T/W: Some innuendo and mentioning suicide.

****
Lex

"Okay," I say, looking over my lists of what I still have to do. So far, all I'd managed to accomplish is figure out who my maid of honor is: Calleigh. And Alexx Woods, the Miami Dade coroner and Catherine Willows ( A CSI in Las Vegas and an old friend of my mom's), will be my bridesmaids, along with Lindsay, Catherine's daughter, as my flower girl. And Horatio agreed to perform the ceremony.

"We still need to find a place to hold the reception," I say to Mom and Calleigh.

"I might have somewhere in mind," Calleigh tells me. "It's nothing fancy, but it'd work."

"Where?" I ask.

"There's a big room at an older country club about half an hour from Miami."

"If it works, I'm game," I say.

"Great! I'll call to reserve it," Calleigh says.

"You still need a dress," Mom reminds me.

"I know." Calleigh hides a smile.

"The dress is the most important thing," Mom insists.

"Uh no, Mom," I say. "The most important thing is Steve and myself."

"Besides you two," Mom adds. I roll my eyes.

"Mom, I'll find a dress. That's the least of my concerns at the moment."

"Which church are you planning on holding the ceremony at?" Calleigh asks.

"Horatio was planning on setting that up," I reply. "He said it was his wedding gift to Steve and myself."

"Great. I'll speak with him about that," Calleigh says.

"Colors?" Mom asks.

"Blue and white," I reply. Mom nods her approval. "Uncle Grant was planning on helping Steve with stuff, too." Mom smiles.

"Your uncle is really pleased to be a part of this." I smile.

"I am, too. Uncle Grant means the world to me."

"He's done an excellent job of filling in as a father figure for you," Mom says. I nod. It's true. He really has.

"I couldn't have asked for anyone better," I agree.

***

When Steve comes home, I immediately go to him, hugging him.

"Hey, you okay?" He asks. I nod.

"I just wanted to apologize for the other night." Steve stares at me.

"I gotta admit, Lex, it did sting some."

"I'd never want to hurt you," I whisper, cupping Steve's face in my hands. "I do love you."

"I know that." Steve places his hands on my waist and I gently kiss him. He smiles, holding me flush against his body.

"I'll do better," I whisper.

"Thank you."

***

Steve

"I'm slowly working my way through the to-do list for our wedding," Lex tells me as we're reclining on the couch.

"How's that going?" I place my hand on Lex's bare thigh, sliding it up, brushing my fingers against her inner thigh. She squirms, giggling.

"Pretty good. Calleigh knows of a decent place for our reception."

"Cool." My fingers connect with Lex's crotch and she arches her back, releasing a low moan.

"Somebody's in a mood," Lex teases.

"Maybe." Lex crawls closer to me, pressing her lips to mine, gripping my thigh.

"Oh, Steve," Lex murmurs against my neck.

"Yes, pretty girl?" I whisper against her ear.

"You're mine, all mine." I grin wickedly.

"That I am."

***

Lex is lying on my chest, absently running her fingers through my disheveled hair as I plant slow, tender kisses across her bare shoulders.

"There's something we haven't discussed," I murmur.

"Hmm?" Lex is drowsy from our love making.

"Kids." Lex raises her head, looking at me.

"You worried I'm preggo already?" She teases.

"No. Just curious what your views are on that," I reply.

"Do you want kids?" Lex asks.

"I never really thought about it much," I answer.

"I'd be okay having kids, if that's what you'd want." I wrap an arm around Lex's body, hugging her to me.

"I think...maybe I'd like to be a...dad." Lex grins.

"You'd make a wonderful father."

"Thanks, baby." I plant a kiss on the crown of Lex's head and she chuckles breathily against my bare chest.

"I am happy I get to be your wife," Lex murmurs.

"That makes me so happy hearing you say that."

***
Lex

"You want kids?" Mom is helping me look at centerpieces for the wedding reception.

"Is this a trick question?" I ask. I discover some really cute blue and white flower vases.

"Do you?" Mom stares at me.

"I know damn well you'll want grandchildren," I reply, adding several of the vases to our shopping cart.

"That's not what I asked."

"Sure," I say absently, looking now at some fake blue flowers.

"Think you're up to the task?" Mom inquires.

"No," I reply honestly. "But Steve will be a great dad and we're a team, so we'll have each other's backs. Mom frowns. I bet she wasn't expecting that answer.

"You aren't pregnant already, are you?" Mom asks, her tone not exactly quiet.

"Mom!" I hiss, hear flooding my face. "Must you say that so loudly?"

"Sorry, sorry," Mom apologizes.

"And to answer your totally nosy question," I add grumpily "No, I'm not."

"But you're trying to, right?"

"No."

"Oh, look at these cute, little plastic tablecloths!" Mom is already on to the next phase. (Thank God.) So I decide to drop the pregnancy talk.

***

I'm home, alone, sorting through some stuff when I come across some old stuff of..Speed's that I'd completely forgotten about.

Two old shirts, a pair of jeans and a few little notes that Speed had written to me when hee spent the night at my place and had to leave before I woke up. I sit here, re reading the notes.

'Hey, babe. Sorry I had to slip out without seeing your smiling face. I'll call u later. I love u. Speed.'

I lay one of the shirts out on the bed, running a finger down the fabric. It was a dark blue dress shirt, one of my favorites that Speed used to wear. Tears spring to my eyes.

Although it's been almost a year, it still hurts. I sit down beside the shirt, remembering how I'd slowly unbutton it, slipping it off of Speed.

Then I'm crying hard, tears slipping off my chin, making little wet spots on the dark fabric. I jump up, grabbing a pen and a piece of paper, writing Steve a quick note. It only says three words: 'I'm sorry. Lex'