"Can we talk?" I asked Chris when he opened his door.

"Depends on what it is."

"I want to tell you something."

"Okay." I walked into his room and saw clothes laying everywhere and posters hung on the wall.

He motioned to his bed and I sat down.

"Here me out."

"Okay."

"I know what it feels like."

"No you don't, no one does." I lifted up my shorts to reveal three almost completely faded white scars.

"Yes I do. When I was eight years old my parents both died in a car accident." I took a deep breath. "I was in the car."

He stared at me in shock. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Just hear me out. When I was in the hospital after I had woken up I got the news. I had the worst panic attack I had ever had that day. I went into shock and they said my heart almost stopped beating.

"After that I went to live with my aunt. We had to walk everywhere because I wouldn't get into a car. Every time I heard the honk of a semi truck I freaked out. The first time I tried to get into a car I had another really bad panic attack and was hospitalized. They diagnosed me with a severe anxiety disorder. When I was ten years old I could finally ride in a car. They took me off of the anxiety medication and I felt relatively better.

"When I was twelve my aunt was diagnosed with Leukemia. That day I had the second biggest panic attack. They put me on the anxiety medication again. The thing about it though, sometimes when it's more than just an anxiety issue they make things worse. I developed depression, That's what these are from." I motioned to my thigh. "I only did it three times. My Aunt May found out and she was so upset." I had to stop, tears were building up in my eyes. "She wasn't upset at me, she was upset with herself I guess for not realizing I was in so much pain. She immediately got the anxiety medication taken off and I felt kind of better. Even though at times when I was younger I wanted to do it so bad, to feel the physical pain to cover the emotional ones, I wouldn't. I made a vow to myself that I would never do it again, and so far I've lived up to that.

"I'm here though because almost a month ago my Aunt May died. I had another panic attack that landed me in the hospital. I was put on anxiety medication once again. I couldn't live there anymore, I just couldn't. I don't have anymore family to take me in either. I guess my dad and your dad were best friends growing up. So he took me in, and here I am.

"So the point of the story is that I know that you're hurting, or at least you were. I'm here for you, and I'll help you. I really want to. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, I just want to help because I know how dark a place you can go too, and I don't wish that on anyone." He just kind of looked at me for a long time.

"My mom died when I was ten. I took it really hard, probably the worst other than my dad." I didn't know what to say. I mean when I came in here I didn't actually expect him to tell me his story, I just wanted to let him know that I'm was there.

Chris got a faraway look in his eyes. "I was depressed for a really long time, just really moody and sad. When I was twelve I started cutting. Alex found out about a year later, and he was crushed. For about six months though I still kept doing it until I saw how it was effecting him also. So I stopped. When I was about fourteen I got mixed in with the wrong kids at school. A lot of them did drugs and got into fights. I started getting into street fights a lot. I guess I didn't mind it that much because it was like a supplement for the physical pain when I stopped cutting. I used to come home bruised and bloody and Kenny would cover for me. I got arrested once for being in the crowd just watching a fight and Kenny and John came to bail me out. That's why he was so mad in the kitchen, I got into a fight a couple weeks ago and he's sick of covering for me."

"What about you dad?"

"He doesn't care."

"About what?"

"That I was getting into fights or hurting, he ignored it all because he knew it was about my mother."

"But your his son!"

"Exactly. But when my mom died he started working a lot and going on business trips every other week. He took my mom's death even harder than I did." I've been here for almost a month and I've only had about three whole conversations with Paul and I rarely saw him. Chris has a point, it doesn't seem like he gets involved in his kid's lives at all.

"Wow."

"Yeah. I'm trying really hard to stop, but every now and then I just find myself getting into a fight."

"Is it because of your friends?"

"Pretty much, but they were the only ones there for me during some of my darkest times who actually knew what it felt like. I just can't abandon them." He had a point. I wouldn't want to leave those people if I found myself in this situation.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." I replied

"Does your anxiety make you feel self conscious?"

"Yeah. It's hard sometimes, I mean I had to build up the courage just to come in here and talk to you. By the way you can't tell anyone about any of this because only you, your dad, and maybe Lianne and Helena know the exact reason why I'm here." He got up and sat down next to me, wrapping me in his arms.

"I promise I won't. What we talk to each other about, stays between us."

"Good." He kissed the top of my head and I found myself really starting to feel like I can finally trust someone here.

~°~°~°~°~°~

After my talk with Chris I decided to take a lazy day because Alex was out somewhere and he still hasn't talked to me.

So for the rest of the day I sat in my room watching Netflix. After lunch though I decided to put up the things Gracie and I bought a couple days before.

I put some of the pictures I had brought with me to England into frames and hung them on the wall. Gracie picked out these black wall stickers of music notes and I put them over my bed and around the pictures. Lastly, I put up the painting that Josey had painted me yesterday, right next to my bed so I can always look at it.

Sometime later during a marathon of Criminal Minds I fell asleep and woke up to voices in the hallway.

I got up to tell them to shut up because I was trying to sleep but stopped short when I saw Alex and Chris arguing in the hallway. They both kind of stared at me for a second and then Alex gave me a sympathetic look and went to go into his room.

"What is your problem?!" I whisper yelled because it was almost midnight.

"Just remember what I said."

"What?"

"Just remember." With that he walked into his room and closed the door behind him rather roughly.

"What just happened?"

"I have no clue." Chris said with a sigh

"He's been ignoring me."

"Why?"

"I don't know. He was having an argument with Isaac and I walked in on it. Then Isaac got all mad when he saw me and left and Alex slammed the door in my face." Chris got that faraway look in his eyes again.

"I'll talk to him about it." He sighed and went into his room so I was standing alone in the hallway.

~°~°~°~°~°~

When I woke up the next morning I told myself that the first thing I was going to do was talk to Alex, whether he liked it or not.

I put on a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt from my old school. I brushed out my hair and let it fall around my shoulders, it's now or never.

I went into the hallway and up to Alex's door. I knocked twice lightly but there was no answer. I could hear something going on inside so I opened the door slightly.

"Alex?" I asked. I heard shuffling and just swung the door open.

What I saw immediately brought tears to my eyes. There Alex was, shirtless, making out with another girl I had never seen before.

Alex looked up in surprise and the color drained from his face,

"Abby?" He asked frantically. The girl just looked annoyed.

"Who is she?" She turned to Alex

"She's my-" I didn't let him finish.

"Sorry, I didn't know I was interrupting something." I said quietly. I turned and left, going straight to my room. The tears were already streaming down my face as I burst through my door and turned and locked it. I leaned against the wall and sunk to the floor.

"Abby!" Alex was banging on my door. "Abby please, let me explain!"

"What's going on?" I heard Kenny ask

"None of your business."

He must've looked into Alex's room and put the pieces together. "You lousy, no good, son of a-"

"Alright!" Alex yelled and I felt someone slam into the wall.

"What's going on?!" I heard Chris burst into the hallway. There was a lot more arguing and name calling and I think John came into the hallway too before I just couldn't take it anymore.

I went to my nightstand and took my morning Xanax before grabbing my pillow, blanket, headphones, and stuffed animal and going into the walk in closet. I closed the door behind me and locked it for good measure.

How could he do this to me? I mean we weren't dating or anything but still, he kissed me twice! I was so confused and lost and hurt so I curled up into a corner and plugged my ear buds into my phone. I turned on my playlist trying to drown out the yelling in the hallway.

Sadly it wasn't working.

I felt another round of tears coming and I let then fall down my face. How could I be so stupid to fall for a guy, to think they would actually like me. Alex played me. I bawled my hand into a fist and slammed it onto the floor, the carpet made red marks across the tops of my knuckles.

I heard more banging on the wall and yelling. I think they were still all fighting each other.

It soon stopped and they changed to banging on my door, begging me to open it. I just turned my volume up louder and thought of my Aunt May.

I wish she was here.

I curled up into an even tinier ball and cried harder.

I wish anyone was here.

I turned my volume on high and cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up my body was sore and I had a really bad headache, probably from all the crying and listening to my music really loud for a long time.

I uncurled my body, wincing every now and then, and left my closet.

I looked at the clock, it was 6 p.m. I was asleep for most of the day.

My stomach rumbled but I didn't want to go downstairs for the fear of running into anyone. My eyes traveled to the intercom.

I forgot how to use it.

I did have a cell phone though.

I grabbed it off of my bed and looked through the contacts I had. Paul had given me most of the boy's numbers when I got here in case I ever went out and needed someone.

I clicked on Chris' contact and waited for him to pick up.

"Abby!" He yelled into the phone. "We thought you died or something." I feel like I'm dying.

"Jeez Chris don't yell, I have a major headache and I'm starving. Could you bring me up some dinner and Tylenol?"

"Sure I'll be right there." He hung up and I looked into the mirror to make sure my eyes weren't super puffy. They were and nothing was working so I just left them. I did brush my hair though because it was a knotty mess.

There was a knock on my door and I went to see who it is.

"What's the password?"

"Abby it's me." It sounded like Chris.

"Good enough." I unlocked the door and opened it. He came in and set my stuff on the bed. I quickly shut and relocked the door.

"So talk to me." He said as I took the Tylenol from him.

"I think it's obvious what happened."

"Yes, and I know what happened with you and Alex before this morning."

"So what is the point of the question if you know what's wrong?"

"Because I want you to talk to me about it, talking about it will make you feel better."

I sat down next to him on my bed, "He played me."

"Yes he did."

"You're not being very helpful."

He chuckled. "Alright, alright. Sorry, please continue."

"We weren't even dating, but it's the closest thing I've ever come to actually having a relationship with someone and it broke my heart that what him and I did could be meaningless to him, because it definitely wasn't for me." I started crying and Chris wrapped me in his arms. I buried my head in his shoulder.

"Don't cry. Alex is a complete idiot sometimes, I know deep down he didn't want to hurt you."

"But he did whether he wanted to or not." My voice was muffled.

"You should talk to him when you're feeling better."

"I don't want to talk to him for a really long time, if ever."

"You don't mean that."

"I know." This made me cry even harder.

"If it makes you feel better, Kenny beat the crap out of him."

"What?!" I shot up and looked at him.

"Well Kenny came out while he was banging on your door and then Alex shoved him into the wall. So Kenny shoved him back and they ended up full-blown fighting. It took both me and John to break them up." I kind of laughed at that. Kenny is not a person I would want to shove out of anger.

"Feel better?"

"Did either of them get too hurt?"

"Nothing more than bruises and being sore for a couple of days I don't think."

"Then yes."

"You're too nice."

"What do you mean?"

"If one of them had gotten their arm broke or something for fighting in the middle of the hallway I would've found that funnier than a couple of bruises."

"Well then you're mean." I slightly shoved him and he shoved me back.

"Their my brothers, I get to be mean sometimes."

"I wouldn't know."

"Well now you do. You're family Abby, and we stick together. You probably heard most of it because it was right outside your door but we all took your side other than Alex. We stand behind each other no matter what."

"You guys are adorable." I giggled

"We're adorable." He corrected. I smiled at that. I was apart of the family.

"See, there's that smile." I blushed and looked away. He gently grabbed my chin and turned it towards him.

"You're smile is beautiful Abby, don't ever be ashamed of it." I blushed even harder but didn't look away this time.

"Thank you, for everything."

"Anytime Abby." He motioned toward the tray he brought, which I realized now had a tub of superman ice cream and two spoons on it next to the chicken and rice. "Now let's eat and maybe watch a movie or something."

So I put in The Avengers and ate my chicken and rice before we both dug into the superman ice cream.

He stayed till past midnight and when we started getting tired I was sad that he would have to go.

"Come to breakfast in the morning."

"I don't want to."

"I'll go with you."

"Why can't you just bring it up here for me?"

"Because you have to show him that he didn't hurt you that bad. Show him that you're stronger than that and that he didn't win." I sighed because he was right.

"What time?"

"Be up by ten."

"Fine." He chuckled and I gave him a hug. He was so tall that the top of my head barely reached his shoulder. He squeezed me tightly and then kissed the top of my head.

"Thanks again." I said as he let go.

"Anytime. Thanks for letting me in." I laughed as he motioned towards the door.

"Well you did know the password." He laughed even harder at this and walked towards his room.

"Goodnight Abby."

"Goodnight Chris." And he disappeared into his room.

I sighed and closed the door, locking it behind me.

It was nice to have an older brother figure. Danny was like that back in North Carolina, but this feels different because I actually live with Chris.

I had a huge grin on my face as I got ready for bed, finally happy for the first time today.