| chapter 32: solutions and secrets |

DAWN

The next two days were hell. Thomas was slowly getting better, but wasn't waking up yet. Two other boys were taken over night. And Lisa was gone. Her absence left an unexplainable hole inside of me. A big gap that couldn't be filled with anything. As though my heart knew some vital piece of me was missing. I hadn't even realised how important she'd become to me until she was gone.

I tried to fill the hole with running the Maze, with pushing my legs to run until I was out of breath. I was now alone with Minho and he'd grown a lot more quiet since Lisa had been taken. And I couldn't help but wonder if maybe their "punching sessions" had become a bit more for him, not that he would ever admit to it and so I didn't bother to ask.

Newt and I didn't have much time to spend together. He was helping Alby with keeping the peace in the Glade, which was getting harder every single hour that passed by. And since I was running around in the Maze all day we hadn't really talked about what happened between the two of us, not that I ever stopped thinking about it. No matter how hard I tried to focus, my mind kept going back to that moment, my heart racing in my chest everytime I did.

Slowly I lowered my pace as the Glade came into our view. We'd just finished another, very quiet, run. 'Good run,' Minho said before taking off to the Maproom. 

I took a deep breath and then ran after him. 'Minho!' 

He didn't turn back around but he did slow down. 

I reached him and stood before him to keep him from leaving before I'd finished saying my piece. 'I'm sorry about Lisa,' I whispered. 

He didn't even blink. He just stared at me. 'It's not your shucking fault, gorgeous.' And then he disappeared in the Maproom. 

I sighed, beginning to understand why Lisa and Minho preferred to punch each other instead of talking. Then I made my way after him inside.

When I was done with my job I took my bow and arrow and found myself in the little forest. I still gave me the creeps when someone called it Deadheads. When you managed to ignore the graveyard, it really was a beautiful place to be.

I raised my bow and started firing the arrows. Practicing with the weapon made me lose complete track of time. The world disappeared, leaving just me with my bow. My fingers were starting to hurt but I let them. I wanted pain, I deserved it. If I had hadn't been kissing Newt, I could've saved Lisa. It was a thought that had plagued me a lot the past few days. I wasn't blaming Newt, not even the shucking Grievers. I was blaming me. I let my emotions get the best of me and what I was most afraid of happened.

With a hollow sound I shot my last arrow into the tree before me. I sighed and lowered my bow.
But before I could take it, footsteps came from behind me.

'Dawn?'

I turned around at the sound of the familiar voice calling my name. Newt stood behind me, frowning at me. This was the first time we were alone since...I took a deep breath and put my bow on the ground. 'Hey,' I answered him, quietly. I felt a warm glowing feeling spread through me as I watched him. 

Newt seemed to be studying me, trying to read my very soul. His glare made me shift uncomfortably and he probably noticed because he coughed and quickly looked away. 

'It's weird right,' I whispered, making him turn back to me. 'We kissed and now it's even more uncomfortable.' 

A smile appeared on his face. 'Only if we keep bloody makin' it.'

I let out a shaky laugh.

His gaze turned all serieus then. 'Listen, I know we've both been very busy the past few days and we hadn't really got a chance to talk about...well...us.'

I nodded, feeling my heart glowing when he talked about "us".

'I just wanted to say, it's not your fault Lisa got taken.'

Surprised I raised my eyebrows. Newt looked back at me, a steady glare. Of course he'd known how I felt and why I'd been avoiding a talk with him. He knew me better than I gave him credit for. Still, I shook my head because it was my fault. 'It is, don't you get it? I did exactly what I was so afraid of to do. I gave into my emotions and it got people hurt. Killed even.'

And now I knew what Lisa had been talking about. This was my excuse, the reason why I was pushing Newt away since the moment I knew I had a connection with him. I'd been so scared my emotions would get in the way, so scared that I refused to open myself up and hurt myself even more in the process. And more importantly, I hurt Newt.

Newt shook his head, pain visible in his eyes. 'No Dawn, don't do this again.'

I gave him a small smile. 'It's the truth, you know it is.'

He crossed the distance between us, determination on his face. He stopped only a few inches away from me. 'Then why did you bloody kiss me? Why did you decide your emotions were for once more important than saving the day?'

I stared at him, losing myself in his eyes and I knew I wasn't able to push him away anymore. I just couldn't do it. I never wanted to hurt him. 'I-' But the words didn't come out of me. I had no excuse, not anymore. I shook my head. 'I don't have an excuse for that anymore.'

Newt smiled at me. 'I know you don't, you just have to finally let yourself be bloody happy for once.' 

I bit my lip. 'But Lisa's gone and I, we, have to find a way-'

'Dawn, listen to me!' He said, suddenly stern. He took my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him. 'You are so special, always puttin' others before yourself. So for once in your bloody life, don't. Lisa would've wanted you to be happy.' 

I gave him a smile, already having made up my mind. 'Or maybe you're just searching for another excuse to kiss me again.'

Newt studied me for a second, confusion written all over his features before he finally realised it was a joke. He grinned. 'I don't need an excuse to kiss you,' He mumbled. We leaned in.

'Thomas is awake!'

Startled we broke apart. Newt turned around and I saw Jeff standing before us, looking incredibly ashamed. 'Well, what're you bloody waiting for, go get the others!' Newt snapped.

Jeff nodded, his cheeks red, and he ran away. When he was out of sight I felt myself laughing.

Newt turned to me, smirking but the smirk slowly faded. 'So, we're good? You're not gonna push me away anymore?'

I stared at him for a couple of seconds. 'You know what, I'm gonna make you a promise.' 

He raised his eyebrows in anticipation. 

I took his hand. 'Everytime I try to push you away, you just kiss me real good. Then I remember why I shouldn't push you away,' I said, a smile forming on my face. 

Newt broke out in a loud laugh and the sound was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard. Then he leaned down and put his lips on mine. I closed myself and let the world fade away around him, only wanting him near.

Suddenly my eyes flew open and I slightly pushed him away. 'Thomas! He's awake!'

Newt looked at me for a second. Then grinned. 'He can bloody wait a second.' Then he kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer against me. 

I loved him, I loved him so much.

'Okay,' Newt finally said as he broke apart, resting his forehead against mine. He was out of breath and it made my heart melt. 'Let's go now.'

Grinning, I took his hand in mine and took him towards the Homestead.

When we entered the room Thomas was sitting up against the pillows. He looked surprisingly healthy for someone who'd just been through the Changing.

'Tommy-you barely look sick,' Newt said surprised.

I could only stare at the boy before me, speechless.

We walked towards his bed and Newt sat down on the edge of it. I stood next to him, my arms folded and a stern glare on my face. I wasn't about to let him forget the klunk he just put us through with his little stunt.

'I feel a little queasy, but other than that, I'm fine. Thought it'd be a lot worse,' Thomas said.

I frowned, remembering my head ache when I woke up from the Changing.

Newt shook his head, his face a mixture of anger and awe. 'What you did was half brave and half bloody stupid. Seems like you're pretty good at that.' He paused and shook his head again. 

'We know why you did it. Did anything come back? Anything that'll help?' I asked.

'We need to have a gathering,' Thomas said, surprising me. 'Before I start forgetting stuff.'

'We'll do it. But why? What did you figure out?' Newt said, clearly wanting to hear his thoughts.

'It's a test Newt-the whole thing is a test.' 

Newt nodded. 'Like an experiment.'

Thomas shook his head. 'No, you don't get it. They're weeding us out, seeing if we'll give up, finding the best of us. Throwing variables at us, trying to make us quiet. Testing our ability to hope and fight. Sending Teresa here and shutting everything down was only the last part, one more...final analysis. Now it's time for the last test. To escape.'

I didn't want to admit it, but his words really did scare me. I mean, someone was crazy enough to throw us into some Maze and kill us. That alone was pretty terrifying.

Newt's brow crinkled in confusion. 'What do you mean? You know a way out?'

'Yeah. Call the Gathering. Now.'

It took an hour for all the Keepers to gather. Newt had to talk with Alby but finally I was allowed to stay. Thomas refused to tell it without me there. Teresa wasn't allowed to come. Thomas, Newt and Minho trusted her now. But the rest didn't and I was with the rest, there was just something about her that I couldn't place my finger on.

'All right, Greenie,' Alby said. He obviously felt good by sitting in the Chair again. 

We were sitting in a semi-circle with Thomas before us. And I was curious, really curious. 

'Forget all the beat-around-the-bush klunk. Start talking.'

Thomas took a deep breath, probably mentally preparing himself for this. 'It's a long story,' He started. 'We don't have time to go through it all, but I'll tell you the gist of it. When I went through the Changing, I saw flashes and images, hundreds of them.' 

I bit my lip, remembering the feeling of drowning in images and voices.

'A lot came back to me, but only some of it is clear enough to talk about. Some stuff is fading or has faded,' He paused, gathering his thoughts. 'But I remember enough. The creators are testing us. The Maze was never meant to be solved. It's all been a trial. They want the winners, or survivors, to do something important.' He trailed off and I shifted nervously in my seat.

'What?' Newt asked.

'Let me start over,' Thomas said, rubbing his eyes. 'Every single one of us was taken when we were really young. I don't remember how or why, just glimpses and feelings that things had changed in the world, that something really bad happened. I have no idea what. The Creators stole us, and I think they felt justified in doing it. Somehow they figured out that we have above average intelligence, and that's why they chose us. I don't know, most of this is sketchy and doesn't matter that much anyway. I can't remember anything about my family or what happened to them. But after we were taken, we spent the next few years learning in special schools, living somewhat normal lives until they were finally able to finance and build the Maze. All our names are just stupid nick-names they made up. Like Alby for Albert Einstein. Newt for Isaac Newton and me-Thomas. As in Edison.'

My breath stopped and my eyes locked with Newt. He seemed to think the same thing as me.
What about my name?

Alby looked as if he had been slapped in the face. 'Our names...these aren't even our real names?'

Thomas shook his head. 'As far as I can tell, we'll probably never know what our names were.'

 'What are you saying?' Frypan asked. 'That we're freakin' orphans raised by scientists?'

'Yes,' Thomas said, looking very tired. 'Supposedly we're really smart and they're studying every move we make, analyzing us. Seeing who'd give up and who wouldn't. Seeing who'd survive it all. No wonder we have so many beetle blades spies running around this plaze. Plus, some of us have had things...altered in our brains.'

And then I suddenly remembered Teresa and Thomas could talk with each other, in their minds.

Winston started to talk, taking my mind of that creepy thought. 'I believe that klunk as much as I believe Frypan's food is good for you,' He grumbled, looking tired and indifferent.

'Why would I make this up?' Thomas asked, his voice rising. 'Better yet, what do you think is the explanation? That we live on an Alien Planet?'

'Just keep talking,' Alby said. 'But I don't get why none of us remembered this stuff. I've been through the Changing, but everything I saw was-' Quickly he cut himself off, as if he had said something that he shouldn't have. 'I didn't learn nothin'.' Alby looked at me, like he wanted me to say the same. 

I sighed and nodded. 'All I remember are images and flashes of my life before the Maze. But I saw nothing you just mentioned.'

'I'll tell you in a minute why I think I learned more than others. Should I keep going on or not?'

'Talk,' Newt said.

Thomas inhaled sharply. 'Okay, somehow they wiped our memories, not just our childhood, but all the stuff learning up to entering the Maze. They put us in the Box and sent us here. A big group to start and then one a month over the last two years.'

'But why?' Newt asked. 'What's the bloody point?' 

Thomas held his hand up for silence. 'I'm getting there. Like I said. They wanted to test us, see how we'd react to what they call the Variables, and to a problem that has no solution. See if we could work together, build a community, even. Everything was provided for us, and the problem was laid out as one of the most common puzzles known to civilization, a maze. All this added up to making us think there had to be a solution, just encouraging us to work all the harder while at the same time magnifying our discouragement at not finding one.' He paused to look around.

An icy feeling of dread spread through my stomach.

'What I'm saying is, there is no solution.'

Chatter broke out. I just frowned, of course I'd been expecting this but hearing it being said right into your face was something different. And yet I still believed we could get out of here, I refused to believe we would spend the rest of our lives in a shucking maze.

Thomas held his hands up again. 'See? Your reaction proves my point. Most people would've given up by now. But I think we're different. We couldn't accept that a problem can't be solved-especially when it's something simple as a maze. And we've kept fighting no matter how hopeless it's gotten. Whatever the reason is, it makes me sick! All of this-the Grievers, the walls moving, the Cliff-they're just elements of a stupid test. We're being used and manipulated. The Creators wanted to keep our minds working toward a solution that was never there. Same things goes for Teresa being send here. She was send here to make it all end. The place being shut down, gray skies, on and on and on. They're throwing crazy things at us to see our response, test our will. See if we'll turn on each other. In the end, they want the survivors for something important.'

I felt my heart beating faster.

Frypan jumped up. 'By killing people? That's a nice little part of their plan?'

I felt sorry for the Keeper, for all of us actually. It just made me sick that people were willing to do this to us.

'Yes Frypan, by killing people. The only reason the Grievers are doing it one by one is so we don't all die before it ends the way it's suppose to. Survival of the fittest. Only the best of us will escape.'

Frypan kicked his chair and sat down again. 'You better start talking about your magical escape then.'

'He will,' Newt said, quietly. 'Shut up and listen.'

Minho, who'd been mostly silent the whole time, finally spoke. 'Something tells me I'm not gonna like what I'm about to hear.'

'Probably not,' Thomas replied. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds and folded his arms over his chest. 'The Creators want the best of us for whatever it is they have planned. But we have to earn it.'

The room fell silence, we all looked at Thomas. Waiting for him to spit it out.

'The code.'

'The code?' I asked, more hope sounding through my voice than I wanted. 'What about it?'

Thomas looked at me, and I was almost scared by the deep sadness I saw in his eyes. 'It was hidden in the wall movements of the Maze for a reason. I should've known, I was there when the Creators did it.'