. Keith headed straight for the sofa but didn't sit. He instead, paced back and forth like an old man looking for his glasses. Finally he stopped and eyed me up again before speaking.

"So listen. Louise told us everything. From start to finish. So I want to apologise to you in person if you think we've over-reacted a bit"

"Mr Lane, look. Louise didn't do anything wrong. I'm not saying that it was all my fault but I definitely didn't help things" I was nervous talking to her dad like this but I'd spent the last few days wanting a chance to explain my side of the story so I had to take the one that now presented itself.

"Lou is saying the same thing" He grinned. I wasn't sure if he was imploring me to do so as well so I remained impassive. "But either way, whatever happened, it can't happen again alright? She's just a teenager and you're a grown man. I'm sure you understand the position I'm in. Lyn is furious"

"I totally get it. I promise"

"I'm glad" He clasped his hands together before continuing. "Because I want you to know that our request for you to keep away from my daughter still stands ok? I don't want you anywhere near her. I know that you probably didn't want things to get to this point but they still have. Now we need to deal with this properly. Like adults. Because that's what we are. And Louise isn't"

"I understand, Mr Lane" I said again in case he carried on. I honestly wasn't sure if he was kidding now or not. He was rambling like a madman.

"Thanks, I really appreciate it. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to be in your position"

"You do?" I didn't mean to but I laughed when I spoke.

"Yeah I do. You know I'm a personal trainer right?" He asked. I nodded. "Well before that, a long time ago, when Anna and Brandon first started kindergarten I was a gym teacher at the high school"

"No way?" I asked with genuine interest.

"Yeah, that was really my first job that I really loved doing. But somehow word got to me that one of my students, a girl in one of the classes I was teaching, fell for me. One thing led to another and she started leaving me notes in my office and everything. It was crazy" He explained.

"Did anything happen?" I asked cautiously. I was pretty sure that I'd just gotten Keith back on-side so I was hesitant to ask in case he lost it with me again but curiosity is a powerful thing.

"No not at all. She was just fourteen so even if I was tempted, there was no way. But the thing is, it put me off teaching altogether. I mean, as far as I was aware I wasn't giving this girl any signs or anything but she still got it into her head that I was"

"So what did you do?"

"I quit. And instead of moving to another school or a college or that, I took up personal training. And the rest is history" He shrugged. "Don't tell the kids though, please? Lyn knows and she already felt a little weird about it"

I waved him off as if to say I'd already forgotten.

"Thanks Jason. You're a good kid. I'm just sorry things got to this point"

"Me too" I fake smiled before showing him out.

Finally in my bed, I checked Facebook again to see that Louise hadn't replied to my message, not that I expected her to anyway. I did have a friend request from Ashley though. I accepted it but then began to question whether I should have. Was this just leading her on as well? I wasn't ready for anything with anyone other than Louise but did she know that?

When did life get so confusing? I thought I was done with all this over thinking and drama. Now I was quickly learning that you might never be done with them. They're always there, like a volcano waiting to erupt. The weirdest part was that if you asked me to explain how I was feeling, I wouldn't be able to give you a reasonable answer, but here goes anyway.

I felt as though I'd been dumped. Does that make sense? I mean, I guess technically I was the one that broke up with Louise. But can you really break up with someone that you aren't really going out with in the first place? Let's be honest here, Louise and I were never a couple at any point. But this still felt exactly the same as it did when Holly broke up with me last year.

Holly and I had been going out for a year and a half and were almost as inseparable as Scott and Kate. We did everything together. She already had her own place whilst I was still living at home and we had just started talking about taking the next step and me moving in with her. Everyone was thrilled for us and I truly thought that that was me set for life.

And then she ended it. Just like that. One day, told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that we were done. No warning, no real reason that I would accept, and not even an "It's not you, it's me" speech. She decided on it like you'd decide which sweater to wear.

I was devastated. I didn't talk to anybody, I didn't leave my house, and I didn't even care if I had to work 60 hours of overtime at work. I was just going through the motions in life without any real care as to how I finally ended up. So eventually feeling like I was over that, this move was supposed to be a totally fresh start for me to stop feeling like such a confused little kid, yet here I was back at square one.

Before falling asleep, I decided that if I ever wrote an autobiography, it was going to be called just that. Square One. Sums my life up perfectly.