T/W: Mentions death and some minot anxiety.

***

Lex

Eric is waiting for me when I arrive back at my place.

"Have you been waiting long?" I ask, unlocking my front door.

"No. Maybe ten minutes." Eric follows me inside. He eyes me. I know I probably don't look the greatest, returning from Steve's.

"You could have texted me," I say, going to put my dirty clothes in the hamper.

"I was about to."

"Is there a specific reason you stopped by?" I ask.

"H said gave you a letter or something that was in Speed's work locker?" I frown. If I was being honest, I'd forgotten all about that.

"Yeah...why?"

"Just wondering if you'd read it yet?" Eric asks. I narrow my eyes at him.

"Is that really any of your business?" I ask. Eric knows he's crossed the line so he switches gears.

"Why are you hanging around Steve Speedle so much?"

"Also none of your business," I say.

"He's not..Speed," Eric says.

"Really?" My tone sarcastic. "I hadn't noticed."

"Just because he looks like Speed, doesn't mean anything."

"I like him," I say defensively.

"You should watch yourself," Eric tells me.

"Why? Steve is a decent guy."

"You sure about that?" Eric gives me a Look.

"Eric, what is your problem with Steve? Huh?" I glare at him.

"I'm just looking out for you. Speed would want me to."

"Oh would he?" I cross my arms over my chest.

"You know he would."

"If you only stopped by to interrogate me, you can see yourself out." I head for my bedroom. Eric follows, hovering in the doorway.

"Lex, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be an ass."

"Didn't you?" I stare at him.

"I've been really worried about you. You never stop by to say 'hi' or see any of us."

"Eric, it's nothing personal. It's just too...hard being around there at the moment. I'm sure you get that."

Eric nods, moving closer and giving me a hug. I cling to him for a moment. Being close to Eric is stirring up a lot of old memories. I let go, stepping back.

"I need to go. I promise I'll call you soon for lunch."

"All right." Eric leaves and I go to my night stand. I start to open it, but suddenly stop. I find that I still can't read whatever it is that Speed wrote to me.

***

Steve

After doing some more unpacking, I call Lex to see if she'd like to grab some lunch together. She sounds weird and immediately, I worry she's beginning to regret spending so much time with me.

"Is something up?" I ask.

"Just some personal stuff," Lex replies.

"Anything you'd like to share?"

"Maybe. Just not right now."

"All right. Would it be okay if I came by with some lunch?"

"That sounds great."

"Cool. I'll be there in forty-five minutes?"

"Sounds good."

***

Lex meets me at the door, looking dejected. I come in, carrying a bag of some sandwich fixings and sparkling apple cider.

"There was a..letter, I guess that Speed left in his work locker, addressed to..me," Lex tells me.

"What does it say?" I ask.

"I don't...know. I'm scared to read it." Lex moves to step into my arms and I hold her.

"You don't have to read it right away," I say, giving her a gentle squeeze.

"I know." Lex reaches up, clinging to my forearms. "Eric stopped by again."

"He's awfully protective of you," I say.

"That's one word for it," Lex remarks dryly.

"Was he giving you a hard time again?" Lex rests her head on my chest and I tighten my hold on her.

"I just don't know what his deal is. He's acting so...weird about me being around you."

"Maybe he thinks you're being unfaithful to Tim," I suggest. Lex looks into my face.

"Am I?"

"I can't answer that."

"I like you," Lex says. "And I want to keep hanging out with you." I smile at Lex.

"I like you, too. And I'd like to keep seeing you as well." Lex smiles now, leaning in for a kiss.

"I guess that's settled."

***
After we eat lunch, Lex retrieves the letter and we sit side-by-side on her couch. Lex fingers the envelope, turning it around and around in her hands.

"You don't have to do this now." Lex looks at me.

"Will...will you..read it to me?" I nod, taking the envelope from Lex. I open the flap, sliding out the single piece of paper and unfold it. I don't look at it yet, though. I simply wait until Lex is ready.

"All right," she says finally. "I'm ready." I straighten the paper and begin reading:

Dear Lex,

If you're reading this, it means something happened to me. I suppose you're wondering why I even wrote this. I guess it's because I had things to say to you, but I didn't want to tell you in person. First and foremost, I loved you so much and if you find this letter before we were married, I'm sorry. I wanted a life with you. I wanted a family with you and to watch our children grow up and to grow old with you. You were the best thing to ever happen to me, truly. Also should anything happen to me before we were married, I want Eric to be the one to take care of you. He's a good guy and I know he'll look after you. Also know, I never would have left you intentionally. I loved you more than anything so please don't think I'd ever leave you on purpose. I hope, too, that rather it's with Eric or someone else, you can find it in your heart to be happy again. Goodbye Lexie. Please don't forget about me.

All my love, Speed.

****

Lex

I'm lying on my bed, holding the letter that Speed left for me. After Steve had read it to me, I'd sobbed for ten minutes straight. Steve just held me. We didn't talk for a long time.

I fold the letter back up, slipping it back into the envelope and sitting up to replace it in my night stand. As painful as seeing those words of Speed's were, it also released a heavy burden from inside me, too. I feel like now, maybe I can start to move on. And while no one ever gets over losing someone they loved, they can learn to live with that.

The only thing in that letter that I didn't like was Speed saying how he wanted Eric to be the one to look after me. I'm sure he thought that he was doing the right thing, but I don't want Eric Delko. I want..Steve. And not just because he reminds me of Speed.

But because when I'm with Steve, I feel like a new person. I walk into the living room, where Steve is watching TV. He looks up at me and smiles. I join him on the couch.

"How are you feeling?"

"Emotionally wrung out," I reply. "But I also feel like a heavy burden has been lifted, too."

"I'm glad that the letter helped," Steve says.

"Me too."

"About that part with..Eric," Steve begins. I grab Steve's hands.

"Speed was only doing what he thought was best. I'm not interested in Eric that way." Steve smiles.

"I like to think that Tim would be okay with us being together."

"Well, he did say rather if it was Eric or someone else, he wants me to be happy." Steve nods.

"I know he'd definitely want that." I lean against Steve's body.

"I do want to be with you, Steve. But obviously I'm going to need some time."

"Take as much as time as you need to, Lex. I'm willing to wait." I smile, giving Steve a hug. We just hold each other for a long time. When we pull apart, we're both a little teary-eyed.

"At least something good came from all of this misery," Steve says. I nod.

"Definitely."

***

A/N And that's a wrap on Book 1! Thanks to everyone who decided to read this and be looking for the continued saga of Steve and Lex's story in Book 2!